Kudos to Reps for rightly tasking one of their own. Michael Steele demeaned the war effort in Afghanistan clearly because his nemesis supports it. Congressional conservatives have been whacking him as hard as they would if Steele had been a Dem. True, most of them are looking for a reason to fire Steele. But, y'know, that's like,... politics.
++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh's new wife is perfectly fine. Rush said of Al Gore that divorce effectively doubles your carbon footprint, so he's obviously getting married to halve his carbon output. Of course, leaving three ex-wives out there means that his footprint isn't really going to have that math, but he's a conservative where divorce, personal failing and pollution don't count.
I'm sure that she finds him a warm and caring sensitive individual and it has nothing to do with his money. I'm sure that he has finally found his lifelong companion and soul mate and had nothing to do with the fact that he's 59 and she's 33.
++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry that I have been off at blogging for so long as not to have had a lot to say about that entirely blog worthy oil spill.
At its height, Sarah Palin appeared on the O'Rielley (non) Factor. He said "You obviously disagree with how Obama handled the oil spill, what would you do?" After a deer-in-the-headlights moment or three: "Ask the Dutch. They ahve years of experience plugging dykes." Hilarious. Then she became adamant about someone not returning phone calls or something, though non-contact was a frequent complaint against her administration in Alaska.
+++++++++++++++++
The deep water oil exploration ban for new rigs is getting a ton of flak from Louisiana. Gov. Bobby Jindal said that it is killing thousands of jobs in his state. How many rigs are affected? 33. How many deep water rigs exist and are not affected? Three thousand.
Then there's all this talk about how oil companies will shift those jobs overseas. No. The oil is still sitting there in the Gulf. If Shell decides to drill off the coast of Asia instead of in the Gulf, that Gulf oil is still there. Those jobs WILL be there after the moratorim.
++++++++++++++++++++
And the cause for the spill, though undetermined, seems to have sprung from a culture where cutting corners was permitted. There hadn't been a major blowout in 30 years, so there won't ever be one again! That's the same logic as "Home prices never go down, so every house is a great investment!" Worked spectacularly well back then, too.
++++++
So who are all these idiots who say they're being forced to buy health insurance that they don't want? Are they the a$$holes who don't insure their cars, get into accidents, show up at the hospiatal and expect someone else to foot the bill?
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Saturday, September 11, 2010
ONE fanatic backs down - and I stand amazed.
Reverend Jones in Florida wanted to burn a stack of Korans (he kept spelling them with a "Qu" just to confuse the issue). He DIDN'T because the Muslim Imam asked "What would Jesus do?"
Wow, that's right. Jesus would NOT light sacred books on fire. Although Jesus predates the Koran, he was aware of fire, and did not ignite any other sacred texts, Roman, Greek, Hindu or otherwise that did not concur with his teaching.
The Islamic world, to display their true compassionate and tolerant nature, will continue to target all Americans as co-conspirators in this non-burning of their spiritual text, although it has been actively denounced in straighforward language by almost every conservative outlet imaginable, including my own church this very afternoon.
A related issue = why did the media elevate this one guy with a congregation of 50 - and dropping - to world-wide headline status?
Wow, that's right. Jesus would NOT light sacred books on fire. Although Jesus predates the Koran, he was aware of fire, and did not ignite any other sacred texts, Roman, Greek, Hindu or otherwise that did not concur with his teaching.
The Islamic world, to display their true compassionate and tolerant nature, will continue to target all Americans as co-conspirators in this non-burning of their spiritual text, although it has been actively denounced in straighforward language by almost every conservative outlet imaginable, including my own church this very afternoon.
A related issue = why did the media elevate this one guy with a congregation of 50 - and dropping - to world-wide headline status?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Killers, killer workouts and dead treads.
The first country that gets out of this recession will be the biggest global player for the next generation or two. But who is going to make it happen?
The US has a history of attracting the best and brightest and most ambitious, then coupling these stars with access to almost unlimited resources. That, and some sheer good luck. But if we’re only counting on good luck to pull us out of recession, I wouldn’t bet on us.
I speculate China could be the next #1, but they’re autocratic and opaque. One wrong move by the central government can knock them out of the race in a hurry.
++++++++
Know who pisses me off? Everybody. Yes, that’s true, but right now, the bane of existence as I am writing this passage is goddamned double dippers.
No, not the idiot at a party that can’t suffice himself with the amount of cocktail sauce he picked up on his shrimp with a single dip. I mean working retirees. I’m sick of seeing 50 year old retirees around here. It jus’ ain’t right, I’m sayin’.
++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to The Best of Radiohead. I made the mistake of reading the band’s bio in the liner notes. Every failure “left the band contentious and depressed.” Every success “left the band drained and confused.” So after all the accolades and millions of CDs sold, I’m sure their lives are all miserable wrecks. Sad.
Say what you want about 1980s hair bands, but they obviously enjoyed success. Rappers always look pissed off about something, though.
So after the “Best of”, the next step is a CD of remakes, a breakup, a sh!t compilation CD taken from the clippings lying on the cutting room floor, a pained reunion tour, a CD of remixes and a tribute CD. Next stop: The dreaded bargain bin.
+++++++++++++++
Psychologically, stopping and starting many times during a race or a workout is bad. Once you stop two or three times, it starts to snowball until you’re going only a few yards. But is it better to run yourself into exhaustion? I never know what to do at those points.
+++++++++
I’m so very excited about the summer blockbusters coming out. “Transformers III: More Stuff to Blow Up”.
+++++++++++
I see people getting argumentative about sports teams. “The Yankees will win!” “No, the Phillies, dammit!” Why doesn’t someone say “I tell ya what. We’ll take these two teams and have them play an actual game of baseball. Whoever wins gets to claim victory, and our argument will be settled.” “Yes, that sounds reasonable.” And 6,000 sports bloggers and radio hosts suddenly poop their pants.
++++++++++++
Question: Why does a man who owns two treadmills have to do a long run outside in the dark in the cold in the rain?
Answer: Yes.
Since I’m now in my 40s, I have tried to get less enraged than I did in my 20s, but you know, some times it just doesn’t work. When my treadmill breaks, so does my temper.
I read an article on treadmill training versus road training. The article blasted treadmill training as inferior in several different ways. I generally compensate for this by running faster. I know that I should set the treadmill at 1% or 1.5% incline to compensate, but I almost never do.
In defense of treadmills: I don’t have a good place to sprint. Most people don’t. Most people won’t, but let’s pretend that they might, if they had access to a track. Training sprints are not race distances anyway. A sprint stretches out your pace and increases your VO2 Max - a treadmill does those well. Also, the amateur to average runner has a hard time in keeping a regular pace. I learned pacing only because I spent a long time on the treadmill. A combination of treadmill and road running will help you gain speed and increase endurance more than either method individually. I do about 65% of my running on a treadmill. I should probably do 65% road work instead. But then, I wouldn’t get to watch movies.
+++++++++++
On movies: I saw Jumper. It suffered from Star Wars syndrome, where no one with a name died. Not the hero, not the girlfriend, not the sidekick. Not even the bad guy. Not that you need a body count for a good movie, but you need some reason why the action stops. Here, they just called it quits.
Like I do with blog posts.
+++++++++++
No Country For Old Men also ended at a random point, but after anyone who would have been able to continue the story was dead. Except the bad guy.
The standout in No Country was a cold blooded killer who never seemed to be in any danger from the police. He killed his boss, so I wonder how he ever expected to get paid. Bad guys easily tracked down anyone they wanted to. The good guys never knew what hit them. What stays with you after watching this movie is the absolute cold bloodedness of the killer guy. He was just plain scary. Screw Michael Meyers or Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. This guy was cold.
And he's still out there.
The US has a history of attracting the best and brightest and most ambitious, then coupling these stars with access to almost unlimited resources. That, and some sheer good luck. But if we’re only counting on good luck to pull us out of recession, I wouldn’t bet on us.
I speculate China could be the next #1, but they’re autocratic and opaque. One wrong move by the central government can knock them out of the race in a hurry.
++++++++
Know who pisses me off? Everybody. Yes, that’s true, but right now, the bane of existence as I am writing this passage is goddamned double dippers.
No, not the idiot at a party that can’t suffice himself with the amount of cocktail sauce he picked up on his shrimp with a single dip. I mean working retirees. I’m sick of seeing 50 year old retirees around here. It jus’ ain’t right, I’m sayin’.
++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to The Best of Radiohead. I made the mistake of reading the band’s bio in the liner notes. Every failure “left the band contentious and depressed.” Every success “left the band drained and confused.” So after all the accolades and millions of CDs sold, I’m sure their lives are all miserable wrecks. Sad.
Say what you want about 1980s hair bands, but they obviously enjoyed success. Rappers always look pissed off about something, though.
So after the “Best of”, the next step is a CD of remakes, a breakup, a sh!t compilation CD taken from the clippings lying on the cutting room floor, a pained reunion tour, a CD of remixes and a tribute CD. Next stop: The dreaded bargain bin.
+++++++++++++++
Psychologically, stopping and starting many times during a race or a workout is bad. Once you stop two or three times, it starts to snowball until you’re going only a few yards. But is it better to run yourself into exhaustion? I never know what to do at those points.
+++++++++
I’m so very excited about the summer blockbusters coming out. “Transformers III: More Stuff to Blow Up”.
+++++++++++
I see people getting argumentative about sports teams. “The Yankees will win!” “No, the Phillies, dammit!” Why doesn’t someone say “I tell ya what. We’ll take these two teams and have them play an actual game of baseball. Whoever wins gets to claim victory, and our argument will be settled.” “Yes, that sounds reasonable.” And 6,000 sports bloggers and radio hosts suddenly poop their pants.
++++++++++++
Question: Why does a man who owns two treadmills have to do a long run outside in the dark in the cold in the rain?
Answer: Yes.
Since I’m now in my 40s, I have tried to get less enraged than I did in my 20s, but you know, some times it just doesn’t work. When my treadmill breaks, so does my temper.
I read an article on treadmill training versus road training. The article blasted treadmill training as inferior in several different ways. I generally compensate for this by running faster. I know that I should set the treadmill at 1% or 1.5% incline to compensate, but I almost never do.
In defense of treadmills: I don’t have a good place to sprint. Most people don’t. Most people won’t, but let’s pretend that they might, if they had access to a track. Training sprints are not race distances anyway. A sprint stretches out your pace and increases your VO2 Max - a treadmill does those well. Also, the amateur to average runner has a hard time in keeping a regular pace. I learned pacing only because I spent a long time on the treadmill. A combination of treadmill and road running will help you gain speed and increase endurance more than either method individually. I do about 65% of my running on a treadmill. I should probably do 65% road work instead. But then, I wouldn’t get to watch movies.
+++++++++++
On movies: I saw Jumper. It suffered from Star Wars syndrome, where no one with a name died. Not the hero, not the girlfriend, not the sidekick. Not even the bad guy. Not that you need a body count for a good movie, but you need some reason why the action stops. Here, they just called it quits.
Like I do with blog posts.
+++++++++++
No Country For Old Men also ended at a random point, but after anyone who would have been able to continue the story was dead. Except the bad guy.
The standout in No Country was a cold blooded killer who never seemed to be in any danger from the police. He killed his boss, so I wonder how he ever expected to get paid. Bad guys easily tracked down anyone they wanted to. The good guys never knew what hit them. What stays with you after watching this movie is the absolute cold bloodedness of the killer guy. He was just plain scary. Screw Michael Meyers or Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. This guy was cold.
And he's still out there.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Lance Armstrong, Evil Sylar and some Arabian guy who invented 0.
I read about celebrities that do marathons. A lot of them have semi-crappy times. So, maybe I’ll be running next to some Hollywood type. Who knows? The one celeb that kicks my ass in running times is Lance Armstrong, but I think he has an advantage in not having testicles. I sacrifice a lot for my sport, but that’s waaaaay over the line.
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
On being "the"
There is no group called THE Bee Gees. The name of the band was simply “Bee Gees”. As in their "best of" CD is called "The Best of Bee Gees", and not "the Bee Gees".
++++++++++++++++++++++
I was listening to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits. Her first few albums were great. Then she decided that she got too many negative comments about her wardrobe and not enough good ones about her music. I’m in favor of tight pants, but I’m also the first to admit that she looked trashy. Ok, not the first, but I’m in that group somewhere. I didn’t care for her “new direction” in her music. She should have ditched her pants and kept on rockin.
You uh, know what I mean, right?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m also listening to Chuck Berry. He has a preoccupation with girls who are or look like they are seventeen. I know it is a key demographic and it works rhythmically, but it is still really creepy.
++++++++++++++++++
I once joked that so many former Bush aides were going public to repudiate everything that the Bush White House once stood for that the only one left would be George W. himself. I was close on this one.
Former First Lady Laura Bush said that she’s pro-choice and for gay marriage. One of the Bush twins, Barbara, voiced support for the health care bill – on Fox News, no less.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And for those that love to ascribe theological implications to random weather phenomena, a 60 ft statue of Jesus got struck by lightning and burned to the ground.
I had the idea that they built it with flammable material and no lightning rod, and it was an accident waiting to happen. I’m sure someone will blame Obama.
God is also the guy who put oil wealth under the feet of the least stable people on the planet. Nigeria, the middle east, Venezuela, and arguably Texas. Now it’s also discovered that Afghanistan has enormous untapped riches in minerals. Why can’t there be treasure in normal places like Massachusetts or Wisconsin?
I filled out my time sheet a day early. In case I get struck by lightning at lunch time, I’ll still get paid for the whole day.
++++++++++
Vampire overload! Too many movies/books/shows about the ever-dapper and attractive undead! I’d probably watch a show where they portrayed vampires from an angle that no one has ever thought of before, like vegan surfers. They’d still have all the random angst that we’ve come to expect from the genre, but they’ll express it in puns like “This sucks” and “That bites.” Hilarity ensues when the humans accidentally catch the vampires on taco night. “Oh my GOD! Look at the blood dripping from his mouth!” “Chill, bro, it’s just organic salsa. Don’t go bat-sh!t.”
+++++++++++++++++
The Republicans are simultaneously arguing that Obama wants to take over the world energy industry and that he’s not doing enough about the oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Not surprising, but I also can’t imagine what a Republican in the Oval Office would be doing.
Palin: I had a meeting with the BP executives yesterday, and I MADE THEM PAY (for lunch). You betcha.
McCain: We even ordered the Gulf Coast Shimp. Not cheap!
Palin: I had the red meat special.
McCain: Does shrimp usually come with a thick layer of tar?
Palin: Just think of it as Real American BBQ sauce, John! (wink, wink!)
++++++++++++++++++++++
This guy wrote a book on how the internet is making us stupid. Yes, this blog should be shown as supportive evidence.
