I have Netflix, but my wife loads up the queue with her chick flicks. When I ask how they were, she always says “Eh, ok.” Why can’t she just watch the same one repeatedly and arrive at the same review? For that matter, why do they bother to write new scripts? Can’t they have the different actors and actresses just say the same thing? They can even use new sets. One chick flick can take place in uptown Manhattan starring Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Anniston and Diane Keaton does a cameo as the intrusive mother. The next can take place on the East Side starring Mandy Moore and John Favreau where Diane Keaton plays a bit part as an intrusive mother. Another could be shot in Midtown with Amanda Peet and Colin Firth. Diane Keaton plays an intrusive mother in a hilarious sequence. It’s quite diverse. No one will notice.
++++++++++++
Anyway, as a result of the dearth of movies, I went to the crappy pirated movies that my Dad gets from China. I never saw Ben Stiller’s “Night at the Museum”, so I gave it a shot. Horrible. Stupid. Predictable. The lameness of the translation from English to Chinese back to English simply magnified it. Stiller’s name was “Larry”, but it was constantly subtitled as “Carry a mile”, among other gaffes. The plot was pretty much what your average 6th grader could conjure up. The end? No! Not the end. They made a sequel. For the love of all that doesn’t wallow in stinking suckitude – WHY??
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The recent earthquake in Chile has shortened the rotation period of the Earth by 1.26 miliseconds. Now I will never get all my to-do list done today. On the other hand, we’ll live longer.
Remind me in 2032 to re-set my watch by ten seconds. Wait for Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.
+++++++++++++++
My wife got “Good Luck Chuck” from Netflix. The premise is that the women who date Chuck and then break up with him get engaged to their next boyfriend. Sound dopey enough for you? Chuck must endure a series of girlfriends who are only looking to endure a few dates with him so they can get married. Sound sexist enough for you? The woman who eventually becomes Chuck’s fiancé is a penguin trainer. Sound contrived enough for you? The entire plot is revealed on the 4 sentence teaser on the DVD. Is there really any reason to watch?
I imagine that the climax comes with Chuck down on one knee with a ring, proposing to the girlfriend amidst a few dozen happy penguins. Yay. Oh if only the penguins were CGI.
+++++++++++++++++
I can’t believe some Republicans in Congress have been eulogizing the nut that crashed his plane into the IRS building in Texas. I agree with Scott Brown that no one likes paying taxes, but it’s the law, my friend. Not paying them is criminal. Is a suicidal murderer really the guy that the Reps want to sympathize with?
How crazy was this airplane guy? First, he complained about living in abject poverty, but obviously, he owned a plane. Second, he was complaining about tax law that went into effect in 1986. If you can’t make a living because of taxes, 24 years is more than enough time to find another income stream. The guy was seriously disturbed, and if it wasn’t taxes, he would have probably killed himself because he accidentally read the spoiler on the box of “Good Luck Chuck”.
+++++++++++++++
On the subject, something got mixed up on my Netflix queue and I missed a whole disk (4 episodes) of “Lost”. Oddly enough, they were still running around the jungle trying to get off the island in the least direct manner possible. I’ll watch the next season completely out of order and see if there’s any difference. Maybe I’ll go through each show with the rewind button on just to make it a challenge.
+++++++++++++++
The Texas A&M football team apparently stole all the copies of the student paper because they didn’t like the headline. Two of their team mates were arrested on drug charges. The coach said that he was proud. Even Worf on Star Trek would say “One cannot regain honor by acting dishonorably.” You should also read that in Worf’s booming bass vocal range with a twinge of Klingon anger. That would help.
++++++++++++++++
My kids are going to see a play of Mulan today. Something that always bugged me about the story was the father. Mulan took her father’s sword and horse and rode off to join the army against an evil and powerful foe. What did the dad do? Did he find his sword missing and just say “My daughter is taking my place to confront a vicious, ruthless enemy? If her army buddies find out that she’s a woman they’ll probably kill her, too. Oh well, I’ll just hang back here on the ranch and wait for her to save the day.” Father-of-the-Year material there.
+++++++++++++
I’m not sure I get it. The GOP is portraying various members of the Democratic party as cartoon characters. They made Nancy Pelosi into Cruella DeVil, but I thought that liberals were animal lovers.
Whatever they were trying for, I’m sure it was successful. Red meat donors lap that stuff up if it makes sense or not. Why bother with all that egghead stuff like “health care costs too much” when we can just draw funny pictures? Thinking is soooo haaarrd. Please don’t make us do it!
This is the picture: http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/documents/rncdocument030310.pdf
Without some idiot to explain what they were trying for, I’m at a loss to see how “Hope” or “Progress” can be convoluted into some kind of damnable sin. Bastardizing “American Gothic” seems counter to their beliefs, too. Doesn’t it represent good, old-timey, wholesome, mom & apple pie Americana?
I re-watched the Dark Knight to look for the Joker’s socialist politics. I didn’t find much. In fact, Bruce Wayne seems to be the give-to-the-poor altruist. I’m honestly not deliberately reading too far into this. I’m simply at a loss to get any meaning at all.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Coal is like Bob Saget's colon.
So who’s going to inherit outgoing senator Bunning’s seat? Rand Paul kicked up a kerfuffle against his Republican challenger to see who was a better friend to the coal industry. While most politicians try to avoid being seen as a tool for lobbyists, here in Kentucky, the Republican candidates knock themselves over to demonstrate their shill-fullness. Not that we’re backwards or anything.
It started when Greyson said that he supported nuclear power. Ha. How very French of him.
I know Kentucky is a coal-loving state, but we’re also supposed to be a horse-loving state, too. Yet, a lot more people make a living from auto manufacturing than the equine industry. Nuclear power won’t eliminate coal for the next century at least.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have a lot of negative things to say about Coach Calipari’s paycheck, and so do a lot of Kentuckians. But given the drop-off of opinions in the paper complaining about it, no one disagrees that he delivered the goods last season. Next season with a whole new team, it’s anyone’s guess.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sometimes when I get bored, I compare and contrast the six seasons of “Lost” with the classic movie “The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island”. It’s deep in its varied characters and metaphorical imagery. So is “Lost”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading Steven King’s seven volume series on the Dark Tower. He considers it his magnum opus of his extensive body of work. There are cult fans, I’m sure, that divine the Zen of the Universe through its multi-faceted themes. I find it an awkward ballet of cacophony. True, it takes a master storyteller to pull together a western/sci-fi/fantasy/horror/psychological thriller and make it coherent for one book, let alone seven. Still, I wish it was more focused than cowboys, robots, wizards, spirits, time travel, parallel realities, mind reading, a cameo by Steven King as himself and a wild ride on Blaine the insane train.
There aren’t any ghosts. Maybe if he threw in some ghosts everything would clear up.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read a nice graphic novel called “Grandville”. Grandville is really Paris, set in some weird reality where people have animal heads. That’s ok enough for mammals, but the fish heads made me wonder how they could be breathing air. But the artwork was great, and the story was cool enough, though it was borrowed from Watchmen, which was heavily influenced by Lathe of Heaven, which took material from an Outer Limits episode. Aside from that, it’s a decent read.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
So the Supreme Court is diverse. The justices come from both Harvard or Yale. They also come from two places. NYC and other-places-that-are-not-NYC-but-wish-they-were. 6 Catholics, 3 Jews, 0 Protestants.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I went to a Wellness Expo that featured a walk-through inflatable colon. If that doesn’t bring out the masses, I don’t know what will.
I walked halfway through the colon, and I felt pooped. “Aw, shit,” I said. “This stinks.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Heinz ketchup is changing its formula to lower its sodium. Some old woman complained (before she even tasted the new formula). “I’m 80 and I’m not dead.” Look, if your dander gets up from a minor change in your ketchup, your world must have been absolutely rocked when they tinkered with Coke.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
People routinely gripe about how new technology usurps their humanity. I’m pretty much in favor of using new inventions to solve a problem. I do, however, draw the line at the scourge of humanity, the sitcom laugh track.
If no one thinks its funny without some mechanical gurgling sound that approximates human laughter, then re-write your stupid script. If laugh tracks are so great, then why don’t they use them in the movies? Was Bugs Bunny not funny because there was no laugh track? The Simpsons?
I’m watching Sports Night, Aaron Sorokin’s early work before West Wing. The laugh track ruins everything. His trademark is this witty repartee, but on the show it ends with this annoying chortle-like noise coming from nowhere on screen. Maybe they should have just run it continuously so you could hear vaguely-laughter-like sound throughout the show and think that every second was chock full of raw humor. It would have been the best show ever. Or at least it would have lasted as many seasons as Full House with Bob Saget.
It started when Greyson said that he supported nuclear power. Ha. How very French of him.
I know Kentucky is a coal-loving state, but we’re also supposed to be a horse-loving state, too. Yet, a lot more people make a living from auto manufacturing than the equine industry. Nuclear power won’t eliminate coal for the next century at least.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have a lot of negative things to say about Coach Calipari’s paycheck, and so do a lot of Kentuckians. But given the drop-off of opinions in the paper complaining about it, no one disagrees that he delivered the goods last season. Next season with a whole new team, it’s anyone’s guess.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sometimes when I get bored, I compare and contrast the six seasons of “Lost” with the classic movie “The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island”. It’s deep in its varied characters and metaphorical imagery. So is “Lost”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading Steven King’s seven volume series on the Dark Tower. He considers it his magnum opus of his extensive body of work. There are cult fans, I’m sure, that divine the Zen of the Universe through its multi-faceted themes. I find it an awkward ballet of cacophony. True, it takes a master storyteller to pull together a western/sci-fi/fantasy/horror/psychological thriller and make it coherent for one book, let alone seven. Still, I wish it was more focused than cowboys, robots, wizards, spirits, time travel, parallel realities, mind reading, a cameo by Steven King as himself and a wild ride on Blaine the insane train.
