Giuliani is against cutting extravagant corporate salaries and lavish expense accounts on Wall Street, because he feels that without such things, the restaurant and entertainment industry will suffer. Using the same logic, we should legalize prostitution, because all the law enforcement is really making it hard out here to be a pimp. I dispute that dropping a CEO pay package to $400K per year will force poverty stricken CEOs to brown bag it to work (like I do every day).
If it doesn’t directly relate to 9/11, Giuliani’s really out of his depth.
+++++++++++++++++
Rather than pay CEOs outrageous sums of money, I say let them go. I’d like to see a bright, ambitious up & comer take the reigns of a flailing Fortune 500 and turn it around. That would shake the foundations of this CEO class that’s been generated over the past several decades. What, no one else can ruin a company but them? “Yes, I lost a dollar last quarter for every man, woman and child on the planet. But if anyone else did the job, it would have been a dollar and a half!” They’ve got General McClellan’s ambition and Homer Simpson’s abilities. Since General McClellan was incompetent, I suppose they could also have McClellan’s ambition and abilities, but throwing Homer in the punch line never gets old.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Homer Simpson!
See? Instant comedy gold.
+++++++++++++++++
I again perused the women’s magazine suckfest tossed about on the table in the break room. I enjoy reading the great works of journalistic integrity and monumental world consequence such as the cover story “Look 100% Sexier in 7 Minutes! (p. 148)” I hurried to page 148. To get 100% sexier, you apparently put on makeup. There were a few pages of faces of attractive but not noteworthy women’s faces, with a makeup product or two detailing how to achieve that “look”. You must purchase 3 products to get the “Natural Look” and also 3 for the “Sexy Look” – but keep your eyes half open for that “sexy” effect. The “Natural Look” is most definitely not the “no-makeup look”. No sane woman would want that. The “Natural Look” is “no makeup needed”. I did not spend the required 7 minutes, only 2. My food finished in the microwave and I left. So my sexiness went up only 30%. Oh well.
I miss the late 80’s Cosmo mags with their cover stories on 500 ways to have round-the-clock-cream-in-your-pants screaming orgasms; clothing tips like build-your-own push-up bra (years before it was sold in stores); makeup tips like putting glitter on your now overexposed cleavage; relationship quizzes that would call you a prude if you’re on the second date and you’re still not halfway through the Kama Sutra, and a recipe on how to make good raspberry vinaigrette.
Cosmo still has articles on vinaigrette. All the rest, sadly, is so 80s.
++++++++++++++++++
If you want to win an Oscar, start out by raking a billion dollars in at the box office, and the rest just comes naturally.
++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a Robert Ludlum book about a spy-guy who has all these false memories and keeps trying to find out who he really is. For example, he clearly remembers going to college for four years, but they don’t have any record for him. I was thinking “Ok, dude, get over it, you’re in the Twilight Zone, that’s all.” But instead, he goes through some kind of mental anguish.
Back in real life, I spent all morning looking for a file that I distinctly remember creating last fall that seems to have vanished. I’m looking everywhere. Dead end after dead end. But I manifestly remember doing it. I just don’t know who I am anymore!!
Oh, and the amnesiac in the Ludlum book is not Jason Bourne.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bart Simpson was supposedly an out-of-wedlock conception that happened right out of high school. Since Bart is eternally 10 years old, wouldn’t that make Marge and Homer eternally 28? Chrome dome at 28??
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
The saga of Ben and Jen, plus a menagerie of brain snacks
I just read a dumpy tabloid. I really had no idea that Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck were still together. I had to check the dates. Yeah, it was a current magazine.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
Lame songs, lame movies and a new superhero that fits right in
I hate when people try to shove food at me. “You can eat whatever you want – ha ha!” No, not really. If I eat a ton of crap, then I can’t do my runs, and I get fat in a downward spiral. And the ones that really get my goat think that making fun of my workout is funny. “Better you than me! Ha ha. Looks too much like work. Ha ha! You’ve got to be crazy to run marathons. Ha ha.” But I’m not crazy. You’re the one who’s crazy. You’re driving me crazy! They put me in an institution said it was the only solution give me professional help to protect me from the enemy myself! Next thing I know, I’m asking for a Pepsi. JUST ONE PEPSI AND SHE WOULDN’T GIVE IT TO ME!
++++++++++++
Would a hyperactive hypocrite be just a crit?
+++++++++++++++
I was making a peanut butter sandwich, and the bread tore apart. I looked at it, and I’ll be darned if it wasn’t in the exact shape as the island of Australia. So I’m going to scrape off the peanut butter and sell it on E-bay for thousands. Do you think I can charge extra if I toast it first? Damn, I should have used vegemite instead of peanut butter.
+++++++++++++++++
So I got an old Rolling Stones CD from the library. Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, to be exact. Great stuff generally. Back in those days, they would put on some hits and stuff the rest with obvious filler. A snoring dude and sounds of braying animals would wind up on the cutting room floor. I don’t think music as a whole is missing much in that regard. I mean, seriously. I’m sitting there, doing my uninteresting work, and some old fart is snoring right there in my earbuds.
++++++++++
Also from the eclectic library collection is something called “Rogue’s Gallery”, which is a collection of sea chanteys. You’d think that such a thing would be really low budget. When was the last time a dirty limerick topped the charts? But Sting sings one and Bono sings another. Some of the songs are well produced, some sound like a bunch of drunken Irishmen at a football match banging on old pirate skulls. Arrrr, matey.
In the notes, there is a brief description of each song. Most mention that no one ever wrote down the original lyrics due to “unfortunate Victorian sensibilities”. For example, there’s a ditty called “Baltimore Wh*res”, and it sounds pretty much like you’d think,
It’s good to listen to, but I wouldn’t fork over any of my hard earned doubloons.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What is Burger King’s new “Angry Whopper” all about? If “you are what you eat”, why would anyone want eat that? Are they angry at being charged $3.49 for a regular Whopper with barbeque sauce? I’m afraid it would kick my ass – from the inside!
+++++++++++++++++
I watched a movie called “The Marine”. Before any introduction, I see “World Wrestling Enterprises Entertainment”. Right off the bat I know where this one is headed. Anyway, it had a bunch of muscle bound bad guys beating up the equally muscle bound MARINE. If this movie missed any action movie cliché, it really isn’t a cliché at all. Opening sequence: THE MARINE is in a war zone. He gets a direct order not to save 5 captured soldiers. Hero disobeys and comes in guns a-blazin’. Hero gets discharged from the military. Cliché? Check. Bad guy killing members of his own crew? Check. Swimming underwater for ten minutes with your clothes on? Check. Action hero never gets bruised despite repeated beatings? Check. “We’ve can’t kill THE MARINE’s wife. We need her as an ‘insurance policy’.” Yes, 5 easy clichés! After he wastes 6 bad guys, you’d think they’d just drop the chick off so that THE MARINE will quit killing them one by one.
The choreographer had a hard job. Every weapon could only be used once. If you beat a guy with a 2x4, the next guy has to get whacked with an axe. After the axe, you have to kung-fu some moves on the next guy and snap his neck. The next guy gets stabbed with the knife that THE MARINE was carrying all along. Might as well toss the knife away now that it’s out of ammo.
At least no one shot a car one time and had it explode. They had to shoot the car 1200 times before it exploded. 1200 bullets, and crashing it into a fuel dump. Note to the bad guys: Stop hiding behind things that explode.
They tried “wit”. Robert Patrick starred as the bad guy. He’s the guy who played the second Terminator. So the bad guys are shooting at THE MARINE, and he keeps coming after them. “He’s like the Terminator!” they say. But the guy who played THE MARINE wasn’t Robert Patrick who played the Terminator, so: *facepalm*!
If the best thing in your movie is a botched reference another movie, the only logical recourse for you is to round up all the cast, crew, writers, directors and erase their memory via forced lobotomy. Then destroy all evidence that the movie ever existed by sealing it in a vault and sinking it in to the Mariana Trench with a warning label to all future generations in eighteen languages not to open for all eternity. Really, it is the only logical recourse. There should be a charitable fund established to do that sort of work for the good of humanity and posterity. I’m going to make my case to the Obama administration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My new training thing is to strap ankle weights on every day when I walk. Not for running, I tried that and it sucked. Yeah, it seems kind of crazy, but everyone is looking for that magic little trick that will yield huge gains. Will it work? I figure that so long as I’m not avoiding every hard thing, I can pick and choose the workouts that don’t make me miserable.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever get the impression that banker’s bonuses are distributed on the basis of who has the most manager-looking hair? Best dressed? Good attendance? Better-than-average office cleanliness?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this movie called “The Covenant”, which isn’t all that good. What it really suffers from is that almost every male character looks exactly alike. Call it “The Apartment 3G Complex”. Of the 5 guys who are witches, or warlocks or whatever, two of them look identical, and another one would, except he has long hair. There’s a new kid in town who looks like he’s their clone. You can figure out newbie has witchy powers in the first five minutes – but it takes at least ¾ of the movie for the other witchy guys to figure it out. The new guy casts a spell on himself to make him look like the one of the others. Since they all looked alike, I didn’t know. In the end, they all forget their feud and go form a boy band or something. Why bother with a vague, blood vengeance if you can get wildly rich and score with hot chicks?
But what do you expect from a movie that mistakenly called spiders “some kind of insect”? 45 years of Spiderman constantly correcting his enemies - Have they learned nothing???
