I have to regale you with how awesome I am. I did a test run around my neighborhood to see how I would fare in the upcoming 5K. I'm not rested enough to be in "race shape", nor have I really been practicing my speed as much as I should. But, I broke my record. A long time ago, I did my neighborhood loop in 21:12. I don't know exactly when, and it has made me think that perhaps this time was a more of a myth or a misrecollection than the truth. No matter, because now my record stands at 20:52. At the 5K mark, I was also ahead of my PR, set last August. So I'm awesome, no?
**********************************
A while ago, conservative columnist Cal Thomas compared the circuit court's overturning of the imfamous California Proposition 8 against gay marriage to Julius Ceasar's poer to give a thumbs up or down to gladiators at the "Coliseum". There is a Coliseum in modern Los Angeles, but in Rome, there is a "Collusseum". Julius Ceasar was also killed in 44 BC. The Collusseum was built in 70 AD. Why should Cal let facts get in the way of a hackneyed analogy?
******************************
So Elana Kagan is now doing her job on the Supreme Court, and yet the entire country is not being overrun by hippie peaceniks, Communists or Islamic terrorists. She got confirmed despite the best efforts of the Republicans and their trash talk. Their angle was to take it as a given that her mentor Thorgood Marshall was a menace to America. That only works in those elite, exclusive Republican smoking chambers. To everyone else, Marshall was an American historical figure who died with a sterling reputation 17 years ago. For their next trick, Republicans should try tarnishing that Paul Revere a$$hole for waking up half the city one night.
************************
Speaking of noise, you know those guys with the huge woofers in their cars and booming bass that you can feel in your chest a mile and a half down the road? I always shut off my own music when they come because theirs is so much better. Yesterday I drove 20 minutes out of my way to keep up with this dude because I got hooked on the kickin' beat. Thank you, oh thank you Mr. Boom-boom, for sharing your sweet music with me and the world!
Showing posts with label Running. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Running. Show all posts
Friday, October 8, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Marmaduke movie is the sign of the apocalypse.
Temperature is a very silent factor when you run. When it is comfortable before you start, that means that it will be too hot when you’re a few miles in. It should be a little cold. 50-60 F is the optimum temperature range for running. That seems cold to me, but my experience is right in line.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
Friday, July 2, 2010
A blog without Comic Sans MS font
I’ve read that there’s a recent backlash to using Comic Sans MS font. The article said that the creator of the font has been “alternately amused and mortified” seeing his font used on everything from business email to funeral notices. He also said that neither the lovers nor haters understand typography. “They should get another hobby.”
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
Cause and effect: To cure all ailments, wear clothes of various colors.
People in the south tend to say that they couldn’t possibly live in the north because the cold would keep them indoors, and they love the outdoors. Yet, in the heat of the summer, I hear “Oh my gosh it’s so hot out there” when it’s only in the 80s. Make up your minds – or move to California where it’s sunny and 72 year round.
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
Friday, June 25, 2010
The saga of Ben and Jen, plus a menagerie of brain snacks
I just read a dumpy tabloid. I really had no idea that Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck were still together. I had to check the dates. Yeah, it was a current magazine.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
Lame songs, lame movies and a new superhero that fits right in
I hate when people try to shove food at me. “You can eat whatever you want – ha ha!” No, not really. If I eat a ton of crap, then I can’t do my runs, and I get fat in a downward spiral. And the ones that really get my goat think that making fun of my workout is funny. “Better you than me! Ha ha. Looks too much like work. Ha ha! You’ve got to be crazy to run marathons. Ha ha.” But I’m not crazy. You’re the one who’s crazy. You’re driving me crazy! They put me in an institution said it was the only solution give me professional help to protect me from the enemy myself! Next thing I know, I’m asking for a Pepsi. JUST ONE PEPSI AND SHE WOULDN’T GIVE IT TO ME!
++++++++++++
Would a hyperactive hypocrite be just a crit?
+++++++++++++++
I was making a peanut butter sandwich, and the bread tore apart. I looked at it, and I’ll be darned if it wasn’t in the exact shape as the island of Australia. So I’m going to scrape off the peanut butter and sell it on E-bay for thousands. Do you think I can charge extra if I toast it first? Damn, I should have used vegemite instead of peanut butter.
+++++++++++++++++
So I got an old Rolling Stones CD from the library. Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, to be exact. Great stuff generally. Back in those days, they would put on some hits and stuff the rest with obvious filler. A snoring dude and sounds of braying animals would wind up on the cutting room floor. I don’t think music as a whole is missing much in that regard. I mean, seriously. I’m sitting there, doing my uninteresting work, and some old fart is snoring right there in my earbuds.
++++++++++
Also from the eclectic library collection is something called “Rogue’s Gallery”, which is a collection of sea chanteys. You’d think that such a thing would be really low budget. When was the last time a dirty limerick topped the charts? But Sting sings one and Bono sings another. Some of the songs are well produced, some sound like a bunch of drunken Irishmen at a football match banging on old pirate skulls. Arrrr, matey.
In the notes, there is a brief description of each song. Most mention that no one ever wrote down the original lyrics due to “unfortunate Victorian sensibilities”. For example, there’s a ditty called “Baltimore Wh*res”, and it sounds pretty much like you’d think,
It’s good to listen to, but I wouldn’t fork over any of my hard earned doubloons.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What is Burger King’s new “Angry Whopper” all about? If “you are what you eat”, why would anyone want eat that? Are they angry at being charged $3.49 for a regular Whopper with barbeque sauce? I’m afraid it would kick my ass – from the inside!
+++++++++++++++++
I watched a movie called “The Marine”. Before any introduction, I see “World Wrestling Enterprises Entertainment”. Right off the bat I know where this one is headed. Anyway, it had a bunch of muscle bound bad guys beating up the equally muscle bound MARINE. If this movie missed any action movie cliché, it really isn’t a cliché at all. Opening sequence: THE MARINE is in a war zone. He gets a direct order not to save 5 captured soldiers. Hero disobeys and comes in guns a-blazin’. Hero gets discharged from the military. Cliché? Check. Bad guy killing members of his own crew? Check. Swimming underwater for ten minutes with your clothes on? Check. Action hero never gets bruised despite repeated beatings? Check. “We’ve can’t kill THE MARINE’s wife. We need her as an ‘insurance policy’.” Yes, 5 easy clichés! After he wastes 6 bad guys, you’d think they’d just drop the chick off so that THE MARINE will quit killing them one by one.
The choreographer had a hard job. Every weapon could only be used once. If you beat a guy with a 2x4, the next guy has to get whacked with an axe. After the axe, you have to kung-fu some moves on the next guy and snap his neck. The next guy gets stabbed with the knife that THE MARINE was carrying all along. Might as well toss the knife away now that it’s out of ammo.
At least no one shot a car one time and had it explode. They had to shoot the car 1200 times before it exploded. 1200 bullets, and crashing it into a fuel dump. Note to the bad guys: Stop hiding behind things that explode.
They tried “wit”. Robert Patrick starred as the bad guy. He’s the guy who played the second Terminator. So the bad guys are shooting at THE MARINE, and he keeps coming after them. “He’s like the Terminator!” they say. But the guy who played THE MARINE wasn’t Robert Patrick who played the Terminator, so: *facepalm*!
If the best thing in your movie is a botched reference another movie, the only logical recourse for you is to round up all the cast, crew, writers, directors and erase their memory via forced lobotomy. Then destroy all evidence that the movie ever existed by sealing it in a vault and sinking it in to the Mariana Trench with a warning label to all future generations in eighteen languages not to open for all eternity. Really, it is the only logical recourse. There should be a charitable fund established to do that sort of work for the good of humanity and posterity. I’m going to make my case to the Obama administration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My new training thing is to strap ankle weights on every day when I walk. Not for running, I tried that and it sucked. Yeah, it seems kind of crazy, but everyone is looking for that magic little trick that will yield huge gains. Will it work? I figure that so long as I’m not avoiding every hard thing, I can pick and choose the workouts that don’t make me miserable.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever get the impression that banker’s bonuses are distributed on the basis of who has the most manager-looking hair? Best dressed? Good attendance? Better-than-average office cleanliness?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this movie called “The Covenant”, which isn’t all that good. What it really suffers from is that almost every male character looks exactly alike. Call it “The Apartment 3G Complex”. Of the 5 guys who are witches, or warlocks or whatever, two of them look identical, and another one would, except he has long hair. There’s a new kid in town who looks like he’s their clone. You can figure out newbie has witchy powers in the first five minutes – but it takes at least ¾ of the movie for the other witchy guys to figure it out. The new guy casts a spell on himself to make him look like the one of the others. Since they all looked alike, I didn’t know. In the end, they all forget their feud and go form a boy band or something. Why bother with a vague, blood vengeance if you can get wildly rich and score with hot chicks?
But what do you expect from a movie that mistakenly called spiders “some kind of insect”? 45 years of Spiderman constantly correcting his enemies - Have they learned nothing???
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m still trying to come up with a superhero character that could make it to the big time. I figured that someone with endurance beyond human capability would make someone “super”. So, what about the ability to stay awake for long stretches? Wouldn’t that be exciting? The world record for staying awake seems to be around 11.5 days or so. The Guiness Book felt that it encouraged dangerous behavior, so they removed it. Ok, but they kept the guy who walked on a tightrope between the Twin Towers, greatest bull fighter, longest time holding breath underwater and the deepest sword swallower. So Enduro, my super character, will stay awake for 45 days at a stretch. His arch-enemy will be called “Sominex”. What riveting action will ensue? Oh, just wait.
And wait.
And wait…
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that it will take some kind of insomniac kid to really appreciate Enduro’s hours of loneliness in the early morn, and angst-ridden rage possibly due to poor sleep habits and a diet consisting of coffee, sugar candy and Red Bull. But what power did Batman have, really? A car and a tool belt? Big whoop, so did Joe the Plumber.
++++++++++++
Would a hyperactive hypocrite be just a crit?
+++++++++++++++
I was making a peanut butter sandwich, and the bread tore apart. I looked at it, and I’ll be darned if it wasn’t in the exact shape as the island of Australia. So I’m going to scrape off the peanut butter and sell it on E-bay for thousands. Do you think I can charge extra if I toast it first? Damn, I should have used vegemite instead of peanut butter.
+++++++++++++++++
So I got an old Rolling Stones CD from the library. Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, to be exact. Great stuff generally. Back in those days, they would put on some hits and stuff the rest with obvious filler. A snoring dude and sounds of braying animals would wind up on the cutting room floor. I don’t think music as a whole is missing much in that regard. I mean, seriously. I’m sitting there, doing my uninteresting work, and some old fart is snoring right there in my earbuds.
++++++++++
Also from the eclectic library collection is something called “Rogue’s Gallery”, which is a collection of sea chanteys. You’d think that such a thing would be really low budget. When was the last time a dirty limerick topped the charts? But Sting sings one and Bono sings another. Some of the songs are well produced, some sound like a bunch of drunken Irishmen at a football match banging on old pirate skulls. Arrrr, matey.
In the notes, there is a brief description of each song. Most mention that no one ever wrote down the original lyrics due to “unfortunate Victorian sensibilities”. For example, there’s a ditty called “Baltimore Wh*res”, and it sounds pretty much like you’d think,
It’s good to listen to, but I wouldn’t fork over any of my hard earned doubloons.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What is Burger King’s new “Angry Whopper” all about? If “you are what you eat”, why would anyone want eat that? Are they angry at being charged $3.49 for a regular Whopper with barbeque sauce? I’m afraid it would kick my ass – from the inside!
+++++++++++++++++
I watched a movie called “The Marine”. Before any introduction, I see “World Wrestling Enterprises Entertainment”. Right off the bat I know where this one is headed. Anyway, it had a bunch of muscle bound bad guys beating up the equally muscle bound MARINE. If this movie missed any action movie cliché, it really isn’t a cliché at all. Opening sequence: THE MARINE is in a war zone. He gets a direct order not to save 5 captured soldiers. Hero disobeys and comes in guns a-blazin’. Hero gets discharged from the military. Cliché? Check. Bad guy killing members of his own crew? Check. Swimming underwater for ten minutes with your clothes on? Check. Action hero never gets bruised despite repeated beatings? Check. “We’ve can’t kill THE MARINE’s wife. We need her as an ‘insurance policy’.” Yes, 5 easy clichés! After he wastes 6 bad guys, you’d think they’d just drop the chick off so that THE MARINE will quit killing them one by one.