His point is that we erode our ability to pay attention to anything on or off line when we are constantly checking email, IMs, texts and the like. Yet, your average teen can play Halo for 15 hours straight.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I had my temperature taken before I gave blood. I was chewing wintergreen flavored gum, which is supposed to give you cool, fresh breath. My temp was 98.4! Objective, verifiable proof that it works! Of course, I still have a hard time reconciling that fraction of a degree with a commercial where a woman chews the gum and freezes an entire landscape with her icy huffing and puffing.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time. I’m sure that she cares about him as a sensitive soul mate, and not at all for his fortune. I’m also sure that he respects her intelligence and not for the fact that she’s a trim blonde who is 26 years younger than him. She said that the age difference was insignificant because she could never relate to people her own age. That doesn’t necessarily mean she can relate to older men, but logic and deductive reasoning are probably just going to be taboo subjects in this relationship.
++++++++++++++++
I may need glasses soon. Instead of saying that I can’t focus on the small print, I prefer to say “far sighted”. I keep my eye on the horizon. I see the big picture clearly. I leave it to the piddling conservatives to suffer from myopia. Nay! I focus on the long term victory, not the short term goals.
Anyway, with no offense to people who wear glasses, they’re just not “me”. I’d look like a dork. If I get them, I’d have to redo my whole image to accompany them. I’ll get some artsy frames and wear black turtle necks. I’d need an artsy moniker to go along, like “The Hogen”. To get it to catch on, I’ll also start referring to myself in the third person to complete that Soho-faux-artsy-douche-bag style that The Hogen will soon be adopting.
If anything, The Hogen will be something Bee Gees are not.
++++++++++++++++++++++
I was listening to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits. Her first few albums were great. Then she decided that she got too many negative comments about her wardrobe and not enough good ones about her music. I’m in favor of tight pants, but I’m also the first to admit that she looked trashy. Ok, not the first, but I’m in that group somewhere. I didn’t care for her “new direction” in her music. She should have ditched her pants and kept on rockin.
You uh, know what I mean, right?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m also listening to Chuck Berry. He has a preoccupation with girls who are or look like they are seventeen. I know it is a key demographic and it works rhythmically, but it is still really creepy.
++++++++++++++++++
I once joked that so many former Bush aides were going public to repudiate everything that the Bush White House once stood for that the only one left would be George W. himself. I was close on this one.
Former First Lady Laura Bush said that she’s pro-choice and for gay marriage. One of the Bush twins, Barbara, voiced support for the health care bill – on Fox News, no less.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And for those that love to ascribe theological implications to random weather phenomena, a 60 ft statue of Jesus got struck by lightning and burned to the ground.
I had the idea that they built it with flammable material and no lightning rod, and it was an accident waiting to happen. I’m sure someone will blame Obama.
God is also the guy who put oil wealth under the feet of the least stable people on the planet. Nigeria, the middle east, Venezuela, and arguably Texas. Now it’s also discovered that Afghanistan has enormous untapped riches in minerals. Why can’t there be treasure in normal places like Massachusetts or Wisconsin?
I filled out my time sheet a day early. In case I get struck by lightning at lunch time, I’ll still get paid for the whole day.
++++++++++
Vampire overload! Too many movies/books/shows about the ever-dapper and attractive undead! I’d probably watch a show where they portrayed vampires from an angle that no one has ever thought of before, like vegan surfers. They’d still have all the random angst that we’ve come to expect from the genre, but they’ll express it in puns like “This sucks” and “That bites.” Hilarity ensues when the humans accidentally catch the vampires on taco night. “Oh my GOD! Look at the blood dripping from his mouth!” “Chill, bro, it’s just organic salsa. Don’t go bat-sh!t.”
+++++++++++++++++
The Republicans are simultaneously arguing that Obama wants to take over the world energy industry and that he’s not doing enough about the oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Not surprising, but I also can’t imagine what a Republican in the Oval Office would be doing.
Palin: I had a meeting with the BP executives yesterday, and I MADE THEM PAY (for lunch). You betcha.
McCain: We even ordered the Gulf Coast Shimp. Not cheap!
Palin: I had the red meat special.
McCain: Does shrimp usually come with a thick layer of tar?
Palin: Just think of it as Real American BBQ sauce, John! (wink, wink!)
++++++++++++++++++++++
This guy wrote a book on how the internet is making us stupid. Yes, this blog should be shown as supportive evidence.
His point is that we erode our ability to pay attention to anything on or off line when we are constantly checking email, IMs, texts and the like. Yet, your average teen can play Halo for 15 hours straight.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I had my temperature taken before I gave blood. I was chewing wintergreen flavored gum, which is supposed to give you cool, fresh breath. My temp was 98.4! Objective, verifiable proof that it works! Of course, I still have a hard time reconciling that fraction of a degree with a commercial where a woman chews the gum and freezes an entire landscape with her icy huffing and puffing.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time. I’m sure that she cares about him as a sensitive soul mate, and not at all for his fortune. I’m also sure that he respects her intelligence and not for the fact that she’s a trim blonde who is 26 years younger than him. She said that the age difference was insignificant because she could never relate to people her own age. That doesn’t necessarily mean she can relate to older men, but logic and deductive reasoning are probably just going to be taboo subjects in this relationship.
++++++++++++++++
I may need glasses soon. Instead of saying that I can’t focus on the small print, I prefer to say “far sighted”. I keep my eye on the horizon. I see the big picture clearly. I leave it to the piddling conservatives to suffer from myopia. Nay! I focus on the long term victory, not the short term goals.
Anyway, with no offense to people who wear glasses, they’re just not “me”. I’d look like a dork. If I get them, I’d have to redo my whole image to accompany them. I’ll get some artsy frames and wear black turtle necks. I’d need an artsy moniker to go along, like “The Hogen”. To get it to catch on, I’ll also start referring to myself in the third person to complete that Soho-faux-artsy-douche-bag style that The Hogen will soon be adopting.
If anything, The Hogen will be something Bee Gees are not.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monty Hall, "24" and doin' the potty dance
Want to learn something that will blow your mind? If you’re ever on The Price Is Right, and Monty Hall, resurrected from the dead, gives you a choice of three doors. Behind one two are goats, which you don’t even get to keep (what a rip off!). Behind the third is a brand new car!! So you pick door #1. Monty then opens up door #3 to reveal a goat. He asks if you want to change your mind or if you want to reconsider. Initially, you would think, what the hell, it’s 50-50 either way. No, it’s worth your while to switch. If you switch, you now have a 67% chance of getting the car. Yeah, I didn’t believe it at first, either, since it defied pretty much everything I knew about probability. But the catch is that if Monty revealed a random door, your odds would then be 50-50. But he doesn’t open a random door, he always opens an unselected goat door. Ok, it didn’t blow your mind. But now you know what to do on a game show.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So how is it that the Olympic Torch gets flown from one continent to another but the common passenger can’t even bring aboard a cigarette lighter?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Update on “24”: Second quarter is almost over. Jack’s team managed to find the mole and turn the game around. Now it’s tie score. Of course, here come the clichés: “You’re heading into a trap, Jack!” “I’ve got no choice! My family is in danger!”
And, my favorite: The chief bad guy kills his second in command because he failed his mission.
Since Jack Bauer is on screen real-time for 24 hours, can I assume that he goes to the potty during the commercial breaks like the viewers do?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate kid CDs with false advertising. So many kid CDs say that they’re “Songs for kids by kids”, but they’re rehashed grown up stuff. I got five CDs from the library that made the “for kids by kids” promise. They were Beatles songs, blues stuff and other remakes. It was obviously an adult singing lead, and the “by kids” part was just some kids singing backup.
++++++++++++++++++++
Update on “24”: The chief bad guy not only whacked his second in command, he scrubbed his entire team and replaced them with a new batch of flunkies, who are presumably flunkier than the original flunky team for plan A. Or, should that be less flunky? How do they screen these guys? “Wanted: Flunky for assassination/kidnap plot. Must be willing to work with bad guy team. Challenging and fast paced work environment. Opportunity to go from temp to perm if successful. Commission and bonus pays $$$!” or “Wanted: Executive Flunky Director. Must have prior management experience working with anonymous ruffians, hooligans and thugs. Bonus structure: Get rich or die tryin’.” Who would apply? Flunky chicken? Flunky the Clown? Marky-Mark & the Flunky Bunch?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The best thing for foreign policy is to haul any country that we have trouble with to the table and demand a solution and they’re not allowed to leave even to go to the bathroom. The US reps, wisely, will have avoided liquids the day before, and gone potty on their way to the meeting. In addition, we’ll give them extreme bladder training by sending them out for a night of drinking in a place where the bathrooms are filthy. Or, make the first one to “break the seal” buy the next round. Yeah, that’s the way to run the world. Lots of heavy drinking and bladder control. Just to ensure our global supremacy, we’d even slip the US negotiators some Depends. It’s too big a risk to leave things to chance. They’re competing against nations of Arab desert folk and the wily Chinese, who, I am assured by Hollywood, all have extensive Jujitzu training that allows them to enter a trance and resist the urge to pee.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So how is it that the Olympic Torch gets flown from one continent to another but the common passenger can’t even bring aboard a cigarette lighter?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Update on “24”: Second quarter is almost over. Jack’s team managed to find the mole and turn the game around. Now it’s tie score. Of course, here come the clichés: “You’re heading into a trap, Jack!” “I’ve got no choice! My family is in danger!”
And, my favorite: The chief bad guy kills his second in command because he failed his mission.
Since Jack Bauer is on screen real-time for 24 hours, can I assume that he goes to the potty during the commercial breaks like the viewers do?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate kid CDs with false advertising. So many kid CDs say that they’re “Songs for kids by kids”, but they’re rehashed grown up stuff. I got five CDs from the library that made the “for kids by kids” promise. They were Beatles songs, blues stuff and other remakes. It was obviously an adult singing lead, and the “by kids” part was just some kids singing backup.
++++++++++++++++++++
Update on “24”: The chief bad guy not only whacked his second in command, he scrubbed his entire team and replaced them with a new batch of flunkies, who are presumably flunkier than the original flunky team for plan A. Or, should that be less flunky? How do they screen these guys? “Wanted: Flunky for assassination/kidnap plot. Must be willing to work with bad guy team. Challenging and fast paced work environment. Opportunity to go from temp to perm if successful. Commission and bonus pays $$$!” or “Wanted: Executive Flunky Director. Must have prior management experience working with anonymous ruffians, hooligans and thugs. Bonus structure: Get rich or die tryin’.” Who would apply? Flunky chicken? Flunky the Clown? Marky-Mark & the Flunky Bunch?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The best thing for foreign policy is to haul any country that we have trouble with to the table and demand a solution and they’re not allowed to leave even to go to the bathroom. The US reps, wisely, will have avoided liquids the day before, and gone potty on their way to the meeting. In addition, we’ll give them extreme bladder training by sending them out for a night of drinking in a place where the bathrooms are filthy. Or, make the first one to “break the seal” buy the next round. Yeah, that’s the way to run the world. Lots of heavy drinking and bladder control. Just to ensure our global supremacy, we’d even slip the US negotiators some Depends. It’s too big a risk to leave things to chance. They’re competing against nations of Arab desert folk and the wily Chinese, who, I am assured by Hollywood, all have extensive Jujitzu training that allows them to enter a trance and resist the urge to pee.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Willpower uses old technology. It has soul.
I stopped listening to rock radio in ’98. The rock station in Buffalo needed every weekend to be an *event*. When a blockbuster movie opened, it would be a >fill in the blank< Movie Weekend. That’s ok if the movie is a gargantuan thriller like Lord of the Rings or a Star Wars or something. *Children of the Corn VI* does not quite live up to the excitement needed to revolve your weekend plans around it.
They would broadcast from some off-site “party” location. The opening weekend of a theme park, or at some big concert, that’s ok. When you’re left with the grand opening of a new gas station mini-mart, dude, you’re about as far from “cool” as you can get before you get so “uncool” that you begin to re-enter “cool” territory again.
It’s like this:*We’re here on a sloppy February Saturday at the grand opening of Frank Greenberg’s new Noco Mini Mart on Genesee Street going towards Williamsville. There’s some wet snow flying around outside, but inside we got a ton of give aways and specials like 2 hot dogs for $1 and free samples of pizza minis!*
Yeah, the only less-cool place would be broadcasting from the offices of the high school newspaper – which I’m sure that they tried, except that the local high school is shut down on the weekends.
And why do they have to broadcast like there’s a 24/7 keg party going on? The other day I’m trying to listen to the traffic report because there was a basketball game downtown, and that makes a big difference where I drive. I usually hate traffic reports. They never say anything that makes a difference and they jam through them so fast you never understand what they’re talking about anyway. But this station decided that even rushed through, they were too boring and everyone would change stations if subjected to this crap for 10 seconds. So, they crank background music throughout the report. I couldn’t hear a damn word. I got stuck in the game traffic, too. Thanks, guys.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And the debate between old and new technology rages. I heard some guy cutting down CDs in favor of records, saying that CDs don’t have any soul or some other crap. CDs more faithfully present the sound actually generated by a live band. When I first got a CD player, I noticed each note, whereas the same sound on vinyl and definitely on tape would be far less clear.
For instance, I could hear the faint slide of a guitarist’s fingers on the strings in between the notes on some occasions. And, you just can’t play vinyl in the car or go jogging with it. Vinyl is more expensive to make. Vinyl scratches easier than a CD. The needle wears out. After you listen to a vinyl album several times, audio quality declines. I mean, should we just hold on to a piece of old technology that provides no advantages just because of some immeasurable, subjective quality called “soul”?
The same argument is being applied to the recent demise of Polaroid’s Instamatic film. They’ve stopped making it. Some die-hard fans are just torn up saying that they could never do without it. And the “soul” argument was used, too. I could see that argument with high end film cameras, but an Instamatic? It was point and shoot and the focus was honed in on whatever was closest. Some lady was interviewed who did professional photography used instant film, and got hers specially made to be 20”x20”. Each snap of the camera cost her about a hundred bucks. She believed that knowing that each shot cost so much, the photographer would take greater care to get it just right. But 100 years ago, wouldn’t that have been the argument of the portrait painters against film camera? Anyone could just snap a picture, but it took a true artist to get a painted portrait just right. You could snap a hundred pictures in a day, but a portrait took a week. Film cameras have no soul! Same with all this light from electricity. Light shouldn’t be as convenient as just flicking on a switch. We should go back to gas lamps. No, even better - candles and torches. Wildly inefficient, smoky, and an enormous fire hazard, but they had SOUL.
And boo-hiss on tap water, too. Too clean, too reliable and too easy. You drink the same tasting water in the summer as you do in the winter? That’s not living! Buckets of water laboriously hauled up in all weather conditions make you appreciate each drop. Water from the local scum laden pond has SOUL.
Music, especially rock music, grew up as singles. Now, I guess we’re moving back to that, and people are lamenting the demise of album orientation. It’s like the way this guy invented a way to pull the pits out of olives before they’re pressed for olive oil. The olive oil aficionados say that the pit lends some taste and that’s the way it has been made for centuries. The guy who invented the pitter responded that the ancient Greeks used to pit the olives before they pressed them, so his way was actually a return to the REALLY old style and not a new fangled style per se. However, modern recipes are written for the merely centuries old olive oil, and I’m sure that if you add the wrong kind of olive oil you would incinerate the delicate palate of your canned green bean recipe.