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m still trying to come up with a superhero character that could make it to the big time. I figured that someone with endurance beyond human capability would make someone “super”. So, what about the ability to stay awake for long stretches? Wouldn’t that be exciting? The world record for staying awake seems to be around 11.5 days or so. The Guiness Book felt that it encouraged dangerous behavior, so they removed it. Ok, but they kept the guy who walked on a tightrope between the Twin Towers, greatest bull fighter, longest time holding breath underwater and the deepest sword swallower. So Enduro, my super character, will stay awake for 45 days at a stretch. His arch-enemy will be called “Sominex”. What riveting action will ensue? Oh, just wait.
And wait.
And wait…
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that it will take some kind of insomniac kid to really appreciate Enduro’s hours of loneliness in the early morn, and angst-ridden rage possibly due to poor sleep habits and a diet consisting of coffee, sugar candy and Red Bull. But what power did Batman have, really? A car and a tool belt? Big whoop, so did Joe the Plumber.
++++++++++++
Would a hyperactive hypocrite be just a crit?
+++++++++++++++
I was making a peanut butter sandwich, and the bread tore apart. I looked at it, and I’ll be darned if it wasn’t in the exact shape as the island of Australia. So I’m going to scrape off the peanut butter and sell it on E-bay for thousands. Do you think I can charge extra if I toast it first? Damn, I should have used vegemite instead of peanut butter.
+++++++++++++++++
So I got an old Rolling Stones CD from the library. Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, to be exact. Great stuff generally. Back in those days, they would put on some hits and stuff the rest with obvious filler. A snoring dude and sounds of braying animals would wind up on the cutting room floor. I don’t think music as a whole is missing much in that regard. I mean, seriously. I’m sitting there, doing my uninteresting work, and some old fart is snoring right there in my earbuds.
++++++++++
Also from the eclectic library collection is something called “Rogue’s Gallery”, which is a collection of sea chanteys. You’d think that such a thing would be really low budget. When was the last time a dirty limerick topped the charts? But Sting sings one and Bono sings another. Some of the songs are well produced, some sound like a bunch of drunken Irishmen at a football match banging on old pirate skulls. Arrrr, matey.
In the notes, there is a brief description of each song. Most mention that no one ever wrote down the original lyrics due to “unfortunate Victorian sensibilities”. For example, there’s a ditty called “Baltimore Wh*res”, and it sounds pretty much like you’d think,
It’s good to listen to, but I wouldn’t fork over any of my hard earned doubloons.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What is Burger King’s new “Angry Whopper” all about? If “you are what you eat”, why would anyone want eat that? Are they angry at being charged $3.49 for a regular Whopper with barbeque sauce? I’m afraid it would kick my ass – from the inside!
+++++++++++++++++
I watched a movie called “The Marine”. Before any introduction, I see “World Wrestling Enterprises Entertainment”. Right off the bat I know where this one is headed. Anyway, it had a bunch of muscle bound bad guys beating up the equally muscle bound MARINE. If this movie missed any action movie cliché, it really isn’t a cliché at all. Opening sequence: THE MARINE is in a war zone. He gets a direct order not to save 5 captured soldiers. Hero disobeys and comes in guns a-blazin’. Hero gets discharged from the military. Cliché? Check. Bad guy killing members of his own crew? Check. Swimming underwater for ten minutes with your clothes on? Check. Action hero never gets bruised despite repeated beatings? Check. “We’ve can’t kill THE MARINE’s wife. We need her as an ‘insurance policy’.” Yes, 5 easy clichés! After he wastes 6 bad guys, you’d think they’d just drop the chick off so that THE MARINE will quit killing them one by one.
The choreographer had a hard job. Every weapon could only be used once. If you beat a guy with a 2x4, the next guy has to get whacked with an axe. After the axe, you have to kung-fu some moves on the next guy and snap his neck. The next guy gets stabbed with the knife that THE MARINE was carrying all along. Might as well toss the knife away now that it’s out of ammo.
At least no one shot a car one time and had it explode. They had to shoot the car 1200 times before it exploded. 1200 bullets, and crashing it into a fuel dump. Note to the bad guys: Stop hiding behind things that explode.
They tried “wit”. Robert Patrick starred as the bad guy. He’s the guy who played the second Terminator. So the bad guys are shooting at THE MARINE, and he keeps coming after them. “He’s like the Terminator!” they say. But the guy who played THE MARINE wasn’t Robert Patrick who played the Terminator, so: *facepalm*!
If the best thing in your movie is a botched reference another movie, the only logical recourse for you is to round up all the cast, crew, writers, directors and erase their memory via forced lobotomy. Then destroy all evidence that the movie ever existed by sealing it in a vault and sinking it in to the Mariana Trench with a warning label to all future generations in eighteen languages not to open for all eternity. Really, it is the only logical recourse. There should be a charitable fund established to do that sort of work for the good of humanity and posterity. I’m going to make my case to the Obama administration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My new training thing is to strap ankle weights on every day when I walk. Not for running, I tried that and it sucked. Yeah, it seems kind of crazy, but everyone is looking for that magic little trick that will yield huge gains. Will it work? I figure that so long as I’m not avoiding every hard thing, I can pick and choose the workouts that don’t make me miserable.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever get the impression that banker’s bonuses are distributed on the basis of who has the most manager-looking hair? Best dressed? Good attendance? Better-than-average office cleanliness?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this movie called “The Covenant”, which isn’t all that good. What it really suffers from is that almost every male character looks exactly alike. Call it “The Apartment 3G Complex”. Of the 5 guys who are witches, or warlocks or whatever, two of them look identical, and another one would, except he has long hair. There’s a new kid in town who looks like he’s their clone. You can figure out newbie has witchy powers in the first five minutes – but it takes at least ¾ of the movie for the other witchy guys to figure it out. The new guy casts a spell on himself to make him look like the one of the others. Since they all looked alike, I didn’t know. In the end, they all forget their feud and go form a boy band or something. Why bother with a vague, blood vengeance if you can get wildly rich and score with hot chicks?
But what do you expect from a movie that mistakenly called spiders “some kind of insect”? 45 years of Spiderman constantly correcting his enemies - Have they learned nothing???
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m still trying to come up with a superhero character that could make it to the big time. I figured that someone with endurance beyond human capability would make someone “super”. So, what about the ability to stay awake for long stretches? Wouldn’t that be exciting? The world record for staying awake seems to be around 11.5 days or so. The Guiness Book felt that it encouraged dangerous behavior, so they removed it. Ok, but they kept the guy who walked on a tightrope between the Twin Towers, greatest bull fighter, longest time holding breath underwater and the deepest sword swallower. So Enduro, my super character, will stay awake for 45 days at a stretch. His arch-enemy will be called “Sominex”. What riveting action will ensue? Oh, just wait.
And wait.
And wait…
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that it will take some kind of insomniac kid to really appreciate Enduro’s hours of loneliness in the early morn, and angst-ridden rage possibly due to poor sleep habits and a diet consisting of coffee, sugar candy and Red Bull. But what power did Batman have, really? A car and a tool belt? Big whoop, so did Joe the Plumber.
A documentary, a big-budget flick, an opera
I bet you think that I sit around watching every mindless, formulaic Hollywood movie-product to the exclusion of all else. Not true. I try to strike a balance between the idiotic and sublime. I’ve been watching The Ascent of Man, a 13 part 1972 documentary from the BBC. It’s pretty good, and in context of that time, it was quite far beyond other documentaries. It was kind of a prototype for the documentary/entertainment that currently runs on the Discovery and History Channels. The host is Dr. J. Bronowski, a physicist. He knew personally a large number of important European physicists of the 20th century, like Planck, Szilar and Heisenberg, and at least shook hands with others, like Einstein. I like the way that he explored each topic in depth, unlike a modern producer. A 2010 documentary would never have discussed the higher concepts of physics. Bronowski also gets didactic often, and that’s absolute kryptonite for modern day producers who can’t put together a TV show, even a documentary show, that threatens to impart actual knowledge upon its vulnerable viewer. Bronowski gets a little too edifying at times. He shows Islamic art. I’m thinking “Ok, I get it! It’s dark and light in repeating patterns. Move on to the next point!” Five minutes later… “I still get it, Doc. I am looking at the same thing you are.”
I choose documentaries partly from the Netflix descriptions and partly from PBS video ads that they mail to me. The review of every documentary uses the words “groundbreaking” and “revolutionary”. The Ascent of Man is one of the few that actually fit that bill. In fact, it even explained that the term “revolutionary” referred to Copernicus’s “On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres”. There was such uproar when it was published, that it sparked a social change, heretofore referred to as “revolution”.
++++++++++++++++
I saw National Treasure 2 last night. If the original was a poor knock off of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, then this one is a poor knock off of the first National Treasure movie. I can’t wait for the third and fourth installments to this crappy franchise being developed. It could be like the “Lethal Weapon” quadrilogy where every movie introduced new, flamboyant characters but wouldn’t drop them for the next sequel. By the end, there were way too many side shows clamoring for their cameo one liners.
The Nat Treas franchise will work on the premise that there are apparently mountains of gold sprinkled throughout the United States that have been buried for centuries and somehow forgotten. But, this movie taught me some practical skills. If you want to kidnap the President, but only have one day to plan it, make sure he has a birthday party at a stately mansion with a hitherto undiscovered passage that only you know about. Very handy. Also make sure that the mansion was built by a historical figure that the President just so happens to greatly admire. If you can overcome these tiny hurdles, the rest is a cinch, because the President is going to HELP you keep him kidnapped.