The choreographer had a hard job. Every weapon could only be used once. If you beat a guy with a 2x4, the next guy has to get whacked with an axe. After the axe, you have to kung-fu some moves on the next guy and snap his neck. The next guy gets stabbed with the knife that THE MARINE was carrying all along. Might as well toss the knife away now that it’s out of ammo.
At least no one shot a car one time and had it explode. They had to shoot the car 1200 times before it exploded. 1200 bullets, and crashing it into a fuel dump. Note to the bad guys: Stop hiding behind things that explode.
They tried “wit”. Robert Patrick starred as the bad guy. He’s the guy who played the second Terminator. So the bad guys are shooting at THE MARINE, and he keeps coming after them. “He’s like the Terminator!” they say. But the guy who played THE MARINE wasn’t Robert Patrick who played the Terminator, so: *facepalm*!
If the best thing in your movie is a botched reference another movie, the only logical recourse for you is to round up all the cast, crew, writers, directors and erase their memory via forced lobotomy. Then destroy all evidence that the movie ever existed by sealing it in a vault and sinking it in to the Mariana Trench with a warning label to all future generations in eighteen languages not to open for all eternity. Really, it is the only logical recourse. There should be a charitable fund established to do that sort of work for the good of humanity and posterity. I’m going to make my case to the Obama administration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My new training thing is to strap ankle weights on every day when I walk. Not for running, I tried that and it sucked. Yeah, it seems kind of crazy, but everyone is looking for that magic little trick that will yield huge gains. Will it work? I figure that so long as I’m not avoiding every hard thing, I can pick and choose the workouts that don’t make me miserable.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever get the impression that banker’s bonuses are distributed on the basis of who has the most manager-looking hair? Best dressed? Good attendance? Better-than-average office cleanliness?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this movie called “The Covenant”, which isn’t all that good. What it really suffers from is that almost every male character looks exactly alike. Call it “The Apartment 3G Complex”. Of the 5 guys who are witches, or warlocks or whatever, two of them look identical, and another one would, except he has long hair. There’s a new kid in town who looks like he’s their clone. You can figure out newbie has witchy powers in the first five minutes – but it takes at least ¾ of the movie for the other witchy guys to figure it out. The new guy casts a spell on himself to make him look like the one of the others. Since they all looked alike, I didn’t know. In the end, they all forget their feud and go form a boy band or something. Why bother with a vague, blood vengeance if you can get wildly rich and score with hot chicks?
But what do you expect from a movie that mistakenly called spiders “some kind of insect”? 45 years of Spiderman constantly correcting his enemies - Have they learned nothing???
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m still trying to come up with a superhero character that could make it to the big time. I figured that someone with endurance beyond human capability would make someone “super”. So, what about the ability to stay awake for long stretches? Wouldn’t that be exciting? The world record for staying awake seems to be around 11.5 days or so. The Guiness Book felt that it encouraged dangerous behavior, so they removed it. Ok, but they kept the guy who walked on a tightrope between the Twin Towers, greatest bull fighter, longest time holding breath underwater and the deepest sword swallower. So Enduro, my super character, will stay awake for 45 days at a stretch. His arch-enemy will be called “Sominex”. What riveting action will ensue? Oh, just wait.
And wait.
And wait…
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that it will take some kind of insomniac kid to really appreciate Enduro’s hours of loneliness in the early morn, and angst-ridden rage possibly due to poor sleep habits and a diet consisting of coffee, sugar candy and Red Bull. But what power did Batman have, really? A car and a tool belt? Big whoop, so did Joe the Plumber.
Don't drive or fly, RUN.
The airlines are upping their “fuel surcharge”. What the fvck? I’m not against a company charging extra for a special service, but what were we flying on before? Were the gas tanks being filled up with water?
++++++++++++++
Detroit complains about cheap overseas labor, but they forget about those domestic plants being opened by foreign companies. For some reason a Camry from Georgetown, KY can be made more cheaply than its counterpart at Ford (the Taurus, I think) or GM (the Genericrap, I think). Toyota is regarded as a high paying company with excellent benefits. So you have to wonder what they do that the big 3 don't.
+++++++++++
When I run outside, I circle my neighborhood several times. Some people have asked me how I can pass by my house and not just stop. It’s like anything else in running. You train for it. And what I mean by “it” is the starting back up again. At first, I did it mentally because at the top of my street, there’s a big downhill. So I’d tell myself that even though I’m running another lap, I get to go downhill. By the bottom of the hill, I’m stuck and I have to keep going.
If I do stop, I have a bottle of water there, and I grab a drink. Maybe I’ll take a few bites of power bar. Sometimes I ditch a layer of clothes. I make my stops useful. I’ve run 20 without stopping for water, but I don’t advise that. During a race, you can get water on the fly.
I was on Google maps, and that street level view is way cool. You can see 360 degrees around and look up to see the tops of the buildings, too. Theoretically, you could run the Boston Marathon virtually by moving along the route. I don’t know about you, but I get really sweaty from surfin’ the internet.
Other people have told me that when they run, they’re in pain for most of the day. If I felt this crappy after a training run, how the hell can I run a marathon? By running but feeling even crappier at the end. That was my solution, anyway.
After the first marathon in 05, I noticed a great deal more ability and stamina. It wasn’t some mental thing of having a marathon under my belt, it was real physical ability that took a full year to develop. With a few years of conditioning, a 20+ mile run isn’t as debilitating as it once was. But I’d be lying if I said that I ever looked forward to them.
I’m thinking that after the next race, I’m taking a week off. Then I’m going to hold my running down to 40 miles per week or so. However, I’ve said that before every race and I’ve never done it.
I’m going in to my another big race wondering why I do this. I suppose the same reasons apply as the first big race, but since I didn’t know what those were, I’m still sort of searching.
In Philadelphia, the web site said that finishers receive a “technical t-shirt”. I didn’t know if that’s a large piece of cloth or what. “Although it hasn’t been cut and sewn, technically, it is still a shirt.”
At least in the Boston, like in Phili, I was amongst more serious runners. I hate it when slow people crowd the starting line. Call it a pet peeve.
A 5K is short, but very, very intense. You come out of the starting line really moving and you’re expected to keep it moving for the whole trip at that frantic pace. A setback of a single minute really counts. With a jogging stroller, that can happen, too. It’s hard to maneuver in traffic. And, of course there were hundreds of people lining up at the front that didn’t belong there and I had to get around. Do they not understand the concept of a timing chip?
I heard an announcer before a race explain in diplomatic terms that although everyone was there to have fun, some people were very serious about their running and there was a need to differentiate these two groups to reduce traffic jams. No one moved. I would have taken a less subtle approach. “You, Fatty! How fast you gunna run? Yeah, right, take a hike. All you 17 year old chickies, move it back about 50 yards. That’s not 50. That’s not 50. No wonder you believe your boyfriends when they say that this (hold up fingers) is eight inches. You laughing, fat boy? 20 yard penalty!”
++++++++++++++++++
I get a big thrill out of the crowds when I do a race. I don’t get applauded for my efforts elsewhere. I love giving high fives. I love being singled out “Go yellow shirt!” “Go #142!” That sort of stuff. I applaud the crowds, too. It’s got to be pretty boring to watch a bunch of tired, listless runners go by without acknowledging them. So I make eye contact, wave, give the thumbs up, “woo-hoo!”, all of that. Well, between miles 23 and 26, not so much. Too tired. Sorry. Take it as a compliment if I so much as look at you.
I can't say enough good things about the Boston crowds, though. Friendly, enthusiastic, encouraging, and they didn't bat an eyelash when the runners on the other side of the road dropped trou and peed no more than 3 feet from the race course.
+++++++++++++++
My wife made me see Mama Mia, and now I have these Abba songs locked in and cranking on my mental iPod. The only remedy for such an ailment is a brain-wiping lobotomy. She absolutely loved the movie. I thought that without the music, it would have been paper thin. I would add that Pierce Brosnan needs singing lessons, but my wife says that he got the lessons. If he gets his money back, I will bill him for my movie ticket.
+++++++++++++
About once per week, there’s an op-ed in the paper that decries the stereotyping of the Appalachian accented people in this state. They don’t say that having a heavy Bronx accent is also a stereotype for those of lesser intelligence, and being Italian means “having mob connections” and it is a well known fact that all persons of Oriental descent have awe-inspiring martial arts training and sage advice as they age.
++++++++++++
’m watching a documentary series on the City of New York. It’s 14 hours long, but the first two hours covered 215 years. The second two cover up to the end of the Civil War. I’ve calculated that at this rate, I’ll soon be writing to you about the problems with flying car traffic that NYC will experience in the 2080s.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It’s good, but the narrator is the same guy who did the voice over for a Woodford Distillery short film. It’s hard to get it out of my head that he’s talking seriously about a nation torn apart and not jovially about the fine quality craftsmanship of genuine Kentucky bourbon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been watching some Japanamation mini series called Flag. It’s really good. It’s about a photojournalist covering a conflict in a small, fictitious South East Asian nation. The coolest thing about the show is that while the credits roll up at the end of each episode, the camera pans around a messy desk, because all journalists worth watching on TV are slobs. Amidst the pictures, papers, scrap, do-dads and whatnots is a half empty bottle of Early Times Bourbon – woo hoo! Kentucky product placement! Interesting fact, though, is that Early Times exported is of higher quality than the local variety. But the Flag show is good.
++++++++++++++
I watched a bit of “24”, season 3. Dennis Haysbert played a Presidential candidate season 1, then moved to President for seasons 2 and 3. There is always a scene where someone presents him a speech. He glances at it briefly and says “It’s good, but invert paragraphs 3 and 4.” Can’t his writers understand that he wants the third to be after the fourth by now? Or, maybe “inverted”, means that he wants them printed upside down? I’m probably not going to finish this season, and I don’t think I’ll be any poorer for it.
++++++++++++++
Detroit complains about cheap overseas labor, but they forget about those domestic plants being opened by foreign companies. For some reason a Camry from Georgetown, KY can be made more cheaply than its counterpart at Ford (the Taurus, I think) or GM (the Genericrap, I think). Toyota is regarded as a high paying company with excellent benefits. So you have to wonder what they do that the big 3 don't.
+++++++++++
When I run outside, I circle my neighborhood several times. Some people have asked me how I can pass by my house and not just stop. It’s like anything else in running. You train for it. And what I mean by “it” is the starting back up again. At first, I did it mentally because at the top of my street, there’s a big downhill. So I’d tell myself that even though I’m running another lap, I get to go downhill. By the bottom of the hill, I’m stuck and I have to keep going.
If I do stop, I have a bottle of water there, and I grab a drink. Maybe I’ll take a few bites of power bar. Sometimes I ditch a layer of clothes. I make my stops useful. I’ve run 20 without stopping for water, but I don’t advise that. During a race, you can get water on the fly.
I was on Google maps, and that street level view is way cool. You can see 360 degrees around and look up to see the tops of the buildings, too. Theoretically, you could run the Boston Marathon virtually by moving along the route. I don’t know about you, but I get really sweaty from surfin’ the internet.
Other people have told me that when they run, they’re in pain for most of the day. If I felt this crappy after a training run, how the hell can I run a marathon? By running but feeling even crappier at the end. That was my solution, anyway.
After the first marathon in 05, I noticed a great deal more ability and stamina. It wasn’t some mental thing of having a marathon under my belt, it was real physical ability that took a full year to develop. With a few years of conditioning, a 20+ mile run isn’t as debilitating as it once was. But I’d be lying if I said that I ever looked forward to them.
I’m thinking that after the next race, I’m taking a week off. Then I’m going to hold my running down to 40 miles per week or so. However, I’ve said that before every race and I’ve never done it.
I’m going in to my another big race wondering why I do this. I suppose the same reasons apply as the first big race, but since I didn’t know what those were, I’m still sort of searching.