+++++++++++++++++++
I’m still training for my race. I dreamt last night that I was on the starting line and I was drunk and unprepared. I hadn’t even tied my shoes when the gun went off. But then again, the race was taking place inside a gigantic shopping mall, so I can’t see it being some kind of telepathic message sent from the future. Then the bikini babes came out. It was around then that I began to suspect things weren’t real.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
60% of MBA school is stuff that you could have figured out on your own. But if you say “I would have thought of that myself!” I say “Yeah, but ya didn’t, didja?”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a switch on the wall outside my office with no discernable purpose. Normally, such things are of no consequence and can be safely ignored. But this is a red LED lit switch. I shudder to think of what Earthly catastrophe could take place if it were turned off. What is behind this switch? What can it be? Oh, I’m just so tempted!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
My high hopes for the current Rex Morgan storyline are dropping precipitously. Instead of moving on with the story, Rex got bogged down in one of those conversations with his wife, June. That’s instant plot quicksand. Next week, no new developments, but Rex is concerned!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But what do “they” know, anyway? “They” also say that George Washington wore wooden teeth, and that ostriches bury their heads.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to read books in song format even when they don’t rhyme or have any kind of meter. How do you sing a book of prose? Badly. Last night, my entire audience walked out during an operatic performance of Cinderella. I thought I got them hooked when the rhythm turned a-rockin’ when she ran down the palace steps at midnight, and then I got slow and sad as the coach turned back into a pumpkin. But that’s the moment when the kids took off. Ah, I expect a poor review in tomorrow’s Times. But, damn the critics! Yes, I sing absurdly and I have no talent, but damn them anyway!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read an interesting article on willpower. It’s apparently a lot like muscle. You can achieve great feats of will, but then it leaves you less capable of such feats in the near term. Over time, you can build your willpower, like you would build your athletic ability when you’re training. So, if you begin a new training regimen, you will more likely slack off in other areas. That may explain why so many people who quit smoking, for instance, quickly gain weight soon afterwards. I’m using my willpower to train harder, and I don’t have that much left over to resist many other temptations. Americans work long hours, and that seems to result in overspending, overeating and under-exercising. No, the article didn’t carry the theory the extra step to chide America on our collective bad habits. That’s my personal touch. By blowing my willpower budget on waking up early, I don’t have much left to run the miles hard. To answer why I’m running them at all is because what the hell else are you going to do when you wake up at 4:00? That’s so goddamn early that I don’t even think the internet is awake.
++++++++++++++++
I never understood this “elephant in the room” thing. What, like elephants are so common in rooms that no one mentions it? Very, very tiny elephants, perhaps made of ceramics? I can’t figure it out. Does it have to do with those six blind guys and the elephant? In that analogy, each blind guy mistook the elephant as something else, but they at least acknowledged that it existed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate job applications. The federal government centralized their application system. If you fill out their application, theoretically it can be referenced for any federal job. In practice, I filled out an extensive application for one job a month or two ago, and now I’m going for another job. But the second job does not accept electronic applications in any form. They insist that you fill out Form OF 612, which is pretty much the same stuff as the electronic version on the centralized web site. The form is, of course, offered on line, but you can’t just copy and paste to it. So I get to see the dismal record of my life’s non-accomplishments. Not only am I forced to confront it, but I’m getting a hand cramp trying to elaborate my experience as a boring accounting drone. God, I hate filling out applications.
They would broadcast from some off-site “party” location. The opening weekend of a theme park, or at some big concert, that’s ok. When you’re left with the grand opening of a new gas station mini-mart, dude, you’re about as far from “cool” as you can get before you get so “uncool” that you begin to re-enter “cool” territory again.
It’s like this:*We’re here on a sloppy February Saturday at the grand opening of Frank Greenberg’s new Noco Mini Mart on Genesee Street going towards Williamsville. There’s some wet snow flying around outside, but inside we got a ton of give aways and specials like 2 hot dogs for $1 and free samples of pizza minis!*
Yeah, the only less-cool place would be broadcasting from the offices of the high school newspaper – which I’m sure that they tried, except that the local high school is shut down on the weekends.
And why do they have to broadcast like there’s a 24/7 keg party going on? The other day I’m trying to listen to the traffic report because there was a basketball game downtown, and that makes a big difference where I drive. I usually hate traffic reports. They never say anything that makes a difference and they jam through them so fast you never understand what they’re talking about anyway. But this station decided that even rushed through, they were too boring and everyone would change stations if subjected to this crap for 10 seconds. So, they crank background music throughout the report. I couldn’t hear a damn word. I got stuck in the game traffic, too. Thanks, guys.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And the debate between old and new technology rages. I heard some guy cutting down CDs in favor of records, saying that CDs don’t have any soul or some other crap. CDs more faithfully present the sound actually generated by a live band. When I first got a CD player, I noticed each note, whereas the same sound on vinyl and definitely on tape would be far less clear.
For instance, I could hear the faint slide of a guitarist’s fingers on the strings in between the notes on some occasions. And, you just can’t play vinyl in the car or go jogging with it. Vinyl is more expensive to make. Vinyl scratches easier than a CD. The needle wears out. After you listen to a vinyl album several times, audio quality declines. I mean, should we just hold on to a piece of old technology that provides no advantages just because of some immeasurable, subjective quality called “soul”?
The same argument is being applied to the recent demise of Polaroid’s Instamatic film. They’ve stopped making it. Some die-hard fans are just torn up saying that they could never do without it. And the “soul” argument was used, too. I could see that argument with high end film cameras, but an Instamatic? It was point and shoot and the focus was honed in on whatever was closest. Some lady was interviewed who did professional photography used instant film, and got hers specially made to be 20”x20”. Each snap of the camera cost her about a hundred bucks. She believed that knowing that each shot cost so much, the photographer would take greater care to get it just right. But 100 years ago, wouldn’t that have been the argument of the portrait painters against film camera? Anyone could just snap a picture, but it took a true artist to get a painted portrait just right. You could snap a hundred pictures in a day, but a portrait took a week. Film cameras have no soul! Same with all this light from electricity. Light shouldn’t be as convenient as just flicking on a switch. We should go back to gas lamps. No, even better - candles and torches. Wildly inefficient, smoky, and an enormous fire hazard, but they had SOUL.
And boo-hiss on tap water, too. Too clean, too reliable and too easy. You drink the same tasting water in the summer as you do in the winter? That’s not living! Buckets of water laboriously hauled up in all weather conditions make you appreciate each drop. Water from the local scum laden pond has SOUL.
Music, especially rock music, grew up as singles. Now, I guess we’re moving back to that, and people are lamenting the demise of album orientation. It’s like the way this guy invented a way to pull the pits out of olives before they’re pressed for olive oil. The olive oil aficionados say that the pit lends some taste and that’s the way it has been made for centuries. The guy who invented the pitter responded that the ancient Greeks used to pit the olives before they pressed them, so his way was actually a return to the REALLY old style and not a new fangled style per se. However, modern recipes are written for the merely centuries old olive oil, and I’m sure that if you add the wrong kind of olive oil you would incinerate the delicate palate of your canned green bean recipe.
+++++++++++++++++++
I’m still training for my race. I dreamt last night that I was on the starting line and I was drunk and unprepared. I hadn’t even tied my shoes when the gun went off. But then again, the race was taking place inside a gigantic shopping mall, so I can’t see it being some kind of telepathic message sent from the future. Then the bikini babes came out. It was around then that I began to suspect things weren’t real.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
60% of MBA school is stuff that you could have figured out on your own. But if you say “I would have thought of that myself!” I say “Yeah, but ya didn’t, didja?”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a switch on the wall outside my office with no discernable purpose. Normally, such things are of no consequence and can be safely ignored. But this is a red LED lit switch. I shudder to think of what Earthly catastrophe could take place if it were turned off. What is behind this switch? What can it be? Oh, I’m just so tempted!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
My high hopes for the current Rex Morgan storyline are dropping precipitously. Instead of moving on with the story, Rex got bogged down in one of those conversations with his wife, June. That’s instant plot quicksand. Next week, no new developments, but Rex is concerned!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But what do “they” know, anyway? “They” also say that George Washington wore wooden teeth, and that ostriches bury their heads.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to read books in song format even when they don’t rhyme or have any kind of meter. How do you sing a book of prose? Badly. Last night, my entire audience walked out during an operatic performance of Cinderella. I thought I got them hooked when the rhythm turned a-rockin’ when she ran down the palace steps at midnight, and then I got slow and sad as the coach turned back into a pumpkin. But that’s the moment when the kids took off. Ah, I expect a poor review in tomorrow’s Times. But, damn the critics! Yes, I sing absurdly and I have no talent, but damn them anyway!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read an interesting article on willpower. It’s apparently a lot like muscle. You can achieve great feats of will, but then it leaves you less capable of such feats in the near term. Over time, you can build your willpower, like you would build your athletic ability when you’re training. So, if you begin a new training regimen, you will more likely slack off in other areas. That may explain why so many people who quit smoking, for instance, quickly gain weight soon afterwards. I’m using my willpower to train harder, and I don’t have that much left over to resist many other temptations. Americans work long hours, and that seems to result in overspending, overeating and under-exercising. No, the article didn’t carry the theory the extra step to chide America on our collective bad habits. That’s my personal touch. By blowing my willpower budget on waking up early, I don’t have much left to run the miles hard. To answer why I’m running them at all is because what the hell else are you going to do when you wake up at 4:00? That’s so goddamn early that I don’t even think the internet is awake.
++++++++++++++++
I never understood this “elephant in the room” thing. What, like elephants are so common in rooms that no one mentions it? Very, very tiny elephants, perhaps made of ceramics? I can’t figure it out. Does it have to do with those six blind guys and the elephant? In that analogy, each blind guy mistook the elephant as something else, but they at least acknowledged that it existed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate job applications. The federal government centralized their application system. If you fill out their application, theoretically it can be referenced for any federal job. In practice, I filled out an extensive application for one job a month or two ago, and now I’m going for another job. But the second job does not accept electronic applications in any form. They insist that you fill out Form OF 612, which is pretty much the same stuff as the electronic version on the centralized web site. The form is, of course, offered on line, but you can’t just copy and paste to it. So I get to see the dismal record of my life’s non-accomplishments. Not only am I forced to confront it, but I’m getting a hand cramp trying to elaborate my experience as a boring accounting drone. God, I hate filling out applications.
NRA, Tea Party, Health Care and Hoss the new boss
I got a phone call from the NRA last night. It was an “opinion” poll. First, I got to hear a taped diatribe about paranoid delusions from far right gun freaks. Then comes the “opinion” question “Do you think Hillary Clinton and the United Nations should be able to take away our rights?” My response: “You guys are full of crap.”
Every adult male in Iraq and Afghanistan carries a gun, and it doesn’t make either country any safer.
+++++++++++++++++++
I just learned that there are FIVE “Bring it On” movies. I am left wondering how many movies it will take before they finally bring it. You’d expect that it would be brought on maybe at the climax of the third movie, at least. That would make the additional two films more like “Brought It On” and “Take It Back”.
++++++++++++++++++
There was a columnist who wrote that if anyone got up in front of a crowd and said that American health care was the best in the world, they’d get laughed off the stage. But then McCain and McConnell did just that and got applause. By what metric are they measuring, I want to know.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m listening to a CD that seriously calls itself “The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World -- EVER!” Well, my blood pressure was slowly dropping off with that lengthy and boring (yet somehow soothing) title – until they hit me with the “EVER!” part. No title with an exclamation point should purport itself to be “relaxing”. It scared me, dammit!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why must havoc always be wreaked? There’s not much else that is wreaked, save paths of destruction. But no one “makes havoc” or “prepares havoc”. Without wreaking, havoc could not occur. So, if you ever wish to prevent havoc, simply prevent wreaking.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Tea Party people seemed very concerned about the 37 new “czars”. They say that we’re not supposed to be old, imperialist Russia. The official title for them is actually “director” so what’s the hang up? What about the corporate world, run by Chief Executives? We’re being run by Indians? Why aren’t the cowboys better represented? Instead of COO, they should appoint someone called “Hoss”.
I think they may be biding their time before November, and they’re referring to the mid-term elections as “Judgment Day”. That’s kind of scary. If the Reps sweep into power, it will herald the destruction of life on Earth? What else could it mean? Don’t these idiots read that big book with the cross on it?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I live in a dry county. I can go to Wal-Mart to buy weapons and ammunition, but not a six pack of beer.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Iraq and Afghanistan have universal health care coverage – your tax dollars at work!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To the chicken-hawks who advocate that church and state should be one and the same, I present the honorable Reverend Jesse Jackson. Actually, the next time I hear about how great church and state would go together, I’d like to direct them to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Iran doesn’t have universal health care and runs gays and minorities out of town,. Oh, if only we could implement Sharia law here in the US. Sigh. Oh well, until then, just say hello to Amadinijad for me, Mr. Cheney!
++++++++++++++++++
My wife got the True Blood series on DVD from Netflix, and I watched it. I thought it was supposed to be about the secret lives of vampires, but it’s more focused on mortals who have no control over their libidos. Small town America, apparently, has nothing better to do than drink and fu*k. Aside from the murders, pettiness, poverty and of course, vampires, I’d go there.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin is against combining many bank regulatory agencies into the Fed. “The words ‘fox’ and ‘henhouse’ come to mind.” Ok, I agree. No, wait, I don’t. Hold on, is the Fed the fox, the hen or the house? Which one is the bank? The money is… an egg? Do foxes eat eggs when they can eat chickens? Is Obama the farmer?
The other day, the punchline from Dilbert was “If you find a kettle of crazy, it’s better not to stir it up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Not surprisingly, recent college grads are having a rough time. I’ve always wondered how majors in obscure liberal arts like Women’s Literature ever got jobs even in good times. They work for 4 years aspiring to hang around highway exit ramps with a sign “Will critique lesbian authors for food”.
I know nothing about boring novels, but I will critique bad movies, music and TV shows – for free.
+++++++++++++++++++++
An episode of True Blood has some girl getting her friend out of police custody. The cops point out that she isn’t a lawyer. So she gets on a high horse about “Law school is some place where white boys pay to have books read to them. I read the books myself and saved the money.” She goes on to display a brilliant legal strategy. “We’re leavin’. You got nothin’ on him.” Those silly white boy classes – ha! Turns out all you have to do is watch a few episodes of Law & Order. And I get the Cliff-notes version, so all I have to do is watch one episode of True Blood. And you only have to read this paragraph. Oh, those foolish white boy lawyers and their fancy degrees! Where will those get you? A six figure income? Oh yeah, that.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Eeeaggh! I just got an email from someone in the department typed in all caps, Comic Sans, purple text, and 36 point font. She said “your” instead of “you’re”, “there” instead of “their”. Completely unprofessional, but she’s friendly. I’m sure she’ll get an award at our next meeting for something.