Because of this movie, I learned some new historical facts. Apparently, a tribe of Indians in what is now Mexico stored all their treasure in South Dakota. Then there was some reference to Florida that I didn’t quite get. And this somehow exonerates a man named Gates who was charged in Lincoln’s assassination.
The big push is to “clear the Gates name.” Bill Gates and Robert Gates haven’t cleared it by now? Of course, if that were my name, I don’t know if I could live with the shameful legacy of “Heaven’s Gate”.
The movie will satisfy your thirst for entertainment for two hours. But unlike the first movie, no one wonders if there really is some mysterious treasure out there. Of course there is. Oh, and the “Book of Secrets” really plays a very minor role, despite being part of the title.
++++++++++++++++
I’m also watching Mozart’s The Magic Flute. I figured it would be as long as your average Broadway soundtrack, about an hour and a half. No, try 3:15. That’s a lot of German opera to take, even with subtitles. The music is great. Your average rock/pop song doesn’t require much in the way of vocal prowess. Take acts like Neil Young, and especially Lou Reed. Although they have their distinct style, its nigh impossible to argue that they were born with some golden throated oratory gift. The performers in the opera are entirely opposite. The opera divas are extremely talented and gifted, but the fame goes to the conductor and the composer. Yes, it is recorded live. No lip synching. The Magic Flute, oddly enough, is flute-synched, and also not much of a factor in the action.
They say it’s not over until the fat lady sings. But in The Magic Flute, two Rubenesque ladies give wonderful performances and it still won’t end! I thought that it was about to end. That was an hour ago, they’re still at it, and I’m on chapter 13 of 25.
Oh, what a time was the 18th century. The opera is blatantly, overtly and repeatedly racist and sexist. The only wicked guy is black. He himself refers to his “ugly black skin”. The women are traded as commodities, and the women seem to accept that they get bartered away in some deal. The non-royalty peasant is a simpleton given to temptation and running off his mouth and in the end suffers for it. Ah, the good old days, when a rich, white male aristocrat could wantonly abuse with impunity anyone below his social status. Indeed, women and the lower classes are full of self-loathing which only proves their pejorative position. What a gilded, golden age it was! Unless you were a woman, poor, minority or made the mistake of being born of the wrong lineage. But, for that esteemed 1%, oh what days of halcyon yore!
I can’t knock Mozart too much for being a product of his environment. His patrons were that upper 1%.
I choose documentaries partly from the Netflix descriptions and partly from PBS video ads that they mail to me. The review of every documentary uses the words “groundbreaking” and “revolutionary”. The Ascent of Man is one of the few that actually fit that bill. In fact, it even explained that the term “revolutionary” referred to Copernicus’s “On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres”. There was such uproar when it was published, that it sparked a social change, heretofore referred to as “revolution”.
++++++++++++++++
I saw National Treasure 2 last night. If the original was a poor knock off of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, then this one is a poor knock off of the first National Treasure movie. I can’t wait for the third and fourth installments to this crappy franchise being developed. It could be like the “Lethal Weapon” quadrilogy where every movie introduced new, flamboyant characters but wouldn’t drop them for the next sequel. By the end, there were way too many side shows clamoring for their cameo one liners.
The Nat Treas franchise will work on the premise that there are apparently mountains of gold sprinkled throughout the United States that have been buried for centuries and somehow forgotten. But, this movie taught me some practical skills. If you want to kidnap the President, but only have one day to plan it, make sure he has a birthday party at a stately mansion with a hitherto undiscovered passage that only you know about. Very handy. Also make sure that the mansion was built by a historical figure that the President just so happens to greatly admire. If you can overcome these tiny hurdles, the rest is a cinch, because the President is going to HELP you keep him kidnapped.
Because of this movie, I learned some new historical facts. Apparently, a tribe of Indians in what is now Mexico stored all their treasure in South Dakota. Then there was some reference to Florida that I didn’t quite get. And this somehow exonerates a man named Gates who was charged in Lincoln’s assassination.
The big push is to “clear the Gates name.” Bill Gates and Robert Gates haven’t cleared it by now? Of course, if that were my name, I don’t know if I could live with the shameful legacy of “Heaven’s Gate”.
The movie will satisfy your thirst for entertainment for two hours. But unlike the first movie, no one wonders if there really is some mysterious treasure out there. Of course there is. Oh, and the “Book of Secrets” really plays a very minor role, despite being part of the title.
++++++++++++++++
I’m also watching Mozart’s The Magic Flute. I figured it would be as long as your average Broadway soundtrack, about an hour and a half. No, try 3:15. That’s a lot of German opera to take, even with subtitles. The music is great. Your average rock/pop song doesn’t require much in the way of vocal prowess. Take acts like Neil Young, and especially Lou Reed. Although they have their distinct style, its nigh impossible to argue that they were born with some golden throated oratory gift. The performers in the opera are entirely opposite. The opera divas are extremely talented and gifted, but the fame goes to the conductor and the composer. Yes, it is recorded live. No lip synching. The Magic Flute, oddly enough, is flute-synched, and also not much of a factor in the action.
They say it’s not over until the fat lady sings. But in The Magic Flute, two Rubenesque ladies give wonderful performances and it still won’t end! I thought that it was about to end. That was an hour ago, they’re still at it, and I’m on chapter 13 of 25.
Oh, what a time was the 18th century. The opera is blatantly, overtly and repeatedly racist and sexist. The only wicked guy is black. He himself refers to his “ugly black skin”. The women are traded as commodities, and the women seem to accept that they get bartered away in some deal. The non-royalty peasant is a simpleton given to temptation and running off his mouth and in the end suffers for it. Ah, the good old days, when a rich, white male aristocrat could wantonly abuse with impunity anyone below his social status. Indeed, women and the lower classes are full of self-loathing which only proves their pejorative position. What a gilded, golden age it was! Unless you were a woman, poor, minority or made the mistake of being born of the wrong lineage. But, for that esteemed 1%, oh what days of halcyon yore!
I can’t knock Mozart too much for being a product of his environment. His patrons were that upper 1%.
Don't drive or fly, RUN.
The airlines are upping their “fuel surcharge”. What the fvck? I’m not against a company charging extra for a special service, but what were we flying on before? Were the gas tanks being filled up with water?
++++++++++++++
Detroit complains about cheap overseas labor, but they forget about those domestic plants being opened by foreign companies. For some reason a Camry from Georgetown, KY can be made more cheaply than its counterpart at Ford (the Taurus, I think) or GM (the Genericrap, I think). Toyota is regarded as a high paying company with excellent benefits. So you have to wonder what they do that the big 3 don't.
+++++++++++
When I run outside, I circle my neighborhood several times. Some people have asked me how I can pass by my house and not just stop. It’s like anything else in running. You train for it. And what I mean by “it” is the starting back up again. At first, I did it mentally because at the top of my street, there’s a big downhill. So I’d tell myself that even though I’m running another lap, I get to go downhill. By the bottom of the hill, I’m stuck and I have to keep going.
If I do stop, I have a bottle of water there, and I grab a drink. Maybe I’ll take a few bites of power bar. Sometimes I ditch a layer of clothes. I make my stops useful. I’ve run 20 without stopping for water, but I don’t advise that. During a race, you can get water on the fly.
I was on Google maps, and that street level view is way cool. You can see 360 degrees around and look up to see the tops of the buildings, too. Theoretically, you could run the Boston Marathon virtually by moving along the route. I don’t know about you, but I get really sweaty from surfin’ the internet.
Other people have told me that when they run, they’re in pain for most of the day. If I felt this crappy after a training run, how the hell can I run a marathon? By running but feeling even crappier at the end. That was my solution, anyway.
After the first marathon in 05, I noticed a great deal more ability and stamina. It wasn’t some mental thing of having a marathon under my belt, it was real physical ability that took a full year to develop. With a few years of conditioning, a 20+ mile run isn’t as debilitating as it once was. But I’d be lying if I said that I ever looked forward to them.
I’m thinking that after the next race, I’m taking a week off. Then I’m going to hold my running down to 40 miles per week or so. However, I’ve said that before every race and I’ve never done it.
I’m going in to my another big race wondering why I do this. I suppose the same reasons apply as the first big race, but since I didn’t know what those were, I’m still sort of searching.
In Philadelphia, the web site said that finishers receive a “technical t-shirt”. I didn’t know if that’s a large piece of cloth or what. “Although it hasn’t been cut and sewn, technically, it is still a shirt.”
At least in the Boston, like in Phili, I was amongst more serious runners. I hate it when slow people crowd the starting line. Call it a pet peeve.
A 5K is short, but very, very intense. You come out of the starting line really moving and you’re expected to keep it moving for the whole trip at that frantic pace. A setback of a single minute really counts. With a jogging stroller, that can happen, too. It’s hard to maneuver in traffic. And, of course there were hundreds of people lining up at the front that didn’t belong there and I had to get around. Do they not understand the concept of a timing chip?
I heard an announcer before a race explain in diplomatic terms that although everyone was there to have fun, some people were very serious about their running and there was a need to differentiate these two groups to reduce traffic jams. No one moved. I would have taken a less subtle approach. “You, Fatty! How fast you gunna run? Yeah, right, take a hike. All you 17 year old chickies, move it back about 50 yards. That’s not 50. That’s not 50. No wonder you believe your boyfriends when they say that this (hold up fingers) is eight inches. You laughing, fat boy? 20 yard penalty!”