In Philadelphia, the web site said that finishers receive a “technical t-shirt”. I didn’t know if that’s a large piece of cloth or what. “Although it hasn’t been cut and sewn, technically, it is still a shirt.”
At least in the Boston, like in Phili, I was amongst more serious runners. I hate it when slow people crowd the starting line. Call it a pet peeve.
A 5K is short, but very, very intense. You come out of the starting line really moving and you’re expected to keep it moving for the whole trip at that frantic pace. A setback of a single minute really counts. With a jogging stroller, that can happen, too. It’s hard to maneuver in traffic. And, of course there were hundreds of people lining up at the front that didn’t belong there and I had to get around. Do they not understand the concept of a timing chip?
I heard an announcer before a race explain in diplomatic terms that although everyone was there to have fun, some people were very serious about their running and there was a need to differentiate these two groups to reduce traffic jams. No one moved. I would have taken a less subtle approach. “You, Fatty! How fast you gunna run? Yeah, right, take a hike. All you 17 year old chickies, move it back about 50 yards. That’s not 50. That’s not 50. No wonder you believe your boyfriends when they say that this (hold up fingers) is eight inches. You laughing, fat boy? 20 yard penalty!”
++++++++++++++++++
I get a big thrill out of the crowds when I do a race. I don’t get applauded for my efforts elsewhere. I love giving high fives. I love being singled out “Go yellow shirt!” “Go #142!” That sort of stuff. I applaud the crowds, too. It’s got to be pretty boring to watch a bunch of tired, listless runners go by without acknowledging them. So I make eye contact, wave, give the thumbs up, “woo-hoo!”, all of that. Well, between miles 23 and 26, not so much. Too tired. Sorry. Take it as a compliment if I so much as look at you.
I can't say enough good things about the Boston crowds, though. Friendly, enthusiastic, encouraging, and they didn't bat an eyelash when the runners on the other side of the road dropped trou and peed no more than 3 feet from the race course.
+++++++++++++++
My wife made me see Mama Mia, and now I have these Abba songs locked in and cranking on my mental iPod. The only remedy for such an ailment is a brain-wiping lobotomy. She absolutely loved the movie. I thought that without the music, it would have been paper thin. I would add that Pierce Brosnan needs singing lessons, but my wife says that he got the lessons. If he gets his money back, I will bill him for my movie ticket.
+++++++++++++
About once per week, there’s an op-ed in the paper that decries the stereotyping of the Appalachian accented people in this state. They don’t say that having a heavy Bronx accent is also a stereotype for those of lesser intelligence, and being Italian means “having mob connections” and it is a well known fact that all persons of Oriental descent have awe-inspiring martial arts training and sage advice as they age.
++++++++++++
’m watching a documentary series on the City of New York. It’s 14 hours long, but the first two hours covered 215 years. The second two cover up to the end of the Civil War. I’ve calculated that at this rate, I’ll soon be writing to you about the problems with flying car traffic that NYC will experience in the 2080s.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It’s good, but the narrator is the same guy who did the voice over for a Woodford Distillery short film. It’s hard to get it out of my head that he’s talking seriously about a nation torn apart and not jovially about the fine quality craftsmanship of genuine Kentucky bourbon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been watching some Japanamation mini series called Flag. It’s really good. It’s about a photojournalist covering a conflict in a small, fictitious South East Asian nation. The coolest thing about the show is that while the credits roll up at the end of each episode, the camera pans around a messy desk, because all journalists worth watching on TV are slobs. Amidst the pictures, papers, scrap, do-dads and whatnots is a half empty bottle of Early Times Bourbon – woo hoo! Kentucky product placement! Interesting fact, though, is that Early Times exported is of higher quality than the local variety. But the Flag show is good.
++++++++++++++
I watched a bit of “24”, season 3. Dennis Haysbert played a Presidential candidate season 1, then moved to President for seasons 2 and 3. There is always a scene where someone presents him a speech. He glances at it briefly and says “It’s good, but invert paragraphs 3 and 4.” Can’t his writers understand that he wants the third to be after the fourth by now? Or, maybe “inverted”, means that he wants them printed upside down? I’m probably not going to finish this season, and I don’t think I’ll be any poorer for it.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Lance Armstrong, Evil Sylar and some Arabian guy who invented 0.
I read about celebrities that do marathons. A lot of them have semi-crappy times. So, maybe I’ll be running next to some Hollywood type. Who knows? The one celeb that kicks my ass in running times is Lance Armstrong, but I think he has an advantage in not having testicles. I sacrifice a lot for my sport, but that’s waaaaay over the line.
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
For the Gulf Coast, Elton John will yet again remake Candle in the Wind.
Captain America is now the enemy of the Tea Party. There was a recent comic where the star-spangled hero is trying to break up a white supremacist group. The organization is also involved in anti-tax demonstrations and a cartoon protester held a sign “Tea bag the libs before they tea bag you!” which was an actual Tea Party sign. So the Tea Party is outraged (again). Now they have to explain why they aren’t racist because they support threatening ALL liberals equally, not just the liberals of color.
There was a leftie Canadian alt-rock band called the Tea Party, too. Irony is not dead. Until it gets ‘tea bagged’ – whatever that is.
The Tea Party doesn’t even have a coherent platform aside from “I don’t wanna pay taxes.” I’m just waiting for the Tea Party to join forces with the crowd that used to bust in to auto repair shops and proclaim that “I’m NOT going to pay a lot for this muffler!” on those old Midas commercials. Then they’d be unstoppable. Even George Foreman could make an appearance.
++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a woman who racked up $555,000 in student debt. She’s being used as a poster child for those that argue that the cost of education is too high. While I agree that education cost has risen too fast, she spent over 100K per year? Sounds like profligate spending is not solely the providence of government and educational institutions.
++++++++++++++++++++
Judas Priest put out a live CD in 08. They still sound good. At least Rob Halford isn’t still wearing all that tight leather. His leather chaps are much more loose, for that comfortable “relaxed fit” that’s all the rage with the headbanging seniors these days. That and metal studded shuffleboard cue sticks.
+++++++++++++++++
I’ve been reading that barefoot running is supposed to be better for you. They cite the fact that humans evolved without shoes. But the African savannah wasn’t in the single digits Fahrenheit. Alongside the barefoot running article was a company trying to sell you shoes that try to mimic going barefoot. So your product is not quite as good as nothing?
++++++++++++++++++++
The majority of the population is overweight by government standards. Obviously, government is the problem. They are out-of-touch with the average American. And that skinny Obama is secretly getting rid of all the lard asses by means of death panels!
++++++++++++++++
I personally like Obama, but like I said during the campaign, he’s too liberal to be my ideal president. 1.5 Trillion dollars in red ink? Couldn’t he shave the deficit down to a nice, even $1,000,000,000,000.00 at least?
I like what he said to the Republicans about reaching out and cooperating. I’m sure as soon as he walked out of the room, the Reps made faces and stuck out their tongues.
The Reps were complaining about a “Democratic attack machine”. That’s a good one. The Dems are way too dysfunctional and unorganized to ever be called a “machine”. Sounds like whining to me. “They use our own words against us! How can we run a smear campaign against our accuser if the accuser is us? Waaaah!”
It’s like Rand Paul. He wins the Rep primary for senate easily, then immediately goes out and says all kinds of crazy stuff about how every law needs to strictly adhere to the Constitution, except the 14th Amendment, because that one is unconstitutional.
But the non-machine-Republicans have managed to blanket the entire state of Kentucky with their blue and white “Rand Paul for senate” posters.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve noticed over the past few decades that office dress codes have generally become more casual. In contrast, public schools, where appearance doesn’t matter, dress codes have become far more restrictive. I’m sure this is done with the intent to give the kids incentive to graduate. “One day I’m going to work in a box – but I’ll get to wear jeans!”
++++++++++++++++++++
Some Tea party idiot made news by dressing like Darth Vader when Obama came to his town. When asked about it, the Tea party guy said “It means ‘May the Force be with… power to the people… or something’.” Now there’s a guy who takes a stand.
With all the Republican hypocrisy, something is beginning to smell fishy around here. Wait, it’s just the lady in the cube next door with her salmon. Never mind. Sarah Palin is still an idiot, though.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
New: Dove For Men. No.
++++++++++++++++++++++
My kids got Disney paper dolls. They can dress Cinderella in Sleeping Beauty’s dress if they want. Without any dress, the princesses are in their underwear. Snow White is surprisingly hot. Should I be worried about myself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Everyone thinks I’m a fanatic about nutrition. When I’m in training, I don’t drink alcohol or eat sweets. People have their own definition of “crazy”. Some think that getting up at 4am and running 8 miles in the snow is crazy, but I…… when I phrase it like that, it does sound kind of nuts.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I read that too much protein can also slow you down. I was surprised. I grew up on the protein = good mentality because when you are body building that’s what you build with. The Ethiopian diet is very lean and the meat is sparse.
Yes, that’s right, I said that another country is superior to the United States in some way and that we should emulate them. May D!ck Cheney have mercy upon my soul.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Jay-Z said that “We Are the World” shouldn’t have been remade. Considering how lousy I thought it was in ’85, I’d agree. Jay-Z is on the opposite side of the spectrum, he seems to think that it was so great that it could never be duplicated. Maybe Elton John can come to the rescue with the 37th remake of “Candle in the Wind”.
++++++++++++++++++++
I sometimes toy with the idea that I should go back to school and get a degree in something in demand, like teaching, computers or nursing. An ad caught my eye. Apparently, I can get an online nursing degree in as little as 3 months. That’s scary. There are people in hospitals trusting their health to people from this program? I train for marathons longer than that.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The joys of having two darling daughters: Watching the Tinkerbell movie. She doesn’t display the same vindictive spitefulness that she does in Peter Pan. That being said, she’s still not likeable. Instead of being impetuous and jealous, she’s conniving and conceited. Her only virtue is that she’s less arrogant than the prissy snot who serves as the antagonist of the movie. Even at 78 minutes, the plot is still stretched.
She saves the day essentially by mechanization of the fairy tasks. I suspect her own inventions put her out of work. She became jaded, bitter, and loathed to change. That’s why she couldn’t stand the Darling kids coming to Neverland. Seems a bit dark for a Disney fairy, but there it is.
++++++++++++++++
When it snowed, some global warming denier in the Senate had his grand kids build an igloo on Capitol Hill and hung a sign saying “Al Gore’s New Home”. Ha ha. How does it look for the cameras now that it melted?
There was a leftie Canadian alt-rock band called the Tea Party, too. Irony is not dead. Until it gets ‘tea bagged’ – whatever that is.
The Tea Party doesn’t even have a coherent platform aside from “I don’t wanna pay taxes.” I’m just waiting for the Tea Party to join forces with the crowd that used to bust in to auto repair shops and proclaim that “I’m NOT going to pay a lot for this muffler!” on those old Midas commercials. Then they’d be unstoppable. Even George Foreman could make an appearance.
++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a woman who racked up $555,000 in student debt. She’s being used as a poster child for those that argue that the cost of education is too high. While I agree that education cost has risen too fast, she spent over 100K per year? Sounds like profligate spending is not solely the providence of government and educational institutions.
++++++++++++++++++++
Judas Priest put out a live CD in 08. They still sound good. At least Rob Halford isn’t still wearing all that tight leather. His leather chaps are much more loose, for that comfortable “relaxed fit” that’s all the rage with the headbanging seniors these days. That and metal studded shuffleboard cue sticks.
+++++++++++++++++
I’ve been reading that barefoot running is supposed to be better for you. They cite the fact that humans evolved without shoes. But the African savannah wasn’t in the single digits Fahrenheit. Alongside the barefoot running article was a company trying to sell you shoes that try to mimic going barefoot. So your product is not quite as good as nothing?
++++++++++++++++++++
The majority of the population is overweight by government standards. Obviously, government is the problem. They are out-of-touch with the average American. And that skinny Obama is secretly getting rid of all the lard asses by means of death panels!
++++++++++++++++
I personally like Obama, but like I said during the campaign, he’s too liberal to be my ideal president. 1.5 Trillion dollars in red ink? Couldn’t he shave the deficit down to a nice, even $1,000,000,000,000.00 at least?
