The US Chamber of Commerce has been sponsoring a bunch of anti-Obama ads. Obama has been publicly accusing the Chamber of being sponsored by foreign corporations. The fact checking people found that a small part of the Chamber's funding does come from multinational and foreign countries with business inside the US. The Chamber says that they keep the foreign money separate from domestic somehow. But money is fungible, and merely keeping separate pools of funds only means that you add to one pool to free up money for another pool. But that's all academic, since the Chamber of Commerce doesn't have to disclose any of its finances. So there's no proof.
So the fact checking people asked the White House spokesman how he could make the charge that foreign companies are intervening in US politics, given that there is no proof. He said "Do you have any proof that they AREN'T?"
What kind of BS response is that? I will not pull my punches because he's not a Republican. No one is supposed to make a baseless accusation, and then back it up with more groundless fear-mongering. We endured eight years of a whole different set of morons in the White House and an election season that lasted two and a half years in order to get the same kind of arrogant BS?
*********************
The women in the office were discussing "Sex In The City 2". I never watched the first movie and only 2 minutes of the show - enough to know it was biased against my demographic. It was derogatory to men in the exact same way that gets women all riled up when a show demeans them. But women think that the rules of objectification don't apply to them. Anyway, the only man in that show that gets a place at the table is "Mr. Big". He's a handsome, rich executive who is also apparently well endowed. And even then, he's disrespected routinely by Sarah Jessica Parker (who only women think is hot).
Yet, I was the only one in the office who knew that his real name is "John".
On that note, though, I also am aware that the Skipper's real name is Jonas Barnaby, the Professor's was Roy Hinkley, and Gilligan's first name was Willy.
Wilma Slaghoople became Wilma Flintstone. Betty Rubble was born Betty Jean McBricker. But I did research on those.
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Taking back America, and Iron Man saves the Gulf of Mexico
Some rock guys at concerts hold the microphone out to the crowd and want you to sing it. That's pretty nervy of them not doing their job. Then they're never satisfied and always demand that you should shout it louder. Then they want you to clap to keep the beat so the drummer can hit the bathroom. Then comes the obligatory song complaining that life on the road is so tough. Those guys should be punched.
******************
I'm going to become a Tea Partier to restore America to its earliest principles. Back before "under God" was unconstitutionally inserted into the Pledge of Allegiance in the 50s. Back before women could vote (sorry, Sarah Palin, there goes your voter base). There should only be 13 states. What is it with these 37 wanna be's? That's not REAL America. And the kids today and their crazy hair! Don't they know the value of a well placed powdered wig? I'm sick of it! I want to take back the country that existed a century and a half before my birth!
*****************
I saw Iron Man 2 last night. Wildly impossible. Tony Stark saves the day because in 1974, his father (now dead) put something weird in a model of a proposed city of the future. Tony interpreted this message to mean "invent a new element". So he does - inside of 48 hours. Bad guy dies. Good thing that Iron Man's key to victory didn't involve something really hard like "invent a cure for the common cold". Because then he'd have been toast.
****************
New superhero: Ironicman!
He flies to the Gulf of Mexico to clean the BP spill. "Oil, oil everywhere, nor any drop to lubricate my joints!" Says he.
From a nearby ship: "You said it, Ironicman!"
"No, seriously, I'm rusting here."
Another voice from the ship: "He came to help, but he's the one who needs saving! How ironic!"
"Goin' down, guys!"
First voice from the ship: "He's a shiny spot in a sea of dull, black sludge! How ironic!"
Second voice: "No, that's merely juxtaposition of apparent opposites."
Ironicman: "Can't move, can't float!"
First voice: "So a black fly in chardonnay isn't irony?"
Second voice: "Not unless you're toasting the successful fumigation of your vinyard."
Ironicman: Blubb blubb...b
First and second voices: "Ha ha! That Ironicman!"
********************************
This Julia Roberts movie "Eat, Pray, Love" seems to get good reviews. The sequel is the tequilla thing "Lick, Chug, Suck". I'd actually be interested in a movie about chicks doing shots of Cuervo for 90 minutes.
No, on second thought, it'd probably turn out like an episode of "Jersey Shore".
******************
I'm going to become a Tea Partier to restore America to its earliest principles. Back before "under God" was unconstitutionally inserted into the Pledge of Allegiance in the 50s. Back before women could vote (sorry, Sarah Palin, there goes your voter base). There should only be 13 states. What is it with these 37 wanna be's? That's not REAL America. And the kids today and their crazy hair! Don't they know the value of a well placed powdered wig? I'm sick of it! I want to take back the country that existed a century and a half before my birth!
*****************
I saw Iron Man 2 last night. Wildly impossible. Tony Stark saves the day because in 1974, his father (now dead) put something weird in a model of a proposed city of the future. Tony interpreted this message to mean "invent a new element". So he does - inside of 48 hours. Bad guy dies. Good thing that Iron Man's key to victory didn't involve something really hard like "invent a cure for the common cold". Because then he'd have been toast.
****************
New superhero: Ironicman!
He flies to the Gulf of Mexico to clean the BP spill. "Oil, oil everywhere, nor any drop to lubricate my joints!" Says he.
From a nearby ship: "You said it, Ironicman!"
"No, seriously, I'm rusting here."
Another voice from the ship: "He came to help, but he's the one who needs saving! How ironic!"
"Goin' down, guys!"
First voice from the ship: "He's a shiny spot in a sea of dull, black sludge! How ironic!"
Second voice: "No, that's merely juxtaposition of apparent opposites."
Ironicman: "Can't move, can't float!"
First voice: "So a black fly in chardonnay isn't irony?"
Second voice: "Not unless you're toasting the successful fumigation of your vinyard."
Ironicman: Blubb blubb...b
First and second voices: "Ha ha! That Ironicman!"
********************************
This Julia Roberts movie "Eat, Pray, Love" seems to get good reviews. The sequel is the tequilla thing "Lick, Chug, Suck". I'd actually be interested in a movie about chicks doing shots of Cuervo for 90 minutes.
No, on second thought, it'd probably turn out like an episode of "Jersey Shore".
Monday, September 27, 2010
Garfield couldn't get elected dog catcher
Many people think Garfield is "loveable". I decided to model my behavior after him. I'll be sullen, lazy and openly contemptuous. My wildly undeserved ego will win me many friends at work. Being disrespectful and rude will open up my social prospects tremendously. I'll totally rock the "loveable" thing. Totally.
Actually, I already do most of that stuff and I couldn't get elected dog catcher in this town.
********
That's not a bad idea, really. I'm going to give up my quest to get on the local school board and I'll get elected dog catcher. With the school board, I'd eventually be called upon to say something about education, and it's a well known fact that learning stuff is un-sexy.
So I'm out campaigning to be elected dog catcher because really, when was the last time those guys actually patrolled neighborhoods in a van, armed with comical nets? I'll spend my work hours hanging with the milkman and the guy who tends the pay phones. We'll be facebook friends with the Maytag repair dude.
*********
Using the same threadbare tactic as the Republican "Contract with America" and various iterations since then, I'll lay out my "Pact of Political Partisanship".
If elected I will:
1. Find common ground with my political rivals - but I'll vote against them and spin it to my advantage.
2. Be willing to compromise - but relentlessly push my party's agenda anyway.
3. Salute the flag, and like, patriotic sounding stuff.
4. Fulfil your wildest fantasies and more.
5. My campaign manager said I should include something about dogs.
There ya have it. Sure fire methods for beating Theo Therguy in this merciless, no-holds-barred election.
Actually, I already do most of that stuff and I couldn't get elected dog catcher in this town.
********
That's not a bad idea, really. I'm going to give up my quest to get on the local school board and I'll get elected dog catcher. With the school board, I'd eventually be called upon to say something about education, and it's a well known fact that learning stuff is un-sexy.
So I'm out campaigning to be elected dog catcher because really, when was the last time those guys actually patrolled neighborhoods in a van, armed with comical nets? I'll spend my work hours hanging with the milkman and the guy who tends the pay phones. We'll be facebook friends with the Maytag repair dude.
*********
Using the same threadbare tactic as the Republican "Contract with America" and various iterations since then, I'll lay out my "Pact of Political Partisanship".
If elected I will:
1. Find common ground with my political rivals - but I'll vote against them and spin it to my advantage.
2. Be willing to compromise - but relentlessly push my party's agenda anyway.
3. Salute the flag, and like, patriotic sounding stuff.
4. Fulfil your wildest fantasies and more.
5. My campaign manager said I should include something about dogs.
There ya have it. Sure fire methods for beating Theo Therguy in this merciless, no-holds-barred election.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Kudos and boos to Republicans - but mostly boos.
Kudos to Reps for rightly tasking one of their own. Michael Steele demeaned the war effort in Afghanistan clearly because his nemesis supports it. Congressional conservatives have been whacking him as hard as they would if Steele had been a Dem. True, most of them are looking for a reason to fire Steele. But, y'know, that's like,... politics.
++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh's new wife is perfectly fine. Rush said of Al Gore that divorce effectively doubles your carbon footprint, so he's obviously getting married to halve his carbon output. Of course, leaving three ex-wives out there means that his footprint isn't really going to have that math, but he's a conservative where divorce, personal failing and pollution don't count.
I'm sure that she finds him a warm and caring sensitive individual and it has nothing to do with his money. I'm sure that he has finally found his lifelong companion and soul mate and had nothing to do with the fact that he's 59 and she's 33.
++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry that I have been off at blogging for so long as not to have had a lot to say about that entirely blog worthy oil spill.
At its height, Sarah Palin appeared on the O'Rielley (non) Factor. He said "You obviously disagree with how Obama handled the oil spill, what would you do?" After a deer-in-the-headlights moment or three: "Ask the Dutch. They ahve years of experience plugging dykes." Hilarious. Then she became adamant about someone not returning phone calls or something, though non-contact was a frequent complaint against her administration in Alaska.
+++++++++++++++++
The deep water oil exploration ban for new rigs is getting a ton of flak from Louisiana. Gov. Bobby Jindal said that it is killing thousands of jobs in his state. How many rigs are affected? 33. How many deep water rigs exist and are not affected? Three thousand.
Then there's all this talk about how oil companies will shift those jobs overseas. No. The oil is still sitting there in the Gulf. If Shell decides to drill off the coast of Asia instead of in the Gulf, that Gulf oil is still there. Those jobs WILL be there after the moratorim.
++++++++++++++++++++
And the cause for the spill, though undetermined, seems to have sprung from a culture where cutting corners was permitted. There hadn't been a major blowout in 30 years, so there won't ever be one again! That's the same logic as "Home prices never go down, so every house is a great investment!" Worked spectacularly well back then, too.
++++++
So who are all these idiots who say they're being forced to buy health insurance that they don't want? Are they the a$$holes who don't insure their cars, get into accidents, show up at the hospiatal and expect someone else to foot the bill?
++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh's new wife is perfectly fine. Rush said of Al Gore that divorce effectively doubles your carbon footprint, so he's obviously getting married to halve his carbon output. Of course, leaving three ex-wives out there means that his footprint isn't really going to have that math, but he's a conservative where divorce, personal failing and pollution don't count.
I'm sure that she finds him a warm and caring sensitive individual and it has nothing to do with his money. I'm sure that he has finally found his lifelong companion and soul mate and had nothing to do with the fact that he's 59 and she's 33.
++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry that I have been off at blogging for so long as not to have had a lot to say about that entirely blog worthy oil spill.
At its height, Sarah Palin appeared on the O'Rielley (non) Factor. He said "You obviously disagree with how Obama handled the oil spill, what would you do?" After a deer-in-the-headlights moment or three: "Ask the Dutch. They ahve years of experience plugging dykes." Hilarious. Then she became adamant about someone not returning phone calls or something, though non-contact was a frequent complaint against her administration in Alaska.