++++++++++++++++++
I get a big thrill out of the crowds when I do a race. I don’t get applauded for my efforts elsewhere. I love giving high fives. I love being singled out “Go yellow shirt!” “Go #142!” That sort of stuff. I applaud the crowds, too. It’s got to be pretty boring to watch a bunch of tired, listless runners go by without acknowledging them. So I make eye contact, wave, give the thumbs up, “woo-hoo!”, all of that. Well, between miles 23 and 26, not so much. Too tired. Sorry. Take it as a compliment if I so much as look at you.
I can't say enough good things about the Boston crowds, though. Friendly, enthusiastic, encouraging, and they didn't bat an eyelash when the runners on the other side of the road dropped trou and peed no more than 3 feet from the race course.
+++++++++++++++
My wife made me see Mama Mia, and now I have these Abba songs locked in and cranking on my mental iPod. The only remedy for such an ailment is a brain-wiping lobotomy. She absolutely loved the movie. I thought that without the music, it would have been paper thin. I would add that Pierce Brosnan needs singing lessons, but my wife says that he got the lessons. If he gets his money back, I will bill him for my movie ticket.
+++++++++++++
About once per week, there’s an op-ed in the paper that decries the stereotyping of the Appalachian accented people in this state. They don’t say that having a heavy Bronx accent is also a stereotype for those of lesser intelligence, and being Italian means “having mob connections” and it is a well known fact that all persons of Oriental descent have awe-inspiring martial arts training and sage advice as they age.
++++++++++++
’m watching a documentary series on the City of New York. It’s 14 hours long, but the first two hours covered 215 years. The second two cover up to the end of the Civil War. I’ve calculated that at this rate, I’ll soon be writing to you about the problems with flying car traffic that NYC will experience in the 2080s.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It’s good, but the narrator is the same guy who did the voice over for a Woodford Distillery short film. It’s hard to get it out of my head that he’s talking seriously about a nation torn apart and not jovially about the fine quality craftsmanship of genuine Kentucky bourbon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been watching some Japanamation mini series called Flag. It’s really good. It’s about a photojournalist covering a conflict in a small, fictitious South East Asian nation. The coolest thing about the show is that while the credits roll up at the end of each episode, the camera pans around a messy desk, because all journalists worth watching on TV are slobs. Amidst the pictures, papers, scrap, do-dads and whatnots is a half empty bottle of Early Times Bourbon – woo hoo! Kentucky product placement! Interesting fact, though, is that Early Times exported is of higher quality than the local variety. But the Flag show is good.
++++++++++++++
I watched a bit of “24”, season 3. Dennis Haysbert played a Presidential candidate season 1, then moved to President for seasons 2 and 3. There is always a scene where someone presents him a speech. He glances at it briefly and says “It’s good, but invert paragraphs 3 and 4.” Can’t his writers understand that he wants the third to be after the fourth by now? Or, maybe “inverted”, means that he wants them printed upside down? I’m probably not going to finish this season, and I don’t think I’ll be any poorer for it.
++++++++++++++
Detroit complains about cheap overseas labor, but they forget about those domestic plants being opened by foreign companies. For some reason a Camry from Georgetown, KY can be made more cheaply than its counterpart at Ford (the Taurus, I think) or GM (the Genericrap, I think). Toyota is regarded as a high paying company with excellent benefits. So you have to wonder what they do that the big 3 don't.
+++++++++++
When I run outside, I circle my neighborhood several times. Some people have asked me how I can pass by my house and not just stop. It’s like anything else in running. You train for it. And what I mean by “it” is the starting back up again. At first, I did it mentally because at the top of my street, there’s a big downhill. So I’d tell myself that even though I’m running another lap, I get to go downhill. By the bottom of the hill, I’m stuck and I have to keep going.
If I do stop, I have a bottle of water there, and I grab a drink. Maybe I’ll take a few bites of power bar. Sometimes I ditch a layer of clothes. I make my stops useful. I’ve run 20 without stopping for water, but I don’t advise that. During a race, you can get water on the fly.
I was on Google maps, and that street level view is way cool. You can see 360 degrees around and look up to see the tops of the buildings, too. Theoretically, you could run the Boston Marathon virtually by moving along the route. I don’t know about you, but I get really sweaty from surfin’ the internet.
Other people have told me that when they run, they’re in pain for most of the day. If I felt this crappy after a training run, how the hell can I run a marathon? By running but feeling even crappier at the end. That was my solution, anyway.
After the first marathon in 05, I noticed a great deal more ability and stamina. It wasn’t some mental thing of having a marathon under my belt, it was real physical ability that took a full year to develop. With a few years of conditioning, a 20+ mile run isn’t as debilitating as it once was. But I’d be lying if I said that I ever looked forward to them.
I’m thinking that after the next race, I’m taking a week off. Then I’m going to hold my running down to 40 miles per week or so. However, I’ve said that before every race and I’ve never done it.
I’m going in to my another big race wondering why I do this. I suppose the same reasons apply as the first big race, but since I didn’t know what those were, I’m still sort of searching.
In Philadelphia, the web site said that finishers receive a “technical t-shirt”. I didn’t know if that’s a large piece of cloth or what. “Although it hasn’t been cut and sewn, technically, it is still a shirt.”
At least in the Boston, like in Phili, I was amongst more serious runners. I hate it when slow people crowd the starting line. Call it a pet peeve.
A 5K is short, but very, very intense. You come out of the starting line really moving and you’re expected to keep it moving for the whole trip at that frantic pace. A setback of a single minute really counts. With a jogging stroller, that can happen, too. It’s hard to maneuver in traffic. And, of course there were hundreds of people lining up at the front that didn’t belong there and I had to get around. Do they not understand the concept of a timing chip?
I heard an announcer before a race explain in diplomatic terms that although everyone was there to have fun, some people were very serious about their running and there was a need to differentiate these two groups to reduce traffic jams. No one moved. I would have taken a less subtle approach. “You, Fatty! How fast you gunna run? Yeah, right, take a hike. All you 17 year old chickies, move it back about 50 yards. That’s not 50. That’s not 50. No wonder you believe your boyfriends when they say that this (hold up fingers) is eight inches. You laughing, fat boy? 20 yard penalty!”
++++++++++++++++++
I get a big thrill out of the crowds when I do a race. I don’t get applauded for my efforts elsewhere. I love giving high fives. I love being singled out “Go yellow shirt!” “Go #142!” That sort of stuff. I applaud the crowds, too. It’s got to be pretty boring to watch a bunch of tired, listless runners go by without acknowledging them. So I make eye contact, wave, give the thumbs up, “woo-hoo!”, all of that. Well, between miles 23 and 26, not so much. Too tired. Sorry. Take it as a compliment if I so much as look at you.
I can't say enough good things about the Boston crowds, though. Friendly, enthusiastic, encouraging, and they didn't bat an eyelash when the runners on the other side of the road dropped trou and peed no more than 3 feet from the race course.
+++++++++++++++
My wife made me see Mama Mia, and now I have these Abba songs locked in and cranking on my mental iPod. The only remedy for such an ailment is a brain-wiping lobotomy. She absolutely loved the movie. I thought that without the music, it would have been paper thin. I would add that Pierce Brosnan needs singing lessons, but my wife says that he got the lessons. If he gets his money back, I will bill him for my movie ticket.
+++++++++++++
About once per week, there’s an op-ed in the paper that decries the stereotyping of the Appalachian accented people in this state. They don’t say that having a heavy Bronx accent is also a stereotype for those of lesser intelligence, and being Italian means “having mob connections” and it is a well known fact that all persons of Oriental descent have awe-inspiring martial arts training and sage advice as they age.
++++++++++++
’m watching a documentary series on the City of New York. It’s 14 hours long, but the first two hours covered 215 years. The second two cover up to the end of the Civil War. I’ve calculated that at this rate, I’ll soon be writing to you about the problems with flying car traffic that NYC will experience in the 2080s.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It’s good, but the narrator is the same guy who did the voice over for a Woodford Distillery short film. It’s hard to get it out of my head that he’s talking seriously about a nation torn apart and not jovially about the fine quality craftsmanship of genuine Kentucky bourbon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been watching some Japanamation mini series called Flag. It’s really good. It’s about a photojournalist covering a conflict in a small, fictitious South East Asian nation. The coolest thing about the show is that while the credits roll up at the end of each episode, the camera pans around a messy desk, because all journalists worth watching on TV are slobs. Amidst the pictures, papers, scrap, do-dads and whatnots is a half empty bottle of Early Times Bourbon – woo hoo! Kentucky product placement! Interesting fact, though, is that Early Times exported is of higher quality than the local variety. But the Flag show is good.
++++++++++++++
I watched a bit of “24”, season 3. Dennis Haysbert played a Presidential candidate season 1, then moved to President for seasons 2 and 3. There is always a scene where someone presents him a speech. He glances at it briefly and says “It’s good, but invert paragraphs 3 and 4.” Can’t his writers understand that he wants the third to be after the fourth by now? Or, maybe “inverted”, means that he wants them printed upside down? I’m probably not going to finish this season, and I don’t think I’ll be any poorer for it.