I like what he said to the Republicans about reaching out and cooperating. I’m sure as soon as he walked out of the room, the Reps made faces and stuck out their tongues.
The Reps were complaining about a “Democratic attack machine”. That’s a good one. The Dems are way too dysfunctional and unorganized to ever be called a “machine”. Sounds like whining to me. “They use our own words against us! How can we run a smear campaign against our accuser if the accuser is us? Waaaah!”
It’s like Rand Paul. He wins the Rep primary for senate easily, then immediately goes out and says all kinds of crazy stuff about how every law needs to strictly adhere to the Constitution, except the 14th Amendment, because that one is unconstitutional.
But the non-machine-Republicans have managed to blanket the entire state of Kentucky with their blue and white “Rand Paul for senate” posters.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve noticed over the past few decades that office dress codes have generally become more casual. In contrast, public schools, where appearance doesn’t matter, dress codes have become far more restrictive. I’m sure this is done with the intent to give the kids incentive to graduate. “One day I’m going to work in a box – but I’ll get to wear jeans!”
++++++++++++++++++++
Some Tea party idiot made news by dressing like Darth Vader when Obama came to his town. When asked about it, the Tea party guy said “It means ‘May the Force be with… power to the people… or something’.” Now there’s a guy who takes a stand.
With all the Republican hypocrisy, something is beginning to smell fishy around here. Wait, it’s just the lady in the cube next door with her salmon. Never mind. Sarah Palin is still an idiot, though.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
New: Dove For Men. No.
++++++++++++++++++++++
My kids got Disney paper dolls. They can dress Cinderella in Sleeping Beauty’s dress if they want. Without any dress, the princesses are in their underwear. Snow White is surprisingly hot. Should I be worried about myself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Everyone thinks I’m a fanatic about nutrition. When I’m in training, I don’t drink alcohol or eat sweets. People have their own definition of “crazy”. Some think that getting up at 4am and running 8 miles in the snow is crazy, but I…… when I phrase it like that, it does sound kind of nuts.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I read that too much protein can also slow you down. I was surprised. I grew up on the protein = good mentality because when you are body building that’s what you build with. The Ethiopian diet is very lean and the meat is sparse.
Yes, that’s right, I said that another country is superior to the United States in some way and that we should emulate them. May D!ck Cheney have mercy upon my soul.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Jay-Z said that “We Are the World” shouldn’t have been remade. Considering how lousy I thought it was in ’85, I’d agree. Jay-Z is on the opposite side of the spectrum, he seems to think that it was so great that it could never be duplicated. Maybe Elton John can come to the rescue with the 37th remake of “Candle in the Wind”.
++++++++++++++++++++
I sometimes toy with the idea that I should go back to school and get a degree in something in demand, like teaching, computers or nursing. An ad caught my eye. Apparently, I can get an online nursing degree in as little as 3 months. That’s scary. There are people in hospitals trusting their health to people from this program? I train for marathons longer than that.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The joys of having two darling daughters: Watching the Tinkerbell movie. She doesn’t display the same vindictive spitefulness that she does in Peter Pan. That being said, she’s still not likeable. Instead of being impetuous and jealous, she’s conniving and conceited. Her only virtue is that she’s less arrogant than the prissy snot who serves as the antagonist of the movie. Even at 78 minutes, the plot is still stretched.
She saves the day essentially by mechanization of the fairy tasks. I suspect her own inventions put her out of work. She became jaded, bitter, and loathed to change. That’s why she couldn’t stand the Darling kids coming to Neverland. Seems a bit dark for a Disney fairy, but there it is.
++++++++++++++++
When it snowed, some global warming denier in the Senate had his grand kids build an igloo on Capitol Hill and hung a sign saying “Al Gore’s New Home”. Ha ha. How does it look for the cameras now that it melted?
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Willpower uses old technology. It has soul.
I stopped listening to rock radio in ’98. The rock station in Buffalo needed every weekend to be an *event*. When a blockbuster movie opened, it would be a >fill in the blank< Movie Weekend. That’s ok if the movie is a gargantuan thriller like Lord of the Rings or a Star Wars or something. *Children of the Corn VI* does not quite live up to the excitement needed to revolve your weekend plans around it.
They would broadcast from some off-site “party” location. The opening weekend of a theme park, or at some big concert, that’s ok. When you’re left with the grand opening of a new gas station mini-mart, dude, you’re about as far from “cool” as you can get before you get so “uncool” that you begin to re-enter “cool” territory again.
It’s like this:*We’re here on a sloppy February Saturday at the grand opening of Frank Greenberg’s new Noco Mini Mart on Genesee Street going towards Williamsville. There’s some wet snow flying around outside, but inside we got a ton of give aways and specials like 2 hot dogs for $1 and free samples of pizza minis!*
Yeah, the only less-cool place would be broadcasting from the offices of the high school newspaper – which I’m sure that they tried, except that the local high school is shut down on the weekends.
And why do they have to broadcast like there’s a 24/7 keg party going on? The other day I’m trying to listen to the traffic report because there was a basketball game downtown, and that makes a big difference where I drive. I usually hate traffic reports. They never say anything that makes a difference and they jam through them so fast you never understand what they’re talking about anyway. But this station decided that even rushed through, they were too boring and everyone would change stations if subjected to this crap for 10 seconds. So, they crank background music throughout the report. I couldn’t hear a damn word. I got stuck in the game traffic, too. Thanks, guys.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And the debate between old and new technology rages. I heard some guy cutting down CDs in favor of records, saying that CDs don’t have any soul or some other crap. CDs more faithfully present the sound actually generated by a live band. When I first got a CD player, I noticed each note, whereas the same sound on vinyl and definitely on tape would be far less clear.
For instance, I could hear the faint slide of a guitarist’s fingers on the strings in between the notes on some occasions. And, you just can’t play vinyl in the car or go jogging with it. Vinyl is more expensive to make. Vinyl scratches easier than a CD. The needle wears out. After you listen to a vinyl album several times, audio quality declines. I mean, should we just hold on to a piece of old technology that provides no advantages just because of some immeasurable, subjective quality called “soul”?
The same argument is being applied to the recent demise of Polaroid’s Instamatic film. They’ve stopped making it. Some die-hard fans are just torn up saying that they could never do without it. And the “soul” argument was used, too. I could see that argument with high end film cameras, but an Instamatic? It was point and shoot and the focus was honed in on whatever was closest. Some lady was interviewed who did professional photography used instant film, and got hers specially made to be 20”x20”. Each snap of the camera cost her about a hundred bucks. She believed that knowing that each shot cost so much, the photographer would take greater care to get it just right. But 100 years ago, wouldn’t that have been the argument of the portrait painters against film camera? Anyone could just snap a picture, but it took a true artist to get a painted portrait just right. You could snap a hundred pictures in a day, but a portrait took a week. Film cameras have no soul! Same with all this light from electricity. Light shouldn’t be as convenient as just flicking on a switch. We should go back to gas lamps. No, even better - candles and torches. Wildly inefficient, smoky, and an enormous fire hazard, but they had SOUL.
And boo-hiss on tap water, too. Too clean, too reliable and too easy. You drink the same tasting water in the summer as you do in the winter? That’s not living! Buckets of water laboriously hauled up in all weather conditions make you appreciate each drop. Water from the local scum laden pond has SOUL.
Music, especially rock music, grew up as singles. Now, I guess we’re moving back to that, and people are lamenting the demise of album orientation. It’s like the way this guy invented a way to pull the pits out of olives before they’re pressed for olive oil. The olive oil aficionados say that the pit lends some taste and that’s the way it has been made for centuries. The guy who invented the pitter responded that the ancient Greeks used to pit the olives before they pressed them, so his way was actually a return to the REALLY old style and not a new fangled style per se. However, modern recipes are written for the merely centuries old olive oil, and I’m sure that if you add the wrong kind of olive oil you would incinerate the delicate palate of your canned green bean recipe.
+++++++++++++++++++
I’m still training for my race. I dreamt last night that I was on the starting line and I was drunk and unprepared. I hadn’t even tied my shoes when the gun went off. But then again, the race was taking place inside a gigantic shopping mall, so I can’t see it being some kind of telepathic message sent from the future. Then the bikini babes came out. It was around then that I began to suspect things weren’t real.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
60% of MBA school is stuff that you could have figured out on your own. But if you say “I would have thought of that myself!” I say “Yeah, but ya didn’t, didja?”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a switch on the wall outside my office with no discernable purpose. Normally, such things are of no consequence and can be safely ignored. But this is a red LED lit switch. I shudder to think of what Earthly catastrophe could take place if it were turned off. What is behind this switch? What can it be? Oh, I’m just so tempted!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
My high hopes for the current Rex Morgan storyline are dropping precipitously. Instead of moving on with the story, Rex got bogged down in one of those conversations with his wife, June. That’s instant plot quicksand. Next week, no new developments, but Rex is concerned!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But what do “they” know, anyway? “They” also say that George Washington wore wooden teeth, and that ostriches bury their heads.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to read books in song format even when they don’t rhyme or have any kind of meter. How do you sing a book of prose? Badly. Last night, my entire audience walked out during an operatic performance of Cinderella. I thought I got them hooked when the rhythm turned a-rockin’ when she ran down the palace steps at midnight, and then I got slow and sad as the coach turned back into a pumpkin. But that’s the moment when the kids took off. Ah, I expect a poor review in tomorrow’s Times. But, damn the critics! Yes, I sing absurdly and I have no talent, but damn them anyway!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read an interesting article on willpower. It’s apparently a lot like muscle. You can achieve great feats of will, but then it leaves you less capable of such feats in the near term. Over time, you can build your willpower, like you would build your athletic ability when you’re training. So, if you begin a new training regimen, you will more likely slack off in other areas. That may explain why so many people who quit smoking, for instance, quickly gain weight soon afterwards. I’m using my willpower to train harder, and I don’t have that much left over to resist many other temptations. Americans work long hours, and that seems to result in overspending, overeating and under-exercising. No, the article didn’t carry the theory the extra step to chide America on our collective bad habits. That’s my personal touch. By blowing my willpower budget on waking up early, I don’t have much left to run the miles hard. To answer why I’m running them at all is because what the hell else are you going to do when you wake up at 4:00? That’s so goddamn early that I don’t even think the internet is awake.
++++++++++++++++
I never understood this “elephant in the room” thing. What, like elephants are so common in rooms that no one mentions it? Very, very tiny elephants, perhaps made of ceramics? I can’t figure it out. Does it have to do with those six blind guys and the elephant? In that analogy, each blind guy mistook the elephant as something else, but they at least acknowledged that it existed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate job applications. The federal government centralized their application system. If you fill out their application, theoretically it can be referenced for any federal job. In practice, I filled out an extensive application for one job a month or two ago, and now I’m going for another job. But the second job does not accept electronic applications in any form. They insist that you fill out Form OF 612, which is pretty much the same stuff as the electronic version on the centralized web site. The form is, of course, offered on line, but you can’t just copy and paste to it. So I get to see the dismal record of my life’s non-accomplishments. Not only am I forced to confront it, but I’m getting a hand cramp trying to elaborate my experience as a boring accounting drone. God, I hate filling out applications.
They would broadcast from some off-site “party” location. The opening weekend of a theme park, or at some big concert, that’s ok. When you’re left with the grand opening of a new gas station mini-mart, dude, you’re about as far from “cool” as you can get before you get so “uncool” that you begin to re-enter “cool” territory again.
It’s like this:*We’re here on a sloppy February Saturday at the grand opening of Frank Greenberg’s new Noco Mini Mart on Genesee Street going towards Williamsville. There’s some wet snow flying around outside, but inside we got a ton of give aways and specials like 2 hot dogs for $1 and free samples of pizza minis!*
Yeah, the only less-cool place would be broadcasting from the offices of the high school newspaper – which I’m sure that they tried, except that the local high school is shut down on the weekends.