Every adult male in Iraq and Afghanistan carries a gun, and it doesn’t make either country any safer.
+++++++++++++++++++
I just learned that there are FIVE “Bring it On” movies. I am left wondering how many movies it will take before they finally bring it. You’d expect that it would be brought on maybe at the climax of the third movie, at least. That would make the additional two films more like “Brought It On” and “Take It Back”.
++++++++++++++++++
There was a columnist who wrote that if anyone got up in front of a crowd and said that American health care was the best in the world, they’d get laughed off the stage. But then McCain and McConnell did just that and got applause. By what metric are they measuring, I want to know.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m listening to a CD that seriously calls itself “The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World -- EVER!” Well, my blood pressure was slowly dropping off with that lengthy and boring (yet somehow soothing) title – until they hit me with the “EVER!” part. No title with an exclamation point should purport itself to be “relaxing”. It scared me, dammit!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why must havoc always be wreaked? There’s not much else that is wreaked, save paths of destruction. But no one “makes havoc” or “prepares havoc”. Without wreaking, havoc could not occur. So, if you ever wish to prevent havoc, simply prevent wreaking.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Tea Party people seemed very concerned about the 37 new “czars”. They say that we’re not supposed to be old, imperialist Russia. The official title for them is actually “director” so what’s the hang up? What about the corporate world, run by Chief Executives? We’re being run by Indians? Why aren’t the cowboys better represented? Instead of COO, they should appoint someone called “Hoss”.
I think they may be biding their time before November, and they’re referring to the mid-term elections as “Judgment Day”. That’s kind of scary. If the Reps sweep into power, it will herald the destruction of life on Earth? What else could it mean? Don’t these idiots read that big book with the cross on it?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I live in a dry county. I can go to Wal-Mart to buy weapons and ammunition, but not a six pack of beer.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Iraq and Afghanistan have universal health care coverage – your tax dollars at work!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To the chicken-hawks who advocate that church and state should be one and the same, I present the honorable Reverend Jesse Jackson. Actually, the next time I hear about how great church and state would go together, I’d like to direct them to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Iran doesn’t have universal health care and runs gays and minorities out of town,. Oh, if only we could implement Sharia law here in the US. Sigh. Oh well, until then, just say hello to Amadinijad for me, Mr. Cheney!
++++++++++++++++++
My wife got the True Blood series on DVD from Netflix, and I watched it. I thought it was supposed to be about the secret lives of vampires, but it’s more focused on mortals who have no control over their libidos. Small town America, apparently, has nothing better to do than drink and fu*k. Aside from the murders, pettiness, poverty and of course, vampires, I’d go there.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin is against combining many bank regulatory agencies into the Fed. “The words ‘fox’ and ‘henhouse’ come to mind.” Ok, I agree. No, wait, I don’t. Hold on, is the Fed the fox, the hen or the house? Which one is the bank? The money is… an egg? Do foxes eat eggs when they can eat chickens? Is Obama the farmer?
The other day, the punchline from Dilbert was “If you find a kettle of crazy, it’s better not to stir it up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Not surprisingly, recent college grads are having a rough time. I’ve always wondered how majors in obscure liberal arts like Women’s Literature ever got jobs even in good times. They work for 4 years aspiring to hang around highway exit ramps with a sign “Will critique lesbian authors for food”.
I know nothing about boring novels, but I will critique bad movies, music and TV shows – for free.
+++++++++++++++++++++
An episode of True Blood has some girl getting her friend out of police custody. The cops point out that she isn’t a lawyer. So she gets on a high horse about “Law school is some place where white boys pay to have books read to them. I read the books myself and saved the money.” She goes on to display a brilliant legal strategy. “We’re leavin’. You got nothin’ on him.” Those silly white boy classes – ha! Turns out all you have to do is watch a few episodes of Law & Order. And I get the Cliff-notes version, so all I have to do is watch one episode of True Blood. And you only have to read this paragraph. Oh, those foolish white boy lawyers and their fancy degrees! Where will those get you? A six figure income? Oh yeah, that.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Eeeaggh! I just got an email from someone in the department typed in all caps, Comic Sans, purple text, and 36 point font. She said “your” instead of “you’re”, “there” instead of “their”. Completely unprofessional, but she’s friendly. I’m sure she’ll get an award at our next meeting for something.
Who watches the watchmen? Mary Poppins LOL!
I call bullsh!t on Mary Poppins. Before the song “Tuppence”, the bank founder said that he started banking with tuppence (they break out into song). Later, George Banks (the dad) was going to be fired. He was asked when the last run on the bank was, and he said 1773, when the bank financed the ill fated ship that became the target of the Boston Tea Party. Indeed, George Banks’ boss was a geezer. But if he founded the bank when he was 18, that would still put him at 165 years old when the movie takes place.
That is definitive proof that Mary Poppins is a right wing propaganda film. I’m on to your little game, Mary “Tuppence” Poppins!
+++++++++++
Bob Dylan sono is. Is est proinde profundus.
Bob Dylan sings it. It is therefore profound.
++++++++++++++++
I once ran 3000 miles in a year. So, I call bullsh!t on Forrest Gump. In the movie, he went across America – twice.
Robert Zumekis makes you think that he ran all freakin’ day long. How many hours per day could he really run? Three hours per day every day? Four? That’s a lot of time left sitting around with your thumb up your ass. Bullshit Forrest. Bullshit, Tom Hanks. Bullshit Zumekis. You’re all full of it.
+++++++++++++++++++
Terrible things will happen if the government takes over health care, don’t you know. I work for a government run health insurance program and I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.
As far as inefficiency, let’s take a look at how we stack up against other developed nations. We spend the most, we get the worst quality. There it is in 10 words or less. What terrible things will happen if we go to a single-payer system? Is our government so much less efficient than France’s?
Did you know that the government wants you to use drugs? Yes! It subsidizes drug makers and sellers. It will even give money to drug users to buy the stuff! True! See? The government can’t do anything right.
Or “medicine”, as you drug-addled liberals like to call it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why do I still hear complaints about how many men are Fortune 500 CEOs and how few women are? That’s not society, that’s 0.000007% of the world population. And it is a statistical fact that men are more likely to dominate the higher and lower ends of a scale. There are more unemployed men, for instance.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching “Alien Vs. Predator” – yeah, I know, highbrow entertainment. I’m at least a little disappointed because the titular matchup between these impossible sci-fi behemoths does not actually occur until well past the halfway mark. Until then, Aliens and Predators were just indiscriminately hacking Earthings. As the catchphrase says “Either way, Humans lose.” Especially those who wasted 2 hours watching.
If you catch the detailed itemization that justifies the PG-13 rating, included in the list is “violence”, “profanity”, and “slimy ooze”. For the love of God, you must keep your underage children from watching other people get yucky.
As far as stars, this flick doesn’t have Sigourney Weaver, Arnold Schwartzenegger, or even a miscast Danny Glover. Lance Henrickson is the closest thing to “marquee” name recognition, but his character dies. So who stars in the AVP2: Inevitable Sequel? I hope it’s someone lower on the D-list like the guy who played Klinger on MASH.
+++++++++++++++++
Vengeance is a dish best served up cold. Like ice cream. Call it “Revenge Ripple”. “Vengeance French Vanilla”. “Bitter Blackhearted Blackberry”. “Rocky Retribution”. “Payback’s-a-Bitch Sorbet”. No, I don’t remember where I was going with this.
+++++++++++++++++++
The local congressman, Ben Chandler, refused to participate in town hall meetings about health care. He stated that the participants don’t listen to a word that is said and simply shout at the speaker. So the Republicans held a meeting and put a stuffed figure in his place. The participants yelled their misinformation to their hearts content and it left them as convinced as ever in their own opinion. To no one’s amazement, Republicans don’t find this ironic.
+++++++++++++++++++
I read the Watchmen graphic novel a month or so ago. It was awesome. But the ending… wasn’t. Great set-up, but then when you find out what the over-arching plot is, the whole thing is outrageously silly. The movie tweaked the plot to make it not-as-far-fetched, but the movie failed on several other levels. Some amalgam could be fantastic.
+++++++++++++++++++
My pet peeve du jour: People who write “lol” at the end of every sentence in print. I’ll laugh when I want to, and I don’t need instruction.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a setting on the microwave at work that says “Quick Minute”. I tried it once, but the minute lasted exactly 60 seconds, like always.
+++++++++++++++
I also watched Butterfly Effect 2. In one of the 4 alternate endings to Butterfly Effect 1, the protagonist went back in time and killed himself in the womb. Well, in part 2, some other guy gets a head wound and is given the ability to change the past. Anyway, it ends with this guy driving off a cliff and dying, but that won’t stop BE3 from coming out.
The only cool character was the gay hit man. Just the right mix of butch and Liberace. Unfortunately, he only lasted 5 minutes on screen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pet peeve du jour: Actual answering machine message “Hi… my…name… is… Amisositreciner, and… I’m… calling… about…….. (three rambling minutes later) … please… call… me… at… twosevenzerothreesixfveatefortreetwo. Thankyoubye.”
+++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the acclaimed PBS series “The Paper Chase”, about Harvard Law School in the 70s. Oh, the hair! It hurts my eyes! How bad are the haircuts? Fro, dude. How does someone with lousy hair get laid so easily? Here’s his big pick-up line: “I was just in the neighborhood…“ And the next scene is ‘Fro Dude and a chick in bed. Seriously, is that really all it took back then?
+++++++++++++++++
I don’t know how a conservative can make the argument with a straight face that keeping eight unlicensed, automatic weapons at home is ok, because people can be trusted to be responsible; yet having a slot machine 40 miles away is dangerous, because people never know how to handle their own money.
That is definitive proof that Mary Poppins is a right wing propaganda film. I’m on to your little game, Mary “Tuppence” Poppins!
+++++++++++
Bob Dylan sono is. Is est proinde profundus.
Bob Dylan sings it. It is therefore profound.
++++++++++++++++
I once ran 3000 miles in a year. So, I call bullsh!t on Forrest Gump. In the movie, he went across America – twice.
Robert Zumekis makes you think that he ran all freakin’ day long. How many hours per day could he really run? Three hours per day every day? Four? That’s a lot of time left sitting around with your thumb up your ass. Bullshit Forrest. Bullshit, Tom Hanks. Bullshit Zumekis. You’re all full of it.
+++++++++++++++++++
Terrible things will happen if the government takes over health care, don’t you know. I work for a government run health insurance program and I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.
As far as inefficiency, let’s take a look at how we stack up against other developed nations. We spend the most, we get the worst quality. There it is in 10 words or less. What terrible things will happen if we go to a single-payer system? Is our government so much less efficient than France’s?
Did you know that the government wants you to use drugs? Yes! It subsidizes drug makers and sellers. It will even give money to drug users to buy the stuff! True! See? The government can’t do anything right.
Or “medicine”, as you drug-addled liberals like to call it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why do I still hear complaints about how many men are Fortune 500 CEOs and how few women are? That’s not society, that’s 0.000007% of the world population. And it is a statistical fact that men are more likely to dominate the higher and lower ends of a scale. There are more unemployed men, for instance.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching “Alien Vs. Predator” – yeah, I know, highbrow entertainment. I’m at least a little disappointed because the titular matchup between these impossible sci-fi behemoths does not actually occur until well past the halfway mark. Until then, Aliens and Predators were just indiscriminately hacking Earthings. As the catchphrase says “Either way, Humans lose.” Especially those who wasted 2 hours watching.
If you catch the detailed itemization that justifies the PG-13 rating, included in the list is “violence”, “profanity”, and “slimy ooze”. For the love of God, you must keep your underage children from watching other people get yucky.
As far as stars, this flick doesn’t have Sigourney Weaver, Arnold Schwartzenegger, or even a miscast Danny Glover. Lance Henrickson is the closest thing to “marquee” name recognition, but his character dies. So who stars in the AVP2: Inevitable Sequel? I hope it’s someone lower on the D-list like the guy who played Klinger on MASH.
+++++++++++++++++
Vengeance is a dish best served up cold. Like ice cream. Call it “Revenge Ripple”. “Vengeance French Vanilla”. “Bitter Blackhearted Blackberry”. “Rocky Retribution”. “Payback’s-a-Bitch Sorbet”. No, I don’t remember where I was going with this.
+++++++++++++++++++
The local congressman, Ben Chandler, refused to participate in town hall meetings about health care. He stated that the participants don’t listen to a word that is said and simply shout at the speaker. So the Republicans held a meeting and put a stuffed figure in his place. The participants yelled their misinformation to their hearts content and it left them as convinced as ever in their own opinion. To no one’s amazement, Republicans don’t find this ironic.
+++++++++++++++++++
I read the Watchmen graphic novel a month or so ago. It was awesome. But the ending… wasn’t. Great set-up, but then when you find out what the over-arching plot is, the whole thing is outrageously silly. The movie tweaked the plot to make it not-as-far-fetched, but the movie failed on several other levels. Some amalgam could be fantastic.
+++++++++++++++++++
My pet peeve du jour: People who write “lol” at the end of every sentence in print. I’ll laugh when I want to, and I don’t need instruction.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a setting on the microwave at work that says “Quick Minute”. I tried it once, but the minute lasted exactly 60 seconds, like always.
+++++++++++++++
I also watched Butterfly Effect 2. In one of the 4 alternate endings to Butterfly Effect 1, the protagonist went back in time and killed himself in the womb. Well, in part 2, some other guy gets a head wound and is given the ability to change the past. Anyway, it ends with this guy driving off a cliff and dying, but that won’t stop BE3 from coming out.
The only cool character was the gay hit man. Just the right mix of butch and Liberace. Unfortunately, he only lasted 5 minutes on screen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pet peeve du jour: Actual answering machine message “Hi… my…name… is… Amisositreciner, and… I’m… calling… about…….. (three rambling minutes later) … please… call… me… at… twosevenzerothreesixfveatefortreetwo. Thankyoubye.”
+++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the acclaimed PBS series “The Paper Chase”, about Harvard Law School in the 70s. Oh, the hair! It hurts my eyes! How bad are the haircuts? Fro, dude. How does someone with lousy hair get laid so easily? Here’s his big pick-up line: “I was just in the neighborhood…“ And the next scene is ‘Fro Dude and a chick in bed. Seriously, is that really all it took back then?
+++++++++++++++++
I don’t know how a conservative can make the argument with a straight face that keeping eight unlicensed, automatic weapons at home is ok, because people can be trusted to be responsible; yet having a slot machine 40 miles away is dangerous, because people never know how to handle their own money.
True Blood, .5 Blood Prince, bloody toenails
When anyone asks about my running, the most common response is “If I ran for a half a mile, my legs would probably fall off. Ha-ha!” That’s not funny, that’s just plain sad.