There aren’t any ghosts. Maybe if he threw in some ghosts everything would clear up.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read a nice graphic novel called “Grandville”. Grandville is really Paris, set in some weird reality where people have animal heads. That’s ok enough for mammals, but the fish heads made me wonder how they could be breathing air. But the artwork was great, and the story was cool enough, though it was borrowed from Watchmen, which was heavily influenced by Lathe of Heaven, which took material from an Outer Limits episode. Aside from that, it’s a decent read.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
So the Supreme Court is diverse. The justices come from both Harvard or Yale. They also come from two places. NYC and other-places-that-are-not-NYC-but-wish-they-were. 6 Catholics, 3 Jews, 0 Protestants.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I went to a Wellness Expo that featured a walk-through inflatable colon. If that doesn’t bring out the masses, I don’t know what will.
I walked halfway through the colon, and I felt pooped. “Aw, shit,” I said. “This stinks.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Heinz ketchup is changing its formula to lower its sodium. Some old woman complained (before she even tasted the new formula). “I’m 80 and I’m not dead.” Look, if your dander gets up from a minor change in your ketchup, your world must have been absolutely rocked when they tinkered with Coke.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
People routinely gripe about how new technology usurps their humanity. I’m pretty much in favor of using new inventions to solve a problem. I do, however, draw the line at the scourge of humanity, the sitcom laugh track.
If no one thinks its funny without some mechanical gurgling sound that approximates human laughter, then re-write your stupid script. If laugh tracks are so great, then why don’t they use them in the movies? Was Bugs Bunny not funny because there was no laugh track? The Simpsons?
I’m watching Sports Night, Aaron Sorokin’s early work before West Wing. The laugh track ruins everything. His trademark is this witty repartee, but on the show it ends with this annoying chortle-like noise coming from nowhere on screen. Maybe they should have just run it continuously so you could hear vaguely-laughter-like sound throughout the show and think that every second was chock full of raw humor. It would have been the best show ever. Or at least it would have lasted as many seasons as Full House with Bob Saget.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Short takes
Strange, that sexpots like Anna Nicole Smith and Pam Anderson only seem to inspire derision from women, although men for some bizarre reason mistakenly want to see them wearing bathing suits in magazines. What do we, as men know about how hot a woman is, anyway? Obviously, deferring to women on how hot a woman is the proper way. Yes, ask a woman and they’ll tell you that Sarah Jessica Parker and Hillary Clinton are the best looking. Gosh, I’ve been so mistaken all these years.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
2012 will be THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER! How do I know? Because every presidential election is THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What do you have to do to qualify to be a “pundit” anyway? I bet it has something to do with having the right hair.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How about “INDIANA JONES and the Medi-Alert Bracelet”?The franchise has fallen and it can’t get up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I bet that the guy who says “Previously, on Lost…” wishes that he could have had a job to say “Previously, on 24… “ but now has to settle for “Previously… on Heroes…”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a bastardization of the term “free market”. Commodities are free markets. Auto manufacturers are an oligopoly. Oligopolies employ game theory. They don’t work towards excellence, they only watch what the others do. Football analogy: You’re ahead, you have the ball, and there’s only 30 seconds left on the clock. You kneel, because you’re not trying to run up the score, you only have to do one point better than your opponent. If you were playing against 1000 other teams, you’d always try to score.
If congress passed a law that mandated that the computer industry would have to quadruple their average processing speed in five years, they’d be like “Yeah, we were going to do that anyway.” When congress tells the auto industry to increase gas mileage by twenty percent in ten years, they’re all squawking about it like they’ll all go out of business.
Ford: Not physically possible!
GM: We’ll go broke!
Chrysler: We’d have to charge sixty-
GM: Uh, (whisper whisper)…
Chrysler: Seventy?
GM: Mmh. (points up).
Chrysler: - over ninety five thousand dollars for an economy model.
Congress: But the Japanese already get 20% better mileage than you guys - and cheaper.
Toyota: Leave me out of this. We just don’t want any laws that will make Detroit viable.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why is “nonetheless” one word? Everyone damn well knows that it should be three.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The rednecks think Obama isn’t “American enough”, but aren’t these the same freaks who wanted Arnold Schwartzenegger for President? Growing up in Hawaii isn’t “real America”, but Bavaria is.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read a conservative opinion piece from Ron Dreher. He was critical of the media’s light treatment of President Obama. He said that “liberal guilt will work like kryptonite.” Kryptonite didn’t effect anyone but Superman. So wouldn’t Obama be Superman here, not the masses of reporters? Originally, kryptonite was supposed to make Superman just like everyone else, but the way it played out was that it left him gasping for air, too weak to stand. My general rule of thumb is that anyone who routinely calls out the “MSM” is usually too far off the path to be taken seriously anyway.
On the other side of the coin, I read an op-ed that said that liberal guilt was a good thing, and its great that Obama is President because of the 400 year crime of slavery. No. On so many levels – NO.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
2012 will be THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER! How do I know? Because every presidential election is THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What do you have to do to qualify to be a “pundit” anyway? I bet it has something to do with having the right hair.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How about “INDIANA JONES and the Medi-Alert Bracelet”?The franchise has fallen and it can’t get up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I bet that the guy who says “Previously, on Lost…” wishes that he could have had a job to say “Previously, on 24… “ but now has to settle for “Previously… on Heroes…”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a bastardization of the term “free market”. Commodities are free markets. Auto manufacturers are an oligopoly. Oligopolies employ game theory. They don’t work towards excellence, they only watch what the others do. Football analogy: You’re ahead, you have the ball, and there’s only 30 seconds left on the clock. You kneel, because you’re not trying to run up the score, you only have to do one point better than your opponent. If you were playing against 1000 other teams, you’d always try to score.
If congress passed a law that mandated that the computer industry would have to quadruple their average processing speed in five years, they’d be like “Yeah, we were going to do that anyway.” When congress tells the auto industry to increase gas mileage by twenty percent in ten years, they’re all squawking about it like they’ll all go out of business.
Ford: Not physically possible!
GM: We’ll go broke!
Chrysler: We’d have to charge sixty-
GM: Uh, (whisper whisper)…
Chrysler: Seventy?
GM: Mmh. (points up).
Chrysler: - over ninety five thousand dollars for an economy model.
Congress: But the Japanese already get 20% better mileage than you guys - and cheaper.
Toyota: Leave me out of this. We just don’t want any laws that will make Detroit viable.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Why is “nonetheless” one word? Everyone damn well knows that it should be three.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The rednecks think Obama isn’t “American enough”, but aren’t these the same freaks who wanted Arnold Schwartzenegger for President? Growing up in Hawaii isn’t “real America”, but Bavaria is.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I read a conservative opinion piece from Ron Dreher. He was critical of the media’s light treatment of President Obama. He said that “liberal guilt will work like kryptonite.” Kryptonite didn’t effect anyone but Superman. So wouldn’t Obama be Superman here, not the masses of reporters? Originally, kryptonite was supposed to make Superman just like everyone else, but the way it played out was that it left him gasping for air, too weak to stand. My general rule of thumb is that anyone who routinely calls out the “MSM” is usually too far off the path to be taken seriously anyway.
On the other side of the coin, I read an op-ed that said that liberal guilt was a good thing, and its great that Obama is President because of the 400 year crime of slavery. No. On so many levels – NO.
No Garfield? No problem!
Mitch McConnell accused the Dems of being obstructionists until he found himself in the minority and became an obstructionist himself. I’m sure he’s got some uncovincing explanation on how its all the Dems fault, as is every other evil known to human kind, up to and including using the last cup of coffee in the senate break room and not starting a fresh pot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Garfield is still on this kick where they think that being hell bent on being lazy and uninterested is somehow funny after 30 years. And it works! Yes! Ha ha ha ha! He’s lazy! A lazy cat! And he doesn’t even care! How funny! Tell me more ways that he’s lazy! He’s so cool because he doesn’t care! Haw haw!
We got a new comic called “Daddy’s Home”. Suburban dad with kids. I get the impression from the title that he’s either a stay at home dad or that he works from home. It’s not bad, it’s not good. What would really punch it up is if he had a talking cat. Especially one that was lazy.
Rex Morgan hasn’t seen a patient since 2006. He wrote a prescription and gave him a referral to a specialist. In that respect, he’s like a rock star who takes 36 months to put out 60 minutes of music, and it usually sucks anyway.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I don’t know if you’ve ever followed the “24” saga. It’s pretty good, like an extended movie and less like a serial for TV. I’ll update you in the style of Joe Namath on “No Football? No Problem!” The action starts at midnight, and it’s nearly 6:30 AM, so just a little past the first quarter. But those bad guys have been playing a good game. They came in with a good plan and have been executing it well, taking the good guys by surprise almost every time. There’s about five separate but interwoven plot lines, and the bad guys are dominating in all aspects of the game in terms of body count and tactical advantage. Not to say that the good guys haven’t made some heroic stands. There was a small good guy victory on one play, but those gains were quickly erased due to that invaluable double agent on the bad guy side. The double agent is the odds-on favorite for game MVP. Not high profile, but very consistently crucial in the outcome of a wide range of plays both offensive and defensive. Until the good guys can get the bad guy out of their huddles, the bad guys will continue to lead. Coming in to half time, Coach Bauer really has to rally the troops and switch up his assignments on the good guy team, starting with figuring out who is actually on his team. He really hasn’t developed any formal strategy that is going to work against the ruthless and as-of-yet-unstoppable bad guys. But there’s still just under three quarters to play, and I’m sure we’ll see a good guy rally late in the 4th.