+++++++++++++++++
The deep water oil exploration ban for new rigs is getting a ton of flak from Louisiana. Gov. Bobby Jindal said that it is killing thousands of jobs in his state. How many rigs are affected? 33. How many deep water rigs exist and are not affected? Three thousand.
Then there's all this talk about how oil companies will shift those jobs overseas. No. The oil is still sitting there in the Gulf. If Shell decides to drill off the coast of Asia instead of in the Gulf, that Gulf oil is still there. Those jobs WILL be there after the moratorim.
++++++++++++++++++++
And the cause for the spill, though undetermined, seems to have sprung from a culture where cutting corners was permitted. There hadn't been a major blowout in 30 years, so there won't ever be one again! That's the same logic as "Home prices never go down, so every house is a great investment!" Worked spectacularly well back then, too.
++++++
So who are all these idiots who say they're being forced to buy health insurance that they don't want? Are they the a$$holes who don't insure their cars, get into accidents, show up at the hospiatal and expect someone else to foot the bill?
ONE fanatic backs down - and I stand amazed.
Reverend Jones in Florida wanted to burn a stack of Korans (he kept spelling them with a "Qu" just to confuse the issue). He DIDN'T because the Muslim Imam asked "What would Jesus do?"
Wow, that's right. Jesus would NOT light sacred books on fire. Although Jesus predates the Koran, he was aware of fire, and did not ignite any other sacred texts, Roman, Greek, Hindu or otherwise that did not concur with his teaching.
The Islamic world, to display their true compassionate and tolerant nature, will continue to target all Americans as co-conspirators in this non-burning of their spiritual text, although it has been actively denounced in straighforward language by almost every conservative outlet imaginable, including my own church this very afternoon.
A related issue = why did the media elevate this one guy with a congregation of 50 - and dropping - to world-wide headline status?
Wow, that's right. Jesus would NOT light sacred books on fire. Although Jesus predates the Koran, he was aware of fire, and did not ignite any other sacred texts, Roman, Greek, Hindu or otherwise that did not concur with his teaching.
The Islamic world, to display their true compassionate and tolerant nature, will continue to target all Americans as co-conspirators in this non-burning of their spiritual text, although it has been actively denounced in straighforward language by almost every conservative outlet imaginable, including my own church this very afternoon.
A related issue = why did the media elevate this one guy with a congregation of 50 - and dropping - to world-wide headline status?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I call BS on McConnell
Yeah, this is going to be another political diatribe.
Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee looks like she's in. Much to the chagrin of master game player Mitch McConnell. There have been hundreds of appellate court judgeships open - and to be fair, this situation has existed from some time in the Clinton era and probably a long time prior.
Anyway, two senators from opposite sides of the aisle appealed to their bretheren to call a vote on two in particular for their state. One prospective judge was unanimously approved by the Judicial Committee and one was approved 18-1. Mitch McConnell said that he was not going to allow a vote to confirm them because Obama used the recess appointment rule to put some non-judges to work in completely unrelated matters.
Reagan and both Bushes used recess appointments heavily and this practice never bothered McConnell. But he did seem very upset about 4 years ago when the Democrats were in the minority and were holding up several prospective justices that were not nearly as well received as these currently up. I believe the rallying cry was "Up or down vote! Up or down vote!" Shoe's turned the opposite table now, eh, Mr. McConnell?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The pro-choice groups are upset because Obama promised not to allow federal funds to be used for abortions in the new program for high risk individuals that can't get insurance elsewhere. He's making good on that promise. But that doesn't give him the slightest headway with the anti-choice crowd. They hate Obama no matter what he does. When he caves in to their pressure, they win because the law ban abortions. Not content with that victory, they also say that the law actually permits abortions to get more contributions. The conservatives get away with blatantly false lies and Obama gets slammed from both sides.
It's amazing to me how much he gets beaten on no matter what he does. He delays sending troops to Afghanistan - and the Republicans are all over him. He sends troops, and they complain that the deficit is too high. Republicans complain about big government but then complain that Obama didn't do enough big government things to mitigate the oil spill. So he imposes a drilling moratorium. But then that's government interference again. I feel bad for his chances in 2012.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was thinking that if Palin does win the Rep nomination in 2 years, Obama has a good shot at a second term no matter how beaten he looks today.
I saw Palin's "Mama Grizzly" video with an industrial strength barf-bag at the ready. Since she's not officially running for anything, it's really akin to the self indulgent me-fest like Lebron James, except mercifully briefer.
Despite is shorter run time, she still manages to call herself a grizzly, a pink elephant and a pit bull. I gathered that it was some sort of bizarre Chimera-beast personna, but it's adamantly female. In her virtually content-free rant, she uses the grizzly as a metaphor because mama grizzlies "know when something is wrong". This apparently substitutes for meaningful policy discourse in the Palin household.
Mama grizzlies are also notorious for attacking innocent hikers that pose no threat. She also points out that mother grizzlies "rear up on their hind legs". But she's not a skilled enough hunter to know that you shoot a bear when it rears up, because then it's most vulnerable. She's also not literate enough to know that most Democrats have been walking on two legs for three million years. Nor does she get that the "pink elephant" is code for hallucinations experienced in delerium tremens resulting from severe alcohol withdrawal.
... and a female pit bull is still a bitch.
Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee looks like she's in. Much to the chagrin of master game player Mitch McConnell. There have been hundreds of appellate court judgeships open - and to be fair, this situation has existed from some time in the Clinton era and probably a long time prior.
Anyway, two senators from opposite sides of the aisle appealed to their bretheren to call a vote on two in particular for their state. One prospective judge was unanimously approved by the Judicial Committee and one was approved 18-1. Mitch McConnell said that he was not going to allow a vote to confirm them because Obama used the recess appointment rule to put some non-judges to work in completely unrelated matters.
Reagan and both Bushes used recess appointments heavily and this practice never bothered McConnell. But he did seem very upset about 4 years ago when the Democrats were in the minority and were holding up several prospective justices that were not nearly as well received as these currently up. I believe the rallying cry was "Up or down vote! Up or down vote!" Shoe's turned the opposite table now, eh, Mr. McConnell?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The pro-choice groups are upset because Obama promised not to allow federal funds to be used for abortions in the new program for high risk individuals that can't get insurance elsewhere. He's making good on that promise. But that doesn't give him the slightest headway with the anti-choice crowd. They hate Obama no matter what he does. When he caves in to their pressure, they win because the law ban abortions. Not content with that victory, they also say that the law actually permits abortions to get more contributions. The conservatives get away with blatantly false lies and Obama gets slammed from both sides.
It's amazing to me how much he gets beaten on no matter what he does. He delays sending troops to Afghanistan - and the Republicans are all over him. He sends troops, and they complain that the deficit is too high. Republicans complain about big government but then complain that Obama didn't do enough big government things to mitigate the oil spill. So he imposes a drilling moratorium. But then that's government interference again. I feel bad for his chances in 2012.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was thinking that if Palin does win the Rep nomination in 2 years, Obama has a good shot at a second term no matter how beaten he looks today.
I saw Palin's "Mama Grizzly" video with an industrial strength barf-bag at the ready. Since she's not officially running for anything, it's really akin to the self indulgent me-fest like Lebron James, except mercifully briefer.
Despite is shorter run time, she still manages to call herself a grizzly, a pink elephant and a pit bull. I gathered that it was some sort of bizarre Chimera-beast personna, but it's adamantly female. In her virtually content-free rant, she uses the grizzly as a metaphor because mama grizzlies "know when something is wrong". This apparently substitutes for meaningful policy discourse in the Palin household.
Mama grizzlies are also notorious for attacking innocent hikers that pose no threat. She also points out that mother grizzlies "rear up on their hind legs". But she's not a skilled enough hunter to know that you shoot a bear when it rears up, because then it's most vulnerable. She's also not literate enough to know that most Democrats have been walking on two legs for three million years. Nor does she get that the "pink elephant" is code for hallucinations experienced in delerium tremens resulting from severe alcohol withdrawal.
... and a female pit bull is still a bitch.
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Marmaduke movie is the sign of the apocalypse.
Temperature is a very silent factor when you run. When it is comfortable before you start, that means that it will be too hot when you’re a few miles in. It should be a little cold. 50-60 F is the optimum temperature range for running. That seems cold to me, but my experience is right in line.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Politics, from the national to international to the local to the theoretical
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
++++++++++++++
The few times that I’ve listened to idiots like Rush and Sean, they take an almost innocuous statement and twist some evil meaning to it. Let’s try this at home:
Obama: The United States needs to actively engage in the peace process between Netanyahu and Mahmud Abbas.
Hannity: See, using the word “engage” in connection with the two men is obviously liberal code for “promote gay marriage internationally”. It’s a Trojan Horse.
Limbaugh: Folks, he’s connecting the United States’ great name to this abomination.
Hannity: Disgusting!
+++++++++
Democracy is overrated. At least in other countries. Singapore and Saudi Arabia are dictatorships, but they are friendly dictatorships to us and to their people. China, isn’t free, but they’re better to their people than some democracies. Iran went from a dictatorship that like the US to a democracy that hates the US. Palestine elected terrorists to government. They’re not thanking the US for the chance to vote. South and Central America have produced a new generation of democratically elected leaders who are not friendly to the interests of the United States.
I know I’m supposed to care if people around the world are truly free, but I can’t get that worked up about it. I hate what is happening in North Korea or Myanmar, but the quasi-free states are so numerous and vast that you could never get around to fixing them all.
++++++++++++
Kentucky has the longest river named after a state to be completely contained within that state. Yes, the longest south-to-north flowing river to be named after a state and contained within that state while flowing through the capitol of that state is right here in Kentucky. Get your camera ready.
Our tourism industry revolves around horses. The state motto is “Unbridled Spirit”, and horse logos abound. I thought “Unbridled Spirit” was too subtle. I would have nominated “Hey, Everybody, We’ve Got HORSES Over Here!” If that doesn’t immediately attract a dozen or two biotech firms to locate in-state, nothing will.
We have the largest floral clock right here in Frankfort, KY (by weight and volume). Verifiable, accurate, objective evidence. We don’t just go making up stuff like you big city egocentric big shots. “Come to see the Secretariat’s Grave! Stay for the favorable corporate tax rates!”
Maybe what turns off high tech is our enthusiastic corn holing. Every BBQ that I go to, there’s a couple of corn holers going at it. They have corn hole groups and teams and leagues here in KY. When the summer comes around, everyone loves to get out the corn hole equipment. If you don’t think that’s the reason, Google “cornholing” with your safe search turned off.
If I wanted to push it, I’d also mention that KY is the kind of lubricant used in the dirtier interpretation of “corn hole”. And, did you know that you can’t spell “Kentucky” without c, u, n and t. But, what do you expect from a state that has a park named “Big Bone Lick”? Or is that a stretch for a punchline?
Republicans argue against gambling at racetracks are religious zealots backed by Indian reservations. Their argument is that Kentucky families will gamble away their life savings one quarter at a time. I find that really difficult to swallow, since just a few feet away, you can gamble it away on the horses thousands of dollars at a time. It’s like legalizing heroin, but then banning tobacco, citing health concerns. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a sin. Tax the holy hell out of them and reduce the burden for us pious folk.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
++++++++++++++
The few times that I’ve listened to idiots like Rush and Sean, they take an almost innocuous statement and twist some evil meaning to it. Let’s try this at home:
Obama: The United States needs to actively engage in the peace process between Netanyahu and Mahmud Abbas.
Hannity: See, using the word “engage” in connection with the two men is obviously liberal code for “promote gay marriage internationally”. It’s a Trojan Horse.
Limbaugh: Folks, he’s connecting the United States’ great name to this abomination.
Hannity: Disgusting!
+++++++++
Democracy is overrated. At least in other countries. Singapore and Saudi Arabia are dictatorships, but they are friendly dictatorships to us and to their people. China, isn’t free, but they’re better to their people than some democracies. Iran went from a dictatorship that like the US to a democracy that hates the US. Palestine elected terrorists to government. They’re not thanking the US for the chance to vote. South and Central America have produced a new generation of democratically elected leaders who are not friendly to the interests of the United States.