++++++++++++++++
I saw a list of the worst 100 movies of all time. I managed to see only 2 on the list, whereas I’m certain my wife has seen close to a dozen, maybe more, with all her rom-coms and rom-drams. Most notably, there is Diane Keaton’s “Because I Said So”, where Diane plays a too-high-on-her-horse mother of three eternally miserable daughters. I’d hate it unless Keaton’s family in the movie had an intervention, and by “intervention”, I mean “lock the doors and pummel her until she stops moving”. Since that plot line didn’t show any sign of appearing, I left to go stare at something.
I managed to miss a ton of movies that should have reached out to me but didn’t. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever somehow never made it to my screen. Neither did Battlefield Earth, despite my action/sci-fi predilection. I saw "One Missed Call" and "The Covenant", both horror movies and horrible movies.
++++++++++++++++++
Pinocchio always creeped me out and frustrated me at the same time. The wooden kid gets easily tricked and sold into slavery, despite his conscience pleading with him not to go there. He escapes with some fairy magic. Then he is almost immediately sold back into slavery by the same guys. Frustrating. Then there’s the whole problem of all these boys turning into miserable donkeys, and getting swallowed by a whale and how the hell does a wooden boy almost drown? Pinocchio sucks.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Texting while driving is under fire recently. I can’t imagine why a practice that endangers your life and the lives of others might be controversial. Don’t do it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve heard about Michael Jordan’s new 37,500 sq ft mansion with a $7.6 million price tag. While that might seem like a lot, it’s only $202 per square foot. The local residents are complaining that he’s building a house 3 times the size of theirs. While they’re forced to live in the squalor of a 12,500 square foot hovel, he flaunts his opulence in their face. Terrible. How will these non-famous multi-millionaires ever live it down?
Speaking of which, the average wealth of the 10 richest people in the world fell 14%. Sob sob sob. How utterly tragic. Gates & Buffett are nice guys, but still… gimmesome!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
True Blood is a love story of a human and a vampire. So they hooked up. Now what? Where is this thing going? They manufacture rifts in the relationship or petty squabbles with other humans or other vamps.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
How could Obama win the Nobel Peace Prize? What the hell are they smoking? The Brit Awards once gave a lifetime achievement award to the Spice Girls after two poppy, cheese-infested CDs. The rationale given was “mostly for the contributions they will yet make in the field.”
…And they never contributed again.
We have an award given every month for people who go over and above the call of duty to perform their job and provide excellent customer service. The first winner got it because she gives hugs. The award is a month in a reserved parking spot. She didn’t need the reserved spot, so she gave it away. And for that, she won again.
Anyone can win one of our department awards for just about anything. One guy won because he gave a can of soda to a co-worker. Most people who are nominated have no specific actions, but someone just gushes in a nomination filled with how they are so pleasant to work with and fun to talk to. I got nominated for some award for excellence, efficiency and enthusiasm despite having only a tenuous claim to maybe one of those three qualities. But, I lost out to a woman because she’s undergoing chemotherapy, which doesn’t make you any of those qualities.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I survived season 1 of True Blood. My wife and I were discussing who we identified with the most, and we both picked the black, gay, drug dealing short order chef. He’s dead now, but I thought I saw him in clips of Season 2. So who else in this town is there? The vampire? The clairvoyant? The serial bride (looking for husband #5)? The PTSD war vet? The faux-Cajun psycho killer? The shape-shifter? The sex-addicted doofus? The frustrated, self-loathing cop is normal, but who wants to identify with him?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Republicans claim that Pelosi is “backing down to liberals in her party”. She is a liberal in her party. She’s backing down to herself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A lot of people get black toenails from running. My wife likes to check up on them in a way that’s weird and a little creepy. I wonder if she keeps a chart somewhere that tracks how many are black so she can report them on CNBC.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hear all about the great deals you can get on hotels in this economy, but then I go to find some in the town that I’m actually going to at the time that I’m going to be there, and I don’t see any of these alleged deals. Bah, the economy is great, and that sucks.
++++++++++++++++
Sometimes I get mad at myself. Then I stop talking to myself. And then there are the mistrustful sideways glances as I pass myself in the hallway and awkward silences in the car – because, you know, I carpool with myself, too. Eventually, there is a real heart-to-heart, tearful reconciliation, etc. But there’s that lingering self-doubt that nags me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of doubt, I saw the Merrill Streep movie “Doubt”. There was no background music. Anyone who bought the soundtrack got ripped off.
I thought that my wife enjoy “Doubt”, but her only comment was that Streep filmed it right after Mama Mia. So she went from playing someone much younger than she really is to playing someone that is her real age. That talent is what I call “acting”. But, she was more insightful than my observation about the suckers who plunked down $15.99 for a CD featuring 74 minutes of tape hiss.
++++++++++++++++
We saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, in which Harry finds an old text book of spells that guarantees him academic excellence and success in defeating his arch nemesis Voldemort. So obviously, Harry decides to get rid of it. Although it would save his life and the world from evil, apparently gray-area cheating in a magic potion class is by far the worse crime.
The book belongs to “The Half Blood Prince”, which plays no part in the plot, save the fact that no one knows who this person is. Then at the end someone says “Oh, by the way, I’m the Half Blood Prince.” Ta-da!
So in the final chapter, do we find out what the hell happened to Voldemort’s nose, or what?
++++++++++++++++
I saw a list of the worst 100 movies of all time. I managed to see only 2 on the list, whereas I’m certain my wife has seen close to a dozen, maybe more, with all her rom-coms and rom-drams. Most notably, there is Diane Keaton’s “Because I Said So”, where Diane plays a too-high-on-her-horse mother of three eternally miserable daughters. I’d hate it unless Keaton’s family in the movie had an intervention, and by “intervention”, I mean “lock the doors and pummel her until she stops moving”. Since that plot line didn’t show any sign of appearing, I left to go stare at something.
I managed to miss a ton of movies that should have reached out to me but didn’t. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever somehow never made it to my screen. Neither did Battlefield Earth, despite my action/sci-fi predilection. I saw "One Missed Call" and "The Covenant", both horror movies and horrible movies.
++++++++++++++++++
Pinocchio always creeped me out and frustrated me at the same time. The wooden kid gets easily tricked and sold into slavery, despite his conscience pleading with him not to go there. He escapes with some fairy magic. Then he is almost immediately sold back into slavery by the same guys. Frustrating. Then there’s the whole problem of all these boys turning into miserable donkeys, and getting swallowed by a whale and how the hell does a wooden boy almost drown? Pinocchio sucks.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Texting while driving is under fire recently. I can’t imagine why a practice that endangers your life and the lives of others might be controversial. Don’t do it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve heard about Michael Jordan’s new 37,500 sq ft mansion with a $7.6 million price tag. While that might seem like a lot, it’s only $202 per square foot. The local residents are complaining that he’s building a house 3 times the size of theirs. While they’re forced to live in the squalor of a 12,500 square foot hovel, he flaunts his opulence in their face. Terrible. How will these non-famous multi-millionaires ever live it down?
Speaking of which, the average wealth of the 10 richest people in the world fell 14%. Sob sob sob. How utterly tragic. Gates & Buffett are nice guys, but still… gimmesome!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
True Blood is a love story of a human and a vampire. So they hooked up. Now what? Where is this thing going? They manufacture rifts in the relationship or petty squabbles with other humans or other vamps.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
How could Obama win the Nobel Peace Prize? What the hell are they smoking? The Brit Awards once gave a lifetime achievement award to the Spice Girls after two poppy, cheese-infested CDs. The rationale given was “mostly for the contributions they will yet make in the field.”
…And they never contributed again.
We have an award given every month for people who go over and above the call of duty to perform their job and provide excellent customer service. The first winner got it because she gives hugs. The award is a month in a reserved parking spot. She didn’t need the reserved spot, so she gave it away. And for that, she won again.
Anyone can win one of our department awards for just about anything. One guy won because he gave a can of soda to a co-worker. Most people who are nominated have no specific actions, but someone just gushes in a nomination filled with how they are so pleasant to work with and fun to talk to. I got nominated for some award for excellence, efficiency and enthusiasm despite having only a tenuous claim to maybe one of those three qualities. But, I lost out to a woman because she’s undergoing chemotherapy, which doesn’t make you any of those qualities.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I survived season 1 of True Blood. My wife and I were discussing who we identified with the most, and we both picked the black, gay, drug dealing short order chef. He’s dead now, but I thought I saw him in clips of Season 2. So who else in this town is there? The vampire? The clairvoyant? The serial bride (looking for husband #5)? The PTSD war vet? The faux-Cajun psycho killer? The shape-shifter? The sex-addicted doofus? The frustrated, self-loathing cop is normal, but who wants to identify with him?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Republicans claim that Pelosi is “backing down to liberals in her party”. She is a liberal in her party. She’s backing down to herself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A lot of people get black toenails from running. My wife likes to check up on them in a way that’s weird and a little creepy. I wonder if she keeps a chart somewhere that tracks how many are black so she can report them on CNBC.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hear all about the great deals you can get on hotels in this economy, but then I go to find some in the town that I’m actually going to at the time that I’m going to be there, and I don’t see any of these alleged deals. Bah, the economy is great, and that sucks.
++++++++++++++++
Sometimes I get mad at myself. Then I stop talking to myself. And then there are the mistrustful sideways glances as I pass myself in the hallway and awkward silences in the car – because, you know, I carpool with myself, too. Eventually, there is a real heart-to-heart, tearful reconciliation, etc. But there’s that lingering self-doubt that nags me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of doubt, I saw the Merrill Streep movie “Doubt”. There was no background music. Anyone who bought the soundtrack got ripped off.
I thought that my wife enjoy “Doubt”, but her only comment was that Streep filmed it right after Mama Mia. So she went from playing someone much younger than she really is to playing someone that is her real age. That talent is what I call “acting”. But, she was more insightful than my observation about the suckers who plunked down $15.99 for a CD featuring 74 minutes of tape hiss.
++++++++++++++++
We saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, in which Harry finds an old text book of spells that guarantees him academic excellence and success in defeating his arch nemesis Voldemort. So obviously, Harry decides to get rid of it. Although it would save his life and the world from evil, apparently gray-area cheating in a magic potion class is by far the worse crime.
The book belongs to “The Half Blood Prince”, which plays no part in the plot, save the fact that no one knows who this person is. Then at the end someone says “Oh, by the way, I’m the Half Blood Prince.” Ta-da!
So in the final chapter, do we find out what the hell happened to Voldemort’s nose, or what?
I created a check tracking database in 2002. Want to hear more?
I got Seinfeld seasons 1 & 2 on video from the library. In the pilot, Kramer was identified as “Kessler”. No Elaine yet, either. The first season was only five episodes. They tacked it together with season 2, which was only 13 episodes. The shows were still about nothing, though, so don’t ask for a plot synopsis.
Oh, and the Costanza “opposite” theory goes back to the pilot, although he admits that he never does it himself.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw yet another action/adventure movie where the chief bad guy kills his own 2nd in command. “You’ve failed me! Now you die!” What is it with these evil overlords that they don’t understand job training, development and retention? How do they plan on recruiting if that’s their policy on failure? Well, breaking stuff that you don’t have to pay for is certainly a job perk, I must admit. It would be like joining the Chinese army just to beat up on some Tibetans.
It would be great if it worked out so well in real life. If Bin Laden just up and killed his second in command. “You’ve failed to destroy America! Now you die!” “Aaaarrrgggh!” Then we’d implode whatever cave Osama is living in, because you know he’s got to go out with a ton of special effects. Maybe we’ll see him running with rocks coming down all around, yet he’ll make it out somehow for part 2 and 3. Some secret lab will clone a piece of his charred remains for “Osama 4: A New Beginning!” Then come the action figures, video games and a cross promotion with McDonald’s fries. Very ironic, actually, since Osama is trying to destroy Western capitalism.
+++++++++++++++++++
It burns me that digital songs cost about the same as getting a CD from the store. A digital song costs nothing to ship and there are no liner notes, art or lyrics. I don’t begrudge them getting some revenue for their efforts, but I’d like to share in the savings.
+++++++++++++++++++
I’ve worked with job recruiters, and they don’t deliver much. When I was job searching a few years back, I sent my resume to the same recruiter six or seven times. Each time, they would interview me. Then I’d call two weeks later, and they would have no record of the whole thing. They kept claiming that all these CPA firms were clamoring for someone with my background, then it was like they were Monty Burns from the Simpsons. “Who is that man, Smithers?” “Homer Simpson, sir, same as every other episode that you have asked.” Anyway, recruiters ask for a list of places that I’ve applied. I tell them some things I saw in the paper. “Oh, we had a line on a job there, but we can’t represent you if you’ve already applied on your own.” Great, so they look in the classified section for me. Wow.
My Monster.com agent keeps emailing me all these crappy jobs every day. Most don’t post how much they pay, but I assume that “retail cashier” can’t possibly support my family. I don’t know what algorithm they used to match an MBA/CPA with 17 years experience with a job commonly held by 16 year olds cracking gum. Maybe they should hire me to fix it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Commonwealth of KY revamped the policy on banned web sites while at work. It doesn’t bother me much. What I do is usually “incidental personal use”. The strange part of the new policy is that it blocks sites about toys, but does NOT block sites about weapons. Not just your average gun site, either. This is defined as:
Weapons: This category deals with firearms and accessories, weapons such as knives, ammunition and tear gas, other lethal weapons and Web sites related to military, defense, militaria and paintball.
So I can’t buy the new Gears of War for Playstation, but I can order real tear gas and automatic weapons.
The policy blocks personal home pages and dating services. But to placate the ACLU, we are not blocked from
Sects - This category contains Web sites about sects, cults, occultism, satanism and religious fundamentalism.
We’re blocked from Facebook, but we can read all about tree-elf-hugging teen hippies on their commercial web sites.
++++++++++++++++++++++
As I look at the headlines, I see that American slavery from the 18th and 19th centuries was “America’s Original Sin”. Oh. I suppose stealing land from the Indians wouldn’t be a sin then. That’s a relief. Glad to have that off my back.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate job applications. Some places have a pretty automated application process, and you can find a position and apply inside of ten or twenty minutes. The feds have been requiring a bunch of open ended but specific questions for their applications. Some I give them both barrels, because I have the experience. Some I have to flub because I can’t just say “I have no idea what you just asked.” They give you a maximum of 8000 characters to describe your specific experience. I want to take as much advantage of all that space. But I don’t get to tell interesting experiences like that Halloween when I dressed up like Madonna and nearly got beat up by a bunch of dirty biker Mexicans at Mulligan’s Brick Bar. That’s a story worth 8000 characters. That check tracking database that I created in 2002? Eh, not so much.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I just changed my desktop image to “Java”. You know, that little coffee cup on a saucer with the comforting curl of steam rising from its surface. Ooh, Java, take me away. Let me stretch out my shaking hands to reach for your warmth, your bitter goodness. Oh, I taste your sweet mocha and artificial flavor additives enshrined in brackish liquid and my thirst is slaked. I now call upon thy caffeinated richness to enliven my weary body for another day. When you are by my side, you are my companion, my right hand man in the daily battle waged in my cubicle on keyboard, screen and paper printout. When you are gone, I yearn for your pleasant aroma, and feel your absence. Oh, Java, how I do adore thee!