That’s one thing that always gets me about action movies. The good guys can make a hundred good moves and kill 50 bad guys, and still the sinister plan will still be accomplished if not for a last second extra effort and some luck on the part of the good guys. Using a football analogy, it would be as if the bad guys were in the 4th quarter with only one or two guys left on the field and were still not only keeping the lead but continuing to score touchdowns.
All those shouting bosses who want the action heroes to get off the case never bother to re-assign anything. They never say “You’re off the case. Go investigate this double homicide in the projects.” “You’re right, Captain. I should get off the e-Vil Corp case. It’s just based on wild hunches anyway. There are serious criminals in this town that need to be apprehended. Of course, I still harbor a deep suspicion that someone at e-Vil killed my partner.”
And, can’t one single sidekick ever, ever, EVER stay in the damn car when they’re told??? “I’m coming with you!”
“You’re staying in the car! That’s final!”
Yeah, right.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Garfield is still on this kick where they think that being hell bent on being lazy and uninterested is somehow funny after 30 years. And it works! Yes! Ha ha ha ha! He’s lazy! A lazy cat! And he doesn’t even care! How funny! Tell me more ways that he’s lazy! He’s so cool because he doesn’t care! Haw haw!
We got a new comic called “Daddy’s Home”. Suburban dad with kids. I get the impression from the title that he’s either a stay at home dad or that he works from home. It’s not bad, it’s not good. What would really punch it up is if he had a talking cat. Especially one that was lazy.
Rex Morgan hasn’t seen a patient since 2006. He wrote a prescription and gave him a referral to a specialist. In that respect, he’s like a rock star who takes 36 months to put out 60 minutes of music, and it usually sucks anyway.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I don’t know if you’ve ever followed the “24” saga. It’s pretty good, like an extended movie and less like a serial for TV. I’ll update you in the style of Joe Namath on “No Football? No Problem!” The action starts at midnight, and it’s nearly 6:30 AM, so just a little past the first quarter. But those bad guys have been playing a good game. They came in with a good plan and have been executing it well, taking the good guys by surprise almost every time. There’s about five separate but interwoven plot lines, and the bad guys are dominating in all aspects of the game in terms of body count and tactical advantage. Not to say that the good guys haven’t made some heroic stands. There was a small good guy victory on one play, but those gains were quickly erased due to that invaluable double agent on the bad guy side. The double agent is the odds-on favorite for game MVP. Not high profile, but very consistently crucial in the outcome of a wide range of plays both offensive and defensive. Until the good guys can get the bad guy out of their huddles, the bad guys will continue to lead. Coming in to half time, Coach Bauer really has to rally the troops and switch up his assignments on the good guy team, starting with figuring out who is actually on his team. He really hasn’t developed any formal strategy that is going to work against the ruthless and as-of-yet-unstoppable bad guys. But there’s still just under three quarters to play, and I’m sure we’ll see a good guy rally late in the 4th.
That’s one thing that always gets me about action movies. The good guys can make a hundred good moves and kill 50 bad guys, and still the sinister plan will still be accomplished if not for a last second extra effort and some luck on the part of the good guys. Using a football analogy, it would be as if the bad guys were in the 4th quarter with only one or two guys left on the field and were still not only keeping the lead but continuing to score touchdowns.
All those shouting bosses who want the action heroes to get off the case never bother to re-assign anything. They never say “You’re off the case. Go investigate this double homicide in the projects.” “You’re right, Captain. I should get off the e-Vil Corp case. It’s just based on wild hunches anyway. There are serious criminals in this town that need to be apprehended. Of course, I still harbor a deep suspicion that someone at e-Vil killed my partner.”
And, can’t one single sidekick ever, ever, EVER stay in the damn car when they’re told??? “I’m coming with you!”
“You’re staying in the car! That’s final!”
Yeah, right.
Jack's less hectic 24 hours.
It’s going off the air soon, but I’m watching the first season of “24”. I know that it is just to keep the story along, but still, can the FBI really find the security code to any electronic lock in the city within a minute? Didn’t think so. It takes me almost a minute to remember my own password at work.
I’m waiting for the next season of “24” in which Jack Bauer is late to the dentist because of a 45 minute traffic jam on the freeway. See Jack tap on the steering wheel while listening to the radio. See Jack’s wife cleaning up the breakfast dishes. See Jack’s office slacking off because Jack isn’t there. See Jack make a cell phone call. The dramatic music begins. “Tell Dr. Schwartz that I’m running late. Yeah, traffic. Can we reschedule for 11:30?” Cut to a commercial. When we return, the clerk says “Yeah, uh, come in whenever.” Crisis resolved. Jack’s wife chucks some scrambled eggs in to the trash, but a little piece misses and lands on the floor. Jack’s wife doesn’t notice! Oh, now she’s stepped in it! That’s got her attention. Out come the paper towels! Jack’s co-workers discuss lunch. “I dunno. Where do you wanna go?”
“I dunno. Where do YOU wanna go?”
Jack’s daughter sits in class and disinterestedly stares. Back to the office:
“No, not that Thai place again! Their chicken wan pen tastes like stale cho lo-pein.” Jack’s car moves up another two spots.
“I can’t eat Mexican. Burritos always give me the sh- “ Jack’s wife has successfully completed the clean up in its entirety, and is now replacing the mop and cleaning solution to their respectful places in the closet.
Back at Jack’s counter-terrorism unit: “Is Jack going to be back this morning? He’s got to approve time sheets. Does anybody know?”
“We can crack encryption in seconds, but I have no idea when Jack is expected back in.”
“Should we call him?”
“He might have the dentist’s thing in his mouth and can’t talk.”
“His ‘thing’?”
“Instruments or drills or whatever. Take your mind out of the gutter.”
Jack is now singing to “Welcome to the Jungle” on radio.
Commercial break.
“You should really call Jack.”
“No, you.”
“I’ll just wait. He can’t sign anything over the phone anyway.”
Jack's daughter heads for the rest room at school. She suspiciously looks over her shoulder... and pulls out... a comic book!
Back to the office!
“How about McDonald’s or Burger King?”
“I’m on a diet.”
“Subway?”
“No, South Beach.”
“I meant… forget it.”
Roll credits.
Riveting!
Actually, “24” is a pretty good show, as far as the TV action genre is concerned. I’m willing to suspend more disbelief for a well written show than one that doesn’t make good on promises or lives on stilted dialogue.
I’m waiting for the next season of “24” in which Jack Bauer is late to the dentist because of a 45 minute traffic jam on the freeway. See Jack tap on the steering wheel while listening to the radio. See Jack’s wife cleaning up the breakfast dishes. See Jack’s office slacking off because Jack isn’t there. See Jack make a cell phone call. The dramatic music begins. “Tell Dr. Schwartz that I’m running late. Yeah, traffic. Can we reschedule for 11:30?” Cut to a commercial. When we return, the clerk says “Yeah, uh, come in whenever.” Crisis resolved. Jack’s wife chucks some scrambled eggs in to the trash, but a little piece misses and lands on the floor. Jack’s wife doesn’t notice! Oh, now she’s stepped in it! That’s got her attention. Out come the paper towels! Jack’s co-workers discuss lunch. “I dunno. Where do you wanna go?”
“I dunno. Where do YOU wanna go?”
Jack’s daughter sits in class and disinterestedly stares. Back to the office:
“No, not that Thai place again! Their chicken wan pen tastes like stale cho lo-pein.” Jack’s car moves up another two spots.
“I can’t eat Mexican. Burritos always give me the sh- “ Jack’s wife has successfully completed the clean up in its entirety, and is now replacing the mop and cleaning solution to their respectful places in the closet.
Back at Jack’s counter-terrorism unit: “Is Jack going to be back this morning? He’s got to approve time sheets. Does anybody know?”
“We can crack encryption in seconds, but I have no idea when Jack is expected back in.”
“Should we call him?”
“He might have the dentist’s thing in his mouth and can’t talk.”
“His ‘thing’?”
“Instruments or drills or whatever. Take your mind out of the gutter.”
Jack is now singing to “Welcome to the Jungle” on radio.
Commercial break.
“You should really call Jack.”
“No, you.”
“I’ll just wait. He can’t sign anything over the phone anyway.”
Jack's daughter heads for the rest room at school. She suspiciously looks over her shoulder... and pulls out... a comic book!
Back to the office!
“How about McDonald’s or Burger King?”
“I’m on a diet.”
“Subway?”
“No, South Beach.”
“I meant… forget it.”
Roll credits.
Riveting!
Actually, “24” is a pretty good show, as far as the TV action genre is concerned. I’m willing to suspend more disbelief for a well written show than one that doesn’t make good on promises or lives on stilted dialogue.
Recycling hackneyed quips - but that's most of what's in this blog
I recently heard that old blather about how if men got pregnant, there would be free daycare and 12 weeks paid paternity leave. Yeah, well, men are supposedly in charge and you don’t get so much as one paid afternoon off if your alma mater makes it in to the Final Four. So, there goes the myth of male dominance in society.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I wish I received some monetary benefit from recycling. Supposedly, the recycle center makes a profit, which translates into a reduction in taxes. But my taxes are reduced as much as taxes for the jerkoff who doesn’t recycle. My county doesn’t recycle, they expect you to collect your stuff and drive it to their center, open only until 5pm. Some rare people, like me, do. Most don’t. That’s out of the way and a lot of effort for no discernable gain. As a result, paper, plastic bags, aluminum cans, all of that goes into the solid waste. I only do it because I just couldn’t stand living like a lazy chub in East Chuckaf+ck, KY.
I don’t have white guilt about the black condition. I don’t have male guilt about the female condition. But I do have some guilt about global warming, since it is something that I have contributed to, continue to contribute to and it is something where I can take action to reduce my effects on the environment if not eliminate them.