I know I’m supposed to care if people around the world are truly free, but I can’t get that worked up about it. I hate what is happening in North Korea or Myanmar, but the quasi-free states are so numerous and vast that you could never get around to fixing them all.
++++++++++++
Kentucky has the longest river named after a state to be completely contained within that state. Yes, the longest south-to-north flowing river to be named after a state and contained within that state while flowing through the capitol of that state is right here in Kentucky. Get your camera ready.
Our tourism industry revolves around horses. The state motto is “Unbridled Spirit”, and horse logos abound. I thought “Unbridled Spirit” was too subtle. I would have nominated “Hey, Everybody, We’ve Got HORSES Over Here!” If that doesn’t immediately attract a dozen or two biotech firms to locate in-state, nothing will.
We have the largest floral clock right here in Frankfort, KY (by weight and volume). Verifiable, accurate, objective evidence. We don’t just go making up stuff like you big city egocentric big shots. “Come to see the Secretariat’s Grave! Stay for the favorable corporate tax rates!”
Maybe what turns off high tech is our enthusiastic corn holing. Every BBQ that I go to, there’s a couple of corn holers going at it. They have corn hole groups and teams and leagues here in KY. When the summer comes around, everyone loves to get out the corn hole equipment. If you don’t think that’s the reason, Google “cornholing” with your safe search turned off.
If I wanted to push it, I’d also mention that KY is the kind of lubricant used in the dirtier interpretation of “corn hole”. And, did you know that you can’t spell “Kentucky” without c, u, n and t. But, what do you expect from a state that has a park named “Big Bone Lick”? Or is that a stretch for a punchline?
Republicans argue against gambling at racetracks are religious zealots backed by Indian reservations. Their argument is that Kentucky families will gamble away their life savings one quarter at a time. I find that really difficult to swallow, since just a few feet away, you can gamble it away on the horses thousands of dollars at a time. It’s like legalizing heroin, but then banning tobacco, citing health concerns. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a sin. Tax the holy hell out of them and reduce the burden for us pious folk.
Friday, July 2, 2010
A blog without Comic Sans MS font
I’ve read that there’s a recent backlash to using Comic Sans MS font. The article said that the creator of the font has been “alternately amused and mortified” seeing his font used on everything from business email to funeral notices. He also said that neither the lovers nor haters understand typography. “They should get another hobby.”
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
Cause and effect: To cure all ailments, wear clothes of various colors.
People in the south tend to say that they couldn’t possibly live in the north because the cold would keep them indoors, and they love the outdoors. Yet, in the heat of the summer, I hear “Oh my gosh it’s so hot out there” when it’s only in the 80s. Make up your minds – or move to California where it’s sunny and 72 year round.
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Look 100% sexier in 7 minutes! Ha ha, made you look.
Giuliani is against cutting extravagant corporate salaries and lavish expense accounts on Wall Street, because he feels that without such things, the restaurant and entertainment industry will suffer. Using the same logic, we should legalize prostitution, because all the law enforcement is really making it hard out here to be a pimp. I dispute that dropping a CEO pay package to $400K per year will force poverty stricken CEOs to brown bag it to work (like I do every day).
If it doesn’t directly relate to 9/11, Giuliani’s really out of his depth.
+++++++++++++++++
Rather than pay CEOs outrageous sums of money, I say let them go. I’d like to see a bright, ambitious up & comer take the reigns of a flailing Fortune 500 and turn it around. That would shake the foundations of this CEO class that’s been generated over the past several decades. What, no one else can ruin a company but them? “Yes, I lost a dollar last quarter for every man, woman and child on the planet. But if anyone else did the job, it would have been a dollar and a half!” They’ve got General McClellan’s ambition and Homer Simpson’s abilities. Since General McClellan was incompetent, I suppose they could also have McClellan’s ambition and abilities, but throwing Homer in the punch line never gets old.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Homer Simpson!
See? Instant comedy gold.
+++++++++++++++++
I again perused the women’s magazine suckfest tossed about on the table in the break room. I enjoy reading the great works of journalistic integrity and monumental world consequence such as the cover story “Look 100% Sexier in 7 Minutes! (p. 148)” I hurried to page 148. To get 100% sexier, you apparently put on makeup. There were a few pages of faces of attractive but not noteworthy women’s faces, with a makeup product or two detailing how to achieve that “look”. You must purchase 3 products to get the “Natural Look” and also 3 for the “Sexy Look” – but keep your eyes half open for that “sexy” effect. The “Natural Look” is most definitely not the “no-makeup look”. No sane woman would want that. The “Natural Look” is “no makeup needed”. I did not spend the required 7 minutes, only 2. My food finished in the microwave and I left. So my sexiness went up only 30%. Oh well.
I miss the late 80’s Cosmo mags with their cover stories on 500 ways to have round-the-clock-cream-in-your-pants screaming orgasms; clothing tips like build-your-own push-up bra (years before it was sold in stores); makeup tips like putting glitter on your now overexposed cleavage; relationship quizzes that would call you a prude if you’re on the second date and you’re still not halfway through the Kama Sutra, and a recipe on how to make good raspberry vinaigrette.
Cosmo still has articles on vinaigrette. All the rest, sadly, is so 80s.
++++++++++++++++++
If you want to win an Oscar, start out by raking a billion dollars in at the box office, and the rest just comes naturally.
++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a Robert Ludlum book about a spy-guy who has all these false memories and keeps trying to find out who he really is. For example, he clearly remembers going to college for four years, but they don’t have any record for him. I was thinking “Ok, dude, get over it, you’re in the Twilight Zone, that’s all.” But instead, he goes through some kind of mental anguish.
Back in real life, I spent all morning looking for a file that I distinctly remember creating last fall that seems to have vanished. I’m looking everywhere. Dead end after dead end. But I manifestly remember doing it. I just don’t know who I am anymore!!
Oh, and the amnesiac in the Ludlum book is not Jason Bourne.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bart Simpson was supposedly an out-of-wedlock conception that happened right out of high school. Since Bart is eternally 10 years old, wouldn’t that make Marge and Homer eternally 28? Chrome dome at 28??
If it doesn’t directly relate to 9/11, Giuliani’s really out of his depth.
+++++++++++++++++
Rather than pay CEOs outrageous sums of money, I say let them go. I’d like to see a bright, ambitious up & comer take the reigns of a flailing Fortune 500 and turn it around. That would shake the foundations of this CEO class that’s been generated over the past several decades. What, no one else can ruin a company but them? “Yes, I lost a dollar last quarter for every man, woman and child on the planet. But if anyone else did the job, it would have been a dollar and a half!” They’ve got General McClellan’s ambition and Homer Simpson’s abilities. Since General McClellan was incompetent, I suppose they could also have McClellan’s ambition and abilities, but throwing Homer in the punch line never gets old.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Homer Simpson!
See? Instant comedy gold.
+++++++++++++++++
I again perused the women’s magazine suckfest tossed about on the table in the break room. I enjoy reading the great works of journalistic integrity and monumental world consequence such as the cover story “Look 100% Sexier in 7 Minutes! (p. 148)” I hurried to page 148. To get 100% sexier, you apparently put on makeup. There were a few pages of faces of attractive but not noteworthy women’s faces, with a makeup product or two detailing how to achieve that “look”. You must purchase 3 products to get the “Natural Look” and also 3 for the “Sexy Look” – but keep your eyes half open for that “sexy” effect. The “Natural Look” is most definitely not the “no-makeup look”. No sane woman would want that. The “Natural Look” is “no makeup needed”. I did not spend the required 7 minutes, only 2. My food finished in the microwave and I left. So my sexiness went up only 30%. Oh well.
I miss the late 80’s Cosmo mags with their cover stories on 500 ways to have round-the-clock-cream-in-your-pants screaming orgasms; clothing tips like build-your-own push-up bra (years before it was sold in stores); makeup tips like putting glitter on your now overexposed cleavage; relationship quizzes that would call you a prude if you’re on the second date and you’re still not halfway through the Kama Sutra, and a recipe on how to make good raspberry vinaigrette.
Cosmo still has articles on vinaigrette. All the rest, sadly, is so 80s.
++++++++++++++++++
If you want to win an Oscar, start out by raking a billion dollars in at the box office, and the rest just comes naturally.
++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a Robert Ludlum book about a spy-guy who has all these false memories and keeps trying to find out who he really is. For example, he clearly remembers going to college for four years, but they don’t have any record for him. I was thinking “Ok, dude, get over it, you’re in the Twilight Zone, that’s all.” But instead, he goes through some kind of mental anguish.
Back in real life, I spent all morning looking for a file that I distinctly remember creating last fall that seems to have vanished. I’m looking everywhere. Dead end after dead end. But I manifestly remember doing it. I just don’t know who I am anymore!!
Oh, and the amnesiac in the Ludlum book is not Jason Bourne.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bart Simpson was supposedly an out-of-wedlock conception that happened right out of high school. Since Bart is eternally 10 years old, wouldn’t that make Marge and Homer eternally 28? Chrome dome at 28??
Friday, June 25, 2010
The saga of Ben and Jen, plus a menagerie of brain snacks
I just read a dumpy tabloid. I really had no idea that Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck were still together. I had to check the dates. Yeah, it was a current magazine.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
A hodge podge of complaints
So I watched a Youtube video called “Governor Beshear Speech” (he’s Gov of KY). It was the Governor speaking at the State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What? Here’s the thing: The senate president sits behind the governor. Republican David Williams (partisan hack) was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. In contrast, the Governor appeared pretty sharp. The video was five minutes, but it transitioned several times so the actual nap could have been much longer. Nighty night, Dave! It was hysterical.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh yeah, and on local elections – I was at a festival, and Mitch McConnell was in the parade. His aides were putting stickers on every living carbon based life form that couldn’t stay farther than arm’s reach. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” McDonald’s? How many people took the sticker and then said “Gee, I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ran 5444 miles during 2008 and 2009. At one point in 09, I had over 3000 miles over 365 days. I don’t have any comment to accompany these stats, I’m just bragging. Aren’t I just so totally, cosmically, friggin’ awesome?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have read several times about this petition by “31,072 scientists” that believe that global warming is a hoax. There aren’t that may environmental scientists in the world. A right wing tactic is to refute a solid issue by the most spurious of claims, and then clamor for equal attention as the problem itself gets. They did it with the link between smoking and cancer. Is there a definitive, 100% proven causal link? No. In the conservative mind, that means there is no link. But science isn’t like that. Newton identified the laws of gravity and motion, but could not possibly have provided scientific study on what gravity is or how it acts on two bodies separated by millions of miles. The Republican view? There is no gravity. The media is liberally pro-gravity biased to support the biggest hoax of the 17th Century.
The same conservatives that say that the Earth is not warming point out that there are signs that Mars and Jupiter are also warming. It’s one or the other, folks. The Earth is warming along with Mars and Jupiter, or the Earth is not warming.
Conservatives also cite that 40 years ago, scientists were worried about global cooling. Since they’ve changed their minds, all statements by all scientists are worthless. Except the 31,072 that agree with them.
+++++++
I read that Philadelphia is making plans for a huge Darwin exhibit. But I have a book that says the world was created in 7 days, and as long as I cite my source, I am right and you are wrong. All those different varieties of the hominid genus are really all just misshapen sinners that God killed off in the great flood. Why do you guys hate America so much?
++++++++++++++++++++++
All these people who bought SUVs are just stupid. Gas hasn’t been “cheap” since 2000. All these nuts were talking about Bush wanted to get into Iraq for cheap oil. No, you dolts, oil men want expensive oil. But anyway, all the SUV owners are acting like they are suddenly taken by surprise, and it must be somebody else’s fault.
Reps: We don’t want to bail out the home owners that made bad decisions.