Oh, and the Costanza “opposite” theory goes back to the pilot, although he admits that he never does it himself.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw yet another action/adventure movie where the chief bad guy kills his own 2nd in command. “You’ve failed me! Now you die!” What is it with these evil overlords that they don’t understand job training, development and retention? How do they plan on recruiting if that’s their policy on failure? Well, breaking stuff that you don’t have to pay for is certainly a job perk, I must admit. It would be like joining the Chinese army just to beat up on some Tibetans.
It would be great if it worked out so well in real life. If Bin Laden just up and killed his second in command. “You’ve failed to destroy America! Now you die!” “Aaaarrrgggh!” Then we’d implode whatever cave Osama is living in, because you know he’s got to go out with a ton of special effects. Maybe we’ll see him running with rocks coming down all around, yet he’ll make it out somehow for part 2 and 3. Some secret lab will clone a piece of his charred remains for “Osama 4: A New Beginning!” Then come the action figures, video games and a cross promotion with McDonald’s fries. Very ironic, actually, since Osama is trying to destroy Western capitalism.
+++++++++++++++++++
It burns me that digital songs cost about the same as getting a CD from the store. A digital song costs nothing to ship and there are no liner notes, art or lyrics. I don’t begrudge them getting some revenue for their efforts, but I’d like to share in the savings.
+++++++++++++++++++
I’ve worked with job recruiters, and they don’t deliver much. When I was job searching a few years back, I sent my resume to the same recruiter six or seven times. Each time, they would interview me. Then I’d call two weeks later, and they would have no record of the whole thing. They kept claiming that all these CPA firms were clamoring for someone with my background, then it was like they were Monty Burns from the Simpsons. “Who is that man, Smithers?” “Homer Simpson, sir, same as every other episode that you have asked.” Anyway, recruiters ask for a list of places that I’ve applied. I tell them some things I saw in the paper. “Oh, we had a line on a job there, but we can’t represent you if you’ve already applied on your own.” Great, so they look in the classified section for me. Wow.
My Monster.com agent keeps emailing me all these crappy jobs every day. Most don’t post how much they pay, but I assume that “retail cashier” can’t possibly support my family. I don’t know what algorithm they used to match an MBA/CPA with 17 years experience with a job commonly held by 16 year olds cracking gum. Maybe they should hire me to fix it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Commonwealth of KY revamped the policy on banned web sites while at work. It doesn’t bother me much. What I do is usually “incidental personal use”. The strange part of the new policy is that it blocks sites about toys, but does NOT block sites about weapons. Not just your average gun site, either. This is defined as:
Weapons: This category deals with firearms and accessories, weapons such as knives, ammunition and tear gas, other lethal weapons and Web sites related to military, defense, militaria and paintball.
So I can’t buy the new Gears of War for Playstation, but I can order real tear gas and automatic weapons.
The policy blocks personal home pages and dating services. But to placate the ACLU, we are not blocked from
Sects - This category contains Web sites about sects, cults, occultism, satanism and religious fundamentalism.
We’re blocked from Facebook, but we can read all about tree-elf-hugging teen hippies on their commercial web sites.
++++++++++++++++++++++
As I look at the headlines, I see that American slavery from the 18th and 19th centuries was “America’s Original Sin”. Oh. I suppose stealing land from the Indians wouldn’t be a sin then. That’s a relief. Glad to have that off my back.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate job applications. Some places have a pretty automated application process, and you can find a position and apply inside of ten or twenty minutes. The feds have been requiring a bunch of open ended but specific questions for their applications. Some I give them both barrels, because I have the experience. Some I have to flub because I can’t just say “I have no idea what you just asked.” They give you a maximum of 8000 characters to describe your specific experience. I want to take as much advantage of all that space. But I don’t get to tell interesting experiences like that Halloween when I dressed up like Madonna and nearly got beat up by a bunch of dirty biker Mexicans at Mulligan’s Brick Bar. That’s a story worth 8000 characters. That check tracking database that I created in 2002? Eh, not so much.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I just changed my desktop image to “Java”. You know, that little coffee cup on a saucer with the comforting curl of steam rising from its surface. Ooh, Java, take me away. Let me stretch out my shaking hands to reach for your warmth, your bitter goodness. Oh, I taste your sweet mocha and artificial flavor additives enshrined in brackish liquid and my thirst is slaked. I now call upon thy caffeinated richness to enliven my weary body for another day. When you are by my side, you are my companion, my right hand man in the daily battle waged in my cubicle on keyboard, screen and paper printout. When you are gone, I yearn for your pleasant aroma, and feel your absence. Oh, Java, how I do adore thee!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Dishonor in Texas
I have Netflix, but my wife loads up the queue with her chick flicks. When I ask how they were, she always says “Eh, ok.” Why can’t she just watch the same one repeatedly and arrive at the same review? For that matter, why do they bother to write new scripts? Can’t they have the different actors and actresses just say the same thing? They can even use new sets. One chick flick can take place in uptown Manhattan starring Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Anniston and Diane Keaton does a cameo as the intrusive mother. The next can take place on the East Side starring Mandy Moore and John Favreau where Diane Keaton plays a bit part as an intrusive mother. Another could be shot in Midtown with Amanda Peet and Colin Firth. Diane Keaton plays an intrusive mother in a hilarious sequence. It’s quite diverse. No one will notice.
++++++++++++
Anyway, as a result of the dearth of movies, I went to the crappy pirated movies that my Dad gets from China. I never saw Ben Stiller’s “Night at the Museum”, so I gave it a shot. Horrible. Stupid. Predictable. The lameness of the translation from English to Chinese back to English simply magnified it. Stiller’s name was “Larry”, but it was constantly subtitled as “Carry a mile”, among other gaffes. The plot was pretty much what your average 6th grader could conjure up. The end? No! Not the end. They made a sequel. For the love of all that doesn’t wallow in stinking suckitude – WHY??
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The recent earthquake in Chile has shortened the rotation period of the Earth by 1.26 miliseconds. Now I will never get all my to-do list done today. On the other hand, we’ll live longer.
Remind me in 2032 to re-set my watch by ten seconds. Wait for Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.
+++++++++++++++
My wife got “Good Luck Chuck” from Netflix. The premise is that the women who date Chuck and then break up with him get engaged to their next boyfriend. Sound dopey enough for you? Chuck must endure a series of girlfriends who are only looking to endure a few dates with him so they can get married. Sound sexist enough for you? The woman who eventually becomes Chuck’s fiancé is a penguin trainer. Sound contrived enough for you? The entire plot is revealed on the 4 sentence teaser on the DVD. Is there really any reason to watch?
I imagine that the climax comes with Chuck down on one knee with a ring, proposing to the girlfriend amidst a few dozen happy penguins. Yay. Oh if only the penguins were CGI.
+++++++++++++++++
I can’t believe some Republicans in Congress have been eulogizing the nut that crashed his plane into the IRS building in Texas. I agree with Scott Brown that no one likes paying taxes, but it’s the law, my friend. Not paying them is criminal. Is a suicidal murderer really the guy that the Reps want to sympathize with?
How crazy was this airplane guy? First, he complained about living in abject poverty, but obviously, he owned a plane. Second, he was complaining about tax law that went into effect in 1986. If you can’t make a living because of taxes, 24 years is more than enough time to find another income stream. The guy was seriously disturbed, and if it wasn’t taxes, he would have probably killed himself because he accidentally read the spoiler on the box of “Good Luck Chuck”.
+++++++++++++++
On the subject, something got mixed up on my Netflix queue and I missed a whole disk (4 episodes) of “Lost”. Oddly enough, they were still running around the jungle trying to get off the island in the least direct manner possible. I’ll watch the next season completely out of order and see if there’s any difference. Maybe I’ll go through each show with the rewind button on just to make it a challenge.
+++++++++++++++
The Texas A&M football team apparently stole all the copies of the student paper because they didn’t like the headline. Two of their team mates were arrested on drug charges. The coach said that he was proud. Even Worf on Star Trek would say “One cannot regain honor by acting dishonorably.” You should also read that in Worf’s booming bass vocal range with a twinge of Klingon anger. That would help.
++++++++++++++++
My kids are going to see a play of Mulan today. Something that always bugged me about the story was the father. Mulan took her father’s sword and horse and rode off to join the army against an evil and powerful foe. What did the dad do? Did he find his sword missing and just say “My daughter is taking my place to confront a vicious, ruthless enemy? If her army buddies find out that she’s a woman they’ll probably kill her, too. Oh well, I’ll just hang back here on the ranch and wait for her to save the day.” Father-of-the-Year material there.
+++++++++++++
I’m not sure I get it. The GOP is portraying various members of the Democratic party as cartoon characters. They made Nancy Pelosi into Cruella DeVil, but I thought that liberals were animal lovers.
Whatever they were trying for, I’m sure it was successful. Red meat donors lap that stuff up if it makes sense or not. Why bother with all that egghead stuff like “health care costs too much” when we can just draw funny pictures? Thinking is soooo haaarrd. Please don’t make us do it!
This is the picture: http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/documents/rncdocument030310.pdf
Without some idiot to explain what they were trying for, I’m at a loss to see how “Hope” or “Progress” can be convoluted into some kind of damnable sin. Bastardizing “American Gothic” seems counter to their beliefs, too. Doesn’t it represent good, old-timey, wholesome, mom & apple pie Americana?
I re-watched the Dark Knight to look for the Joker’s socialist politics. I didn’t find much. In fact, Bruce Wayne seems to be the give-to-the-poor altruist. I’m honestly not deliberately reading too far into this. I’m simply at a loss to get any meaning at all.
++++++++++++
Anyway, as a result of the dearth of movies, I went to the crappy pirated movies that my Dad gets from China. I never saw Ben Stiller’s “Night at the Museum”, so I gave it a shot. Horrible. Stupid. Predictable. The lameness of the translation from English to Chinese back to English simply magnified it. Stiller’s name was “Larry”, but it was constantly subtitled as “Carry a mile”, among other gaffes. The plot was pretty much what your average 6th grader could conjure up. The end? No! Not the end. They made a sequel. For the love of all that doesn’t wallow in stinking suckitude – WHY??
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The recent earthquake in Chile has shortened the rotation period of the Earth by 1.26 miliseconds. Now I will never get all my to-do list done today. On the other hand, we’ll live longer.
Remind me in 2032 to re-set my watch by ten seconds. Wait for Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.
+++++++++++++++
My wife got “Good Luck Chuck” from Netflix. The premise is that the women who date Chuck and then break up with him get engaged to their next boyfriend. Sound dopey enough for you? Chuck must endure a series of girlfriends who are only looking to endure a few dates with him so they can get married. Sound sexist enough for you? The woman who eventually becomes Chuck’s fiancé is a penguin trainer. Sound contrived enough for you? The entire plot is revealed on the 4 sentence teaser on the DVD. Is there really any reason to watch?
I imagine that the climax comes with Chuck down on one knee with a ring, proposing to the girlfriend amidst a few dozen happy penguins. Yay. Oh if only the penguins were CGI.
+++++++++++++++++
I can’t believe some Republicans in Congress have been eulogizing the nut that crashed his plane into the IRS building in Texas. I agree with Scott Brown that no one likes paying taxes, but it’s the law, my friend. Not paying them is criminal. Is a suicidal murderer really the guy that the Reps want to sympathize with?
How crazy was this airplane guy? First, he complained about living in abject poverty, but obviously, he owned a plane. Second, he was complaining about tax law that went into effect in 1986. If you can’t make a living because of taxes, 24 years is more than enough time to find another income stream. The guy was seriously disturbed, and if it wasn’t taxes, he would have probably killed himself because he accidentally read the spoiler on the box of “Good Luck Chuck”.
+++++++++++++++
On the subject, something got mixed up on my Netflix queue and I missed a whole disk (4 episodes) of “Lost”. Oddly enough, they were still running around the jungle trying to get off the island in the least direct manner possible. I’ll watch the next season completely out of order and see if there’s any difference. Maybe I’ll go through each show with the rewind button on just to make it a challenge.
+++++++++++++++
The Texas A&M football team apparently stole all the copies of the student paper because they didn’t like the headline. Two of their team mates were arrested on drug charges. The coach said that he was proud. Even Worf on Star Trek would say “One cannot regain honor by acting dishonorably.” You should also read that in Worf’s booming bass vocal range with a twinge of Klingon anger. That would help.
++++++++++++++++
My kids are going to see a play of Mulan today. Something that always bugged me about the story was the father. Mulan took her father’s sword and horse and rode off to join the army against an evil and powerful foe. What did the dad do? Did he find his sword missing and just say “My daughter is taking my place to confront a vicious, ruthless enemy? If her army buddies find out that she’s a woman they’ll probably kill her, too. Oh well, I’ll just hang back here on the ranch and wait for her to save the day.” Father-of-the-Year material there.
+++++++++++++
I’m not sure I get it. The GOP is portraying various members of the Democratic party as cartoon characters. They made Nancy Pelosi into Cruella DeVil, but I thought that liberals were animal lovers.
Whatever they were trying for, I’m sure it was successful. Red meat donors lap that stuff up if it makes sense or not. Why bother with all that egghead stuff like “health care costs too much” when we can just draw funny pictures? Thinking is soooo haaarrd. Please don’t make us do it!
This is the picture: http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/documents/rncdocument030310.pdf
Without some idiot to explain what they were trying for, I’m at a loss to see how “Hope” or “Progress” can be convoluted into some kind of damnable sin. Bastardizing “American Gothic” seems counter to their beliefs, too. Doesn’t it represent good, old-timey, wholesome, mom & apple pie Americana?
I re-watched the Dark Knight to look for the Joker’s socialist politics. I didn’t find much. In fact, Bruce Wayne seems to be the give-to-the-poor altruist. I’m honestly not deliberately reading too far into this. I’m simply at a loss to get any meaning at all.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Germany, China, Cheers, Superman and yet another swipe at Conservatives
Germany and China will eventually undergo a serious population problem in that they will have too few youngsters and too many oldsters. Germany has a lifetime birth rate of only 1.3 children per woman. China regulates children per family and has 1.6 kids per woman. Italy and Japan also have population trouble like that. I don’t know how they project populations based on how many children will result from parents that haven’t been born yet, but they do.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The week “Cheers” debuted, it ranked dead last in the network ratings. It’s a miracle why it wasn’t cancelled right away. I’d like to imagine an alternative universe where it was cancelled. Having no acting career, George Wendt started a foundation to feed all of Africa. The tragedy of Iraq was circumvented and cancer was cured. “Cheers” was a curse in the disguise of a blessing. Damn you, Sam Malone!