And why do they have to broadcast like there’s a 24/7 keg party going on? The other day I’m trying to listen to the traffic report because there was a basketball game downtown, and that makes a big difference where I drive. I usually hate traffic reports. They never say anything that makes a difference and they jam through them so fast you never understand what they’re talking about anyway. But this station decided that even rushed through, they were too boring and everyone would change stations if subjected to this crap for 10 seconds. So, they crank background music throughout the report. I couldn’t hear a damn word. I got stuck in the game traffic, too. Thanks, guys.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And the debate between old and new technology rages. I heard some guy cutting down CDs in favor of records, saying that CDs don’t have any soul or some other crap. CDs more faithfully present the sound actually generated by a live band. When I first got a CD player, I noticed each note, whereas the same sound on vinyl and definitely on tape would be far less clear.
For instance, I could hear the faint slide of a guitarist’s fingers on the strings in between the notes on some occasions. And, you just can’t play vinyl in the car or go jogging with it. Vinyl is more expensive to make. Vinyl scratches easier than a CD. The needle wears out. After you listen to a vinyl album several times, audio quality declines. I mean, should we just hold on to a piece of old technology that provides no advantages just because of some immeasurable, subjective quality called “soul”?
The same argument is being applied to the recent demise of Polaroid’s Instamatic film. They’ve stopped making it. Some die-hard fans are just torn up saying that they could never do without it. And the “soul” argument was used, too. I could see that argument with high end film cameras, but an Instamatic? It was point and shoot and the focus was honed in on whatever was closest. Some lady was interviewed who did professional photography used instant film, and got hers specially made to be 20”x20”. Each snap of the camera cost her about a hundred bucks. She believed that knowing that each shot cost so much, the photographer would take greater care to get it just right. But 100 years ago, wouldn’t that have been the argument of the portrait painters against film camera? Anyone could just snap a picture, but it took a true artist to get a painted portrait just right. You could snap a hundred pictures in a day, but a portrait took a week. Film cameras have no soul! Same with all this light from electricity. Light shouldn’t be as convenient as just flicking on a switch. We should go back to gas lamps. No, even better - candles and torches. Wildly inefficient, smoky, and an enormous fire hazard, but they had SOUL.
And boo-hiss on tap water, too. Too clean, too reliable and too easy. You drink the same tasting water in the summer as you do in the winter? That’s not living! Buckets of water laboriously hauled up in all weather conditions make you appreciate each drop. Water from the local scum laden pond has SOUL.
Music, especially rock music, grew up as singles. Now, I guess we’re moving back to that, and people are lamenting the demise of album orientation. It’s like the way this guy invented a way to pull the pits out of olives before they’re pressed for olive oil. The olive oil aficionados say that the pit lends some taste and that’s the way it has been made for centuries. The guy who invented the pitter responded that the ancient Greeks used to pit the olives before they pressed them, so his way was actually a return to the REALLY old style and not a new fangled style per se. However, modern recipes are written for the merely centuries old olive oil, and I’m sure that if you add the wrong kind of olive oil you would incinerate the delicate palate of your canned green bean recipe.
+++++++++++++++++++
I’m still training for my race. I dreamt last night that I was on the starting line and I was drunk and unprepared. I hadn’t even tied my shoes when the gun went off. But then again, the race was taking place inside a gigantic shopping mall, so I can’t see it being some kind of telepathic message sent from the future. Then the bikini babes came out. It was around then that I began to suspect things weren’t real.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
60% of MBA school is stuff that you could have figured out on your own. But if you say “I would have thought of that myself!” I say “Yeah, but ya didn’t, didja?”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a switch on the wall outside my office with no discernable purpose. Normally, such things are of no consequence and can be safely ignored. But this is a red LED lit switch. I shudder to think of what Earthly catastrophe could take place if it were turned off. What is behind this switch? What can it be? Oh, I’m just so tempted!
++++++++++++++++++++++++
My high hopes for the current Rex Morgan storyline are dropping precipitously. Instead of moving on with the story, Rex got bogged down in one of those conversations with his wife, June. That’s instant plot quicksand. Next week, no new developments, but Rex is concerned!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But what do “they” know, anyway? “They” also say that George Washington wore wooden teeth, and that ostriches bury their heads.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to read books in song format even when they don’t rhyme or have any kind of meter. How do you sing a book of prose? Badly. Last night, my entire audience walked out during an operatic performance of Cinderella. I thought I got them hooked when the rhythm turned a-rockin’ when she ran down the palace steps at midnight, and then I got slow and sad as the coach turned back into a pumpkin. But that’s the moment when the kids took off. Ah, I expect a poor review in tomorrow’s Times. But, damn the critics! Yes, I sing absurdly and I have no talent, but damn them anyway!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read an interesting article on willpower. It’s apparently a lot like muscle. You can achieve great feats of will, but then it leaves you less capable of such feats in the near term. Over time, you can build your willpower, like you would build your athletic ability when you’re training. So, if you begin a new training regimen, you will more likely slack off in other areas. That may explain why so many people who quit smoking, for instance, quickly gain weight soon afterwards. I’m using my willpower to train harder, and I don’t have that much left over to resist many other temptations. Americans work long hours, and that seems to result in overspending, overeating and under-exercising. No, the article didn’t carry the theory the extra step to chide America on our collective bad habits. That’s my personal touch. By blowing my willpower budget on waking up early, I don’t have much left to run the miles hard. To answer why I’m running them at all is because what the hell else are you going to do when you wake up at 4:00? That’s so goddamn early that I don’t even think the internet is awake.
++++++++++++++++
I never understood this “elephant in the room” thing. What, like elephants are so common in rooms that no one mentions it? Very, very tiny elephants, perhaps made of ceramics? I can’t figure it out. Does it have to do with those six blind guys and the elephant? In that analogy, each blind guy mistook the elephant as something else, but they at least acknowledged that it existed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hate job applications. The federal government centralized their application system. If you fill out their application, theoretically it can be referenced for any federal job. In practice, I filled out an extensive application for one job a month or two ago, and now I’m going for another job. But the second job does not accept electronic applications in any form. They insist that you fill out Form OF 612, which is pretty much the same stuff as the electronic version on the centralized web site. The form is, of course, offered on line, but you can’t just copy and paste to it. So I get to see the dismal record of my life’s non-accomplishments. Not only am I forced to confront it, but I’m getting a hand cramp trying to elaborate my experience as a boring accounting drone. God, I hate filling out applications.
True Blood, .5 Blood Prince, bloody toenails
When anyone asks about my running, the most common response is “If I ran for a half a mile, my legs would probably fall off. Ha-ha!” That’s not funny, that’s just plain sad.
++++++++++++++++
I saw a list of the worst 100 movies of all time. I managed to see only 2 on the list, whereas I’m certain my wife has seen close to a dozen, maybe more, with all her rom-coms and rom-drams. Most notably, there is Diane Keaton’s “Because I Said So”, where Diane plays a too-high-on-her-horse mother of three eternally miserable daughters. I’d hate it unless Keaton’s family in the movie had an intervention, and by “intervention”, I mean “lock the doors and pummel her until she stops moving”. Since that plot line didn’t show any sign of appearing, I left to go stare at something.
I managed to miss a ton of movies that should have reached out to me but didn’t. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever somehow never made it to my screen. Neither did Battlefield Earth, despite my action/sci-fi predilection. I saw "One Missed Call" and "The Covenant", both horror movies and horrible movies.
++++++++++++++++++
Pinocchio always creeped me out and frustrated me at the same time. The wooden kid gets easily tricked and sold into slavery, despite his conscience pleading with him not to go there. He escapes with some fairy magic. Then he is almost immediately sold back into slavery by the same guys. Frustrating. Then there’s the whole problem of all these boys turning into miserable donkeys, and getting swallowed by a whale and how the hell does a wooden boy almost drown? Pinocchio sucks.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Texting while driving is under fire recently. I can’t imagine why a practice that endangers your life and the lives of others might be controversial. Don’t do it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve heard about Michael Jordan’s new 37,500 sq ft mansion with a $7.6 million price tag. While that might seem like a lot, it’s only $202 per square foot. The local residents are complaining that he’s building a house 3 times the size of theirs. While they’re forced to live in the squalor of a 12,500 square foot hovel, he flaunts his opulence in their face. Terrible. How will these non-famous multi-millionaires ever live it down?
Speaking of which, the average wealth of the 10 richest people in the world fell 14%. Sob sob sob. How utterly tragic. Gates & Buffett are nice guys, but still… gimmesome!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
True Blood is a love story of a human and a vampire. So they hooked up. Now what? Where is this thing going? They manufacture rifts in the relationship or petty squabbles with other humans or other vamps.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
How could Obama win the Nobel Peace Prize? What the hell are they smoking? The Brit Awards once gave a lifetime achievement award to the Spice Girls after two poppy, cheese-infested CDs. The rationale given was “mostly for the contributions they will yet make in the field.”
…And they never contributed again.
We have an award given every month for people who go over and above the call of duty to perform their job and provide excellent customer service. The first winner got it because she gives hugs. The award is a month in a reserved parking spot. She didn’t need the reserved spot, so she gave it away. And for that, she won again.
Anyone can win one of our department awards for just about anything. One guy won because he gave a can of soda to a co-worker. Most people who are nominated have no specific actions, but someone just gushes in a nomination filled with how they are so pleasant to work with and fun to talk to. I got nominated for some award for excellence, efficiency and enthusiasm despite having only a tenuous claim to maybe one of those three qualities. But, I lost out to a woman because she’s undergoing chemotherapy, which doesn’t make you any of those qualities.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I survived season 1 of True Blood. My wife and I were discussing who we identified with the most, and we both picked the black, gay, drug dealing short order chef. He’s dead now, but I thought I saw him in clips of Season 2. So who else in this town is there? The vampire? The clairvoyant? The serial bride (looking for husband #5)? The PTSD war vet? The faux-Cajun psycho killer? The shape-shifter? The sex-addicted doofus? The frustrated, self-loathing cop is normal, but who wants to identify with him?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Republicans claim that Pelosi is “backing down to liberals in her party”. She is a liberal in her party. She’s backing down to herself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A lot of people get black toenails from running. My wife likes to check up on them in a way that’s weird and a little creepy. I wonder if she keeps a chart somewhere that tracks how many are black so she can report them on CNBC.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hear all about the great deals you can get on hotels in this economy, but then I go to find some in the town that I’m actually going to at the time that I’m going to be there, and I don’t see any of these alleged deals. Bah, the economy is great, and that sucks.
++++++++++++++++
Sometimes I get mad at myself. Then I stop talking to myself. And then there are the mistrustful sideways glances as I pass myself in the hallway and awkward silences in the car – because, you know, I carpool with myself, too. Eventually, there is a real heart-to-heart, tearful reconciliation, etc. But there’s that lingering self-doubt that nags me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of doubt, I saw the Merrill Streep movie “Doubt”. There was no background music. Anyone who bought the soundtrack got ripped off.
I thought that my wife enjoy “Doubt”, but her only comment was that Streep filmed it right after Mama Mia. So she went from playing someone much younger than she really is to playing someone that is her real age. That talent is what I call “acting”. But, she was more insightful than my observation about the suckers who plunked down $15.99 for a CD featuring 74 minutes of tape hiss.
++++++++++++++++
We saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, in which Harry finds an old text book of spells that guarantees him academic excellence and success in defeating his arch nemesis Voldemort. So obviously, Harry decides to get rid of it. Although it would save his life and the world from evil, apparently gray-area cheating in a magic potion class is by far the worse crime.
The book belongs to “The Half Blood Prince”, which plays no part in the plot, save the fact that no one knows who this person is. Then at the end someone says “Oh, by the way, I’m the Half Blood Prince.” Ta-da!
So in the final chapter, do we find out what the hell happened to Voldemort’s nose, or what?
++++++++++++++++
I saw a list of the worst 100 movies of all time. I managed to see only 2 on the list, whereas I’m certain my wife has seen close to a dozen, maybe more, with all her rom-coms and rom-drams. Most notably, there is Diane Keaton’s “Because I Said So”, where Diane plays a too-high-on-her-horse mother of three eternally miserable daughters. I’d hate it unless Keaton’s family in the movie had an intervention, and by “intervention”, I mean “lock the doors and pummel her until she stops moving”. Since that plot line didn’t show any sign of appearing, I left to go stare at something.