On that carbon footprint thing, those people who have laid claim to the Holy “carbon neutral” Grail usually do so through heavy use of the nebulous world of carbon offsets.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mitch McConnell is at it again. He’s bravely defending those poor, helpless campaign finance rules from reform of any kind. The “liberal attack machine” has forced poor Mitch to stoop to using the parliamentary rules as a weapon in support of his heroic crusade. He’s holding up confirmation hearings for four proposed members of the campaign finance committee. He insists that all four should be voted in as one block, and not on their individual merits. Confirming all four as if they were one person is inherently un-American, for it denies individuality. If a college coach wants to recruit a star high school player, he doesn’t have to give the star’s three flunky friends free scholarships as well. Confirmation as a block is a thinly veiled attempt to sneak in some stooges that would have no chance at being confirmed on their own.
LP Record players, dead. Phone booths gone. Good ‘ol boy politics – still alive and kicking down in the hollers of KY.
Oh, and “liberal attack machine” is a quote from a McConnell mailing that asked for money. The term appeared somewhere in the first line. When I hit that term, I chucked it unceremoniously in to the recycle bin, or I’d be regaling you with its other memorable quotes of unbridled ignorance.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I wish I received some monetary benefit from recycling. Supposedly, the recycle center makes a profit, which translates into a reduction in taxes. But my taxes are reduced as much as taxes for the jerkoff who doesn’t recycle. My county doesn’t recycle, they expect you to collect your stuff and drive it to their center, open only until 5pm. Some rare people, like me, do. Most don’t. That’s out of the way and a lot of effort for no discernable gain. As a result, paper, plastic bags, aluminum cans, all of that goes into the solid waste. I only do it because I just couldn’t stand living like a lazy chub in East Chuckaf+ck, KY.
I don’t have white guilt about the black condition. I don’t have male guilt about the female condition. But I do have some guilt about global warming, since it is something that I have contributed to, continue to contribute to and it is something where I can take action to reduce my effects on the environment if not eliminate them.
On that carbon footprint thing, those people who have laid claim to the Holy “carbon neutral” Grail usually do so through heavy use of the nebulous world of carbon offsets.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mitch McConnell is at it again. He’s bravely defending those poor, helpless campaign finance rules from reform of any kind. The “liberal attack machine” has forced poor Mitch to stoop to using the parliamentary rules as a weapon in support of his heroic crusade. He’s holding up confirmation hearings for four proposed members of the campaign finance committee. He insists that all four should be voted in as one block, and not on their individual merits. Confirming all four as if they were one person is inherently un-American, for it denies individuality. If a college coach wants to recruit a star high school player, he doesn’t have to give the star’s three flunky friends free scholarships as well. Confirmation as a block is a thinly veiled attempt to sneak in some stooges that would have no chance at being confirmed on their own.
LP Record players, dead. Phone booths gone. Good ‘ol boy politics – still alive and kicking down in the hollers of KY.
Oh, and “liberal attack machine” is a quote from a McConnell mailing that asked for money. The term appeared somewhere in the first line. When I hit that term, I chucked it unceremoniously in to the recycle bin, or I’d be regaling you with its other memorable quotes of unbridled ignorance.
Germany, China, Cheers, Superman and yet another swipe at Conservatives
Germany and China will eventually undergo a serious population problem in that they will have too few youngsters and too many oldsters. Germany has a lifetime birth rate of only 1.3 children per woman. China regulates children per family and has 1.6 kids per woman. Italy and Japan also have population trouble like that. I don’t know how they project populations based on how many children will result from parents that haven’t been born yet, but they do.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The week “Cheers” debuted, it ranked dead last in the network ratings. It’s a miracle why it wasn’t cancelled right away. I’d like to imagine an alternative universe where it was cancelled. Having no acting career, George Wendt started a foundation to feed all of Africa. The tragedy of Iraq was circumvented and cancer was cured. “Cheers” was a curse in the disguise of a blessing. Damn you, Sam Malone!
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m getting sick of these politicians who took credit when things went well, and then insist that the free market must correct itself when things go badly.
The Republicans took credit when the percentage of Americans who are home owners were at historic highs; and now say two years later how wrong it was for the banks to have lent mortgage money to high-risk people.
Are those who do not remember history doomed to repeat it? And those that do not study claptrap pedestrian proverbs may miss out on the fact that they are occasionally true - including the one you get saying “Help! I’m a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!” That one always had such deep meaning for me. Because, aren’t we all really just prisoners in this great, big fortune cookie factory on Earth? Have I digressed again?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the animated movie Superman Requiem and Resurrection. It was ok, but I thought it would be bigger budget than it was. The art looked rather cartoony, Louis Lane in particular. Superman himself had some weird facial lines – old age? Louis looked about 23 and constantly wore skirts so short and tight that Allie McBeal would blush. There was a lot of death and even a little vomit. The action was pretty good, but I would have liked the plot to have been a little deeper than this unkillable ogre shows up and Superman is called in to fight. I wish there could have been some kind of reprise in the fighting, like the Doomsday guy would have to break off the attack to go grab a cow to eat for lunch. Then there could be some kind of “what’s its weakness?” discussion. I’m all for action, but a slugfest without meaning leaves an audience uncaring about who wins.
But the reason I brought up Superman was that yet again the evildoer, Lex Luthor, killed his #2. She didn’t even deserve it. She did exactly what he asked. He eliminated her to cover his trail that one extra step. Clearly, LexCorp is not winning awards on “Best Places to work in Metropolis”.
I won’t give away too much, but as the title “Requiem and Resurrection” implies, he’s killed then reborn. The rebirth is quasi-preposterous, but really, no more so than the entire Superman opus.
Superman is all for the betterment of mankind and all of that. He’s shown as trying to find cures for cancer in his spare time. But he’s got a sentient robot as his sidekick. Don’t you think that if you allowed sentient robots to be mass-marketed, that the economic boost would keep people from having to engage in criminal behavior?
I never liked Superman. He was strong, sure. Great force for good, yeah, yeah. Where’s the dilemma? What kind of bravery does it take to stare down the barrel of a gun knowing full well that bullets are less of a nuisance than a water droplet? Look at Spiderman, who tries to live a normal personal life against the demands of being a superhero. Look at Batman and his tortured soul and circumspect treatment of criminals. The Green Arrow was a cad, even that’s more interesting than Superman’s monogamous lily white wedding. The courtship of Louis Lane took 60 years, and she couldn’t even recognize him with a pair of glasses on. There is never, ever a moment when the reader says “Oh crap! What’s he going to do now?”
Well, that is, until he got killed.
But, on the other hand, he was resurrected, too.
The coolest thing about the Requiem and Resurrection? The image of the iconic red cape, torn and charred hanging flag-like from a piece of wreckage, then swept away with the wind. When this story was presented on paper, that issue was presented with 5 or 6 different varieties of cover art. The one with the cape outsold the others by a huge margin. If only Star Trek’s perennially doomed Ensign Leibowitz got that kind of eulogy. A torn and charred red shirt hanging from a twisted piece of metal with sad music would be appropriate. Instead he gets a brief diagnosis: “He’s dead, Jim.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The week “Cheers” debuted, it ranked dead last in the network ratings. It’s a miracle why it wasn’t cancelled right away. I’d like to imagine an alternative universe where it was cancelled. Having no acting career, George Wendt started a foundation to feed all of Africa. The tragedy of Iraq was circumvented and cancer was cured. “Cheers” was a curse in the disguise of a blessing. Damn you, Sam Malone!
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m getting sick of these politicians who took credit when things went well, and then insist that the free market must correct itself when things go badly.
The Republicans took credit when the percentage of Americans who are home owners were at historic highs; and now say two years later how wrong it was for the banks to have lent mortgage money to high-risk people.
Are those who do not remember history doomed to repeat it? And those that do not study claptrap pedestrian proverbs may miss out on the fact that they are occasionally true - including the one you get saying “Help! I’m a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!” That one always had such deep meaning for me. Because, aren’t we all really just prisoners in this great, big fortune cookie factory on Earth? Have I digressed again?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I watched the animated movie Superman Requiem and Resurrection. It was ok, but I thought it would be bigger budget than it was. The art looked rather cartoony, Louis Lane in particular. Superman himself had some weird facial lines – old age? Louis looked about 23 and constantly wore skirts so short and tight that Allie McBeal would blush. There was a lot of death and even a little vomit. The action was pretty good, but I would have liked the plot to have been a little deeper than this unkillable ogre shows up and Superman is called in to fight. I wish there could have been some kind of reprise in the fighting, like the Doomsday guy would have to break off the attack to go grab a cow to eat for lunch. Then there could be some kind of “what’s its weakness?” discussion. I’m all for action, but a slugfest without meaning leaves an audience uncaring about who wins.
But the reason I brought up Superman was that yet again the evildoer, Lex Luthor, killed his #2. She didn’t even deserve it. She did exactly what he asked. He eliminated her to cover his trail that one extra step. Clearly, LexCorp is not winning awards on “Best Places to work in Metropolis”.
I won’t give away too much, but as the title “Requiem and Resurrection” implies, he’s killed then reborn. The rebirth is quasi-preposterous, but really, no more so than the entire Superman opus.
Superman is all for the betterment of mankind and all of that. He’s shown as trying to find cures for cancer in his spare time. But he’s got a sentient robot as his sidekick. Don’t you think that if you allowed sentient robots to be mass-marketed, that the economic boost would keep people from having to engage in criminal behavior?
I never liked Superman. He was strong, sure. Great force for good, yeah, yeah. Where’s the dilemma? What kind of bravery does it take to stare down the barrel of a gun knowing full well that bullets are less of a nuisance than a water droplet? Look at Spiderman, who tries to live a normal personal life against the demands of being a superhero. Look at Batman and his tortured soul and circumspect treatment of criminals. The Green Arrow was a cad, even that’s more interesting than Superman’s monogamous lily white wedding. The courtship of Louis Lane took 60 years, and she couldn’t even recognize him with a pair of glasses on. There is never, ever a moment when the reader says “Oh crap! What’s he going to do now?”