A hodge podge of complaints
So I watched a Youtube video called “Governor Beshear Speech” (he’s Gov of KY). It was the Governor speaking at the State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What? Here’s the thing: The senate president sits behind the governor. Republican David Williams (partisan hack) was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. In contrast, the Governor appeared pretty sharp. The video was five minutes, but it transitioned several times so the actual nap could have been much longer. Nighty night, Dave! It was hysterical.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh yeah, and on local elections – I was at a festival, and Mitch McConnell was in the parade. His aides were putting stickers on every living carbon based life form that couldn’t stay farther than arm’s reach. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” McDonald’s? How many people took the sticker and then said “Gee, I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ran 5444 miles during 2008 and 2009. At one point in 09, I had over 3000 miles over 365 days. I don’t have any comment to accompany these stats, I’m just bragging. Aren’t I just so totally, cosmically, friggin’ awesome?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have read several times about this petition by “31,072 scientists” that believe that global warming is a hoax. There aren’t that may environmental scientists in the world. A right wing tactic is to refute a solid issue by the most spurious of claims, and then clamor for equal attention as the problem itself gets. They did it with the link between smoking and cancer. Is there a definitive, 100% proven causal link? No. In the conservative mind, that means there is no link. But science isn’t like that. Newton identified the laws of gravity and motion, but could not possibly have provided scientific study on what gravity is or how it acts on two bodies separated by millions of miles. The Republican view? There is no gravity. The media is liberally pro-gravity biased to support the biggest hoax of the 17th Century.
The same conservatives that say that the Earth is not warming point out that there are signs that Mars and Jupiter are also warming. It’s one or the other, folks. The Earth is warming along with Mars and Jupiter, or the Earth is not warming.
Conservatives also cite that 40 years ago, scientists were worried about global cooling. Since they’ve changed their minds, all statements by all scientists are worthless. Except the 31,072 that agree with them.
+++++++
I read that Philadelphia is making plans for a huge Darwin exhibit. But I have a book that says the world was created in 7 days, and as long as I cite my source, I am right and you are wrong. All those different varieties of the hominid genus are really all just misshapen sinners that God killed off in the great flood. Why do you guys hate America so much?
++++++++++++++++++++++
All these people who bought SUVs are just stupid. Gas hasn’t been “cheap” since 2000. All these nuts were talking about Bush wanted to get into Iraq for cheap oil. No, you dolts, oil men want expensive oil. But anyway, all the SUV owners are acting like they are suddenly taken by surprise, and it must be somebody else’s fault.
Reps: We don’t want to bail out the home owners that made bad decisions.
Reps, take #2: Ack! Do you know what it costs to fill the tank on my Escalade? Bail me out! Bail me out!
++++++++++++++++++++
I recall about 12 years ago when gas was cheap and the Big Three were awash in healthy profits. There was a proposal in congress to raise the mileage requirements. Instead of spending money on meeting that goal, they spent a ton of money on lobbyists to fight it. It died. Detroit won. There was much celebration. They sacrificed an electric car to the God of Inaction.
Fast forward to today, and what do you have? Inferior, overpriced gas guzzlers. If they had reacted back then when they had the ability, they wouldn’t be fighting for air right now when things are tough.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh yeah, and on local elections – I was at a festival, and Mitch McConnell was in the parade. His aides were putting stickers on every living carbon based life form that couldn’t stay farther than arm’s reach. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” McDonald’s? How many people took the sticker and then said “Gee, I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ran 5444 miles during 2008 and 2009. At one point in 09, I had over 3000 miles over 365 days. I don’t have any comment to accompany these stats, I’m just bragging. Aren’t I just so totally, cosmically, friggin’ awesome?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have read several times about this petition by “31,072 scientists” that believe that global warming is a hoax. There aren’t that may environmental scientists in the world. A right wing tactic is to refute a solid issue by the most spurious of claims, and then clamor for equal attention as the problem itself gets. They did it with the link between smoking and cancer. Is there a definitive, 100% proven causal link? No. In the conservative mind, that means there is no link. But science isn’t like that. Newton identified the laws of gravity and motion, but could not possibly have provided scientific study on what gravity is or how it acts on two bodies separated by millions of miles. The Republican view? There is no gravity. The media is liberally pro-gravity biased to support the biggest hoax of the 17th Century.
The same conservatives that say that the Earth is not warming point out that there are signs that Mars and Jupiter are also warming. It’s one or the other, folks. The Earth is warming along with Mars and Jupiter, or the Earth is not warming.
Conservatives also cite that 40 years ago, scientists were worried about global cooling. Since they’ve changed their minds, all statements by all scientists are worthless. Except the 31,072 that agree with them.
+++++++
I read that Philadelphia is making plans for a huge Darwin exhibit. But I have a book that says the world was created in 7 days, and as long as I cite my source, I am right and you are wrong. All those different varieties of the hominid genus are really all just misshapen sinners that God killed off in the great flood. Why do you guys hate America so much?
++++++++++++++++++++++
All these people who bought SUVs are just stupid. Gas hasn’t been “cheap” since 2000. All these nuts were talking about Bush wanted to get into Iraq for cheap oil. No, you dolts, oil men want expensive oil. But anyway, all the SUV owners are acting like they are suddenly taken by surprise, and it must be somebody else’s fault.
Reps: We don’t want to bail out the home owners that made bad decisions.
Reps, take #2: Ack! Do you know what it costs to fill the tank on my Escalade? Bail me out! Bail me out!
++++++++++++++++++++
I recall about 12 years ago when gas was cheap and the Big Three were awash in healthy profits. There was a proposal in congress to raise the mileage requirements. Instead of spending money on meeting that goal, they spent a ton of money on lobbyists to fight it. It died. Detroit won. There was much celebration. They sacrificed an electric car to the God of Inaction.
Fast forward to today, and what do you have? Inferior, overpriced gas guzzlers. If they had reacted back then when they had the ability, they wouldn’t be fighting for air right now when things are tough.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Lots and lots of Republican crapola
Conservatives are trying to stop abortions by excluding them from any government sponsored plan. Cosmetic surgery has long since been excluded from insurance plans but that industry outstripped the rest of the medical industry in terms of availability and cost. I’d say that this is yet another area that the Reps are leading to a long term counterproductive unintended consequence.
+++++++++++++++++
If you think that Obama at times is opaque; and you don’t know what he’s thinking, you should ask Rush Limbaugh. Rush The All Knowing can peer into the heart and mind of any Democrat and immediately discern his or her inner dialogue.
Obama: While campaigning in Florida, I tasted some of the best freshly squeezed orange juice that I’ve ever had.
Rush: See? He hates California!
Obama: I said “some of the best”.
Rush: He’s waffling!
Obama: Can’t I say that I like a glass of orange juice?
Rush: What he means, folks, is that he likes orange juice more than he loves this country. He hates America and himself! I hope they both fail.
See, the man clearly has claravoyant prowess beyond mortal human beings!
+++++++++++++++
I love the Reps solution to the financial crisis: Eliminate the capital gains tax. Do they not understand that failing banks have no capital gains?
You should also call in the Republicans when there is a gay couple who wants to live together and fornicate. They won’t stop the gay people from living together and fornicating, but they’ll make you feel all warm and virtuous inside by reminding you that you’re going to heaven and those gay people aren’t.
So would the Republicans cheer if a pregnant 17 year old didn’t get an abortion, but gave the baby to a gay couple? Is abortion worse than abomination?
++++++++++++
Arguably, the $700 billion bailout is de facto socialism and has been brought to America while Obama was still only a senator, and it wasn’t his plan, or even the plan of his party.
++++++++++++++++++
New etiquette of the modern age: I got an email from someone with a smiley face at the bottom. Later, she wrote back and apologized. She said that she was upset when she wrote the letter. But – but – there was the smiley… She lied to me in emoticon!
The strange thing is that I just got another email from her that thanked me for help with something else – but it had a frowny face. I know I won’t get sleep tonight while thinking this one through.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I saw this YouTube video innocuously titled “Governor Beshear Speech”. It was the Governor’s State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What the hell? Then I got it. Like the National State of the Union, the Senate leader sits behind the Governor. Republican Senate President David Williams was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. The Governor appeared pretty sharp and animated, for a nice contrast. Nighty night, Dave, you worthless, partisan hack!
+++++++++++++++++
I was at a festival, and KY senator Mitch McConnell was in the parade. Oh, joy. His aides were pushing McConnell stickers on every living carbon based life form within eyesight. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” But when I looked, it said “McConnell”. So was this a case of having complete idiots on your staff, or was it another Republican lie? How many people took the sticker and then said “I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++
Congress used to be all about passing bills. Now it’s all posturing. It doesn’t help when the Reps vote in a leader like McConnell, a manipulative game player. The Dems elected Pelosi, who throws cheap shots every time she speaks. Bickering, partisan, sniping cynicism. The point is that people have to stop electing hacks and power brokers. It’s something the public says that they want, but they don’t follow through. Congress has something like a 10-15% approval rating because they play these types of games.
+++++++++++++++++++++
22 million emails from the Bush administration have suddenly reappeared. How odd. The former administration officials are saying that they were always available. Those that were actually seeking those emails say otherwise. I’m on the information seekers’ side, because the Bushies stated a few years ago that there was some sort of techno-accident that somehow “erased” all this information but it was in no way done intentionally. Of course not. No. Not the Bushies.
I know it’s just 1s and 0s and it can be stored on a drive the size of my hand, but still, 22 million emails? How do you lose that many? How do you deny it later?
+++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I find the recent moral indignation of the right wing very troubling. They’re jubilant over the fact that the United States is going to hell because they want to take control of the government. Yeah, and the last time that happened, it was such a rousing success.