I managed to miss a ton of movies that should have reached out to me but didn’t. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever somehow never made it to my screen. Neither did Battlefield Earth, despite my action/sci-fi predilection. I saw "One Missed Call" and "The Covenant", both horror movies and horrible movies.
++++++++++++++++++
Pinocchio always creeped me out and frustrated me at the same time. The wooden kid gets easily tricked and sold into slavery, despite his conscience pleading with him not to go there. He escapes with some fairy magic. Then he is almost immediately sold back into slavery by the same guys. Frustrating. Then there’s the whole problem of all these boys turning into miserable donkeys, and getting swallowed by a whale and how the hell does a wooden boy almost drown? Pinocchio sucks.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Texting while driving is under fire recently. I can’t imagine why a practice that endangers your life and the lives of others might be controversial. Don’t do it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve heard about Michael Jordan’s new 37,500 sq ft mansion with a $7.6 million price tag. While that might seem like a lot, it’s only $202 per square foot. The local residents are complaining that he’s building a house 3 times the size of theirs. While they’re forced to live in the squalor of a 12,500 square foot hovel, he flaunts his opulence in their face. Terrible. How will these non-famous multi-millionaires ever live it down?
Speaking of which, the average wealth of the 10 richest people in the world fell 14%. Sob sob sob. How utterly tragic. Gates & Buffett are nice guys, but still… gimmesome!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
True Blood is a love story of a human and a vampire. So they hooked up. Now what? Where is this thing going? They manufacture rifts in the relationship or petty squabbles with other humans or other vamps.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
How could Obama win the Nobel Peace Prize? What the hell are they smoking? The Brit Awards once gave a lifetime achievement award to the Spice Girls after two poppy, cheese-infested CDs. The rationale given was “mostly for the contributions they will yet make in the field.”
…And they never contributed again.
We have an award given every month for people who go over and above the call of duty to perform their job and provide excellent customer service. The first winner got it because she gives hugs. The award is a month in a reserved parking spot. She didn’t need the reserved spot, so she gave it away. And for that, she won again.
Anyone can win one of our department awards for just about anything. One guy won because he gave a can of soda to a co-worker. Most people who are nominated have no specific actions, but someone just gushes in a nomination filled with how they are so pleasant to work with and fun to talk to. I got nominated for some award for excellence, efficiency and enthusiasm despite having only a tenuous claim to maybe one of those three qualities. But, I lost out to a woman because she’s undergoing chemotherapy, which doesn’t make you any of those qualities.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I survived season 1 of True Blood. My wife and I were discussing who we identified with the most, and we both picked the black, gay, drug dealing short order chef. He’s dead now, but I thought I saw him in clips of Season 2. So who else in this town is there? The vampire? The clairvoyant? The serial bride (looking for husband #5)? The PTSD war vet? The faux-Cajun psycho killer? The shape-shifter? The sex-addicted doofus? The frustrated, self-loathing cop is normal, but who wants to identify with him?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Republicans claim that Pelosi is “backing down to liberals in her party”. She is a liberal in her party. She’s backing down to herself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A lot of people get black toenails from running. My wife likes to check up on them in a way that’s weird and a little creepy. I wonder if she keeps a chart somewhere that tracks how many are black so she can report them on CNBC.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hear all about the great deals you can get on hotels in this economy, but then I go to find some in the town that I’m actually going to at the time that I’m going to be there, and I don’t see any of these alleged deals. Bah, the economy is great, and that sucks.
++++++++++++++++
Sometimes I get mad at myself. Then I stop talking to myself. And then there are the mistrustful sideways glances as I pass myself in the hallway and awkward silences in the car – because, you know, I carpool with myself, too. Eventually, there is a real heart-to-heart, tearful reconciliation, etc. But there’s that lingering self-doubt that nags me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of doubt, I saw the Merrill Streep movie “Doubt”. There was no background music. Anyone who bought the soundtrack got ripped off.
I thought that my wife enjoy “Doubt”, but her only comment was that Streep filmed it right after Mama Mia. So she went from playing someone much younger than she really is to playing someone that is her real age. That talent is what I call “acting”. But, she was more insightful than my observation about the suckers who plunked down $15.99 for a CD featuring 74 minutes of tape hiss.
++++++++++++++++
We saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, in which Harry finds an old text book of spells that guarantees him academic excellence and success in defeating his arch nemesis Voldemort. So obviously, Harry decides to get rid of it. Although it would save his life and the world from evil, apparently gray-area cheating in a magic potion class is by far the worse crime.
The book belongs to “The Half Blood Prince”, which plays no part in the plot, save the fact that no one knows who this person is. Then at the end someone says “Oh, by the way, I’m the Half Blood Prince.” Ta-da!
So in the final chapter, do we find out what the hell happened to Voldemort’s nose, or what?
The Bionic Gimp
So, here’s the new superhero that will take the comic world by storm and end up as a prime time TV show or a movie franchise cash cow: TVTALKSHOWHOSTMAN! Yes, he will battle evil with his amazing powers with a microphone. His special power will be to elicit the truth from anyone he sits down next to his desk.
TVTSHM: “Tell me, Ali-bah-al-del-Sheik-Osama-bama, is it true that you’re the 20th hijacker from 9/11?”
ABADSOB: “You will get nothing from me. Death to America!”
TVTSHM: “Now I have you sitting by my desk. Are you the 20th hijacker?”
ABADSOB: “Sniff! I just wanted to destroy your freedom. Sniff! Yes, I was part of 9/11, but I’m not a bad person! Sob-sob! Can I jump up and down on your couch now?”
TVTSHM: “And we’ll be back after these messages.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a graphic novel series called “Planetary”. There’s an obligatory hot chick with super powers. Super speed, indestructible, that kind of thing. There’s an older guy with two unexplained powers – he makes things cold and he doesn’t age. He’s the “loner type”, so he sulks a lot like he’s doing everyone a huge favor by being there. The team techie’s name is “The Drummer”. He carries drum sticks. Good thing, because without them his name would be “The Douche Bag”. The old guy routinely threatens to shove the sticks up The Drummer’s @ss. Not very cleverly done the first time, and the subtlety wears off with each passing threat.
“There’s a disturbance in Sector J!”
“Can’t you see I’m struggling with my inner demons? Shout at me again and I’m going to shove those goddamn drum sticks up your @ss!” (Cue the laugh track)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I hurt my back, I didn’t feel it when I was sitting down. All the rest of me was fine except that one little spot on my back. I keep thinking that I could get up and go for a good 10 miler. I’d be like the 6 Million Dollar Man. I could never understand how he could run so fast with only one bionic leg. That would be me. Hobbling along at super speed.
TVTSHM: “Tell me, Ali-bah-al-del-Sheik-Osama-bama, is it true that you’re the 20th hijacker from 9/11?”
ABADSOB: “You will get nothing from me. Death to America!”
TVTSHM: “Now I have you sitting by my desk. Are you the 20th hijacker?”
ABADSOB: “Sniff! I just wanted to destroy your freedom. Sniff! Yes, I was part of 9/11, but I’m not a bad person! Sob-sob! Can I jump up and down on your couch now?”
TVTSHM: “And we’ll be back after these messages.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a graphic novel series called “Planetary”. There’s an obligatory hot chick with super powers. Super speed, indestructible, that kind of thing. There’s an older guy with two unexplained powers – he makes things cold and he doesn’t age. He’s the “loner type”, so he sulks a lot like he’s doing everyone a huge favor by being there. The team techie’s name is “The Drummer”. He carries drum sticks. Good thing, because without them his name would be “The Douche Bag”. The old guy routinely threatens to shove the sticks up The Drummer’s @ss. Not very cleverly done the first time, and the subtlety wears off with each passing threat.
“There’s a disturbance in Sector J!”
“Can’t you see I’m struggling with my inner demons? Shout at me again and I’m going to shove those goddamn drum sticks up your @ss!” (Cue the laugh track)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I hurt my back, I didn’t feel it when I was sitting down. All the rest of me was fine except that one little spot on my back. I keep thinking that I could get up and go for a good 10 miler. I’d be like the 6 Million Dollar Man. I could never understand how he could run so fast with only one bionic leg. That would be me. Hobbling along at super speed.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The long run
A lot of people have been asking me about the Boston Marathon, and so I suppose now would be a good a time as any (actually a month ago might have been better) to post something.
Boston was awesome. Not the first time I'd been there. I lived there for almost a year. Lynn and I had done the tourist thing already and we wanted to move on to what the locals do, which is to dine around town. And that we did. Ate very well at nice restaurants, which all cost a ton. If you're in Beantown, make sure to get the 5 day subway pass. We didn't read the fine print on how to get one until the last day and we were the poorer for it. Anyway, that's the non-race stuff.
The weather for the race was as close to perfect as you could hope for. The temp was around 55-65, which is great for running. The rain held off. The wind wasn't a factor. Boston, unlike most marathons, is a straight shot from west to east. The wind usually blows off the ocean in your face. This year it did, but not much. My health was great. I'd been getting leg pains all spring, and there was that back pain from last fall. Neither made an appearance before, during or after the race. I ran a pretty consistent pace until around the upper teens, then I started to slow down. I did all 26.2 without stopping for a walk, which is a first for me. I got my 2nd best time overall. Not too bad.
I can't say enough great things about the fans in Boston. They were totally into it the whole way through. At Wellesley, there were 3000 screaming co-eds with signs like "Kiss me, I'm a senior!" "Kiss me, I'm Asian!" "Kiss me, I'm an Engineering major!"
Let me fill you in on the trip. We went with two other couples. The three guys were running, and the wives were the cheering section. After the race, one of the guys admitted to taking one of the Wellesley girls up on her offer and gave a kiss. The other admitted to "a few". So suddenly everyone's eyes are on me. "What? I didn't want to break my stride." Plausible deniability is awesome.
As wild as Wellesley was, Boston College was even crazier. The guys were all looking to give me 5 as I passed by. And after 3000 ladies, I noticed how much rougher guys like the high five. I just about broke my wrist.
With each marathon that I do (this is #5, and 3 halfs), I recover faster. So I sat down for a few minutes afterwards, and then I was able to walk - with only minor difficulty - around town. I was eager to get to the nearest bar. Other marathons start early in the morning so that traffic can get back on the road as fast as possible. Not Boston. It starts late morning and goes through the afternoon. This is a big, main event for the city. They shut down the schools. We stole their schoolbusses anyway. We usurp the streets. We shut down businesses. It's a whole honkin' big deal. So when I finished and we re-assembled the team, it was around 3:00. And I hadn't had a drink since New Year's Eve. So yeah, I was eager.
One thing that I noticed about Boston. They had a lot of bars, but NO liquor stores. What's up with that?? We searched the town, and came up empty. On mile 23, I saw one, but I wasn't carrying cash, y'know? And, of course, I wouldn't break my stride. But, I really could have used a bottle of cheap champagne right after I crossed.
Anyway, future plans? I'm doing local 10ks and 5ks. I'm getting in only 50mi/week, but I'm faster than when I was doing long distance training. Lynn says no more marathons and definitely not Boston. I'm taking at least a year off. Maybe I'll do the Lexington half and/or Louisville half. I can make another try in 2012 for a full marathon, but that's a long way off.Well, that's about all I have to say on the race. Thanks for following along.
Boston was awesome. Not the first time I'd been there. I lived there for almost a year. Lynn and I had done the tourist thing already and we wanted to move on to what the locals do, which is to dine around town. And that we did. Ate very well at nice restaurants, which all cost a ton. If you're in Beantown, make sure to get the 5 day subway pass. We didn't read the fine print on how to get one until the last day and we were the poorer for it. Anyway, that's the non-race stuff.
The weather for the race was as close to perfect as you could hope for. The temp was around 55-65, which is great for running. The rain held off. The wind wasn't a factor. Boston, unlike most marathons, is a straight shot from west to east. The wind usually blows off the ocean in your face. This year it did, but not much. My health was great. I'd been getting leg pains all spring, and there was that back pain from last fall. Neither made an appearance before, during or after the race. I ran a pretty consistent pace until around the upper teens, then I started to slow down. I did all 26.2 without stopping for a walk, which is a first for me. I got my 2nd best time overall. Not too bad.