Well, that is, until he got killed.
But, on the other hand, he was resurrected, too.
The coolest thing about the Requiem and Resurrection? The image of the iconic red cape, torn and charred hanging flag-like from a piece of wreckage, then swept away with the wind. When this story was presented on paper, that issue was presented with 5 or 6 different varieties of cover art. The one with the cape outsold the others by a huge margin. If only Star Trek’s perennially doomed Ensign Leibowitz got that kind of eulogy. A torn and charred red shirt hanging from a twisted piece of metal with sad music would be appropriate. Instead he gets a brief diagnosis: “He’s dead, Jim.”
Betting one's bippy should be a deadly sin.
”You bet your bippy!” What the hell was that all about? I didn’t get it then, I don’t get it now. The 70s were lame and there’s your proof. How fantastically lame was that tag line? My parents used it, whatever it meant. It was from Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, by the way.
++++++++++++++++++
Hey, where were all the nostalgia fans when the 8 track was biting the dust? Come on, they had soul. You just couldn’t get that from any cassette. Except that the cassette outperformed the 8 track in terms of recordability, durability, fidelity and portability. But aside from all of that, the cassettes had no soul! Until, that is, CDs came along and essentially replaced cassettes. Next to CDs, cassettes are like the James Brown (Godfather of Soul) of recording media.
Yeah, the pre-recorded cassettes were never high-fidelity and would start to audibly squeak within a year, get eaten by a hungry car stereo, warp or accidentally get erased when passing next to a speaker magnet. If you wanted to hear a song again, you’d have to rewind and guess how far along you were. Yeah, those were the golden days, the salad days, the days of halcyon lore. The winds of change have destroyed a legacy. The sad end of the gilded age. Gone is an era. Sob. They had soul.
CDs have no soul. That is, until they are finally killed off by pure digital media. Then CDs will have a soul, I shall lament these days where I have to put 300 discs in a donut shaped wheel in order to get the amount of songs that I could store on one iPod that can fit in the palm of my hand and still have room for an actual donut. CDs are passing away with the winds of change, ohh, woe! The changing of the guard. The precious old things are now lost to this new age of cheap images and – what? I can download music without paying? Awesome. F—k those CDs, man. Old news. G’bye CDs, hellooo MP3s!
Also, no one ever lamented digital tape, which made a very brief appearance in the early 90s. What a piece of crap. All the disadvantages of a cassette and pricier than a CD. They could wear out, they could get mangled. You still couldn’t play song one then immediately skip to song three. You need expensive new hardware, and you couldn’t tape over them. Good riddance, digital tape, we hardly knew ye. While you’re there enjoying outdated media hell, say hello to RCA’s 12” video disks, will ya?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Vatican came up with a new list of the famed Seven Deadly Sins. Now they include drug abuse. I’m glad I got my drug abuse in years ago, long before it became a sin. I’m quite confused, though, on New Deadly Sin #6, which is “Excessive wealth”. This comes from the ornate and opulent Vatican, worth billions of dollars. NDS #5, “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” should be observed by the church by refusing donations from people who can’t afford it.
I’m not saying that the NDSs are good things being called bad things, but the first seven were things that every human being had to contend with on a daily basis. Sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, anger, pride and lust. But I don’t see how “Creating poverty” or “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” really affects too many people. Most of the world is already poor, and wishes that they were rich. Creating poverty and widening the income gap are essentially the same thing, anyway. No one creates poverty without the motive that they will benefit financially, either. So “Excessive wealth” is another overlap as well. Both “Creating poverty” and “Widening the gap” are macroeconomic shifts, and there are only a few dozen people in the world that could consciously do these things. Same goes for the New Deadly Sin of “conducting morally dubious experiments” (such as stem cell research). That’s just not a dark temptation that I’ve ever had to quell, although as a kid I mixed Pepsi with 7Up just to see what it would taste like.
The original seven deadly sins were accompanied by a list of seven virtues such as humility, discipline, generosity and a few others that don’t sound appealing and are thus ignored. The virtues were generally the opposite of the vices. Instead of pride, humility; instead of lust, abstinence; instead of anger, kindness (or maybe patience was supposed to be the match there); instead of gluttony, temperance; instead of greed, generosity; etc. I’m not aware of any virtuous list that we can point to in order to stay on the good side of the NDS #1, which is not to use birth control.
I think the Vatican would probably have been better off if they revamped the seven virtues rather than the deadly sins. Less comparison, since no one made a Brad Pitt movie about them. They could have included charitable giving in the virtues. Of course, that may already have been there in the list, and I just don’t recall it. Instead of stuff like “widening the gap between rich and poor”, they could have said “reducing poverty”. Instead of “excessive wealth”, they could have said “living modestly and sustainably”. Stuff like that. Positive stuff instead of negative. They should have hired me as their PR guy. Well, they shouldn’t have, since I’m not terribly good at that sort of thing. They should have hired ANY professional PR person, who almost certainly would have figured out that the list of new deadly sins would go over in most people’s minds like yet another nagging lecture from the nunnery.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
9/11 is a day that everyone talks about, but it doesn’t have a name, it’s just a date. The Fourth of July is technically called Independence Day (not to be confused with the movie). El Cinco de Mayo has another name, I think, as it is the day to commemorate some Mexican battle, like D-Day. So I took it upon myself to come up with a clever moniker for 9/11. Decades from now, when the term is commonplace, they will point back to us and mention that I coined that name. That would be, unlike Spencer, who coined the term “survival of the fittest”, but is mistakenly attributed to Darwin. Or “Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, which Goethe said and everyone credits to Neitche. We would be more like the guy who came up with the term “Y2K” who is … uh… Al Gore, right?
I think “Rememberance Day” might have the right spirit, but may be confused with Memorial Day, which in itself is confused with Labor Day. I’m thinking of calling it the “Seminal Historical Incident of Terroristic Activities That Turned America to Crusading and Killing”. Too wordy? Maybe if I just used the acronym SHITATTACK.
We could also direct the energies of the country to some constructive outlets for their celebratory energies on that day, such as the new tradition of beating people with non-western accents.
Smack, wham, boff!!
“Filthy Arab!”
“But I am Bangladeshi!”
“Whatever! Happy SHITATTACK Day!”
We’ll even give rise to the verb-ization of the term. “You’ve been SHITATTACKed!” Too bad there’s no money in it for us. Maybe the Sunday morning political talk shows would take us out for pancake breakfast. You bet your bippy they would.
++++++++++++++++++
Hey, where were all the nostalgia fans when the 8 track was biting the dust? Come on, they had soul. You just couldn’t get that from any cassette. Except that the cassette outperformed the 8 track in terms of recordability, durability, fidelity and portability. But aside from all of that, the cassettes had no soul! Until, that is, CDs came along and essentially replaced cassettes. Next to CDs, cassettes are like the James Brown (Godfather of Soul) of recording media.
Yeah, the pre-recorded cassettes were never high-fidelity and would start to audibly squeak within a year, get eaten by a hungry car stereo, warp or accidentally get erased when passing next to a speaker magnet. If you wanted to hear a song again, you’d have to rewind and guess how far along you were. Yeah, those were the golden days, the salad days, the days of halcyon lore. The winds of change have destroyed a legacy. The sad end of the gilded age. Gone is an era. Sob. They had soul.
CDs have no soul. That is, until they are finally killed off by pure digital media. Then CDs will have a soul, I shall lament these days where I have to put 300 discs in a donut shaped wheel in order to get the amount of songs that I could store on one iPod that can fit in the palm of my hand and still have room for an actual donut. CDs are passing away with the winds of change, ohh, woe! The changing of the guard. The precious old things are now lost to this new age of cheap images and – what? I can download music without paying? Awesome. F—k those CDs, man. Old news. G’bye CDs, hellooo MP3s!
Also, no one ever lamented digital tape, which made a very brief appearance in the early 90s. What a piece of crap. All the disadvantages of a cassette and pricier than a CD. They could wear out, they could get mangled. You still couldn’t play song one then immediately skip to song three. You need expensive new hardware, and you couldn’t tape over them. Good riddance, digital tape, we hardly knew ye. While you’re there enjoying outdated media hell, say hello to RCA’s 12” video disks, will ya?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Vatican came up with a new list of the famed Seven Deadly Sins. Now they include drug abuse. I’m glad I got my drug abuse in years ago, long before it became a sin. I’m quite confused, though, on New Deadly Sin #6, which is “Excessive wealth”. This comes from the ornate and opulent Vatican, worth billions of dollars. NDS #5, “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” should be observed by the church by refusing donations from people who can’t afford it.
I’m not saying that the NDSs are good things being called bad things, but the first seven were things that every human being had to contend with on a daily basis. Sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, anger, pride and lust. But I don’t see how “Creating poverty” or “Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor” really affects too many people. Most of the world is already poor, and wishes that they were rich. Creating poverty and widening the income gap are essentially the same thing, anyway. No one creates poverty without the motive that they will benefit financially, either. So “Excessive wealth” is another overlap as well. Both “Creating poverty” and “Widening the gap” are macroeconomic shifts, and there are only a few dozen people in the world that could consciously do these things. Same goes for the New Deadly Sin of “conducting morally dubious experiments” (such as stem cell research). That’s just not a dark temptation that I’ve ever had to quell, although as a kid I mixed Pepsi with 7Up just to see what it would taste like.
The original seven deadly sins were accompanied by a list of seven virtues such as humility, discipline, generosity and a few others that don’t sound appealing and are thus ignored. The virtues were generally the opposite of the vices. Instead of pride, humility; instead of lust, abstinence; instead of anger, kindness (or maybe patience was supposed to be the match there); instead of gluttony, temperance; instead of greed, generosity; etc. I’m not aware of any virtuous list that we can point to in order to stay on the good side of the NDS #1, which is not to use birth control.