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m getting sick of these politicians who took credit when things went well, and then insist that the free market must correct itself when things go badly.
The Republicans took credit when the percentage of Americans who are home owners were at historic highs; and now say two years later how wrong it was for the banks to have lent mortgage money to high-risk people.
Are those who do not remember history doomed to repeat it? And those that do not study claptrap pedestrian proverbs may miss out on the fact that they are occasionally true - including the one you get saying “Help! I’m a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!” That one always had such deep meaning for me. Because, aren’t we all really just prisoners in this great, big fortune cookie factory on Earth? Have I digressed again?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the animated movie Superman Requiem and Resurrection. It was ok, but I thought it would be bigger budget than it was. The art looked rather cartoony, Louis Lane in particular. Superman himself had some weird facial lines – old age? Louis looked about 23 and constantly wore skirts so short and tight that Allie McBeal would blush. There was a lot of death and even a little vomit. The action was pretty good, but I would have liked the plot to have been a little deeper than this unkillable ogre shows up and Superman is called in to fight. I wish there could have been some kind of reprise in the fighting, like the Doomsday guy would have to break off the attack to go grab a cow to eat for lunch. Then there could be some kind of “what’s its weakness?” discussion. I’m all for action, but a slugfest without meaning leaves an audience uncaring about who wins.
But the reason I brought up Superman was that yet again the evildoer, Lex Luthor, killed his #2. She didn’t even deserve it. She did exactly what he asked. He eliminated her to cover his trail that one extra step. Clearly, LexCorp is not winning awards on “Best Places to work in Metropolis”.
I won’t give away too much, but as the title “Requiem and Resurrection” implies, he’s killed then reborn. The rebirth is quasi-preposterous, but really, no more so than the entire Superman opus.
Superman is all for the betterment of mankind and all of that. He’s shown as trying to find cures for cancer in his spare time. But he’s got a sentient robot as his sidekick. Don’t you think that if you allowed sentient robots to be mass-marketed, that the economic boost would keep people from having to engage in criminal behavior?
I never liked Superman. He was strong, sure. Great force for good, yeah, yeah. Where’s the dilemma? What kind of bravery does it take to stare down the barrel of a gun knowing full well that bullets are less of a nuisance than a water droplet? Look at Spiderman, who tries to live a normal personal life against the demands of being a superhero. Look at Batman and his tortured soul and circumspect treatment of criminals. The Green Arrow was a cad, even that’s more interesting than Superman’s monogamous lily white wedding. The courtship of Louis Lane took 60 years, and she couldn’t even recognize him with a pair of glasses on. There is never, ever a moment when the reader says “Oh crap! What’s he going to do now?”
Well, that is, until he got killed.
But, on the other hand, he was resurrected, too.
The coolest thing about the Requiem and Resurrection? The image of the iconic red cape, torn and charred hanging flag-like from a piece of wreckage, then swept away with the wind. When this story was presented on paper, that issue was presented with 5 or 6 different varieties of cover art. The one with the cape outsold the others by a huge margin. If only Star Trek’s perennially doomed Ensign Leibowitz got that kind of eulogy. A torn and charred red shirt hanging from a twisted piece of metal with sad music would be appropriate. Instead he gets a brief diagnosis: “He’s dead, Jim.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The week “Cheers” debuted, it ranked dead last in the network ratings. It’s a miracle why it wasn’t cancelled right away. I’d like to imagine an alternative universe where it was cancelled. Having no acting career, George Wendt started a foundation to feed all of Africa. The tragedy of Iraq was circumvented and cancer was cured. “Cheers” was a curse in the disguise of a blessing. Damn you, Sam Malone!
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m getting sick of these politicians who took credit when things went well, and then insist that the free market must correct itself when things go badly.
The Republicans took credit when the percentage of Americans who are home owners were at historic highs; and now say two years later how wrong it was for the banks to have lent mortgage money to high-risk people.
Are those who do not remember history doomed to repeat it? And those that do not study claptrap pedestrian proverbs may miss out on the fact that they are occasionally true - including the one you get saying “Help! I’m a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!” That one always had such deep meaning for me. Because, aren’t we all really just prisoners in this great, big fortune cookie factory on Earth? Have I digressed again?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the animated movie Superman Requiem and Resurrection. It was ok, but I thought it would be bigger budget than it was. The art looked rather cartoony, Louis Lane in particular. Superman himself had some weird facial lines – old age? Louis looked about 23 and constantly wore skirts so short and tight that Allie McBeal would blush. There was a lot of death and even a little vomit. The action was pretty good, but I would have liked the plot to have been a little deeper than this unkillable ogre shows up and Superman is called in to fight. I wish there could have been some kind of reprise in the fighting, like the Doomsday guy would have to break off the attack to go grab a cow to eat for lunch. Then there could be some kind of “what’s its weakness?” discussion. I’m all for action, but a slugfest without meaning leaves an audience uncaring about who wins.
But the reason I brought up Superman was that yet again the evildoer, Lex Luthor, killed his #2. She didn’t even deserve it. She did exactly what he asked. He eliminated her to cover his trail that one extra step. Clearly, LexCorp is not winning awards on “Best Places to work in Metropolis”.
I won’t give away too much, but as the title “Requiem and Resurrection” implies, he’s killed then reborn. The rebirth is quasi-preposterous, but really, no more so than the entire Superman opus.
Superman is all for the betterment of mankind and all of that. He’s shown as trying to find cures for cancer in his spare time. But he’s got a sentient robot as his sidekick. Don’t you think that if you allowed sentient robots to be mass-marketed, that the economic boost would keep people from having to engage in criminal behavior?
I never liked Superman. He was strong, sure. Great force for good, yeah, yeah. Where’s the dilemma? What kind of bravery does it take to stare down the barrel of a gun knowing full well that bullets are less of a nuisance than a water droplet? Look at Spiderman, who tries to live a normal personal life against the demands of being a superhero. Look at Batman and his tortured soul and circumspect treatment of criminals. The Green Arrow was a cad, even that’s more interesting than Superman’s monogamous lily white wedding. The courtship of Louis Lane took 60 years, and she couldn’t even recognize him with a pair of glasses on. There is never, ever a moment when the reader says “Oh crap! What’s he going to do now?”
Well, that is, until he got killed.
But, on the other hand, he was resurrected, too.
The coolest thing about the Requiem and Resurrection? The image of the iconic red cape, torn and charred hanging flag-like from a piece of wreckage, then swept away with the wind. When this story was presented on paper, that issue was presented with 5 or 6 different varieties of cover art. The one with the cape outsold the others by a huge margin. If only Star Trek’s perennially doomed Ensign Leibowitz got that kind of eulogy. A torn and charred red shirt hanging from a twisted piece of metal with sad music would be appropriate. Instead he gets a brief diagnosis: “He’s dead, Jim.”
Betting one's bippy should be a deadly sin.
”You bet your bippy!” What the hell was that all about? I didn’t get it then, I don’t get it now. The 70s were lame and there’s your proof. How fantastically lame was that tag line? My parents used it, whatever it meant. It was from Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, by the way.
++++++++++++++++++
Hey, where were all the nostalgia fans when the 8 track was biting the dust? Come on, they had soul. You just couldn’t get that from any cassette. Except that the cassette outperformed the 8 track in terms of recordability, durability, fidelity and portability. But aside from all of that, the cassettes had no soul! Until, that is, CDs came along and essentially replaced cassettes. Next to CDs, cassettes are like the James Brown (Godfather of Soul) of recording media.
Yeah, the pre-recorded cassettes were never high-fidelity and would start to audibly squeak within a year, get eaten by a hungry car stereo, warp or accidentally get erased when passing next to a speaker magnet. If you wanted to hear a song again, you’d have to rewind and guess how far along you were. Yeah, those were the golden days, the salad days, the days of halcyon lore. The winds of change have destroyed a legacy. The sad end of the gilded age. Gone is an era. Sob. They had soul.
CDs have no soul. That is, until they are finally killed off by pure digital media. Then CDs will have a soul, I shall lament these days where I have to put 300 discs in a donut shaped wheel in order to get the amount of songs that I could store on one iPod that can fit in the palm of my hand and still have room for an actual donut. CDs are passing away with the winds of change, ohh, woe! The changing of the guard. The precious old things are now lost to this new age of cheap images and – what? I can download music without paying? Awesome. F—k those CDs, man. Old news. G’bye CDs, hellooo MP3s!
Also, no one ever lamented digital tape, which made a very brief appearance in the early 90s. What a piece of crap. All the disadvantages of a cassette and pricier than a CD. They could wear out, they could get mangled. You still couldn’t play song one then immediately skip to song three. You need expensive new hardware, and you couldn’t tape over them. Good riddance, digital tape, we hardly knew ye. While you’re there enjoying outdated media hell, say hello to RCA’s 12” video disks, will ya?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Vatican came up with a new list of the famed Seven Deadly Sins. Now they include drug abuse. I’m glad I got my drug abuse in years ago, long before it became a sin. I’m quite confused, though, on New Deadly Sin #6, which is “Excessive wealth”. This comes from the ornate and opulent Vatican, worth billions of dollars. NDS #5, “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” should be observed by the church by refusing donations from people who can’t afford it.
I’m not saying that the NDSs are good things being called bad things, but the first seven were things that every human being had to contend with on a daily basis. Sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, anger, pride and lust. But I don’t see how “Creating poverty” or “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” really affects too many people. Most of the world is already poor, and wishes that they were rich. Creating poverty and widening the income gap are essentially the same thing, anyway. No one creates poverty without the motive that they will benefit financially, either. So “Excessive wealth” is another overlap as well. Both “Creating poverty” and “Widening the gap” are macroeconomic shifts, and there are only a few dozen people in the world that could consciously do these things. Same goes for the New Deadly Sin of “conducting morally dubious experiments” (such as stem cell research). That’s just not a dark temptation that I’ve ever had to quell, although as a kid I mixed Pepsi with 7Up just to see what it would taste like.
The original seven deadly sins were accompanied by a list of seven virtues such as humility, discipline, generosity and a few others that don’t sound appealing and are thus ignored. The virtues were generally the opposite of the vices. Instead of pride, humility; instead of lust, abstinence; instead of anger, kindness (or maybe patience was supposed to be the match there); instead of gluttony, temperance; instead of greed, generosity; etc. I’m not aware of any virtuous list that we can point to in order to stay on the good side of the NDS #1, which is not to use birth control.
I think the Vatican would probably have been better off if they revamped the seven virtues rather than the deadly sins. Less comparison, since no one made a Brad Pitt movie about them. They could have included charitable giving in the virtues. Of course, that may already have been there in the list, and I just don’t recall it. Instead of stuff like “widening the gap between rich and poor”, they could have said “reducing poverty”. Instead of “excessive wealth”, they could have said “living modestly and sustainably”. Stuff like that. Positive stuff instead of negative. They should have hired me as their PR guy. Well, they shouldn’t have, since I’m not terribly good at that sort of thing. They should have hired ANY professional PR person, who almost certainly would have figured out that the list of new deadly sins would go over in most people’s minds like yet another nagging lecture from the nunnery.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
9/11 is a day that everyone talks about, but it doesn’t have a name, it’s just a date. The Fourth of July is technically called Independence Day (not to be confused with the movie). El Cinco de Mayo has another name, I think, as it is the day to commemorate some Mexican battle, like D-Day. So I took it upon myself to come up with a clever moniker for 9/11. Decades from now, when the term is commonplace, they will point back to us and mention that I coined that name. That would be, unlike Spencer, who coined the term “survival of the fittest”, but is mistakenly attributed to Darwin. Or “Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, which Goethe said and everyone credits to Neitche. We would be more like the guy who came up with the term “Y2K” who is … uh… Al Gore, right?
I think “Rememberance Day” might have the right spirit, but may be confused with Memorial Day, which in itself is confused with Labor Day. I’m thinking of calling it the “Seminal Historical Incident of Terroristic Activities That Turned America to Crusading and Killing”. Too wordy? Maybe if I just used the acronym SHITATTACK.
We could also direct the energies of the country to some constructive outlets for their celebratory energies on that day, such as the new tradition of beating people with non-western accents.
Smack, wham, boff!!
“Filthy Arab!”
“But I am Bangladeshi!”
“Whatever! Happy SHITATTACK Day!”
We’ll even give rise to the verb-ization of the term. “You’ve been SHITATTACKed!” Too bad there’s no money in it for us. Maybe the Sunday morning political talk shows would take us out for pancake breakfast. You bet your bippy they would.
++++++++++++++++++
Hey, where were all the nostalgia fans when the 8 track was biting the dust? Come on, they had soul. You just couldn’t get that from any cassette. Except that the cassette outperformed the 8 track in terms of recordability, durability, fidelity and portability. But aside from all of that, the cassettes had no soul! Until, that is, CDs came along and essentially replaced cassettes. Next to CDs, cassettes are like the James Brown (Godfather of Soul) of recording media.
Yeah, the pre-recorded cassettes were never high-fidelity and would start to audibly squeak within a year, get eaten by a hungry car stereo, warp or accidentally get erased when passing next to a speaker magnet. If you wanted to hear a song again, you’d have to rewind and guess how far along you were. Yeah, those were the golden days, the salad days, the days of halcyon lore. The winds of change have destroyed a legacy. The sad end of the gilded age. Gone is an era. Sob. They had soul.
CDs have no soul. That is, until they are finally killed off by pure digital media. Then CDs will have a soul, I shall lament these days where I have to put 300 discs in a donut shaped wheel in order to get the amount of songs that I could store on one iPod that can fit in the palm of my hand and still have room for an actual donut. CDs are passing away with the winds of change, ohh, woe! The changing of the guard. The precious old things are now lost to this new age of cheap images and – what? I can download music without paying? Awesome. F—k those CDs, man. Old news. G’bye CDs, hellooo MP3s!
Also, no one ever lamented digital tape, which made a very brief appearance in the early 90s. What a piece of crap. All the disadvantages of a cassette and pricier than a CD. They could wear out, they could get mangled. You still couldn’t play song one then immediately skip to song three. You need expensive new hardware, and you couldn’t tape over them. Good riddance, digital tape, we hardly knew ye. While you’re there enjoying outdated media hell, say hello to RCA’s 12” video disks, will ya?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Vatican came up with a new list of the famed Seven Deadly Sins. Now they include drug abuse. I’m glad I got my drug abuse in years ago, long before it became a sin. I’m quite confused, though, on New Deadly Sin #6, which is “Excessive wealth”. This comes from the ornate and opulent Vatican, worth billions of dollars. NDS #5, “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” should be observed by the church by refusing donations from people who can’t afford it.