I can't say enough great things about the fans in Boston. They were totally into it the whole way through. At Wellesley, there were 3000 screaming co-eds with signs like "Kiss me, I'm a senior!" "Kiss me, I'm Asian!" "Kiss me, I'm an Engineering major!"
Let me fill you in on the trip. We went with two other couples. The three guys were running, and the wives were the cheering section. After the race, one of the guys admitted to taking one of the Wellesley girls up on her offer and gave a kiss. The other admitted to "a few". So suddenly everyone's eyes are on me. "What? I didn't want to break my stride." Plausible deniability is awesome.
As wild as Wellesley was, Boston College was even crazier. The guys were all looking to give me 5 as I passed by. And after 3000 ladies, I noticed how much rougher guys like the high five. I just about broke my wrist.
With each marathon that I do (this is #5, and 3 halfs), I recover faster. So I sat down for a few minutes afterwards, and then I was able to walk - with only minor difficulty - around town. I was eager to get to the nearest bar. Other marathons start early in the morning so that traffic can get back on the road as fast as possible. Not Boston. It starts late morning and goes through the afternoon. This is a big, main event for the city. They shut down the schools. We stole their schoolbusses anyway. We usurp the streets. We shut down businesses. It's a whole honkin' big deal. So when I finished and we re-assembled the team, it was around 3:00. And I hadn't had a drink since New Year's Eve. So yeah, I was eager.
One thing that I noticed about Boston. They had a lot of bars, but NO liquor stores. What's up with that?? We searched the town, and came up empty. On mile 23, I saw one, but I wasn't carrying cash, y'know? And, of course, I wouldn't break my stride. But, I really could have used a bottle of cheap champagne right after I crossed.
Anyway, future plans? I'm doing local 10ks and 5ks. I'm getting in only 50mi/week, but I'm faster than when I was doing long distance training. Lynn says no more marathons and definitely not Boston. I'm taking at least a year off. Maybe I'll do the Lexington half and/or Louisville half. I can make another try in 2012 for a full marathon, but that's a long way off.Well, that's about all I have to say on the race. Thanks for following along.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A shmorgasboard of short takes
Republicans claim that Pelosi is “backing down to liberals in her party”. She is a liberal in her party. She’s backing down to herself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A lot of people get black toenails from running. My wife likes to check up on them in a way that’s weird and a little creepy. I wonder if she keeps a chart somewhere that tracks how many are black so she can report them on CNBC.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hear all about the great deals you can get on hotels in this economy, but then I go to find some in the town that I’m actually going to at the time that I’m going to be there, and I don’t see any of these alleged deals. Bah, the economy is great, and that sucks.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sometimes I get mad at myself. Then I stop talking to myself. And then there are the mistrustful sideways glances as I pass myself in the hallway and awkward silences in the car – because, you know, I carpool with myself, too. Eventually, there is a real heart-to-heart, tearful reconciliation, etc. But there’s that lingering self-doubt that nags me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of doubt, I saw the Merrill Streep movie “Doubt”. There was no background music. Anyone who bought the soundtrack got ripped off.
I thought that my wife enjoy “Doubt”, but her only comment was that Streep filmed it right after Mama Mia. So she went from playing someone much younger than she really is to playing someone that is her real age. That talent is what I call “acting”. Yet, she was more insightful than my observation about the suckers who plunked down $15.99 for a CD featuring 74 minutes of tape hiss.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, in which Harry finds an old text book of spells that guarantees him academic excellence and success in defeating his arch nemesis Voldemort. So obviously, Harry decides to get rid of it. Although it would save his life and the world from evil, apparently gray-area cheating in a magic potion class is by far the worse crime.
The book belongs to “The Half Blood Prince”, which plays no part in the plot, save the fact that no one knows who this person is. Then at the end “Oh, by the way, I’m the Half Blood Prince”. Ta-da!
So in the final chapter, do we find out what the hell happened to Voldemort’s nose, or what?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I keep up my physique, but my clothes make me look frumpy. Yes, I really am too sexy for my shirt. So I went out with the wife to get new threads. I still think they make me look like a sack of potatoes. So there’s really no help, except wearing spandex like a superhero. It is a crime to keep my chiseled bod under wraps.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Glen Beck’s book. He’s dressed in some kind of Soviet officer’s outfit. I’d think it was a spoof, but I checked, and that’s his real book. Wow. Like most conservative blowhards, he never actually served in the military, so he may have no idea what a US uniform looks like. He’s also a divorced former drug addict/alcoholic – traits that also seem helpful if you’re a conservative talking head.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So there I am in Denver, and every 2 blocks or so, you get accosted by someone from an organization that supports the homeless. In the in-between blocks, you get accosted by an actual homeless person requesting your assistance directly. What do I look like, a freakin’ ATM to them?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, he changed into a werewolf, but then started dancing with zombies. What’s up with that?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A lot of people get black toenails from running. My wife likes to check up on them in a way that’s weird and a little creepy. I wonder if she keeps a chart somewhere that tracks how many are black so she can report them on CNBC.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I hear all about the great deals you can get on hotels in this economy, but then I go to find some in the town that I’m actually going to at the time that I’m going to be there, and I don’t see any of these alleged deals. Bah, the economy is great, and that sucks.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sometimes I get mad at myself. Then I stop talking to myself. And then there are the mistrustful sideways glances as I pass myself in the hallway and awkward silences in the car – because, you know, I carpool with myself, too. Eventually, there is a real heart-to-heart, tearful reconciliation, etc. But there’s that lingering self-doubt that nags me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of doubt, I saw the Merrill Streep movie “Doubt”. There was no background music. Anyone who bought the soundtrack got ripped off.
I thought that my wife enjoy “Doubt”, but her only comment was that Streep filmed it right after Mama Mia. So she went from playing someone much younger than she really is to playing someone that is her real age. That talent is what I call “acting”. Yet, she was more insightful than my observation about the suckers who plunked down $15.99 for a CD featuring 74 minutes of tape hiss.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince”, in which Harry finds an old text book of spells that guarantees him academic excellence and success in defeating his arch nemesis Voldemort. So obviously, Harry decides to get rid of it. Although it would save his life and the world from evil, apparently gray-area cheating in a magic potion class is by far the worse crime.
The book belongs to “The Half Blood Prince”, which plays no part in the plot, save the fact that no one knows who this person is. Then at the end “Oh, by the way, I’m the Half Blood Prince”. Ta-da!
So in the final chapter, do we find out what the hell happened to Voldemort’s nose, or what?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I keep up my physique, but my clothes make me look frumpy. Yes, I really am too sexy for my shirt. So I went out with the wife to get new threads. I still think they make me look like a sack of potatoes. So there’s really no help, except wearing spandex like a superhero. It is a crime to keep my chiseled bod under wraps.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Glen Beck’s book. He’s dressed in some kind of Soviet officer’s outfit. I’d think it was a spoof, but I checked, and that’s his real book. Wow. Like most conservative blowhards, he never actually served in the military, so he may have no idea what a US uniform looks like. He’s also a divorced former drug addict/alcoholic – traits that also seem helpful if you’re a conservative talking head.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So there I am in Denver, and every 2 blocks or so, you get accosted by someone from an organization that supports the homeless. In the in-between blocks, you get accosted by an actual homeless person requesting your assistance directly. What do I look like, a freakin’ ATM to them?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, he changed into a werewolf, but then started dancing with zombies. What’s up with that?
I had a dream that quaaludes cause global warming.
Here’s the contradiction that I get from people. When I say that I want to run a marathon, I get all kinds of accolades and well wishes and “Go for it!” from everyone. But, if I say that I’m training and that I get tired a lot and I’m a little dissatisfied with my progress, they always start questioning why I’m doing it.
If everyone knows that I could run a marathon if I only train for one, why bother actually training and running it?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why were Quaaludes such a popular drug in the 70s? I can tell why they’re not anymore. Who wants to rock out to a song called “Gettin’ Sleepy With It”?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It’s cold outside today. Yup. That proves there is no such thing as global warming.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
February is Black History Month. I’m told that March is Women’s History Month. When the hell is White Dude’s History Month? Since a recent high school survey found that most students couldn’t identify that Columbus sailed prior to 1750 or when the Civil War was fought (it was multiple choice, and the answers were in increments of 50 years), On the other hand, 97% of high school students knew that Martin Luther King Jr. gave the “I have a dream” speech. I argue that the history of white dudes is not being taught in the classroom.
The results of that survey are being interpreted as “high schools don’t teach humanities, therefore there is too much focus on math & science”. I’ve got news – they don’t teach that, either.
If everyone knows that I could run a marathon if I only train for one, why bother actually training and running it?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why were Quaaludes such a popular drug in the 70s? I can tell why they’re not anymore. Who wants to rock out to a song called “Gettin’ Sleepy With It”?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It’s cold outside today. Yup. That proves there is no such thing as global warming.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
February is Black History Month. I’m told that March is Women’s History Month. When the hell is White Dude’s History Month? Since a recent high school survey found that most students couldn’t identify that Columbus sailed prior to 1750 or when the Civil War was fought (it was multiple choice, and the answers were in increments of 50 years), On the other hand, 97% of high school students knew that Martin Luther King Jr. gave the “I have a dream” speech. I argue that the history of white dudes is not being taught in the classroom.
The results of that survey are being interpreted as “high schools don’t teach humanities, therefore there is too much focus on math & science”. I’ve got news – they don’t teach that, either.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Running
So both of my treadmills are down – again. I’m just getting over a thigh injury, and I’m already starting up an old foot injury. If both I and my equipment could stay healthy for three months in a row, who knows what I could do?
I’m trying to use this setback to as much advantage as I can. I don’t usually run outside if I have a treadmill option. But the marathon is, of course, a road race. There are hills, there is wind, the road doesn’t move underneath you. So road training is much better for race prep. On the down side, I don’t run very hard when it’s dark and I’m tired. On the treadmill, I sometimes think “I should be running faster than this.” And I punch it up a few tenths.
I have trouble sprinting outside. I’m a little bit vain and I don’t like anyone seeing me resting in between sets. I did it one morning at 5am. Sure enough, every time I stopped, someone came along walking their dog or just out for an early morning stroll asking me if I was ok.
Only 2 weeks until the big event. I’m not doing too badly. If you start with enough time and you put in your miles, there’s a high degree of success. But as you approach the race, there’s a greater need for precision. So, anything that happens now makes a greater impact on the overall result. If I eat too much or over-train in February, it hardly matters. If I do that the night before the race, it will mess up my time noticeably.
“Success” is what you say that it is. Before training, you say “I’ll do what I did last year and I will get about the same time.” You start to make some gains, and it becomes “I’ll beat last year by a few minutes.” You have one great run and “I’ll shatter my personal record!” Then you get tired, injured or lazy. “I’ll just beat last year by a minute.” On race day you’re down to “Just let me finish.” Halfway through “If I walk from here, my time will be…” And then the desperate stretch after all hope is gone “I can probably crawl… Just let this misery end!”
I’m trying to use this setback to as much advantage as I can. I don’t usually run outside if I have a treadmill option. But the marathon is, of course, a road race. There are hills, there is wind, the road doesn’t move underneath you. So road training is much better for race prep. On the down side, I don’t run very hard when it’s dark and I’m tired. On the treadmill, I sometimes think “I should be running faster than this.” And I punch it up a few tenths.
I have trouble sprinting outside. I’m a little bit vain and I don’t like anyone seeing me resting in between sets. I did it one morning at 5am. Sure enough, every time I stopped, someone came along walking their dog or just out for an early morning stroll asking me if I was ok.
Only 2 weeks until the big event. I’m not doing too badly. If you start with enough time and you put in your miles, there’s a high degree of success. But as you approach the race, there’s a greater need for precision. So, anything that happens now makes a greater impact on the overall result. If I eat too much or over-train in February, it hardly matters. If I do that the night before the race, it will mess up my time noticeably.