The conservatives are at the peak of unbridled hypocrisy. They’re using all the same tactics that they complained that the liberals used only six years ago. They aren’t defending the President simply because he’s the President. They’re cheering bad news because they want failure. They don’t have a coherent strategy of what to do if they were elected.
Another variation on the hypocrisy is that they want to send troops to Iran, keep them in Iraq and add even more to Afghanistan. But then they want to abolish taxes to pay for it. And balance the budget. They want to increase jobs, but they deride the bailout which kept jobs that depend on auto manufacturing, finance, education and other government work. They’re blathering about the 10th Amendment and state’s rights, but they have a big problem every time a state decides to allow gay marriage or enact gun control laws. They’re all celebrating some conservative meeting at George Washington’s home, to represent that they’re returning to the roots of American heritage, but then claim that this is the modern, post-9/11 world and we need more military tribunals.
Yes, very ironic to think that if the original Tea Party participants in 1773 were caught, they would have faced a military tribunal instead of a civilian one, and they probably would have been hanged as a result.
If Cheney thought that more troops were warranted in Afghanistan, maybe he could have said so a year sooner, or eight years sooner, whatever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Obama is right in that the partisan BS is not helpful. He’s at least trying to rise above it. But instead of simply pointing out the flaws in the health care bill, someone like Mitt Romney bangs on the lectern and accuses Obama of trying to destroy American principles.
There’s nothing in the Constitution barring socialism. There are provisions that bar illegal search and seizure that Bush pretty much ignored. There are military regulations that ban torture. The Geneva Convention is applicable as well. Although it is unwritten, I don’t expect that the American people would consider dishonesty and gross incompetence to be in our core principles, either.
+++++++++++++++++
If you think that Obama at times is opaque; and you don’t know what he’s thinking, you should ask Rush Limbaugh. Rush The All Knowing can peer into the heart and mind of any Democrat and immediately discern his or her inner dialogue.
Obama: While campaigning in Florida, I tasted some of the best freshly squeezed orange juice that I’ve ever had.
Rush: See? He hates California!
Obama: I said “some of the best”.
Rush: He’s waffling!
Obama: Can’t I say that I like a glass of orange juice?
Rush: What he means, folks, is that he likes orange juice more than he loves this country. He hates America and himself! I hope they both fail.
See, the man clearly has claravoyant prowess beyond mortal human beings!
+++++++++++++++
I love the Reps solution to the financial crisis: Eliminate the capital gains tax. Do they not understand that failing banks have no capital gains?
You should also call in the Republicans when there is a gay couple who wants to live together and fornicate. They won’t stop the gay people from living together and fornicating, but they’ll make you feel all warm and virtuous inside by reminding you that you’re going to heaven and those gay people aren’t.
So would the Republicans cheer if a pregnant 17 year old didn’t get an abortion, but gave the baby to a gay couple? Is abortion worse than abomination?
++++++++++++
Arguably, the $700 billion bailout is de facto socialism and has been brought to America while Obama was still only a senator, and it wasn’t his plan, or even the plan of his party.
++++++++++++++++++
New etiquette of the modern age: I got an email from someone with a smiley face at the bottom. Later, she wrote back and apologized. She said that she was upset when she wrote the letter. But – but – there was the smiley… She lied to me in emoticon!
The strange thing is that I just got another email from her that thanked me for help with something else – but it had a frowny face. I know I won’t get sleep tonight while thinking this one through.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I saw this YouTube video innocuously titled “Governor Beshear Speech”. It was the Governor’s State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What the hell? Then I got it. Like the National State of the Union, the Senate leader sits behind the Governor. Republican Senate President David Williams was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. The Governor appeared pretty sharp and animated, for a nice contrast. Nighty night, Dave, you worthless, partisan hack!
+++++++++++++++++
I was at a festival, and KY senator Mitch McConnell was in the parade. Oh, joy. His aides were pushing McConnell stickers on every living carbon based life form within eyesight. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” But when I looked, it said “McConnell”. So was this a case of having complete idiots on your staff, or was it another Republican lie? How many people took the sticker and then said “I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++
Congress used to be all about passing bills. Now it’s all posturing. It doesn’t help when the Reps vote in a leader like McConnell, a manipulative game player. The Dems elected Pelosi, who throws cheap shots every time she speaks. Bickering, partisan, sniping cynicism. The point is that people have to stop electing hacks and power brokers. It’s something the public says that they want, but they don’t follow through. Congress has something like a 10-15% approval rating because they play these types of games.
+++++++++++++++++++++
22 million emails from the Bush administration have suddenly reappeared. How odd. The former administration officials are saying that they were always available. Those that were actually seeking those emails say otherwise. I’m on the information seekers’ side, because the Bushies stated a few years ago that there was some sort of techno-accident that somehow “erased” all this information but it was in no way done intentionally. Of course not. No. Not the Bushies.
I know it’s just 1s and 0s and it can be stored on a drive the size of my hand, but still, 22 million emails? How do you lose that many? How do you deny it later?
+++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I find the recent moral indignation of the right wing very troubling. They’re jubilant over the fact that the United States is going to hell because they want to take control of the government. Yeah, and the last time that happened, it was such a rousing success.
The conservatives are at the peak of unbridled hypocrisy. They’re using all the same tactics that they complained that the liberals used only six years ago. They aren’t defending the President simply because he’s the President. They’re cheering bad news because they want failure. They don’t have a coherent strategy of what to do if they were elected.
Another variation on the hypocrisy is that they want to send troops to Iran, keep them in Iraq and add even more to Afghanistan. But then they want to abolish taxes to pay for it. And balance the budget. They want to increase jobs, but they deride the bailout which kept jobs that depend on auto manufacturing, finance, education and other government work. They’re blathering about the 10th Amendment and state’s rights, but they have a big problem every time a state decides to allow gay marriage or enact gun control laws. They’re all celebrating some conservative meeting at George Washington’s home, to represent that they’re returning to the roots of American heritage, but then claim that this is the modern, post-9/11 world and we need more military tribunals.
Yes, very ironic to think that if the original Tea Party participants in 1773 were caught, they would have faced a military tribunal instead of a civilian one, and they probably would have been hanged as a result.
If Cheney thought that more troops were warranted in Afghanistan, maybe he could have said so a year sooner, or eight years sooner, whatever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Obama is right in that the partisan BS is not helpful. He’s at least trying to rise above it. But instead of simply pointing out the flaws in the health care bill, someone like Mitt Romney bangs on the lectern and accuses Obama of trying to destroy American principles.
There’s nothing in the Constitution barring socialism. There are provisions that bar illegal search and seizure that Bush pretty much ignored. There are military regulations that ban torture. The Geneva Convention is applicable as well. Although it is unwritten, I don’t expect that the American people would consider dishonesty and gross incompetence to be in our core principles, either.
God, the Devil and CEOs.
I’m shopping for a flash drive. I found one online that costs about $8 less than at Wal-Mart. But, the shipping and handling is $8. Eight dollars?? To ship something as big as this (extend middle finger)?
++++++++++++
Creationists sometimes argue that creationism should be taught alongside evolution, and given at least equal weight. Yet, they also argue that their kids suffer because they are being taught evolution in schools and creationism in church and can’t resolve the two.
Science is natural. Scripture is supernatural, and is therefore not science. So don’t teach it in a science class. It’s like learning about good nutrition and diet tips in one magazine and learning how to make a great decadent chocolate cake in another. Anyone who is in favor of putting religion in a science class clearly does not understand either and has no business being in a position to make that decision.
++++++++++++++++++
Personal tax breaks have normally hurt the Federal government more than it helps the individual. On the other hand, tax breaks for corporations so often demonized by the left wing actually do attract new business and create jobs. Really. There are studies.
+++++++++++++++
I read about how women make something like 75 cents on the dollar that men make, but every job that I have ever had in my entire life – from when I was an 11 year old newspaper carrier until now – has been gender neutral. In fact, at Ames Department Stores, I had additional responsibilities because when some heavy piece of furniture was purchased, I was required to haul it out to the customer’s car. If I could make 33% more than women with equal experience I want to apply for a job there based exclusively on the criteria that I have a penis.
The plight of the women who think that they should be CEOs of some Fortune 500 Corporation instead of a man doesn’t really make me want to get up and picket. Fiorina screwed up Hewlett Packard just as badly as any man could. You go girl!
+++++++++++++++
”Drill, baby drill!” Yeah, that made a great bumper sticker. There was some idiot Republican that said “We won’t drill for oil on our coasts, but we’re drilling for ice on Mars. It makes no sense!” Why does my brain hurt on at least 7 different levels?
+++++++++++++
Coke positions itself as the mainstay of American culture, implying that Pepsi is a flash in the pan. Pepsi paints Coke as the choice of stodgy old geezers, whereas Pepsi was a fresh new product for the young and on the move. The Coca-Cola Company is something like 127 years old, whereas Pepsi is a youthful and dynamic 112. And it all belies the fact that any cola that you buy is less than 6 months old.
++++++++++++++
I’ve gotten tripped up in too many job interviews where the interviewer asked an ill defined question and I had no idea what they wanted to know. When they say “What experience do you have on X?” I can handle that. If they ask “Tell me about yourself,” I never know what to say. You mean what’s not on the resume? You want a resume summary? Personal life? Style? What? It’s as if you ask Michael Dell “What do you think about computers?” What do you want to know?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another reason that my faith is weak: There was an op-ed in the local rag. This guy was saying that his father was atheistic. A few years ago, a plane crashed in Lexington, killing 49 people. The writer said that his father (who lived in Atlanta) was so upset that he promised that if his son was safe, he would go back to church. So as it turns out the writer was ok, and was very glad that God’s plan eventually worked out and his father found the Lord. But, the father’s bargain was made after the tragedy. So, if the son had been on the flight, what, God would have brought his charred remains back to life? Does God really need to kill 49 people in an airplane to save one soul? I don’t know why any major turn in life has to be ascribed to either God or Satan. We’re not just pawns in some cosmic argument between two unknowable forces. Give free will of man some credit here.