I’m not saying that the NDSs are good things being called bad things, but the first seven were things that every human being had to contend with on a daily basis. Sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, anger, pride and lust. But I don’t see how “Creating poverty” or “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” really affects too many people. Most of the world is already poor, and wishes that they were rich. Creating poverty and widening the income gap are essentially the same thing, anyway. No one creates poverty without the motive that they will benefit financially, either. So “Excessive wealth” is another overlap as well. Both “Creating poverty” and “Widening the gap” are macroeconomic shifts, and there are only a few dozen people in the world that could consciously do these things. Same goes for the New Deadly Sin of “conducting morally dubious experiments” (such as stem cell research). That’s just not a dark temptation that I’ve ever had to quell, although as a kid I mixed Pepsi with 7Up just to see what it would taste like.
The original seven deadly sins were accompanied by a list of seven virtues such as humility, discipline, generosity and a few others that don’t sound appealing and are thus ignored. The virtues were generally the opposite of the vices. Instead of pride, humility; instead of lust, abstinence; instead of anger, kindness (or maybe patience was supposed to be the match there); instead of gluttony, temperance; instead of greed, generosity; etc. I’m not aware of any virtuous list that we can point to in order to stay on the good side of the NDS #1, which is not to use birth control.
I think the Vatican would probably have been better off if they revamped the seven virtues rather than the deadly sins. Less comparison, since no one made a Brad Pitt movie about them. They could have included charitable giving in the virtues. Of course, that may already have been there in the list, and I just don’t recall it. Instead of stuff like “widening the gap between rich and poor”, they could have said “reducing poverty”. Instead of “excessive wealth”, they could have said “living modestly and sustainably”. Stuff like that. Positive stuff instead of negative. They should have hired me as their PR guy. Well, they shouldn’t have, since I’m not terribly good at that sort of thing. They should have hired ANY professional PR person, who almost certainly would have figured out that the list of new deadly sins would go over in most people’s minds like yet another nagging lecture from the nunnery.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
9/11 is a day that everyone talks about, but it doesn’t have a name, it’s just a date. The Fourth of July is technically called Independence Day (not to be confused with the movie). El Cinco de Mayo has another name, I think, as it is the day to commemorate some Mexican battle, like D-Day. So I took it upon myself to come up with a clever moniker for 9/11. Decades from now, when the term is commonplace, they will point back to us and mention that I coined that name. That would be, unlike Spencer, who coined the term “survival of the fittest”, but is mistakenly attributed to Darwin. Or “Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, which Goethe said and everyone credits to Neitche. We would be more like the guy who came up with the term “Y2K” who is … uh… Al Gore, right?
I think “Rememberance Day” might have the right spirit, but may be confused with Memorial Day, which in itself is confused with Labor Day. I’m thinking of calling it the “Seminal Historical Incident of Terroristic Activities That Turned America to Crusading and Killing”. Too wordy? Maybe if I just used the acronym SHITATTACK.
We could also direct the energies of the country to some constructive outlets for their celebratory energies on that day, such as the new tradition of beating people with non-western accents.
Smack, wham, boff!!
“Filthy Arab!”
“But I am Bangladeshi!”
“Whatever! Happy SHITATTACK Day!”
We’ll even give rise to the verb-ization of the term. “You’ve been SHITATTACKed!” Too bad there’s no money in it for us. Maybe the Sunday morning political talk shows would take us out for pancake breakfast. You bet your bippy they would.
The will of God
Every spring, we get hit with regional tornadoes. I think God is punishing the people of Tennessee, Arkansas and Alabama for backing Mike Huckabee in 2008. He’s some idiot who doesn’t believe in God’s grand plan to slowly advance life on the planet Earth. God is upset because evolution was designed to show that people can change for the better and slow improvement over time is part of nature. Humans will eventually become more perfect beings, and that man should not count on instantaneous fixes from Heaven, but instead should understand that progress takes time and effort and comes from within. See? It was divinely crafted, and all the scientific evidence was deliberately left behind in the fossil record to show mankind all these messages of hope and life. God doesn’t like creationists.
Whenever we hear tornado sirens, we take the kids downstairs. We debate if it is worth our effort. Mostly those arguments are based in the superstition that our neighborhood exists in some kind of pastoral haven and is spared most sorts of catastrophe. It turns out that I was right. We haven’t suffered any exterior storm damage ever, but once my wife tore the carpet while dragging a couch and ripped out a wire from the stereo to the TV and in the process knocked a speaker over into a CD shelf.
All things considered, it could have been a lot worse. Everyone was safe and I made it to work at the usual time, and there were only minor, temporary disruptions to our lives. In contrast, my brother in California, has had to evacuate twice because of wildfires. His block was spared, but he and his family had to grab the dog and bug out. The fire department calls, they expect you to grab the dog and go in 3 minutes or less.
When Ben Franklin invented the lightning rod, the ministers of his era blathered on that he was denying the will of God. If God wanted a building to catch fire from lightning, He should be allowed to do so. In fact, the fire departments of his day used to douse the buildings adjacent to the one that was struck by lightning, but would leave the stricken building to burn to the ground. Now, we have evolved our thinking to the level where we no longer believe God strikes people dead through tornadoes, hurricanes or lightning bolts. The Devil does that stuff. Any close call where one is severely injured but narrowly escapes death is God “watching out for you”.
Due to the recent tornado attacks in the Appalachian and Ozark regions, Nancy Pelosi has come out strongly and decisively against tornadoes and the practice of tornadoing. The Obama administration, as not to appear to ignore the issue, pledged that no new tornadoes will be issued from his administration and that Mr. Obama would work with Ms. Pelosi, the Republican leadership and other top officials to construct meaningful policy that thwarts tornado efforts nationwide. Sarah Palin, meanwhile supported the tornado activity, being the will of God. She threatened to veto any legislation that would crimp the hand of the Almighty, until she was reminded that she was no longer an official in any capacity. Mitch McConnell remained more cautious, stating that he would require tornado legislation to differentiate between God-caused tornadoes and those caused by the Devil.
One woman I work with used to work in a bank. One day the tornadoes came to town, and she high tailed it to the vault. Everyone else, she said, stood around in the bank lobby, which was surrounded in large glass windows. Yes, she could open the bank safe from the inside. Even with the door open, you’re still covered on five sides. I was hopeful that the story would end with her coming out of the vault to find the bank in tatters and dead bodies in all directions, but the tornado missed the bank by a few blocks and there was only minimal damage to her building. What a let down. She should have hurt some people just to make a better story.
Tornadoes aren’t frequent, and when they happen it’s very localized. They make for news because of the spectacular disaster scenes that ensue. Fifty people might die, which is tragic, but the area covered by the tornado conditions might contain something like fifty million people. Your average snowstorm in the northeast or heat wave in the southwest could easily claim one victim in a million residents, too. I’ve been here since 2000 and I’ve never seen a funnel cloud. I heard the tornado sirens a lot when I worked out in Berea. That siren included a spoken announcement to seek refuge. I found it really freaky to hear some dark voice warning of impending doom coming from an unseen loudspeaker ten miles away. The sound echoed off the mountains, making the eeriness even weirder.
Whenever we hear tornado sirens, we take the kids downstairs. We debate if it is worth our effort. Mostly those arguments are based in the superstition that our neighborhood exists in some kind of pastoral haven and is spared most sorts of catastrophe. It turns out that I was right. We haven’t suffered any exterior storm damage ever, but once my wife tore the carpet while dragging a couch and ripped out a wire from the stereo to the TV and in the process knocked a speaker over into a CD shelf.
All things considered, it could have been a lot worse. Everyone was safe and I made it to work at the usual time, and there were only minor, temporary disruptions to our lives. In contrast, my brother in California, has had to evacuate twice because of wildfires. His block was spared, but he and his family had to grab the dog and bug out. The fire department calls, they expect you to grab the dog and go in 3 minutes or less.
When Ben Franklin invented the lightning rod, the ministers of his era blathered on that he was denying the will of God. If God wanted a building to catch fire from lightning, He should be allowed to do so. In fact, the fire departments of his day used to douse the buildings adjacent to the one that was struck by lightning, but would leave the stricken building to burn to the ground. Now, we have evolved our thinking to the level where we no longer believe God strikes people dead through tornadoes, hurricanes or lightning bolts. The Devil does that stuff. Any close call where one is severely injured but narrowly escapes death is God “watching out for you”.
Due to the recent tornado attacks in the Appalachian and Ozark regions, Nancy Pelosi has come out strongly and decisively against tornadoes and the practice of tornadoing. The Obama administration, as not to appear to ignore the issue, pledged that no new tornadoes will be issued from his administration and that Mr. Obama would work with Ms. Pelosi, the Republican leadership and other top officials to construct meaningful policy that thwarts tornado efforts nationwide. Sarah Palin, meanwhile supported the tornado activity, being the will of God. She threatened to veto any legislation that would crimp the hand of the Almighty, until she was reminded that she was no longer an official in any capacity. Mitch McConnell remained more cautious, stating that he would require tornado legislation to differentiate between God-caused tornadoes and those caused by the Devil.
One woman I work with used to work in a bank. One day the tornadoes came to town, and she high tailed it to the vault. Everyone else, she said, stood around in the bank lobby, which was surrounded in large glass windows. Yes, she could open the bank safe from the inside. Even with the door open, you’re still covered on five sides. I was hopeful that the story would end with her coming out of the vault to find the bank in tatters and dead bodies in all directions, but the tornado missed the bank by a few blocks and there was only minimal damage to her building. What a let down. She should have hurt some people just to make a better story.
Tornadoes aren’t frequent, and when they happen it’s very localized. They make for news because of the spectacular disaster scenes that ensue. Fifty people might die, which is tragic, but the area covered by the tornado conditions might contain something like fifty million people. Your average snowstorm in the northeast or heat wave in the southwest could easily claim one victim in a million residents, too. I’ve been here since 2000 and I’ve never seen a funnel cloud. I heard the tornado sirens a lot when I worked out in Berea. That siren included a spoken announcement to seek refuge. I found it really freaky to hear some dark voice warning of impending doom coming from an unseen loudspeaker ten miles away. The sound echoed off the mountains, making the eeriness even weirder.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Thinker 2: The Electric Boogaloo
Barack Obama: Conservative hero
. .....
Obama tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan, cut taxes, supported new nuclear reactors, signed an executive order that upholds the restriction on federal funds for abortions and now is opening up the eastern seaboard to oil companies. So why all the partisan bickering? Because it’s fun to superimpose his face over the Joker’s, that’s why! Ha ha! Hilarious!
If I were a staunch liberal, I’d superimpose Obama’s face on Two-Face about now.
If McCain had won, would the fringe left wing be photoshopping his face over Ziggy?
How not to be leered at like a plate of spaghetti
I don’t drink alcohol or eat candy or desserts when I am in training. “I’m in training” is the manly way to turn down a drink or a piece of chocolate cake, by the way. “I’m on a diet” makes all the guys around you look at you as if you’re wearing a frilly pink taffeta dress – and not in the same way that they would look at a woman wearing a frilly, pink dress, either.
Anyway, I’m restricted to getting my calories from a limited number of healthy food items. I have a hard time not overeating those things, though. I love a big pot of whole grain pasta. I gulp that stuff down by the pound. If I were in Jamaica, I’d be a pastafarian. If I were a nut, I’d be a pasta-chio. If I were a terminator, I’d say “Pasta la vista, baby!” Ok, that’s it with the puns. They’re past-a their prime (sorry!).
...........
GOP: Proactive, not active!
.
Mitch McConnell announced this morning that the Senate Republicans were unanimously in opposition to Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, calling the pick “An irresponsible choice. Mr. Obama has decided to select an activist judge who will rule on ideological grounds rather than respect the rule of law.” Tom Coburn stated that he felt that the nominee was clearly unqualified. Conservatives on the judicial committee also remarked that “Mr. Obama’s pick clearly does not understand or value Supreme Court precedent and previous federal court rulings, except in cases where overturning a hundred years or so of them will benefit the Republican party.” Mr. Obama responded to the critiques with “What nominee? I’m not picking anyone until next week at least.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
.
The bitter end
.
One upshot of the new health care regs is that women can’t be charged more than men. The rationale is that being a woman is not a choice, so it is a form of discrimination. So if we only priced insurance based on preventable factors, we wouldn’t set rates based on age, since no one can stop time. We’d base the rates on body mass index (BMI), alcohol consumption, blood pressure and other health related metrics. I’m cool with that, but millions of people who assure me that they are just “big boned” may find that system to be discriminatory, too.
.....
I find it discriminatory that I (as a fit male) have to pay for fat, smoking women, though I use the service so much less frequently. Just for that, I plan to die a long, slow debilitating death that consumes huge resources to keep me going for decades. Picture me angrily waving my cane from my hospital bed when I’m 110 years old and strung up with more tubes and wires than a marionette. I shall rage, rage against the dying of the light! I will NOT go gently into that good night, Sonny Boy!
...........
Sarah Palin, gift from God to snark writers everywhere
.........
It just occurred to me that I could write a blog exclusively about Sarah Palin and never ever run low on material. To paraphrase Dave Barry, wouldn’t “Sarah Palin & the Wingnuts” be a great name for a 70’s tribute band? 1770’s, that is.
.........
Palin’s new gaffe is that her Fox News show is trying to prove that Tea Party kooks aren’t racist. They showed clips of upcoming interviews and (gasp) – LL Cool J? Turns out that LL gave the interview with someone else in 2008, and Fox is (another gasp) playing fast & loose with the truth.
.........
Ok, I shouldn’t blame Palin on this one. It was a decision of the network suits. When LL called them on this stunt (and did they think that he wouldn’t?), they said “We are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career." Oh snap! You got dissed, bro!
..........
Since LL has been acting longer than Fox News has existed, I wanted him to return the best of wishes for Fox’s fledgling news channel, but he instead said some cliché thing about how only you can bring peace to yourself.
........
Heroes Season 3: A Kinder and Gentler Super Psycho Villain
.........
I’m watching Heroes for the third season, and I’m usually pretty good at following things through turn-on-a-dime-bizarre-plot-twists, but they’re losing me. They’re jumping around it time and space trying to save the world somehow from some unknown threat. The 4-years-in-the-future people are clearly not operating on the same rule system as the present-day people. The goody-two-shoes cheerleader is now a cold blooded assassin. On the other hand, ex-evil-Sylar, who was the penultimate killing machine in Season 1 is now a laid back, sweater-wearing, doting father. I hope he used his telekinetic ability to change diapers. I certainly would have.
.........
I know what they really need to do: Introduce another eight or ten characters with new wacky powers. Yeah, that would really clear things up.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
........
And in an alternate Universe, “Garfield” is funny once in a while
...........
Someplace, in an alternate reality, Auguste Rodin creates a sculpture of a seated man with a knitted brow in 1880. But in this reality, the man is on the latrine and the sculpture is titled “The Stinker”. World history is largely the same there, aside from that they have world peace, a cure for most cancers and cheap, clean energy.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
.........
When two similar things happen it always heralds a new trend
..........
They’re doing big budget remakes of Tron and Clash of the Titans. So what early 80s dud will be remade next, I wonder? I’m going to cash in my 401K to buy the rights to the Police Academy series. No, wait, Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: The Electric Boogaloo. They’re ripe. I can feel it.
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