I think the Vatican would probably have been better off if they revamped the seven virtues rather than the deadly sins. Less comparison, since no one made a Brad Pitt movie about them. They could have included charitable giving in the virtues. Of course, that may already have been there in the list, and I just don’t recall it. Instead of stuff like “widening the gap between rich and poor”, they could have said “reducing poverty”. Instead of “excessive wealth”, they could have said “living modestly and sustainably”. Stuff like that. Positive stuff instead of negative. They should have hired me as their PR guy. Well, they shouldn’t have, since I’m not terribly good at that sort of thing. They should have hired ANY professional PR person, who almost certainly would have figured out that the list of new deadly sins would go over in most people’s minds like yet another nagging lecture from the nunnery.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
9/11 is a day that everyone talks about, but it doesn’t have a name, it’s just a date. The Fourth of July is technically called Independence Day (not to be confused with the movie). El Cinco de Mayo has another name, I think, as it is the day to commemorate some Mexican battle, like D-Day. So I took it upon myself to come up with a clever moniker for 9/11. Decades from now, when the term is commonplace, they will point back to us and mention that I coined that name. That would be, unlike Spencer, who coined the term “survival of the fittest”, but is mistakenly attributed to Darwin. Or “Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, which Goethe said and everyone credits to Neitche. We would be more like the guy who came up with the term “Y2K” who is … uh… Al Gore, right?
I think “Rememberance Day” might have the right spirit, but may be confused with Memorial Day, which in itself is confused with Labor Day. I’m thinking of calling it the “Seminal Historical Incident of Terroristic Activities That Turned America to Crusading and Killing”. Too wordy? Maybe if I just used the acronym SHITATTACK.
We could also direct the energies of the country to some constructive outlets for their celebratory energies on that day, such as the new tradition of beating people with non-western accents.
Smack, wham, boff!!
“Filthy Arab!”
“But I am Bangladeshi!”
“Whatever! Happy SHITATTACK Day!”
We’ll even give rise to the verb-ization of the term. “You’ve been SHITATTACKed!” Too bad there’s no money in it for us. Maybe the Sunday morning political talk shows would take us out for pancake breakfast. You bet your bippy they would.
Steven King off his meds
I’m watching Steven King’s Rose Red. It was a miniseries at some point. Want to see 4 hours of unmitigated crap? The director seems to miss almost every opportunity for horror, and instead puts supposedly scary parts exactly where you would expect them with a long lead in so that nothing is at all shocking. I guess the director wanted to avoid all the schlocky scare setups so common in trendy horror flicks that he avoided being scary all together. Rose Red is a haunted house movie. If you want to avoid schlock, you picked the wrong subject matter. The only truly horrific part is the absolute mess of a script.
The ghosts that appear never seem to have motive or a clear agenda. Do the ghosts want the living humans to leave? Do the ghosts want them to stay? The ghosts are easy to beat. Every time a character has told the ghost to be gone, they leave. One called on Jesus, others just said “Leave me alone!” The ghosts get scared when a living human says “Boo!”
The nadir occurred when all the characters were standing around and saw a luminescent cloud in the room. One girl walked up to it. “No, don’t!” “Get away from that!” “Stop!” “Don’t touch it!” She touches the mist thing. She gets throttled. Didn’t see that coming! Eventually, one smart guy just threw something and the cloud disappeared. Yeah, that’s all it took.
The most basic of horror flick rules: “Don’t go off by yourself!”
“I’m just going to get some iced tea from the kitchen.”
“No, don’t go off by yourself.”
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Three people just died going off by themselves, but I suppose it would be alright if it’s just for a minute.” Well, wouldn’t you know, that lady went off, got whacked, and didn’t even get her iced tea.
Next horror flick big mistake – a guy finds a hammer, but then leaves it. Can you get any more cliché? Yes, you can, and they do. Some guy sees dead people (go ahead and say it “I see dead people!”), but when he blinks, the ghosts go away. Yes, terribly scary. Oh, my. Every time it happens, this guy gets worked up even more about it, in juxtaposition to the viewer, who rapidly begins to care less.
There’s this skeevey photographer guy was killed at least twice. Then he’s back for thirds. “Hey, wasn’t that guy dead already?”
Anyway, I’m not completely finished with this piece of trash, but there is no possible ending that could bring it to a finale that makes sense. At this point, I’m certain the house blows up, as any good haunted house must. I’m rooting for it to take out as many of these bad actors as possible before it goes, to spare us all future lessons in what not to do when you are confronted with visitors from beyond the grave.
The ghosts that appear never seem to have motive or a clear agenda. Do the ghosts want the living humans to leave? Do the ghosts want them to stay? The ghosts are easy to beat. Every time a character has told the ghost to be gone, they leave. One called on Jesus, others just said “Leave me alone!” The ghosts get scared when a living human says “Boo!”
The nadir occurred when all the characters were standing around and saw a luminescent cloud in the room. One girl walked up to it. “No, don’t!” “Get away from that!” “Stop!” “Don’t touch it!” She touches the mist thing. She gets throttled. Didn’t see that coming! Eventually, one smart guy just threw something and the cloud disappeared. Yeah, that’s all it took.
The most basic of horror flick rules: “Don’t go off by yourself!”
“I’m just going to get some iced tea from the kitchen.”
“No, don’t go off by yourself.”
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Three people just died going off by themselves, but I suppose it would be alright if it’s just for a minute.” Well, wouldn’t you know, that lady went off, got whacked, and didn’t even get her iced tea.
Next horror flick big mistake – a guy finds a hammer, but then leaves it. Can you get any more cliché? Yes, you can, and they do. Some guy sees dead people (go ahead and say it “I see dead people!”), but when he blinks, the ghosts go away. Yes, terribly scary. Oh, my. Every time it happens, this guy gets worked up even more about it, in juxtaposition to the viewer, who rapidly begins to care less.
There’s this skeevey photographer guy was killed at least twice. Then he’s back for thirds. “Hey, wasn’t that guy dead already?”
Anyway, I’m not completely finished with this piece of trash, but there is no possible ending that could bring it to a finale that makes sense. At this point, I’m certain the house blows up, as any good haunted house must. I’m rooting for it to take out as many of these bad actors as possible before it goes, to spare us all future lessons in what not to do when you are confronted with visitors from beyond the grave.
Kentucky politics
Why are the Republicans so concerned about the morality of casino gambling when they come from a state that makes its bread and butter off of horse racing and bourbon? It’s not like the casinos would compete with the horse tracks. The horse tracks would be the casinos. And 65% of Kentuckians are in favor. So what’s the hold-up, Republicans?
It’s just like the Rep take on guns. Republicans are anti-crime, but they make sure that guns are available to anyone who wants one. The Reps are all against governmental interference with how someone uses their own money, just as long as it’s not being used in a casino.
The KY Reps are trying to play the morality angle. But they never say diddley about casinos in other states. There are casinos just over the Kentucky River in Indiana. Why aren’t they sitting on the bridge with picket signs?
The funny thing about Mitch McConnell is that despite all his fund-raising prowess, he never struck me as the least bit charismatic. He’s rather clunky, old and dorky. He’s not dumb enough to call “folksy”, not smart enough to call “intellectual”. He’s never displayed any humor or wit, never displayed generosity that rises to the level of magnanimous, and never gave a stirring speech that roused an audience to its feet. When I hear him I disagree, but not to where I’m enraged, such as when Limbaugh or some other idiot presents some irrational partisan rhetoric. In the rare case that do I agree with McConnell, I’m never even moved enough to think “good point.” He raised three hundred million dollars for the RNC. How do you do that when you’re utterly bereft of personality? How do you get elected in the first place? Is reciting the Republican talking points verbatim that all it takes to make it in DC? I’ll be a mouthpiece for either political party if I could land a senate seat for life.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Republicans used to be lockstep. Now I can't figure out what the hell they supposedly want. Bobby Jindal was out criticizing Obama for being too much big government, now he says Obama is not doing enough to mop up the oil spill in the Gulf. Sarah "Drill, Baby Drill" Palin says Obama has too many ties to the oil industry. Rand Paul says that Obama is un-American because he's enforcing a legal contract that BP signed and making BP clean up the mess like they said that they would. All for limited government, except if you need big government to bail your ass out. I'm thinking they need to consult a dictionary and look up the word "contradiction".
It’s just like the Rep take on guns. Republicans are anti-crime, but they make sure that guns are available to anyone who wants one. The Reps are all against governmental interference with how someone uses their own money, just as long as it’s not being used in a casino.
The KY Reps are trying to play the morality angle. But they never say diddley about casinos in other states. There are casinos just over the Kentucky River in Indiana. Why aren’t they sitting on the bridge with picket signs?
The funny thing about Mitch McConnell is that despite all his fund-raising prowess, he never struck me as the least bit charismatic. He’s rather clunky, old and dorky. He’s not dumb enough to call “folksy”, not smart enough to call “intellectual”. He’s never displayed any humor or wit, never displayed generosity that rises to the level of magnanimous, and never gave a stirring speech that roused an audience to its feet. When I hear him I disagree, but not to where I’m enraged, such as when Limbaugh or some other idiot presents some irrational partisan rhetoric. In the rare case that do I agree with McConnell, I’m never even moved enough to think “good point.” He raised three hundred million dollars for the RNC. How do you do that when you’re utterly bereft of personality? How do you get elected in the first place? Is reciting the Republican talking points verbatim that all it takes to make it in DC? I’ll be a mouthpiece for either political party if I could land a senate seat for life.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Republicans used to be lockstep. Now I can't figure out what the hell they supposedly want. Bobby Jindal was out criticizing Obama for being too much big government, now he says Obama is not doing enough to mop up the oil spill in the Gulf. Sarah "Drill, Baby Drill" Palin says Obama has too many ties to the oil industry. Rand Paul says that Obama is un-American because he's enforcing a legal contract that BP signed and making BP clean up the mess like they said that they would. All for limited government, except if you need big government to bail your ass out. I'm thinking they need to consult a dictionary and look up the word "contradiction".