Reps, take #2: Ack! Do you know what it costs to fill the tank on my Escalade? Bail me out! Bail me out!
++++++++++++++++++++
I recall about 12 years ago when gas was cheap and the Big Three were awash in healthy profits. There was a proposal in congress to raise the mileage requirements. Instead of spending money on meeting that goal, they spent a ton of money on lobbyists to fight it. It died. Detroit won. There was much celebration. They sacrificed an electric car to the God of Inaction.
Fast forward to today, and what do you have? Inferior, overpriced gas guzzlers. If they had reacted back then when they had the ability, they wouldn’t be fighting for air right now when things are tough.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh yeah, and on local elections – I was at a festival, and Mitch McConnell was in the parade. His aides were putting stickers on every living carbon based life form that couldn’t stay farther than arm’s reach. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” McDonald’s? How many people took the sticker and then said “Gee, I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ran 5444 miles during 2008 and 2009. At one point in 09, I had over 3000 miles over 365 days. I don’t have any comment to accompany these stats, I’m just bragging. Aren’t I just so totally, cosmically, friggin’ awesome?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have read several times about this petition by “31,072 scientists” that believe that global warming is a hoax. There aren’t that may environmental scientists in the world. A right wing tactic is to refute a solid issue by the most spurious of claims, and then clamor for equal attention as the problem itself gets. They did it with the link between smoking and cancer. Is there a definitive, 100% proven causal link? No. In the conservative mind, that means there is no link. But science isn’t like that. Newton identified the laws of gravity and motion, but could not possibly have provided scientific study on what gravity is or how it acts on two bodies separated by millions of miles. The Republican view? There is no gravity. The media is liberally pro-gravity biased to support the biggest hoax of the 17th Century.
The same conservatives that say that the Earth is not warming point out that there are signs that Mars and Jupiter are also warming. It’s one or the other, folks. The Earth is warming along with Mars and Jupiter, or the Earth is not warming.
Conservatives also cite that 40 years ago, scientists were worried about global cooling. Since they’ve changed their minds, all statements by all scientists are worthless. Except the 31,072 that agree with them.
+++++++
I read that Philadelphia is making plans for a huge Darwin exhibit. But I have a book that says the world was created in 7 days, and as long as I cite my source, I am right and you are wrong. All those different varieties of the hominid genus are really all just misshapen sinners that God killed off in the great flood. Why do you guys hate America so much?
++++++++++++++++++++++
All these people who bought SUVs are just stupid. Gas hasn’t been “cheap” since 2000. All these nuts were talking about Bush wanted to get into Iraq for cheap oil. No, you dolts, oil men want expensive oil. But anyway, all the SUV owners are acting like they are suddenly taken by surprise, and it must be somebody else’s fault.
Reps: We don’t want to bail out the home owners that made bad decisions.
Reps, take #2: Ack! Do you know what it costs to fill the tank on my Escalade? Bail me out! Bail me out!
++++++++++++++++++++
I recall about 12 years ago when gas was cheap and the Big Three were awash in healthy profits. There was a proposal in congress to raise the mileage requirements. Instead of spending money on meeting that goal, they spent a ton of money on lobbyists to fight it. It died. Detroit won. There was much celebration. They sacrificed an electric car to the God of Inaction.
Fast forward to today, and what do you have? Inferior, overpriced gas guzzlers. If they had reacted back then when they had the ability, they wouldn’t be fighting for air right now when things are tough.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Lots and lots of Republican crapola
Conservatives are trying to stop abortions by excluding them from any government sponsored plan. Cosmetic surgery has long since been excluded from insurance plans but that industry outstripped the rest of the medical industry in terms of availability and cost. I’d say that this is yet another area that the Reps are leading to a long term counterproductive unintended consequence.
+++++++++++++++++
If you think that Obama at times is opaque; and you don’t know what he’s thinking, you should ask Rush Limbaugh. Rush The All Knowing can peer into the heart and mind of any Democrat and immediately discern his or her inner dialogue.
Obama: While campaigning in Florida, I tasted some of the best freshly squeezed orange juice that I’ve ever had.
Rush: See? He hates California!
Obama: I said “some of the best”.
Rush: He’s waffling!
Obama: Can’t I say that I like a glass of orange juice?
Rush: What he means, folks, is that he likes orange juice more than he loves this country. He hates America and himself! I hope they both fail.
See, the man clearly has claravoyant prowess beyond mortal human beings!
+++++++++++++++
I love the Reps solution to the financial crisis: Eliminate the capital gains tax. Do they not understand that failing banks have no capital gains?
You should also call in the Republicans when there is a gay couple who wants to live together and fornicate. They won’t stop the gay people from living together and fornicating, but they’ll make you feel all warm and virtuous inside by reminding you that you’re going to heaven and those gay people aren’t.
So would the Republicans cheer if a pregnant 17 year old didn’t get an abortion, but gave the baby to a gay couple? Is abortion worse than abomination?
++++++++++++
Arguably, the $700 billion bailout is de facto socialism and has been brought to America while Obama was still only a senator, and it wasn’t his plan, or even the plan of his party.
++++++++++++++++++
New etiquette of the modern age: I got an email from someone with a smiley face at the bottom. Later, she wrote back and apologized. She said that she was upset when she wrote the letter. But – but – there was the smiley… She lied to me in emoticon!
The strange thing is that I just got another email from her that thanked me for help with something else – but it had a frowny face. I know I won’t get sleep tonight while thinking this one through.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I saw this YouTube video innocuously titled “Governor Beshear Speech”. It was the Governor’s State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What the hell? Then I got it. Like the National State of the Union, the Senate leader sits behind the Governor. Republican Senate President David Williams was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. The Governor appeared pretty sharp and animated, for a nice contrast. Nighty night, Dave, you worthless, partisan hack!
+++++++++++++++++
I was at a festival, and KY senator Mitch McConnell was in the parade. Oh, joy. His aides were pushing McConnell stickers on every living carbon based life form within eyesight. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” But when I looked, it said “McConnell”. So was this a case of having complete idiots on your staff, or was it another Republican lie? How many people took the sticker and then said “I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++
Congress used to be all about passing bills. Now it’s all posturing. It doesn’t help when the Reps vote in a leader like McConnell, a manipulative game player. The Dems elected Pelosi, who throws cheap shots every time she speaks. Bickering, partisan, sniping cynicism. The point is that people have to stop electing hacks and power brokers. It’s something the public says that they want, but they don’t follow through. Congress has something like a 10-15% approval rating because they play these types of games.
+++++++++++++++++++++
22 million emails from the Bush administration have suddenly reappeared. How odd. The former administration officials are saying that they were always available. Those that were actually seeking those emails say otherwise. I’m on the information seekers’ side, because the Bushies stated a few years ago that there was some sort of techno-accident that somehow “erased” all this information but it was in no way done intentionally. Of course not. No. Not the Bushies.
I know it’s just 1s and 0s and it can be stored on a drive the size of my hand, but still, 22 million emails? How do you lose that many? How do you deny it later?
+++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I find the recent moral indignation of the right wing very troubling. They’re jubilant over the fact that the United States is going to hell because they want to take control of the government. Yeah, and the last time that happened, it was such a rousing success.
The conservatives are at the peak of unbridled hypocrisy. They’re using all the same tactics that they complained that the liberals used only six years ago. They aren’t defending the President simply because he’s the President. They’re cheering bad news because they want failure. They don’t have a coherent strategy of what to do if they were elected.
Another variation on the hypocrisy is that they want to send troops to Iran, keep them in Iraq and add even more to Afghanistan. But then they want to abolish taxes to pay for it. And balance the budget. They want to increase jobs, but they deride the bailout which kept jobs that depend on auto manufacturing, finance, education and other government work. They’re blathering about the 10th Amendment and state’s rights, but they have a big problem every time a state decides to allow gay marriage or enact gun control laws. They’re all celebrating some conservative meeting at George Washington’s home, to represent that they’re returning to the roots of American heritage, but then claim that this is the modern, post-9/11 world and we need more military tribunals.
Yes, very ironic to think that if the original Tea Party participants in 1773 were caught, they would have faced a military tribunal instead of a civilian one, and they probably would have been hanged as a result.
If Cheney thought that more troops were warranted in Afghanistan, maybe he could have said so a year sooner, or eight years sooner, whatever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Obama is right in that the partisan BS is not helpful. He’s at least trying to rise above it. But instead of simply pointing out the flaws in the health care bill, someone like Mitt Romney bangs on the lectern and accuses Obama of trying to destroy American principles.
There’s nothing in the Constitution barring socialism. There are provisions that bar illegal search and seizure that Bush pretty much ignored. There are military regulations that ban torture. The Geneva Convention is applicable as well. Although it is unwritten, I don’t expect that the American people would consider dishonesty and gross incompetence to be in our core principles, either.
+++++++++++++++++
If you think that Obama at times is opaque; and you don’t know what he’s thinking, you should ask Rush Limbaugh. Rush The All Knowing can peer into the heart and mind of any Democrat and immediately discern his or her inner dialogue.
Obama: While campaigning in Florida, I tasted some of the best freshly squeezed orange juice that I’ve ever had.
Rush: See? He hates California!
Obama: I said “some of the best”.
Rush: He’s waffling!
Obama: Can’t I say that I like a glass of orange juice?
Rush: What he means, folks, is that he likes orange juice more than he loves this country. He hates America and himself! I hope they both fail.
See, the man clearly has claravoyant prowess beyond mortal human beings!
+++++++++++++++
I love the Reps solution to the financial crisis: Eliminate the capital gains tax. Do they not understand that failing banks have no capital gains?
You should also call in the Republicans when there is a gay couple who wants to live together and fornicate. They won’t stop the gay people from living together and fornicating, but they’ll make you feel all warm and virtuous inside by reminding you that you’re going to heaven and those gay people aren’t.
So would the Republicans cheer if a pregnant 17 year old didn’t get an abortion, but gave the baby to a gay couple? Is abortion worse than abomination?
++++++++++++
Arguably, the $700 billion bailout is de facto socialism and has been brought to America while Obama was still only a senator, and it wasn’t his plan, or even the plan of his party.
++++++++++++++++++
New etiquette of the modern age: I got an email from someone with a smiley face at the bottom. Later, she wrote back and apologized. She said that she was upset when she wrote the letter. But – but – there was the smiley… She lied to me in emoticon!
The strange thing is that I just got another email from her that thanked me for help with something else – but it had a frowny face. I know I won’t get sleep tonight while thinking this one through.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I saw this YouTube video innocuously titled “Governor Beshear Speech”. It was the Governor’s State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What the hell? Then I got it. Like the National State of the Union, the Senate leader sits behind the Governor. Republican Senate President David Williams was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. The Governor appeared pretty sharp and animated, for a nice contrast. Nighty night, Dave, you worthless, partisan hack!
+++++++++++++++++
I was at a festival, and KY senator Mitch McConnell was in the parade. Oh, joy. His aides were pushing McConnell stickers on every living carbon based life form within eyesight. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” But when I looked, it said “McConnell”. So was this a case of having complete idiots on your staff, or was it another Republican lie? How many people took the sticker and then said “I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++
Congress used to be all about passing bills. Now it’s all posturing. It doesn’t help when the Reps vote in a leader like McConnell, a manipulative game player. The Dems elected Pelosi, who throws cheap shots every time she speaks. Bickering, partisan, sniping cynicism. The point is that people have to stop electing hacks and power brokers. It’s something the public says that they want, but they don’t follow through. Congress has something like a 10-15% approval rating because they play these types of games.
+++++++++++++++++++++
22 million emails from the Bush administration have suddenly reappeared. How odd. The former administration officials are saying that they were always available. Those that were actually seeking those emails say otherwise. I’m on the information seekers’ side, because the Bushies stated a few years ago that there was some sort of techno-accident that somehow “erased” all this information but it was in no way done intentionally. Of course not. No. Not the Bushies.