If it rains, it’s the work of the Devil. If it’s a sunshiny day, it’s the work of God, unless there’s too many days without rain, then it is again the hand of the Devil. I would think that somewhere along the way, maybe there would be a weather time-share between God and the Devil. But if a drought causes poverty in the farmland, and money is the root of all evil, wouldn’t the Devil be interested in making farmers rich?
++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been asked to do a few videos for work. They invariably turn out badly because of low budget and lack of time. If I thought could make money off this video thing, I’d be packing my bags for H’wood tomorrow. Maybe I’ll be the next Blair Witch Project. Two adorable little girls dressed like Cinderella and Tinkerbell will search for a witch who looks suspiciously like my wife in a black bedsheet. She can’t do the witch laugh. I can do a witch laugh. I’ll have to dub it in.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m waiting for a Republican to come out and say that one effective way to decrease abortions is to offer more funding for day care and free hospital stays for pregnant teens.
++++++++++++++++
I might be working out too hard. Sometimes I have little hallucinations. Nothing big or scary, it’s like I was walking past my bedroom and I thought I saw a raccoon. It didn’t move, so I knew instantly that it wasn’t a raccoon. I just kept walking. When I took another look, it was a pile of clothes, which is more or less what I expected. The voices in my head don’t tell me to “Kill, kill!” It’s more like “Satan commands you NOT to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’!”
++++++++++++
Creationists sometimes argue that creationism should be taught alongside evolution, and given at least equal weight. Yet, they also argue that their kids suffer because they are being taught evolution in schools and creationism in church and can’t resolve the two.
Science is natural. Scripture is supernatural, and is therefore not science. So don’t teach it in a science class. It’s like learning about good nutrition and diet tips in one magazine and learning how to make a great decadent chocolate cake in another. Anyone who is in favor of putting religion in a science class clearly does not understand either and has no business being in a position to make that decision.
++++++++++++++++++
Personal tax breaks have normally hurt the Federal government more than it helps the individual. On the other hand, tax breaks for corporations so often demonized by the left wing actually do attract new business and create jobs. Really. There are studies.
+++++++++++++++
I read about how women make something like 75 cents on the dollar that men make, but every job that I have ever had in my entire life – from when I was an 11 year old newspaper carrier until now – has been gender neutral. In fact, at Ames Department Stores, I had additional responsibilities because when some heavy piece of furniture was purchased, I was required to haul it out to the customer’s car. If I could make 33% more than women with equal experience I want to apply for a job there based exclusively on the criteria that I have a penis.
The plight of the women who think that they should be CEOs of some Fortune 500 Corporation instead of a man doesn’t really make me want to get up and picket. Fiorina screwed up Hewlett Packard just as badly as any man could. You go girl!
+++++++++++++++
”Drill, baby drill!” Yeah, that made a great bumper sticker. There was some idiot Republican that said “We won’t drill for oil on our coasts, but we’re drilling for ice on Mars. It makes no sense!” Why does my brain hurt on at least 7 different levels?
+++++++++++++
Coke positions itself as the mainstay of American culture, implying that Pepsi is a flash in the pan. Pepsi paints Coke as the choice of stodgy old geezers, whereas Pepsi was a fresh new product for the young and on the move. The Coca-Cola Company is something like 127 years old, whereas Pepsi is a youthful and dynamic 112. And it all belies the fact that any cola that you buy is less than 6 months old.
++++++++++++++
I’ve gotten tripped up in too many job interviews where the interviewer asked an ill defined question and I had no idea what they wanted to know. When they say “What experience do you have on X?” I can handle that. If they ask “Tell me about yourself,” I never know what to say. You mean what’s not on the resume? You want a resume summary? Personal life? Style? What? It’s as if you ask Michael Dell “What do you think about computers?” What do you want to know?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another reason that my faith is weak: There was an op-ed in the local rag. This guy was saying that his father was atheistic. A few years ago, a plane crashed in Lexington, killing 49 people. The writer said that his father (who lived in Atlanta) was so upset that he promised that if his son was safe, he would go back to church. So as it turns out the writer was ok, and was very glad that God’s plan eventually worked out and his father found the Lord. But, the father’s bargain was made after the tragedy. So, if the son had been on the flight, what, God would have brought his charred remains back to life? Does God really need to kill 49 people in an airplane to save one soul? I don’t know why any major turn in life has to be ascribed to either God or Satan. We’re not just pawns in some cosmic argument between two unknowable forces. Give free will of man some credit here.
If it rains, it’s the work of the Devil. If it’s a sunshiny day, it’s the work of God, unless there’s too many days without rain, then it is again the hand of the Devil. I would think that somewhere along the way, maybe there would be a weather time-share between God and the Devil. But if a drought causes poverty in the farmland, and money is the root of all evil, wouldn’t the Devil be interested in making farmers rich?
++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been asked to do a few videos for work. They invariably turn out badly because of low budget and lack of time. If I thought could make money off this video thing, I’d be packing my bags for H’wood tomorrow. Maybe I’ll be the next Blair Witch Project. Two adorable little girls dressed like Cinderella and Tinkerbell will search for a witch who looks suspiciously like my wife in a black bedsheet. She can’t do the witch laugh. I can do a witch laugh. I’ll have to dub it in.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m waiting for a Republican to come out and say that one effective way to decrease abortions is to offer more funding for day care and free hospital stays for pregnant teens.
++++++++++++++++
I might be working out too hard. Sometimes I have little hallucinations. Nothing big or scary, it’s like I was walking past my bedroom and I thought I saw a raccoon. It didn’t move, so I knew instantly that it wasn’t a raccoon. I just kept walking. When I took another look, it was a pile of clothes, which is more or less what I expected. The voices in my head don’t tell me to “Kill, kill!” It’s more like “Satan commands you NOT to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’!”
Never get pregnant if you're married to an action hero.
Sears is trying to get some “street cred” by teaming with LL Cool J. No offense to LL, but he was a boy scout and newspaper delivery boy. Now he’s 44, wife and kids, living in the ‘burbs of Long Island. To Sears, that’s hard core gangsta. Yeah boyeee!
++++++++++++++
If it takes 10 years to make a difference, do you really want to be sitting here in 10 years saying “Yeah, if I had done that back then, things would be different now.”
+++++++++++++++
But instead of alternative energy development, it’s a damn good thing that Jim Bunning is taking a courageous stand against steroids in baseball and other vicious attacks upon our treasured national pastime. You can’t get away with desecrating the sacred sport played by overpaid pretty boys. There’s only four things holy in this country. Baseball, apple pie, mom and Elvis. What’s next? Apple pie baked from bio-engineered apples? Mom on hormone therapy? Elvis on drugs? Oh, wait…
+++++++++++++++++++++
Why doesn’t the word “piss” and the word “sh!t” carry equal weight? “Sh!t” is a vulgar substitute for any number of words. After being given a ton of work, you’d never say “I can’t believe all the piss that my pisshead boss gave me! He wants it when? You’re pissing me. If he wants it done by then, he’s piss out of luck.” But, I’ve actually heard on TV “He’s going to be pissed.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++
They say there’s no “I” in “team”. But there is an “m-e”. There is an “I” if you say “team” in Spanish (equipo). Of course “I” in Spanish is “yo”. It seems as if we’re at a linguistic impasse with this one.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Hostage” with Bruce Willis. The really bad guy shoots the lesser bad guys. If only that happened in real life, half the criminals would die in every caper. To quote M*A*S*H, “If there were more guys like you, there would be fewer guys like you.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I got back to season 1 of “24” to finish it up. Man, I had no idea that the Kim Bauer story line could be as irrelevant as it was in season 2. She’s wandering around LA getting into trouble. I’m glad I don’t live in LA, because apparently you can’t walk down the street or go to your father’s office without drug dealers, pimps, or terrorists getting in your face. The land outside LA is ringed with crazies and mountain lions, which prevents anyone from leaving. Never trust the cops, either. The suggestion to call the police has been raised on the average one time every three hours or so. The consistent response given has been “No! We can’t trust the cops!” It really should be “Hm... That’s actually not a bad idea.” Of course, if they did want to call the cops, the cell phone would have no signal or a dead battery.
Jack Bauer’s wife made the fatal mistake in action movies. “Jack, I’m pregnant! Isn’t that wonderful?” Jack: “Should they play “Taps” or get some fat lady to belt out “Amazing Grace”?”
Yeah, I could write this stuff.
++++++++++++++
If it takes 10 years to make a difference, do you really want to be sitting here in 10 years saying “Yeah, if I had done that back then, things would be different now.”