Ninjas moved my cheese
On another note, did you know that if you wanted to say something funny, all you have to do is add the word “ninja”? For example, if the receptionist were to take a good message for you, you could tell her “Thanks, you’re like, a real ninja receptionist today.” She’d love it. She’d think it was funny somehow. Well, at least funnier than if you had left out the word “ninja”. Think of a sitcom idea with a ninja as the title character. Every week you can tune in to see the high jinx of Joe Bob, Redneck Ninja, or The Adventures of Gina: Dental Hygienist by Day, Ninja Assassin at Night! Ninjas are inherently funny. A real laugh riot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you know that For Better or for Worse could be dramatically improved if the last line of every strip were replaced with “I hate my life and I want to die.”? Without the “I hate my life..“ line, even having John Patterson wear “Ninja Dad” t-shirts wouldn’t help this sorry comic.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was told not to put off saving for retirement until tomorrow, because “tomorrow
never comes.” If that were the case, then why bother saving for retirement?
I saw a badly produced news clip of some woman asking around the streets of NYC about retirement savings. Everyone had a decent plan, but no one thought that anyone else had a plan. The clip didn’t have the self awareness to note that odd coincidence. Even the interviewer chick seemed unsure of why she was asking these people questions. It had the weight of your typical Cosmo article, where all the points presented were “researched” by asking four or five young, white collar women in Manhattan some vague and leading questions.
Cosmo mag contributor: “I have to write an article on women who took back their cheating boyfriends? Hey Paula, didn’t your boyfriend cheat on you?” “Yeah.” “Did you take him back?” “He’s good-looking and I’m a sucker.” She writes: 100% of women take back cheating boyfriends. …and those boyfriends should really have tried to go out with their ex-girlfriend’s co-workers instead.”
I find it interesting how people can divulge the intimate bedroom secrets to friends, but clam up, lie or remain exceptionally vague when it comes to dollars and sense. Monica Lewinsky thought she was keeping a secret because she blabbed to only ten other people, but how many people did she talk to about converting from a traditional to a Roth IRA?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do you know about “Who Moved My Cheese?” It’s some kind of management book. There’s a kid version that I got from the library, and the kids seem to enjoy it. I always want to read it as if it were the Brooklyn version “Who da F—k Stole My Friggin Cheese, G-d Dammit!!” The plot is that there are these mice looking around for this magical cheese, and when they find it and eat it, they have to get moving and find some more. It’s all about working hard to achieve your goals. The way it reads to me is a metaphoric euphemism for doing drugs.
When the characters find the magic cheese, they get unnaturally excited. When they eat it, they begin to hallucinate better lives for themselves. I laugh out loud at that page. One mouse dreams of playing with new friends at school. What, like the friends he has right there aren’t good enough? Another imagines scoring the winning goal in cheese soccer. No, they couldn’t just say plain old “soccer”. What makes me laugh at that one is that the goal is being scored by blowing past the hapless goalie, who is the mouse friend helping him find cheese. This cadre of cheese-quest mice is apparently an association by convenience, and not of mutual respect. There are statements made like “magical cheese makes you feel good about yourself” and other pushy things. Yeah, that’s what a heroin dealer would say, isn’t it?
So, after all the cheese is consumed, the type-A mice run back into the maze to look for new cheese, because they’re jonesing bad. What happened to actually accomplishing those lofty goals they dreamed about? Their entire lives revolve around finding cheese. Then they find it. Then they eat it and have big dreams. When it runs out, they go find more cheese. If you replaced the magic cheese with magic mushrooms, the book still works.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you know that For Better or for Worse could be dramatically improved if the last line of every strip were replaced with “I hate my life and I want to die.”? Without the “I hate my life..“ line, even having John Patterson wear “Ninja Dad” t-shirts wouldn’t help this sorry comic.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was told not to put off saving for retirement until tomorrow, because “tomorrow
never comes.” If that were the case, then why bother saving for retirement?
I saw a badly produced news clip of some woman asking around the streets of NYC about retirement savings. Everyone had a decent plan, but no one thought that anyone else had a plan. The clip didn’t have the self awareness to note that odd coincidence. Even the interviewer chick seemed unsure of why she was asking these people questions. It had the weight of your typical Cosmo article, where all the points presented were “researched” by asking four or five young, white collar women in Manhattan some vague and leading questions.
Cosmo mag contributor: “I have to write an article on women who took back their cheating boyfriends? Hey Paula, didn’t your boyfriend cheat on you?” “Yeah.” “Did you take him back?” “He’s good-looking and I’m a sucker.” She writes: 100% of women take back cheating boyfriends. …and those boyfriends should really have tried to go out with their ex-girlfriend’s co-workers instead.”
I find it interesting how people can divulge the intimate bedroom secrets to friends, but clam up, lie or remain exceptionally vague when it comes to dollars and sense. Monica Lewinsky thought she was keeping a secret because she blabbed to only ten other people, but how many people did she talk to about converting from a traditional to a Roth IRA?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do you know about “Who Moved My Cheese?” It’s some kind of management book. There’s a kid version that I got from the library, and the kids seem to enjoy it. I always want to read it as if it were the Brooklyn version “Who da F—k Stole My Friggin Cheese, G-d Dammit!!” The plot is that there are these mice looking around for this magical cheese, and when they find it and eat it, they have to get moving and find some more. It’s all about working hard to achieve your goals. The way it reads to me is a metaphoric euphemism for doing drugs.
When the characters find the magic cheese, they get unnaturally excited. When they eat it, they begin to hallucinate better lives for themselves. I laugh out loud at that page. One mouse dreams of playing with new friends at school. What, like the friends he has right there aren’t good enough? Another imagines scoring the winning goal in cheese soccer. No, they couldn’t just say plain old “soccer”. What makes me laugh at that one is that the goal is being scored by blowing past the hapless goalie, who is the mouse friend helping him find cheese. This cadre of cheese-quest mice is apparently an association by convenience, and not of mutual respect. There are statements made like “magical cheese makes you feel good about yourself” and other pushy things. Yeah, that’s what a heroin dealer would say, isn’t it?
So, after all the cheese is consumed, the type-A mice run back into the maze to look for new cheese, because they’re jonesing bad. What happened to actually accomplishing those lofty goals they dreamed about? Their entire lives revolve around finding cheese. Then they find it. Then they eat it and have big dreams. When it runs out, they go find more cheese. If you replaced the magic cheese with magic mushrooms, the book still works.
The will of God
Every spring, we get hit with regional tornadoes. I think God is punishing the people of Tennessee, Arkansas and Alabama for backing Mike Huckabee in 2008. He’s some idiot who doesn’t believe in God’s grand plan to slowly advance life on the planet Earth. God is upset because evolution was designed to show that people can change for the better and slow improvement over time is part of nature. Humans will eventually become more perfect beings, and that man should not count on instantaneous fixes from Heaven, but instead should understand that progress takes time and effort and comes from within. See? It was divinely crafted, and all the scientific evidence was deliberately left behind in the fossil record to show mankind all these messages of hope and life. God doesn’t like creationists.
Whenever we hear tornado sirens, we take the kids downstairs. We debate if it is worth our effort. Mostly those arguments are based in the superstition that our neighborhood exists in some kind of pastoral haven and is spared most sorts of catastrophe. It turns out that I was right. We haven’t suffered any exterior storm damage ever, but once my wife tore the carpet while dragging a couch and ripped out a wire from the stereo to the TV and in the process knocked a speaker over into a CD shelf.
All things considered, it could have been a lot worse. Everyone was safe and I made it to work at the usual time, and there were only minor, temporary disruptions to our lives. In contrast, my brother in California, has had to evacuate twice because of wildfires. His block was spared, but he and his family had to grab the dog and bug out. The fire department calls, they expect you to grab the dog and go in 3 minutes or less.
When Ben Franklin invented the lightning rod, the ministers of his era blathered on that he was denying the will of God. If God wanted a building to catch fire from lightning, He should be allowed to do so. In fact, the fire departments of his day used to douse the buildings adjacent to the one that was struck by lightning, but would leave the stricken building to burn to the ground. Now, we have evolved our thinking to the level where we no longer believe God strikes people dead through tornadoes, hurricanes or lightning bolts. The Devil does that stuff. Any close call where one is severely injured but narrowly escapes death is God “watching out for you”.
Due to the recent tornado attacks in the Appalachian and Ozark regions, Nancy Pelosi has come out strongly and decisively against tornadoes and the practice of tornadoing. The Obama administration, as not to appear to ignore the issue, pledged that no new tornadoes will be issued from his administration and that Mr. Obama would work with Ms. Pelosi, the Republican leadership and other top officials to construct meaningful policy that thwarts tornado efforts nationwide. Sarah Palin, meanwhile supported the tornado activity, being the will of God. She threatened to veto any legislation that would crimp the hand of the Almighty, until she was reminded that she was no longer an official in any capacity. Mitch McConnell remained more cautious, stating that he would require tornado legislation to differentiate between God-caused tornadoes and those caused by the Devil.
One woman I work with used to work in a bank. One day the tornadoes came to town, and she high tailed it to the vault. Everyone else, she said, stood around in the bank lobby, which was surrounded in large glass windows. Yes, she could open the bank safe from the inside. Even with the door open, you’re still covered on five sides. I was hopeful that the story would end with her coming out of the vault to find the bank in tatters and dead bodies in all directions, but the tornado missed the bank by a few blocks and there was only minimal damage to her building. What a let down. She should have hurt some people just to make a better story.