I know it’s just 1s and 0s and it can be stored on a drive the size of my hand, but still, 22 million emails? How do you lose that many? How do you deny it later?
+++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I find the recent moral indignation of the right wing very troubling. They’re jubilant over the fact that the United States is going to hell because they want to take control of the government. Yeah, and the last time that happened, it was such a rousing success.
The conservatives are at the peak of unbridled hypocrisy. They’re using all the same tactics that they complained that the liberals used only six years ago. They aren’t defending the President simply because he’s the President. They’re cheering bad news because they want failure. They don’t have a coherent strategy of what to do if they were elected.
Another variation on the hypocrisy is that they want to send troops to Iran, keep them in Iraq and add even more to Afghanistan. But then they want to abolish taxes to pay for it. And balance the budget. They want to increase jobs, but they deride the bailout which kept jobs that depend on auto manufacturing, finance, education and other government work. They’re blathering about the 10th Amendment and state’s rights, but they have a big problem every time a state decides to allow gay marriage or enact gun control laws. They’re all celebrating some conservative meeting at George Washington’s home, to represent that they’re returning to the roots of American heritage, but then claim that this is the modern, post-9/11 world and we need more military tribunals.
Yes, very ironic to think that if the original Tea Party participants in 1773 were caught, they would have faced a military tribunal instead of a civilian one, and they probably would have been hanged as a result.
If Cheney thought that more troops were warranted in Afghanistan, maybe he could have said so a year sooner, or eight years sooner, whatever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Obama is right in that the partisan BS is not helpful. He’s at least trying to rise above it. But instead of simply pointing out the flaws in the health care bill, someone like Mitt Romney bangs on the lectern and accuses Obama of trying to destroy American principles.
There’s nothing in the Constitution barring socialism. There are provisions that bar illegal search and seizure that Bush pretty much ignored. There are military regulations that ban torture. The Geneva Convention is applicable as well. Although it is unwritten, I don’t expect that the American people would consider dishonesty and gross incompetence to be in our core principles, either.
God, the Devil and CEOs.
I’m shopping for a flash drive. I found one online that costs about $8 less than at Wal-Mart. But, the shipping and handling is $8. Eight dollars?? To ship something as big as this (extend middle finger)?
++++++++++++
Creationists sometimes argue that creationism should be taught alongside evolution, and given at least equal weight. Yet, they also argue that their kids suffer because they are being taught evolution in schools and creationism in church and can’t resolve the two.
Science is natural. Scripture is supernatural, and is therefore not science. So don’t teach it in a science class. It’s like learning about good nutrition and diet tips in one magazine and learning how to make a great decadent chocolate cake in another. Anyone who is in favor of putting religion in a science class clearly does not understand either and has no business being in a position to make that decision.
++++++++++++++++++
Personal tax breaks have normally hurt the Federal government more than it helps the individual. On the other hand, tax breaks for corporations so often demonized by the left wing actually do attract new business and create jobs. Really. There are studies.
+++++++++++++++
I read about how women make something like 75 cents on the dollar that men make, but every job that I have ever had in my entire life – from when I was an 11 year old newspaper carrier until now – has been gender neutral. In fact, at Ames Department Stores, I had additional responsibilities because when some heavy piece of furniture was purchased, I was required to haul it out to the customer’s car. If I could make 33% more than women with equal experience I want to apply for a job there based exclusively on the criteria that I have a penis.
The plight of the women who think that they should be CEOs of some Fortune 500 Corporation instead of a man doesn’t really make me want to get up and picket. Fiorina screwed up Hewlett Packard just as badly as any man could. You go girl!
+++++++++++++++
”Drill, baby drill!” Yeah, that made a great bumper sticker. There was some idiot Republican that said “We won’t drill for oil on our coasts, but we’re drilling for ice on Mars. It makes no sense!” Why does my brain hurt on at least 7 different levels?
+++++++++++++
Coke positions itself as the mainstay of American culture, implying that Pepsi is a flash in the pan. Pepsi paints Coke as the choice of stodgy old geezers, whereas Pepsi was a fresh new product for the young and on the move. The Coca-Cola Company is something like 127 years old, whereas Pepsi is a youthful and dynamic 112. And it all belies the fact that any cola that you buy is less than 6 months old.
++++++++++++++
I’ve gotten tripped up in too many job interviews where the interviewer asked an ill defined question and I had no idea what they wanted to know. When they say “What experience do you have on X?” I can handle that. If they ask “Tell me about yourself,” I never know what to say. You mean what’s not on the resume? You want a resume summary? Personal life? Style? What? It’s as if you ask Michael Dell “What do you think about computers?” What do you want to know?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another reason that my faith is weak: There was an op-ed in the local rag. This guy was saying that his father was atheistic. A few years ago, a plane crashed in Lexington, killing 49 people. The writer said that his father (who lived in Atlanta) was so upset that he promised that if his son was safe, he would go back to church. So as it turns out the writer was ok, and was very glad that God’s plan eventually worked out and his father found the Lord. But, the father’s bargain was made after the tragedy. So, if the son had been on the flight, what, God would have brought his charred remains back to life? Does God really need to kill 49 people in an airplane to save one soul? I don’t know why any major turn in life has to be ascribed to either God or Satan. We’re not just pawns in some cosmic argument between two unknowable forces. Give free will of man some credit here.
If it rains, it’s the work of the Devil. If it’s a sunshiny day, it’s the work of God, unless there’s too many days without rain, then it is again the hand of the Devil. I would think that somewhere along the way, maybe there would be a weather time-share between God and the Devil. But if a drought causes poverty in the farmland, and money is the root of all evil, wouldn’t the Devil be interested in making farmers rich?
++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been asked to do a few videos for work. They invariably turn out badly because of low budget and lack of time. If I thought could make money off this video thing, I’d be packing my bags for H’wood tomorrow. Maybe I’ll be the next Blair Witch Project. Two adorable little girls dressed like Cinderella and Tinkerbell will search for a witch who looks suspiciously like my wife in a black bedsheet. She can’t do the witch laugh. I can do a witch laugh. I’ll have to dub it in.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m waiting for a Republican to come out and say that one effective way to decrease abortions is to offer more funding for day care and free hospital stays for pregnant teens.
++++++++++++++++
I might be working out too hard. Sometimes I have little hallucinations. Nothing big or scary, it’s like I was walking past my bedroom and I thought I saw a raccoon. It didn’t move, so I knew instantly that it wasn’t a raccoon. I just kept walking. When I took another look, it was a pile of clothes, which is more or less what I expected. The voices in my head don’t tell me to “Kill, kill!” It’s more like “Satan commands you NOT to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’!”
++++++++++++
Creationists sometimes argue that creationism should be taught alongside evolution, and given at least equal weight. Yet, they also argue that their kids suffer because they are being taught evolution in schools and creationism in church and can’t resolve the two.
Science is natural. Scripture is supernatural, and is therefore not science. So don’t teach it in a science class. It’s like learning about good nutrition and diet tips in one magazine and learning how to make a great decadent chocolate cake in another. Anyone who is in favor of putting religion in a science class clearly does not understand either and has no business being in a position to make that decision.
++++++++++++++++++
Personal tax breaks have normally hurt the Federal government more than it helps the individual. On the other hand, tax breaks for corporations so often demonized by the left wing actually do attract new business and create jobs. Really. There are studies.
+++++++++++++++
I read about how women make something like 75 cents on the dollar that men make, but every job that I have ever had in my entire life – from when I was an 11 year old newspaper carrier until now – has been gender neutral. In fact, at Ames Department Stores, I had additional responsibilities because when some heavy piece of furniture was purchased, I was required to haul it out to the customer’s car. If I could make 33% more than women with equal experience I want to apply for a job there based exclusively on the criteria that I have a penis.
The plight of the women who think that they should be CEOs of some Fortune 500 Corporation instead of a man doesn’t really make me want to get up and picket. Fiorina screwed up Hewlett Packard just as badly as any man could. You go girl!
+++++++++++++++
”Drill, baby drill!” Yeah, that made a great bumper sticker. There was some idiot Republican that said “We won’t drill for oil on our coasts, but we’re drilling for ice on Mars. It makes no sense!” Why does my brain hurt on at least 7 different levels?
+++++++++++++
Coke positions itself as the mainstay of American culture, implying that Pepsi is a flash in the pan. Pepsi paints Coke as the choice of stodgy old geezers, whereas Pepsi was a fresh new product for the young and on the move. The Coca-Cola Company is something like 127 years old, whereas Pepsi is a youthful and dynamic 112. And it all belies the fact that any cola that you buy is less than 6 months old.
++++++++++++++
I’ve gotten tripped up in too many job interviews where the interviewer asked an ill defined question and I had no idea what they wanted to know. When they say “What experience do you have on X?” I can handle that. If they ask “Tell me about yourself,” I never know what to say. You mean what’s not on the resume? You want a resume summary? Personal life? Style? What? It’s as if you ask Michael Dell “What do you think about computers?” What do you want to know?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another reason that my faith is weak: There was an op-ed in the local rag. This guy was saying that his father was atheistic. A few years ago, a plane crashed in Lexington, killing 49 people. The writer said that his father (who lived in Atlanta) was so upset that he promised that if his son was safe, he would go back to church. So as it turns out the writer was ok, and was very glad that God’s plan eventually worked out and his father found the Lord. But, the father’s bargain was made after the tragedy. So, if the son had been on the flight, what, God would have brought his charred remains back to life? Does God really need to kill 49 people in an airplane to save one soul? I don’t know why any major turn in life has to be ascribed to either God or Satan. We’re not just pawns in some cosmic argument between two unknowable forces. Give free will of man some credit here.
If it rains, it’s the work of the Devil. If it’s a sunshiny day, it’s the work of God, unless there’s too many days without rain, then it is again the hand of the Devil. I would think that somewhere along the way, maybe there would be a weather time-share between God and the Devil. But if a drought causes poverty in the farmland, and money is the root of all evil, wouldn’t the Devil be interested in making farmers rich?
++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been asked to do a few videos for work. They invariably turn out badly because of low budget and lack of time. If I thought could make money off this video thing, I’d be packing my bags for H’wood tomorrow. Maybe I’ll be the next Blair Witch Project. Two adorable little girls dressed like Cinderella and Tinkerbell will search for a witch who looks suspiciously like my wife in a black bedsheet. She can’t do the witch laugh. I can do a witch laugh. I’ll have to dub it in.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m waiting for a Republican to come out and say that one effective way to decrease abortions is to offer more funding for day care and free hospital stays for pregnant teens.
++++++++++++++++
I might be working out too hard. Sometimes I have little hallucinations. Nothing big or scary, it’s like I was walking past my bedroom and I thought I saw a raccoon. It didn’t move, so I knew instantly that it wasn’t a raccoon. I just kept walking. When I took another look, it was a pile of clothes, which is more or less what I expected. The voices in my head don’t tell me to “Kill, kill!” It’s more like “Satan commands you NOT to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’!”
Never get pregnant if you're married to an action hero.
Sears is trying to get some “street cred” by teaming with LL Cool J. No offense to LL, but he was a boy scout and newspaper delivery boy. Now he’s 44, wife and kids, living in the ‘burbs of Long Island. To Sears, that’s hard core gangsta. Yeah boyeee!
++++++++++++++
If it takes 10 years to make a difference, do you really want to be sitting here in 10 years saying “Yeah, if I had done that back then, things would be different now.”