“Success” is what you say that it is. Before training, you say “I’ll do what I did last year and I will get about the same time.” You start to make some gains, and it becomes “I’ll beat last year by a few minutes.” You have one great run and “I’ll shatter my personal record!” Then you get tired, injured or lazy. “I’ll just beat last year by a minute.” On race day you’re down to “Just let me finish.” Halfway through “If I walk from here, my time will be…” And then the desperate stretch after all hope is gone “I can probably crawl… Just let this misery end!”
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Sports, Palin, Dieting, Avatar and Voodoo
Mark McGuire said that he took steroids. Ooh. Didn’t see that coming.
___________
Now that Sarah Palin is a newscaster, will she take back all those unkind things she said about the news media?
Doesn’t matter, she’ll quit in a year and a half (or less).
__________
No one wants to hear about how I want to lose weight. I get no empathy. Weight is a big deal when you’re trying to run. I’m not looking for a lot of empathy, losing weight is easy for me. I hear that it is hard for other people, though. I have empathized for years, but I’m losing patience. I diet. I train. I generally succeed. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I do it. How can you diet for 2 years and not lose any weight? Either your plan stinks or you don’t follow it.
___________________
Two stories on why you should think twice before going to the doctor:
Ignoring everyone’s advice to see a doctor, I got through my back sprain without anything more than a bottle of ibuprophen. Since I’ve been doing runs over 20 miles, I’m going to call it “100%”. I may relapse, but I might do that even with a doctor’s advice.
Story #2: A few months ago, my kindergartener was having these episodes where she wouldn’t behave. I was worried that she would have to go to a child psychologist. He’d set up regular therapy sessions and 5 years later she’d be either still on square 1 or stoned on Ritalin. Anyway, it let up a little before Christmas. Her teacher had a stuffed Santa’s helper “watch” the kids. The Elf on the Shelf did the trick. Yay! So much for the $140 per hour kid’s shrink.
_________________
That James Cameron. One of these days, someone in Hollywood is going to give him a big budget to work with. Then he’ll knock out some real box office gold.
For those who look to the Pope for their movie reviews, he was pretty lukewarm on Avatar. (get it? Luke-warm? The Bible guy? No?) The Vatican said that it was visually stunning, but they didn’t care for its celebration of paganism. But hold your picket signs, they also said it was “harmless”.
I decided to attack any successful pop culture in order to grab the spotlight. I will start with protesting Star Wars for its incestuous overtones between Luke & Leia.
__________________
Bush left office with essentially no new jobs in eight years. The S&P dropped about 4.25% per year, too. Great job, buddy. I want to have a beer with you. And dump it on your smirky head. Even Jimmy "Malaise/Stagfaltion" Carter managed to grow 2.6 million jobs per year and eek out a positive return in the market.
_____________________
There’s an earthquake in Haiti, and there is a great, worldwide effort to save the survivors. Except, of course, the extreme Right Wing. They dedicate their efforts to blaming someone. Pat Robertson blames a deal with the Devil, and Rush Limbaugh blames Obama, which means that they both agree in lockstep.
Robertson’s blame fixing doesn’t make any sense. He cites some voodoo ceremony in 1791 that supposedly started the slave revolt in Haiti. God is on the side of slave owners? The French were notoriously evil slave owners. They made the slave owners in the American south seem downright generous. Life in Haiti has never been idyllic, but who would choose a life of slavery and near-starvation over freedom (and near-starvation)? God dealing retribution nine generations after a sin is unhelpful, anyway.
You know what else Pat Robertson’s comments made me think: Voodoo ceremonies work! I’m going to sacrifice a chicken tonight. I don’t have the time or the stomach for the whole thing. I’ll just order McNuggets and inflict pain on my enemies by poking the Avatar action figure with my soda straw. Beware!
___________
Now that Sarah Palin is a newscaster, will she take back all those unkind things she said about the news media?
Doesn’t matter, she’ll quit in a year and a half (or less).
__________
No one wants to hear about how I want to lose weight. I get no empathy. Weight is a big deal when you’re trying to run. I’m not looking for a lot of empathy, losing weight is easy for me. I hear that it is hard for other people, though. I have empathized for years, but I’m losing patience. I diet. I train. I generally succeed. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I do it. How can you diet for 2 years and not lose any weight? Either your plan stinks or you don’t follow it.
___________________
Two stories on why you should think twice before going to the doctor:
Ignoring everyone’s advice to see a doctor, I got through my back sprain without anything more than a bottle of ibuprophen. Since I’ve been doing runs over 20 miles, I’m going to call it “100%”. I may relapse, but I might do that even with a doctor’s advice.
Story #2: A few months ago, my kindergartener was having these episodes where she wouldn’t behave. I was worried that she would have to go to a child psychologist. He’d set up regular therapy sessions and 5 years later she’d be either still on square 1 or stoned on Ritalin. Anyway, it let up a little before Christmas. Her teacher had a stuffed Santa’s helper “watch” the kids. The Elf on the Shelf did the trick. Yay! So much for the $140 per hour kid’s shrink.
_________________
That James Cameron. One of these days, someone in Hollywood is going to give him a big budget to work with. Then he’ll knock out some real box office gold.
For those who look to the Pope for their movie reviews, he was pretty lukewarm on Avatar. (get it? Luke-warm? The Bible guy? No?) The Vatican said that it was visually stunning, but they didn’t care for its celebration of paganism. But hold your picket signs, they also said it was “harmless”.
I decided to attack any successful pop culture in order to grab the spotlight. I will start with protesting Star Wars for its incestuous overtones between Luke & Leia.
__________________
Bush left office with essentially no new jobs in eight years. The S&P dropped about 4.25% per year, too. Great job, buddy. I want to have a beer with you. And dump it on your smirky head. Even Jimmy "Malaise/Stagfaltion" Carter managed to grow 2.6 million jobs per year and eek out a positive return in the market.
_____________________
There’s an earthquake in Haiti, and there is a great, worldwide effort to save the survivors. Except, of course, the extreme Right Wing. They dedicate their efforts to blaming someone. Pat Robertson blames a deal with the Devil, and Rush Limbaugh blames Obama, which means that they both agree in lockstep.
Robertson’s blame fixing doesn’t make any sense. He cites some voodoo ceremony in 1791 that supposedly started the slave revolt in Haiti. God is on the side of slave owners? The French were notoriously evil slave owners. They made the slave owners in the American south seem downright generous. Life in Haiti has never been idyllic, but who would choose a life of slavery and near-starvation over freedom (and near-starvation)? God dealing retribution nine generations after a sin is unhelpful, anyway.
You know what else Pat Robertson’s comments made me think: Voodoo ceremonies work! I’m going to sacrifice a chicken tonight. I don’t have the time or the stomach for the whole thing. I’ll just order McNuggets and inflict pain on my enemies by poking the Avatar action figure with my soda straw. Beware!
Friday, April 2, 2010
If there is a tornado, yell "Tornado! Everyone PANIC!!!"
Obama: The Republicans don’t want to do anything. They just want to say “No.”
McConnell: It’s the Democrats that don’t want to listen to us.
Obama: You’re using the “I know you are, but what am I?” defense? What can I do now??
McConnell: Oh snap! We Scooby-doo’d ya, dawg!
Obama: You seriously would never say that to a white president.
McConnell: Daymn, knowwhatI’msayin, yo! Chill. Peace out, bro!
The recent bill for job growth was a package that tries to stimulate jobs through tax incentives for hiring new people. Tax incentives are an inefficient incentive. There’s no way to tell which companies would have hired without the credit. But it promotes some job growth and reduces overall taxes. So why would 36 Republicans vote against it when their mantra is more jobs and less tax? Because they’re as$holes.
_____________________________
I fixed my old treadmill on Sunday. Great, I had two working treadmills. Wednesday, the new treadmill broke down. Why is it so hard to keep them running?
______________________________
Tuesday Morning is a small appliance retail chain in our area. 9/11 happened on a Tuesday morning. Don’t ever shop there. Inside is a hellhole of horror and you’d be lucky to escape with your life. Worse, right wing crazies will promote your miserable shopping experience as a jingoistic cause célèbre and use your name to justify a radical, conservative agenda. If you need a blender that badly, order it online.
_____________________________
I got advance warning that my building has a tornado drill planned for tomorrow. I'm going to stake out my safe space in the stairwell and mark it with tape. If anyone is there, standing in my tape box, I'm going to start pummelling relentlessly. I don't like being jostled while waiting for hypothetical tornadoes to blow on by. It's freakin' inhuman. Barbaric.
McConnell: It’s the Democrats that don’t want to listen to us.
Obama: You’re using the “I know you are, but what am I?” defense? What can I do now??
McConnell: Oh snap! We Scooby-doo’d ya, dawg!
Obama: You seriously would never say that to a white president.
McConnell: Daymn, knowwhatI’msayin, yo! Chill. Peace out, bro!
The recent bill for job growth was a package that tries to stimulate jobs through tax incentives for hiring new people. Tax incentives are an inefficient incentive. There’s no way to tell which companies would have hired without the credit. But it promotes some job growth and reduces overall taxes. So why would 36 Republicans vote against it when their mantra is more jobs and less tax? Because they’re as$holes.
_____________________________
I fixed my old treadmill on Sunday. Great, I had two working treadmills. Wednesday, the new treadmill broke down. Why is it so hard to keep them running?
______________________________
Tuesday Morning is a small appliance retail chain in our area. 9/11 happened on a Tuesday morning. Don’t ever shop there. Inside is a hellhole of horror and you’d be lucky to escape with your life. Worse, right wing crazies will promote your miserable shopping experience as a jingoistic cause célèbre and use your name to justify a radical, conservative agenda. If you need a blender that badly, order it online.
_____________________________
I got advance warning that my building has a tornado drill planned for tomorrow. I'm going to stake out my safe space in the stairwell and mark it with tape. If anyone is there, standing in my tape box, I'm going to start pummelling relentlessly. I don't like being jostled while waiting for hypothetical tornadoes to blow on by. It's freakin' inhuman. Barbaric.
Running in a cold hell
I’ve heard a lot about how Avatar is now the highest grossing film of all time, and then a lot about how it isn’t the highest grossing film because it simply charges more for tickets. Taking inflation into account, Gone With The Wind is the highest. Avatar is 26th. But “Gone” was re-released five more times. So, you’d also have to take in to account the money made from TV, cable or DVD. Hattie McDaniel gave a great performance, but let’s face it, no one bought a plastic action figure of that sassy maid. There is no “Ten Commandments” video game. But yeah, The Sound of Music soundtrack is sure to be far more profitable than Avatar’s.
You can make a lukewarm movie like Ice Age and not do very well at the box. If you count DVDs, toys and the potential for increasingly suckier sequels and it’s a winner.
________________________________
I went to a snow-tubing place last winter. They have this moving sidewalk taking a hundred people 200 feet up an incline, but I can’t keep a treadmill working.
I don’t know if I hate the dark or the cold more, and I don’t know if it matters. I lack a bathroom. But at 4:30am, it’s not too hard to find some privacy. I could pee in the middle of the road if I wanted.
Outdoor runs make my toenails go black. From 2 months of reduced schedule due to injury, I was down to only one blackie (although he has told me that he prefers the term “toenail of color”). Now the damaged nails are in the filibuster-proof majority.
Running outside is like visiting hell, except that it’s really cold, and afterwards I have to get the kids dressed and get myself to work.
You can make a lukewarm movie like Ice Age and not do very well at the box. If you count DVDs, toys and the potential for increasingly suckier sequels and it’s a winner.
________________________________
I went to a snow-tubing place last winter. They have this moving sidewalk taking a hundred people 200 feet up an incline, but I can’t keep a treadmill working.
I don’t know if I hate the dark or the cold more, and I don’t know if it matters. I lack a bathroom. But at 4:30am, it’s not too hard to find some privacy. I could pee in the middle of the road if I wanted.
Outdoor runs make my toenails go black. From 2 months of reduced schedule due to injury, I was down to only one blackie (although he has told me that he prefers the term “toenail of color”). Now the damaged nails are in the filibuster-proof majority.
Running outside is like visiting hell, except that it’s really cold, and afterwards I have to get the kids dressed and get myself to work.
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