Tornadoes aren’t frequent, and when they happen it’s very localized. They make for news because of the spectacular disaster scenes that ensue. Fifty people might die, which is tragic, but the area covered by the tornado conditions might contain something like fifty million people. Your average snowstorm in the northeast or heat wave in the southwest could easily claim one victim in a million residents, too. I’ve been here since 2000 and I’ve never seen a funnel cloud. I heard the tornado sirens a lot when I worked out in Berea. That siren included a spoken announcement to seek refuge. I found it really freaky to hear some dark voice warning of impending doom coming from an unseen loudspeaker ten miles away. The sound echoed off the mountains, making the eeriness even weirder.
Whenever we hear tornado sirens, we take the kids downstairs. We debate if it is worth our effort. Mostly those arguments are based in the superstition that our neighborhood exists in some kind of pastoral haven and is spared most sorts of catastrophe. It turns out that I was right. We haven’t suffered any exterior storm damage ever, but once my wife tore the carpet while dragging a couch and ripped out a wire from the stereo to the TV and in the process knocked a speaker over into a CD shelf.
All things considered, it could have been a lot worse. Everyone was safe and I made it to work at the usual time, and there were only minor, temporary disruptions to our lives. In contrast, my brother in California, has had to evacuate twice because of wildfires. His block was spared, but he and his family had to grab the dog and bug out. The fire department calls, they expect you to grab the dog and go in 3 minutes or less.
When Ben Franklin invented the lightning rod, the ministers of his era blathered on that he was denying the will of God. If God wanted a building to catch fire from lightning, He should be allowed to do so. In fact, the fire departments of his day used to douse the buildings adjacent to the one that was struck by lightning, but would leave the stricken building to burn to the ground. Now, we have evolved our thinking to the level where we no longer believe God strikes people dead through tornadoes, hurricanes or lightning bolts. The Devil does that stuff. Any close call where one is severely injured but narrowly escapes death is God “watching out for you”.
Due to the recent tornado attacks in the Appalachian and Ozark regions, Nancy Pelosi has come out strongly and decisively against tornadoes and the practice of tornadoing. The Obama administration, as not to appear to ignore the issue, pledged that no new tornadoes will be issued from his administration and that Mr. Obama would work with Ms. Pelosi, the Republican leadership and other top officials to construct meaningful policy that thwarts tornado efforts nationwide. Sarah Palin, meanwhile supported the tornado activity, being the will of God. She threatened to veto any legislation that would crimp the hand of the Almighty, until she was reminded that she was no longer an official in any capacity. Mitch McConnell remained more cautious, stating that he would require tornado legislation to differentiate between God-caused tornadoes and those caused by the Devil.
One woman I work with used to work in a bank. One day the tornadoes came to town, and she high tailed it to the vault. Everyone else, she said, stood around in the bank lobby, which was surrounded in large glass windows. Yes, she could open the bank safe from the inside. Even with the door open, you’re still covered on five sides. I was hopeful that the story would end with her coming out of the vault to find the bank in tatters and dead bodies in all directions, but the tornado missed the bank by a few blocks and there was only minimal damage to her building. What a let down. She should have hurt some people just to make a better story.
Tornadoes aren’t frequent, and when they happen it’s very localized. They make for news because of the spectacular disaster scenes that ensue. Fifty people might die, which is tragic, but the area covered by the tornado conditions might contain something like fifty million people. Your average snowstorm in the northeast or heat wave in the southwest could easily claim one victim in a million residents, too. I’ve been here since 2000 and I’ve never seen a funnel cloud. I heard the tornado sirens a lot when I worked out in Berea. That siren included a spoken announcement to seek refuge. I found it really freaky to hear some dark voice warning of impending doom coming from an unseen loudspeaker ten miles away. The sound echoed off the mountains, making the eeriness even weirder.
The long run
A lot of people have been asking me about the Boston Marathon, and so I suppose now would be a good a time as any (actually a month ago might have been better) to post something.
Boston was awesome. Not the first time I'd been there. I lived there for almost a year. Lynn and I had done the tourist thing already and we wanted to move on to what the locals do, which is to dine around town. And that we did. Ate very well at nice restaurants, which all cost a ton. If you're in Beantown, make sure to get the 5 day subway pass. We didn't read the fine print on how to get one until the last day and we were the poorer for it. Anyway, that's the non-race stuff.
The weather for the race was as close to perfect as you could hope for. The temp was around 55-65, which is great for running. The rain held off. The wind wasn't a factor. Boston, unlike most marathons, is a straight shot from west to east. The wind usually blows off the ocean in your face. This year it did, but not much. My health was great. I'd been getting leg pains all spring, and there was that back pain from last fall. Neither made an appearance before, during or after the race. I ran a pretty consistent pace until around the upper teens, then I started to slow down. I did all 26.2 without stopping for a walk, which is a first for me. I got my 2nd best time overall. Not too bad.
I can't say enough great things about the fans in Boston. They were totally into it the whole way through. At Wellesley, there were 3000 screaming co-eds with signs like "Kiss me, I'm a senior!" "Kiss me, I'm Asian!" "Kiss me, I'm an Engineering major!"
Let me fill you in on the trip. We went with two other couples. The three guys were running, and the wives were the cheering section. After the race, one of the guys admitted to taking one of the Wellesley girls up on her offer and gave a kiss. The other admitted to "a few". So suddenly everyone's eyes are on me. "What? I didn't want to break my stride." Plausible deniability is awesome.
As wild as Wellesley was, Boston College was even crazier. The guys were all looking to give me 5 as I passed by. And after 3000 ladies, I noticed how much rougher guys like the high five. I just about broke my wrist.
With each marathon that I do (this is #5, and 3 halfs), I recover faster. So I sat down for a few minutes afterwards, and then I was able to walk - with only minor difficulty - around town. I was eager to get to the nearest bar. Other marathons start early in the morning so that traffic can get back on the road as fast as possible. Not Boston. It starts late morning and goes through the afternoon. This is a big, main event for the city. They shut down the schools. We stole their schoolbusses anyway. We usurp the streets. We shut down businesses. It's a whole honkin' big deal. So when I finished and we re-assembled the team, it was around 3:00. And I hadn't had a drink since New Year's Eve. So yeah, I was eager.
One thing that I noticed about Boston. They had a lot of bars, but NO liquor stores. What's up with that?? We searched the town, and came up empty. On mile 23, I saw one, but I wasn't carrying cash, y'know? And, of course, I wouldn't break my stride. But, I really could have used a bottle of cheap champagne right after I crossed.
Anyway, future plans? I'm doing local 10ks and 5ks. I'm getting in only 50mi/week, but I'm faster than when I was doing long distance training. Lynn says no more marathons and definitely not Boston. I'm taking at least a year off. Maybe I'll do the Lexington half and/or Louisville half. I can make another try in 2012 for a full marathon, but that's a long way off.Well, that's about all I have to say on the race. Thanks for following along.
Boston was awesome. Not the first time I'd been there. I lived there for almost a year. Lynn and I had done the tourist thing already and we wanted to move on to what the locals do, which is to dine around town. And that we did. Ate very well at nice restaurants, which all cost a ton. If you're in Beantown, make sure to get the 5 day subway pass. We didn't read the fine print on how to get one until the last day and we were the poorer for it. Anyway, that's the non-race stuff.
The weather for the race was as close to perfect as you could hope for. The temp was around 55-65, which is great for running. The rain held off. The wind wasn't a factor. Boston, unlike most marathons, is a straight shot from west to east. The wind usually blows off the ocean in your face. This year it did, but not much. My health was great. I'd been getting leg pains all spring, and there was that back pain from last fall. Neither made an appearance before, during or after the race. I ran a pretty consistent pace until around the upper teens, then I started to slow down. I did all 26.2 without stopping for a walk, which is a first for me. I got my 2nd best time overall. Not too bad.
I can't say enough great things about the fans in Boston. They were totally into it the whole way through. At Wellesley, there were 3000 screaming co-eds with signs like "Kiss me, I'm a senior!" "Kiss me, I'm Asian!" "Kiss me, I'm an Engineering major!"
Let me fill you in on the trip. We went with two other couples. The three guys were running, and the wives were the cheering section. After the race, one of the guys admitted to taking one of the Wellesley girls up on her offer and gave a kiss. The other admitted to "a few". So suddenly everyone's eyes are on me. "What? I didn't want to break my stride." Plausible deniability is awesome.
As wild as Wellesley was, Boston College was even crazier. The guys were all looking to give me 5 as I passed by. And after 3000 ladies, I noticed how much rougher guys like the high five. I just about broke my wrist.
With each marathon that I do (this is #5, and 3 halfs), I recover faster. So I sat down for a few minutes afterwards, and then I was able to walk - with only minor difficulty - around town. I was eager to get to the nearest bar. Other marathons start early in the morning so that traffic can get back on the road as fast as possible. Not Boston. It starts late morning and goes through the afternoon. This is a big, main event for the city. They shut down the schools. We stole their schoolbusses anyway. We usurp the streets. We shut down businesses. It's a whole honkin' big deal. So when I finished and we re-assembled the team, it was around 3:00. And I hadn't had a drink since New Year's Eve. So yeah, I was eager.
One thing that I noticed about Boston. They had a lot of bars, but NO liquor stores. What's up with that?? We searched the town, and came up empty. On mile 23, I saw one, but I wasn't carrying cash, y'know? And, of course, I wouldn't break my stride. But, I really could have used a bottle of cheap champagne right after I crossed.
Anyway, future plans? I'm doing local 10ks and 5ks. I'm getting in only 50mi/week, but I'm faster than when I was doing long distance training. Lynn says no more marathons and definitely not Boston. I'm taking at least a year off. Maybe I'll do the Lexington half and/or Louisville half. I can make another try in 2012 for a full marathon, but that's a long way off.Well, that's about all I have to say on the race. Thanks for following along.
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