+++++++++++++++
But instead of alternative energy development, it’s a damn good thing that Jim Bunning is taking a courageous stand against steroids in baseball and other vicious attacks upon our treasured national pastime. You can’t get away with desecrating the sacred sport played by overpaid pretty boys. There’s only four things holy in this country. Baseball, apple pie, mom and Elvis. What’s next? Apple pie baked from bio-engineered apples? Mom on hormone therapy? Elvis on drugs? Oh, wait…
+++++++++++++++++++++
Why doesn’t the word “piss” and the word “sh!t” carry equal weight? “Sh!t” is a vulgar substitute for any number of words. After being given a ton of work, you’d never say “I can’t believe all the piss that my pisshead boss gave me! He wants it when? You’re pissing me. If he wants it done by then, he’s piss out of luck.” But, I’ve actually heard on TV “He’s going to be pissed.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++
They say there’s no “I” in “team”. But there is an “m-e”. There is an “I” if you say “team” in Spanish (equipo). Of course “I” in Spanish is “yo”. It seems as if we’re at a linguistic impasse with this one.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Hostage” with Bruce Willis. The really bad guy shoots the lesser bad guys. If only that happened in real life, half the criminals would die in every caper. To quote M*A*S*H, “If there were more guys like you, there would be fewer guys like you.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I got back to season 1 of “24” to finish it up. Man, I had no idea that the Kim Bauer story line could be as irrelevant as it was in season 2. She’s wandering around LA getting into trouble. I’m glad I don’t live in LA, because apparently you can’t walk down the street or go to your father’s office without drug dealers, pimps, or terrorists getting in your face. The land outside LA is ringed with crazies and mountain lions, which prevents anyone from leaving. Never trust the cops, either. The suggestion to call the police has been raised on the average one time every three hours or so. The consistent response given has been “No! We can’t trust the cops!” It really should be “Hm... That’s actually not a bad idea.” Of course, if they did want to call the cops, the cell phone would have no signal or a dead battery.
Jack Bauer’s wife made the fatal mistake in action movies. “Jack, I’m pregnant! Isn’t that wonderful?” Jack: “Should they play “Taps” or get some fat lady to belt out “Amazing Grace”?”
Yeah, I could write this stuff.
++++++++++++++
If it takes 10 years to make a difference, do you really want to be sitting here in 10 years saying “Yeah, if I had done that back then, things would be different now.”
+++++++++++++++
But instead of alternative energy development, it’s a damn good thing that Jim Bunning is taking a courageous stand against steroids in baseball and other vicious attacks upon our treasured national pastime. You can’t get away with desecrating the sacred sport played by overpaid pretty boys. There’s only four things holy in this country. Baseball, apple pie, mom and Elvis. What’s next? Apple pie baked from bio-engineered apples? Mom on hormone therapy? Elvis on drugs? Oh, wait…
+++++++++++++++++++++
Why doesn’t the word “piss” and the word “sh!t” carry equal weight? “Sh!t” is a vulgar substitute for any number of words. After being given a ton of work, you’d never say “I can’t believe all the piss that my pisshead boss gave me! He wants it when? You’re pissing me. If he wants it done by then, he’s piss out of luck.” But, I’ve actually heard on TV “He’s going to be pissed.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++
They say there’s no “I” in “team”. But there is an “m-e”. There is an “I” if you say “team” in Spanish (equipo). Of course “I” in Spanish is “yo”. It seems as if we’re at a linguistic impasse with this one.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Hostage” with Bruce Willis. The really bad guy shoots the lesser bad guys. If only that happened in real life, half the criminals would die in every caper. To quote M*A*S*H, “If there were more guys like you, there would be fewer guys like you.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I got back to season 1 of “24” to finish it up. Man, I had no idea that the Kim Bauer story line could be as irrelevant as it was in season 2. She’s wandering around LA getting into trouble. I’m glad I don’t live in LA, because apparently you can’t walk down the street or go to your father’s office without drug dealers, pimps, or terrorists getting in your face. The land outside LA is ringed with crazies and mountain lions, which prevents anyone from leaving. Never trust the cops, either. The suggestion to call the police has been raised on the average one time every three hours or so. The consistent response given has been “No! We can’t trust the cops!” It really should be “Hm... That’s actually not a bad idea.” Of course, if they did want to call the cops, the cell phone would have no signal or a dead battery.
Jack Bauer’s wife made the fatal mistake in action movies. “Jack, I’m pregnant! Isn’t that wonderful?” Jack: “Should they play “Taps” or get some fat lady to belt out “Amazing Grace”?”
Yeah, I could write this stuff.
24, DH4 and CEOs
So now I’ve finished with “24” season 2. I was waiting for the final line, which should have been Jack Bauer saying “Now I really, really have to go to the bathroom!!” It ends with a cliffhanger, which I thought would propel the team into season 3. One agent said “Now the next shift is coming on.” Who are these guys? They weren’t even called up when a nuclear threat still hung over the city.
Who are they? The competent shift, apparently. I saw the first episode of season 3. The “B team” solved the cliffhanging crisis quickly and without difficulty off camera.
The cliffhanger on season 2 exposed just how incompetent Jack’s team was. President Palmer gets some kind of poison from a hot chick assassin (and aren’t all assassins hot chicks?) via a handshake (yes, the headline should read “Palmer Gets Palmed”). Anyway, he collapses, and everyone around him is like “Call an ambulance!” Now I’m no secret service agent, but I think that procedure is to chuck the Prez into the car and high tail it to the hospital yourself. Instead, they leave him on the ground fading from consciousness, meanwhile service agents beat on some random civilian nearby. Off camera, the B team is like “Great, now we’ve got to clean this up – again.”
A loose end of season 2 is exactly what happened to Sherry Palmer’s (the First Lady’s) disappearing bodyguard. She goes to this house with a body guard. Jack Bauer punches the dude, and then he’s never heard from or mentioned again. The vanishing guard wasn’t the most competent of people anyway. He was looking in the garage of a house to see if a car was still there. According to 24’s real time count clock, he returned 23 minutes later to report that the garage was empty. How tough can it be? You’re looking for a car in a house.
Another big theme was how the Counter Terrorism Unit cut off contact to Jack Bauer (yet again). They said they didn’t want to waste resources on him, and everyone should get back to work. Work on what? The bomb had been found. If it weren’t for Jack tracking down hunches, there was nothing to do. The whole CTU is horribly overstaffed. There are only 4 or 5 people there that actually get anything done, and half the time even they are sabotaging each other. 29 CTU staff were killed in an attack on HQ, and within an hour or so they were back up and running like normal. That tells you that the head count is way too high. Personally, I would have used pink slips rather than C-4, but that’s just my managerial style.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the same vein, I saw Die Hard 4, in which of course, the bad guys started shooting their own guys close to the end. Those who were shot didn’t even fail at their job, they were winning. The evil boss just figured that they were no longer of use. He shouldn’t have done that, though, since Bruce Willis was steadily blowing away henchmen. In the climax, there’s only Bruce Willis versus the one evil guy. The chief evil guy really could have used a few extra helpers then, eh?
DH4 is also similar to 24 in that it is an action scene followed by less plausible action scene followed by another even more far fetched ending in the impossible. But unlike 24, Die Hard starts at night, goes into day, goes into night, goes into day, and I think it ends up at night or day or something. I lost count how many days apparently passed, as I’m sure the guy in charge of continuity must have.
The whole plot of DH4 is that the computers are shut down all across the country. Mysteriously, almost all the people disappear. I learned from DH4 that 99% of the population is CGI. The action takes place at huge, sprawling industrial and computer facilities. The baddies shoot 5 workers and then place is deserted. Ergo, the rest of the workers must’ve been computer generated. The highways are chock full of abandoned cars. The cars are strewn about the highway as if the drivers suddenly experienced the rapture and left their earthly possessions. Die Hard… or Left Behind?
The bad guys also had to threaten John McClane’s family. Die Hard 1, 2 and 4 all featured threats to clan McClane. What the hell is wrong with the producers of part 3 where they couldn’t figure out some way to shoehorn in a subplot against his family?
But, I give DH4 credit for poking fun at itself. There is a hot chick assassin, of course, and as Bruce Willis is mowing through the ranks of bad guys, he tells the chief bad guy that he’s got to be running low on bad guys by now. “What, do you call 1-800-HENCHMEN?” And, he also says that he knocked off the hot action chick. “I bet there’s not too many of them around, right?” Bruce Willis doesn't watch 24, does he?
I presume that this has to be the absolute last of the Die Hard series. Willis’s age notwithstanding (what kind of a word is “notwithstanding”? It’s three words and they don’t even belong together in that order), the escalation of high value targets has a finite end. In the first one, the bank thieves were stealing $600 million in bearer bonds. In #2, the issue was ransom for even more money. The third plot raided all the gold kept under the Fed Reserve in NYC. This one was for trillions in the world financial markets. I can’t imagine a higher value target than the entire global financial market.
But, even my wife pointed out “Gee, if you steal all the money in the world, wouldn’t it make it pretty obvious that you’re the bad guy?” The bank: Hmmm… Something is fishy here. Aha! $80,000,000,000,000 is too much money to hold in a bank account earning so little interest. Any good financial advisor would know that! And, except for the first $250,000 it’s not even FDIC insured. Call marketing and see if we can sell this guy some of our risky financial products!
++++++++++++++++
Speaking of money and stupidity, I’ve been reading about huge salaries being paid to dead CEOs. Yes, as if the living ones aren’t scamming the sh!t out of the companies they work for. Occidental Petroleum will pay its CEO a package worth $115 million upon his death. The company defends it this way: "It isn't a death benefit per se -- it's what his family would get upon his death.” Thank you. Now it’s all very clear.
Occidental also defends the amount by saying that it is due in large part to the excellent performance of the stock during the CEOs tenure. So if you’re looking for a culprit for high gas prices, forget blaming China or India. Don’t blame Bush, the Saudis or instability in the Middle East. The oil slurping American consumer is blame free. It’s all due to Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum. He’s the one.
Eugene Isenberg is CEO of Nabors Industries. He would get $288 million upon his death and he’s 78. Nabors total market cap is only $12 billion, so that’s 2.4% for a dead guy.
Who are they? The competent shift, apparently. I saw the first episode of season 3. The “B team” solved the cliffhanging crisis quickly and without difficulty off camera.
The cliffhanger on season 2 exposed just how incompetent Jack’s team was. President Palmer gets some kind of poison from a hot chick assassin (and aren’t all assassins hot chicks?) via a handshake (yes, the headline should read “Palmer Gets Palmed”). Anyway, he collapses, and everyone around him is like “Call an ambulance!” Now I’m no secret service agent, but I think that procedure is to chuck the Prez into the car and high tail it to the hospital yourself. Instead, they leave him on the ground fading from consciousness, meanwhile service agents beat on some random civilian nearby. Off camera, the B team is like “Great, now we’ve got to clean this up – again.”
A loose end of season 2 is exactly what happened to Sherry Palmer’s (the First Lady’s) disappearing bodyguard. She goes to this house with a body guard. Jack Bauer punches the dude, and then he’s never heard from or mentioned again. The vanishing guard wasn’t the most competent of people anyway. He was looking in the garage of a house to see if a car was still there. According to 24’s real time count clock, he returned 23 minutes later to report that the garage was empty. How tough can it be? You’re looking for a car in a house.
Another big theme was how the Counter Terrorism Unit cut off contact to Jack Bauer (yet again). They said they didn’t want to waste resources on him, and everyone should get back to work. Work on what? The bomb had been found. If it weren’t for Jack tracking down hunches, there was nothing to do. The whole CTU is horribly overstaffed. There are only 4 or 5 people there that actually get anything done, and half the time even they are sabotaging each other. 29 CTU staff were killed in an attack on HQ, and within an hour or so they were back up and running like normal. That tells you that the head count is way too high. Personally, I would have used pink slips rather than C-4, but that’s just my managerial style.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the same vein, I saw Die Hard 4, in which of course, the bad guys started shooting their own guys close to the end. Those who were shot didn’t even fail at their job, they were winning. The evil boss just figured that they were no longer of use. He shouldn’t have done that, though, since Bruce Willis was steadily blowing away henchmen. In the climax, there’s only Bruce Willis versus the one evil guy. The chief evil guy really could have used a few extra helpers then, eh?
DH4 is also similar to 24 in that it is an action scene followed by less plausible action scene followed by another even more far fetched ending in the impossible. But unlike 24, Die Hard starts at night, goes into day, goes into night, goes into day, and I think it ends up at night or day or something. I lost count how many days apparently passed, as I’m sure the guy in charge of continuity must have.
The whole plot of DH4 is that the computers are shut down all across the country. Mysteriously, almost all the people disappear. I learned from DH4 that 99% of the population is CGI. The action takes place at huge, sprawling industrial and computer facilities. The baddies shoot 5 workers and then place is deserted. Ergo, the rest of the workers must’ve been computer generated. The highways are chock full of abandoned cars. The cars are strewn about the highway as if the drivers suddenly experienced the rapture and left their earthly possessions. Die Hard… or Left Behind?
The bad guys also had to threaten John McClane’s family. Die Hard 1, 2 and 4 all featured threats to clan McClane. What the hell is wrong with the producers of part 3 where they couldn’t figure out some way to shoehorn in a subplot against his family?
But, I give DH4 credit for poking fun at itself. There is a hot chick assassin, of course, and as Bruce Willis is mowing through the ranks of bad guys, he tells the chief bad guy that he’s got to be running low on bad guys by now. “What, do you call 1-800-HENCHMEN?” And, he also says that he knocked off the hot action chick. “I bet there’s not too many of them around, right?” Bruce Willis doesn't watch 24, does he?
I presume that this has to be the absolute last of the Die Hard series. Willis’s age notwithstanding (what kind of a word is “notwithstanding”? It’s three words and they don’t even belong together in that order), the escalation of high value targets has a finite end. In the first one, the bank thieves were stealing $600 million in bearer bonds. In #2, the issue was ransom for even more money. The third plot raided all the gold kept under the Fed Reserve in NYC. This one was for trillions in the world financial markets. I can’t imagine a higher value target than the entire global financial market.
But, even my wife pointed out “Gee, if you steal all the money in the world, wouldn’t it make it pretty obvious that you’re the bad guy?” The bank: Hmmm… Something is fishy here. Aha! $80,000,000,000,000 is too much money to hold in a bank account earning so little interest. Any good financial advisor would know that! And, except for the first $250,000 it’s not even FDIC insured. Call marketing and see if we can sell this guy some of our risky financial products!
++++++++++++++++
Speaking of money and stupidity, I’ve been reading about huge salaries being paid to dead CEOs. Yes, as if the living ones aren’t scamming the sh!t out of the companies they work for. Occidental Petroleum will pay its CEO a package worth $115 million upon his death. The company defends it this way: "It isn't a death benefit per se -- it's what his family would get upon his death.” Thank you. Now it’s all very clear.
Occidental also defends the amount by saying that it is due in large part to the excellent performance of the stock during the CEOs tenure. So if you’re looking for a culprit for high gas prices, forget blaming China or India. Don’t blame Bush, the Saudis or instability in the Middle East. The oil slurping American consumer is blame free. It’s all due to Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum. He’s the one.
Eugene Isenberg is CEO of Nabors Industries. He would get $288 million upon his death and he’s 78. Nabors total market cap is only $12 billion, so that’s 2.4% for a dead guy.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Hellboy, Sandman and the fate of the world rests on what is growing in my fridge.
I finally got around to watching Hellboy II: The Golden Army on a cheap, Chinese DVD. I started watching, but the subtitles threw in random, inappropriate words and phrases. Something about having sex and brushing teeth seemed to be a theme.
My Father said that it was one of the worst movies that he’d ever seen. The reviews at the time seemed to be favorable, though. Maybe Dad doesn’t appreciate the fine art of action movies.
No, it was pretty horrible. And it wasn’t just the subtitles. It was largely predictable and clichéd. Some reviewers felt that the movie had some kind of depth because the antagonist mythical figure kept telling Hellboy that the humans think that Hellboy is a freak. That theme was done in the Batman and Spiderman series – and better. Hellboy’s treatment is weak and formulaic at best.
The Golden Army was supposed to be “seven times seventy soldiers”. When they showed the whole army, it was thousands strong. Yah, I know they’re just CGI anyway, but can’t a computer count to 490?
+++++++++++++
I’m still impressed with Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel series Sandman. The 8th book reminded me of 1001 Arabian Nights, because it was full of tale-within-a-tale-within-a-tale stuff. When you’re into it about 4 levels deep, you’re like “Who is telling this story now?” But just go with it, and eventually you come outside somewhere.
I’m also quite impressed that the series never settles down into a formula. It’s constantly surprising me. Sometimes it focuses on the Sandman himself, but most of the time, he is only a tangential player in the series that bears his name. There is almost never a protagonist who fights an antagonist, so the story path is never predictable.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Even though few if any real conservatives really liked McCain, they can not stand the thought of Obama. So the only real solution would be to have some kind of place marker in the Oval Office, like “Be back in 4 years, thank you for your patience.”
Obama has tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan since he took the oath of office. Obviously, that makes him a weakling in the eyes of the world. It also makes him three times stronger than the Bush-Cheney administration. Now he’s guilty of the high crime and treasonous charge of Directing Troops while Democrat.
+++++++++++++
The best place in domestic US for wind farming is an almost barren square of land in south east Wyoming. It’s about 100 miles north of Denver. Cheap land, lots of wind and no neighbors. That’s a score waiting to happen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
One reason that there’s such a hangup about electric cars is that you can’t recharge a car in five minutes. Yes, that’s a problem, but there’s several ways around it. My thoughts are that you could develop many small batteries that burn out one by one. That way, you go to the recharge station and you exchange your burnt out batteries with full ones. If you start with 100 cells, and burn out 20, you wouldn’t have to replace all 100, you could remove the burnt ones or just some of the burned ones if you don’t have enough money. You’d need interchangeable batteries and some readout on each to show that it’s live rather than burned. We’d need government regulation and corporate leadership, so you know my idea will never work.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
With a degree of trepidation, I volunteered to clean out the refrigerator at work. I sent an email to the department to confront any future complaints. I veered off course at times. Example:
Complaint: You should have saved my nice Tupperware.
Response: Throughout human history, there is a long and heartbreaking littany of senseless destruction. When Alexander burned the sacred Pharsi city of Sousa in 330 BC, countless, irreplaceable treasures were lost. When the Goths sacked Rome in 409 AD, again, valuable historic artifacts were obliterated. And, in 1532, Spanish conquistadors melted down the gold artwork of the entire Incan civilization. Your Tupperware, I am sad to say, is but an unfortunate addition to this tragic list.
This is actually the short version of the story I was prepared to give. I was going to include a diatribe that depicted their non-biodegradable molded HDPE container as a relic that shall outlive even the great technological culture that spawned it. One million years from now, it will still not only survive, but also contain the remnants of your long forgotten lunch within its confines. By then, the lunch has mutated into a lethal strain of flesh eating germs. Suddenly unleashed, they digest all multi-cellular life on Earth. A billion years later, a new sentient race evolves and traces its ancestral roots back to your Tupperware. The vessel is then held aloft as the sacred Cradle of Life. Know now, dear Tupperware holder, that you personally may be long forgotten and gone, but take great comfort in knowing that your prized possession will sit in a vaunted seat of prominence atop the highest of pillars in the heart of a sparkling (albeit non-human) city, with a golden statue of your smudged fingerprint. This is the ultimate triumph that only through today’s hellacious sacrifice could be made possible.
But I didn’t channel my inner Kurt Vonnegut or Douglas Adams, and I sent a relatively more benign missive. I did get one compliment, a note that her husband was also a history buff. But I also got a whole lot of “What the hell?”
So how sucky does one’s job have to be where the highlight of my day is that I cleaned out the departmental refrigerator? Yah, about this sucky.
At least I got thanks from one or two people instead of pure hatred from everyone as when I cleaned up at my job in 2001. If you ever have a surreal nightmare about the worst place you have worked, it wouldn’t match the freakish actuality that is Kentucky State University accounting department.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m down to the last few hours of the second season of “24” and I’ll be gosh darned if the bad guy didn’t just kill his female second in command. They introduced her and killed her in the same episode. The evil guy says “I’ve got to go. Come here and give me a hug.” Then he knifes her. Career advice – if you work for a boss that tried to nuke Los Angeles, be suspicious of a warm and fuzzy hug, especially a hug that lasts five minutes.
My Father said that it was one of the worst movies that he’d ever seen. The reviews at the time seemed to be favorable, though. Maybe Dad doesn’t appreciate the fine art of action movies.
No, it was pretty horrible. And it wasn’t just the subtitles. It was largely predictable and clichéd. Some reviewers felt that the movie had some kind of depth because the antagonist mythical figure kept telling Hellboy that the humans think that Hellboy is a freak. That theme was done in the Batman and Spiderman series – and better. Hellboy’s treatment is weak and formulaic at best.
The Golden Army was supposed to be “seven times seventy soldiers”. When they showed the whole army, it was thousands strong. Yah, I know they’re just CGI anyway, but can’t a computer count to 490?
+++++++++++++
I’m still impressed with Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel series Sandman. The 8th book reminded me of 1001 Arabian Nights, because it was full of tale-within-a-tale-within-a-tale stuff. When you’re into it about 4 levels deep, you’re like “Who is telling this story now?” But just go with it, and eventually you come outside somewhere.
I’m also quite impressed that the series never settles down into a formula. It’s constantly surprising me. Sometimes it focuses on the Sandman himself, but most of the time, he is only a tangential player in the series that bears his name. There is almost never a protagonist who fights an antagonist, so the story path is never predictable.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Even though few if any real conservatives really liked McCain, they can not stand the thought of Obama. So the only real solution would be to have some kind of place marker in the Oval Office, like “Be back in 4 years, thank you for your patience.”
Obama has tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan since he took the oath of office. Obviously, that makes him a weakling in the eyes of the world. It also makes him three times stronger than the Bush-Cheney administration. Now he’s guilty of the high crime and treasonous charge of Directing Troops while Democrat.
+++++++++++++
The best place in domestic US for wind farming is an almost barren square of land in south east Wyoming. It’s about 100 miles north of Denver. Cheap land, lots of wind and no neighbors. That’s a score waiting to happen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
One reason that there’s such a hangup about electric cars is that you can’t recharge a car in five minutes. Yes, that’s a problem, but there’s several ways around it. My thoughts are that you could develop many small batteries that burn out one by one. That way, you go to the recharge station and you exchange your burnt out batteries with full ones. If you start with 100 cells, and burn out 20, you wouldn’t have to replace all 100, you could remove the burnt ones or just some of the burned ones if you don’t have enough money. You’d need interchangeable batteries and some readout on each to show that it’s live rather than burned. We’d need government regulation and corporate leadership, so you know my idea will never work.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
With a degree of trepidation, I volunteered to clean out the refrigerator at work. I sent an email to the department to confront any future complaints. I veered off course at times. Example:
Complaint: You should have saved my nice Tupperware.
Response: Throughout human history, there is a long and heartbreaking littany of senseless destruction. When Alexander burned the sacred Pharsi city of Sousa in 330 BC, countless, irreplaceable treasures were lost. When the Goths sacked Rome in 409 AD, again, valuable historic artifacts were obliterated. And, in 1532, Spanish conquistadors melted down the gold artwork of the entire Incan civilization. Your Tupperware, I am sad to say, is but an unfortunate addition to this tragic list.
This is actually the short version of the story I was prepared to give. I was going to include a diatribe that depicted their non-biodegradable molded HDPE container as a relic that shall outlive even the great technological culture that spawned it. One million years from now, it will still not only survive, but also contain the remnants of your long forgotten lunch within its confines. By then, the lunch has mutated into a lethal strain of flesh eating germs. Suddenly unleashed, they digest all multi-cellular life on Earth. A billion years later, a new sentient race evolves and traces its ancestral roots back to your Tupperware. The vessel is then held aloft as the sacred Cradle of Life. Know now, dear Tupperware holder, that you personally may be long forgotten and gone, but take great comfort in knowing that your prized possession will sit in a vaunted seat of prominence atop the highest of pillars in the heart of a sparkling (albeit non-human) city, with a golden statue of your smudged fingerprint. This is the ultimate triumph that only through today’s hellacious sacrifice could be made possible.
But I didn’t channel my inner Kurt Vonnegut or Douglas Adams, and I sent a relatively more benign missive. I did get one compliment, a note that her husband was also a history buff. But I also got a whole lot of “What the hell?”
So how sucky does one’s job have to be where the highlight of my day is that I cleaned out the departmental refrigerator? Yah, about this sucky.
At least I got thanks from one or two people instead of pure hatred from everyone as when I cleaned up at my job in 2001. If you ever have a surreal nightmare about the worst place you have worked, it wouldn’t match the freakish actuality that is Kentucky State University accounting department.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m down to the last few hours of the second season of “24” and I’ll be gosh darned if the bad guy didn’t just kill his female second in command. They introduced her and killed her in the same episode. The evil guy says “I’ve got to go. Come here and give me a hug.” Then he knifes her. Career advice – if you work for a boss that tried to nuke Los Angeles, be suspicious of a warm and fuzzy hug, especially a hug that lasts five minutes.
Lance Armstrong, Evil Sylar and some Arabian guy who invented 0.
I read about celebrities that do marathons. A lot of them have semi-crappy times. So, maybe I’ll be running next to some Hollywood type. Who knows? The one celeb that kicks my ass in running times is Lance Armstrong, but I think he has an advantage in not having testicles. I sacrifice a lot for my sport, but that’s waaaaay over the line.
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
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You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
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I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
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Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
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Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
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The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Who watches the watchmen? Mary Poppins LOL!
I call bullsh!t on Mary Poppins. Before the song “Tuppence”, the bank founder said that he started banking with tuppence (they break out into song). Later, George Banks (the dad) was going to be fired. He was asked when the last run on the bank was, and he said 1773, when the bank financed the ill fated ship that became the target of the Boston Tea Party. Indeed, George Banks’ boss was a geezer. But if he founded the bank when he was 18, that would still put him at 165 years old when the movie takes place.
That is definitive proof that Mary Poppins is a right wing propaganda film. I’m on to your little game, Mary “Tuppence” Poppins!
+++++++++++
Bob Dylan sono is. Is est proinde profundus.
Bob Dylan sings it. It is therefore profound.
++++++++++++++++
I once ran 3000 miles in a year. So, I call bullsh!t on Forrest Gump. In the movie, he went across America – twice.
Robert Zumekis makes you think that he ran all freakin’ day long. How many hours per day could he really run? Three hours per day every day? Four? That’s a lot of time left sitting around with your thumb up your ass. Bullshit Forrest. Bullshit, Tom Hanks. Bullshit Zumekis. You’re all full of it.
+++++++++++++++++++
Terrible things will happen if the government takes over health care, don’t you know. I work for a government run health insurance program and I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.
As far as inefficiency, let’s take a look at how we stack up against other developed nations. We spend the most, we get the worst quality. There it is in 10 words or less. What terrible things will happen if we go to a single-payer system? Is our government so much less efficient than France’s?
Did you know that the government wants you to use drugs? Yes! It subsidizes drug makers and sellers. It will even give money to drug users to buy the stuff! True! See? The government can’t do anything right.
Or “medicine”, as you drug-addled liberals like to call it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why do I still hear complaints about how many men are Fortune 500 CEOs and how few women are? That’s not society, that’s 0.000007% of the world population. And it is a statistical fact that men are more likely to dominate the higher and lower ends of a scale. There are more unemployed men, for instance.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching “Alien Vs. Predator” – yeah, I know, highbrow entertainment. I’m at least a little disappointed because the titular matchup between these impossible sci-fi behemoths does not actually occur until well past the halfway mark. Until then, Aliens and Predators were just indiscriminately hacking Earthings. As the catchphrase says “Either way, Humans lose.” Especially those who wasted 2 hours watching.
If you catch the detailed itemization that justifies the PG-13 rating, included in the list is “violence”, “profanity”, and “slimy ooze”. For the love of God, you must keep your underage children from watching other people get yucky.
As far as stars, this flick doesn’t have Sigourney Weaver, Arnold Schwartzenegger, or even a miscast Danny Glover. Lance Henrickson is the closest thing to “marquee” name recognition, but his character dies. So who stars in the AVP2: Inevitable Sequel? I hope it’s someone lower on the D-list like the guy who played Klinger on MASH.
+++++++++++++++++
Vengeance is a dish best served up cold. Like ice cream. Call it “Revenge Ripple”. “Vengeance French Vanilla”. “Bitter Blackhearted Blackberry”. “Rocky Retribution”. “Payback’s-a-Bitch Sorbet”. No, I don’t remember where I was going with this.
+++++++++++++++++++
The local congressman, Ben Chandler, refused to participate in town hall meetings about health care. He stated that the participants don’t listen to a word that is said and simply shout at the speaker. So the Republicans held a meeting and put a stuffed figure in his place. The participants yelled their misinformation to their hearts content and it left them as convinced as ever in their own opinion. To no one’s amazement, Republicans don’t find this ironic.
+++++++++++++++++++
I read the Watchmen graphic novel a month or so ago. It was awesome. But the ending… wasn’t. Great set-up, but then when you find out what the over-arching plot is, the whole thing is outrageously silly. The movie tweaked the plot to make it not-as-far-fetched, but the movie failed on several other levels. Some amalgam could be fantastic.
+++++++++++++++++++
My pet peeve du jour: People who write “lol” at the end of every sentence in print. I’ll laugh when I want to, and I don’t need instruction.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a setting on the microwave at work that says “Quick Minute”. I tried it once, but the minute lasted exactly 60 seconds, like always.
+++++++++++++++
I also watched Butterfly Effect 2. In one of the 4 alternate endings to Butterfly Effect 1, the protagonist went back in time and killed himself in the womb. Well, in part 2, some other guy gets a head wound and is given the ability to change the past. Anyway, it ends with this guy driving off a cliff and dying, but that won’t stop BE3 from coming out.
The only cool character was the gay hit man. Just the right mix of butch and Liberace. Unfortunately, he only lasted 5 minutes on screen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pet peeve du jour: Actual answering machine message “Hi… my…name… is… Amisositreciner, and… I’m… calling… about…….. (three rambling minutes later) … please… call… me… at… twosevenzerothreesixfveatefortreetwo. Thankyoubye.”
+++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the acclaimed PBS series “The Paper Chase”, about Harvard Law School in the 70s. Oh, the hair! It hurts my eyes! How bad are the haircuts? Fro, dude. How does someone with lousy hair get laid so easily? Here’s his big pick-up line: “I was just in the neighborhood…“ And the next scene is ‘Fro Dude and a chick in bed. Seriously, is that really all it took back then?
+++++++++++++++++
I don’t know how a conservative can make the argument with a straight face that keeping eight unlicensed, automatic weapons at home is ok, because people can be trusted to be responsible; yet having a slot machine 40 miles away is dangerous, because people never know how to handle their own money.
That is definitive proof that Mary Poppins is a right wing propaganda film. I’m on to your little game, Mary “Tuppence” Poppins!
+++++++++++
Bob Dylan sono is. Is est proinde profundus.
Bob Dylan sings it. It is therefore profound.
++++++++++++++++
I once ran 3000 miles in a year. So, I call bullsh!t on Forrest Gump. In the movie, he went across America – twice.
Robert Zumekis makes you think that he ran all freakin’ day long. How many hours per day could he really run? Three hours per day every day? Four? That’s a lot of time left sitting around with your thumb up your ass. Bullshit Forrest. Bullshit, Tom Hanks. Bullshit Zumekis. You’re all full of it.
+++++++++++++++++++
Terrible things will happen if the government takes over health care, don’t you know. I work for a government run health insurance program and I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.
As far as inefficiency, let’s take a look at how we stack up against other developed nations. We spend the most, we get the worst quality. There it is in 10 words or less. What terrible things will happen if we go to a single-payer system? Is our government so much less efficient than France’s?
Did you know that the government wants you to use drugs? Yes! It subsidizes drug makers and sellers. It will even give money to drug users to buy the stuff! True! See? The government can’t do anything right.
Or “medicine”, as you drug-addled liberals like to call it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why do I still hear complaints about how many men are Fortune 500 CEOs and how few women are? That’s not society, that’s 0.000007% of the world population. And it is a statistical fact that men are more likely to dominate the higher and lower ends of a scale. There are more unemployed men, for instance.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching “Alien Vs. Predator” – yeah, I know, highbrow entertainment. I’m at least a little disappointed because the titular matchup between these impossible sci-fi behemoths does not actually occur until well past the halfway mark. Until then, Aliens and Predators were just indiscriminately hacking Earthings. As the catchphrase says “Either way, Humans lose.” Especially those who wasted 2 hours watching.
If you catch the detailed itemization that justifies the PG-13 rating, included in the list is “violence”, “profanity”, and “slimy ooze”. For the love of God, you must keep your underage children from watching other people get yucky.
As far as stars, this flick doesn’t have Sigourney Weaver, Arnold Schwartzenegger, or even a miscast Danny Glover. Lance Henrickson is the closest thing to “marquee” name recognition, but his character dies. So who stars in the AVP2: Inevitable Sequel? I hope it’s someone lower on the D-list like the guy who played Klinger on MASH.
+++++++++++++++++
Vengeance is a dish best served up cold. Like ice cream. Call it “Revenge Ripple”. “Vengeance French Vanilla”. “Bitter Blackhearted Blackberry”. “Rocky Retribution”. “Payback’s-a-Bitch Sorbet”. No, I don’t remember where I was going with this.
+++++++++++++++++++
The local congressman, Ben Chandler, refused to participate in town hall meetings about health care. He stated that the participants don’t listen to a word that is said and simply shout at the speaker. So the Republicans held a meeting and put a stuffed figure in his place. The participants yelled their misinformation to their hearts content and it left them as convinced as ever in their own opinion. To no one’s amazement, Republicans don’t find this ironic.
+++++++++++++++++++
I read the Watchmen graphic novel a month or so ago. It was awesome. But the ending… wasn’t. Great set-up, but then when you find out what the over-arching plot is, the whole thing is outrageously silly. The movie tweaked the plot to make it not-as-far-fetched, but the movie failed on several other levels. Some amalgam could be fantastic.
+++++++++++++++++++
My pet peeve du jour: People who write “lol” at the end of every sentence in print. I’ll laugh when I want to, and I don’t need instruction.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a setting on the microwave at work that says “Quick Minute”. I tried it once, but the minute lasted exactly 60 seconds, like always.
+++++++++++++++
I also watched Butterfly Effect 2. In one of the 4 alternate endings to Butterfly Effect 1, the protagonist went back in time and killed himself in the womb. Well, in part 2, some other guy gets a head wound and is given the ability to change the past. Anyway, it ends with this guy driving off a cliff and dying, but that won’t stop BE3 from coming out.
The only cool character was the gay hit man. Just the right mix of butch and Liberace. Unfortunately, he only lasted 5 minutes on screen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Pet peeve du jour: Actual answering machine message “Hi… my…name… is… Amisositreciner, and… I’m… calling… about…….. (three rambling minutes later) … please… call… me… at… twosevenzerothreesixfveatefortreetwo. Thankyoubye.”
+++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the acclaimed PBS series “The Paper Chase”, about Harvard Law School in the 70s. Oh, the hair! It hurts my eyes! How bad are the haircuts? Fro, dude. How does someone with lousy hair get laid so easily? Here’s his big pick-up line: “I was just in the neighborhood…“ And the next scene is ‘Fro Dude and a chick in bed. Seriously, is that really all it took back then?
+++++++++++++++++
I don’t know how a conservative can make the argument with a straight face that keeping eight unlicensed, automatic weapons at home is ok, because people can be trusted to be responsible; yet having a slot machine 40 miles away is dangerous, because people never know how to handle their own money.
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