+++++++++++++++
But instead of alternative energy development, it’s a damn good thing that Jim Bunning is taking a courageous stand against steroids in baseball and other vicious attacks upon our treasured national pastime. You can’t get away with desecrating the sacred sport played by overpaid pretty boys. There’s only four things holy in this country. Baseball, apple pie, mom and Elvis. What’s next? Apple pie baked from bio-engineered apples? Mom on hormone therapy? Elvis on drugs? Oh, wait…
+++++++++++++++++++++
Why doesn’t the word “piss” and the word “sh!t” carry equal weight? “Sh!t” is a vulgar substitute for any number of words. After being given a ton of work, you’d never say “I can’t believe all the piss that my pisshead boss gave me! He wants it when? You’re pissing me. If he wants it done by then, he’s piss out of luck.” But, I’ve actually heard on TV “He’s going to be pissed.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++
They say there’s no “I” in “team”. But there is an “m-e”. There is an “I” if you say “team” in Spanish (equipo). Of course “I” in Spanish is “yo”. It seems as if we’re at a linguistic impasse with this one.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Hostage” with Bruce Willis. The really bad guy shoots the lesser bad guys. If only that happened in real life, half the criminals would die in every caper. To quote M*A*S*H, “If there were more guys like you, there would be fewer guys like you.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I got back to season 1 of “24” to finish it up. Man, I had no idea that the Kim Bauer story line could be as irrelevant as it was in season 2. She’s wandering around LA getting into trouble. I’m glad I don’t live in LA, because apparently you can’t walk down the street or go to your father’s office without drug dealers, pimps, or terrorists getting in your face. The land outside LA is ringed with crazies and mountain lions, which prevents anyone from leaving. Never trust the cops, either. The suggestion to call the police has been raised on the average one time every three hours or so. The consistent response given has been “No! We can’t trust the cops!” It really should be “Hm... That’s actually not a bad idea.” Of course, if they did want to call the cops, the cell phone would have no signal or a dead battery.
Jack Bauer’s wife made the fatal mistake in action movies. “Jack, I’m pregnant! Isn’t that wonderful?” Jack: “Should they play “Taps” or get some fat lady to belt out “Amazing Grace”?”
Yeah, I could write this stuff.
24, DH4 and CEOs
So now I’ve finished with “24” season 2. I was waiting for the final line, which should have been Jack Bauer saying “Now I really, really have to go to the bathroom!!” It ends with a cliffhanger, which I thought would propel the team into season 3. One agent said “Now the next shift is coming on.” Who are these guys? They weren’t even called up when a nuclear threat still hung over the city.
Who are they? The competent shift, apparently. I saw the first episode of season 3. The “B team” solved the cliffhanging crisis quickly and without difficulty off camera.
The cliffhanger on season 2 exposed just how incompetent Jack’s team was. President Palmer gets some kind of poison from a hot chick assassin (and aren’t all assassins hot chicks?) via a handshake (yes, the headline should read “Palmer Gets Palmed”). Anyway, he collapses, and everyone around him is like “Call an ambulance!” Now I’m no secret service agent, but I think that procedure is to chuck the Prez into the car and high tail it to the hospital yourself. Instead, they leave him on the ground fading from consciousness, meanwhile service agents beat on some random civilian nearby. Off camera, the B team is like “Great, now we’ve got to clean this up – again.”
A loose end of season 2 is exactly what happened to Sherry Palmer’s (the First Lady’s) disappearing bodyguard. She goes to this house with a body guard. Jack Bauer punches the dude, and then he’s never heard from or mentioned again. The vanishing guard wasn’t the most competent of people anyway. He was looking in the garage of a house to see if a car was still there. According to 24’s real time count clock, he returned 23 minutes later to report that the garage was empty. How tough can it be? You’re looking for a car in a house.
Another big theme was how the Counter Terrorism Unit cut off contact to Jack Bauer (yet again). They said they didn’t want to waste resources on him, and everyone should get back to work. Work on what? The bomb had been found. If it weren’t for Jack tracking down hunches, there was nothing to do. The whole CTU is horribly overstaffed. There are only 4 or 5 people there that actually get anything done, and half the time even they are sabotaging each other. 29 CTU staff were killed in an attack on HQ, and within an hour or so they were back up and running like normal. That tells you that the head count is way too high. Personally, I would have used pink slips rather than C-4, but that’s just my managerial style.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the same vein, I saw Die Hard 4, in which of course, the bad guys started shooting their own guys close to the end. Those who were shot didn’t even fail at their job, they were winning. The evil boss just figured that they were no longer of use. He shouldn’t have done that, though, since Bruce Willis was steadily blowing away henchmen. In the climax, there’s only Bruce Willis versus the one evil guy. The chief evil guy really could have used a few extra helpers then, eh?
DH4 is also similar to 24 in that it is an action scene followed by less plausible action scene followed by another even more far fetched ending in the impossible. But unlike 24, Die Hard starts at night, goes into day, goes into night, goes into day, and I think it ends up at night or day or something. I lost count how many days apparently passed, as I’m sure the guy in charge of continuity must have.
The whole plot of DH4 is that the computers are shut down all across the country. Mysteriously, almost all the people disappear. I learned from DH4 that 99% of the population is CGI. The action takes place at huge, sprawling industrial and computer facilities. The baddies shoot 5 workers and then place is deserted. Ergo, the rest of the workers must’ve been computer generated. The highways are chock full of abandoned cars. The cars are strewn about the highway as if the drivers suddenly experienced the rapture and left their earthly possessions. Die Hard… or Left Behind?
The bad guys also had to threaten John McClane’s family. Die Hard 1, 2 and 4 all featured threats to clan McClane. What the hell is wrong with the producers of part 3 where they couldn’t figure out some way to shoehorn in a subplot against his family?
But, I give DH4 credit for poking fun at itself. There is a hot chick assassin, of course, and as Bruce Willis is mowing through the ranks of bad guys, he tells the chief bad guy that he’s got to be running low on bad guys by now. “What, do you call 1-800-HENCHMEN?” And, he also says that he knocked off the hot action chick. “I bet there’s not too many of them around, right?” Bruce Willis doesn't watch 24, does he?
I presume that this has to be the absolute last of the Die Hard series. Willis’s age notwithstanding (what kind of a word is “notwithstanding”? It’s three words and they don’t even belong together in that order), the escalation of high value targets has a finite end. In the first one, the bank thieves were stealing $600 million in bearer bonds. In #2, the issue was ransom for even more money. The third plot raided all the gold kept under the Fed Reserve in NYC. This one was for trillions in the world financial markets. I can’t imagine a higher value target than the entire global financial market.
But, even my wife pointed out “Gee, if you steal all the money in the world, wouldn’t it make it pretty obvious that you’re the bad guy?” The bank: Hmmm… Something is fishy here. Aha! $80,000,000,000,000 is too much money to hold in a bank account earning so little interest. Any good financial advisor would know that! And, except for the first $250,000 it’s not even FDIC insured. Call marketing and see if we can sell this guy some of our risky financial products!
++++++++++++++++
Speaking of money and stupidity, I’ve been reading about huge salaries being paid to dead CEOs. Yes, as if the living ones aren’t scamming the sh!t out of the companies they work for. Occidental Petroleum will pay its CEO a package worth $115 million upon his death. The company defends it this way: "It isn't a death benefit per se -- it's what his family would get upon his death.” Thank you. Now it’s all very clear.
Occidental also defends the amount by saying that it is due in large part to the excellent performance of the stock during the CEOs tenure. So if you’re looking for a culprit for high gas prices, forget blaming China or India. Don’t blame Bush, the Saudis or instability in the Middle East. The oil slurping American consumer is blame free. It’s all due to Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum. He’s the one.
Eugene Isenberg is CEO of Nabors Industries. He would get $288 million upon his death and he’s 78. Nabors total market cap is only $12 billion, so that’s 2.4% for a dead guy.
Who are they? The competent shift, apparently. I saw the first episode of season 3. The “B team” solved the cliffhanging crisis quickly and without difficulty off camera.
The cliffhanger on season 2 exposed just how incompetent Jack’s team was. President Palmer gets some kind of poison from a hot chick assassin (and aren’t all assassins hot chicks?) via a handshake (yes, the headline should read “Palmer Gets Palmed”). Anyway, he collapses, and everyone around him is like “Call an ambulance!” Now I’m no secret service agent, but I think that procedure is to chuck the Prez into the car and high tail it to the hospital yourself. Instead, they leave him on the ground fading from consciousness, meanwhile service agents beat on some random civilian nearby. Off camera, the B team is like “Great, now we’ve got to clean this up – again.”
A loose end of season 2 is exactly what happened to Sherry Palmer’s (the First Lady’s) disappearing bodyguard. She goes to this house with a body guard. Jack Bauer punches the dude, and then he’s never heard from or mentioned again. The vanishing guard wasn’t the most competent of people anyway. He was looking in the garage of a house to see if a car was still there. According to 24’s real time count clock, he returned 23 minutes later to report that the garage was empty. How tough can it be? You’re looking for a car in a house.
Another big theme was how the Counter Terrorism Unit cut off contact to Jack Bauer (yet again). They said they didn’t want to waste resources on him, and everyone should get back to work. Work on what? The bomb had been found. If it weren’t for Jack tracking down hunches, there was nothing to do. The whole CTU is horribly overstaffed. There are only 4 or 5 people there that actually get anything done, and half the time even they are sabotaging each other. 29 CTU staff were killed in an attack on HQ, and within an hour or so they were back up and running like normal. That tells you that the head count is way too high. Personally, I would have used pink slips rather than C-4, but that’s just my managerial style.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
In the same vein, I saw Die Hard 4, in which of course, the bad guys started shooting their own guys close to the end. Those who were shot didn’t even fail at their job, they were winning. The evil boss just figured that they were no longer of use. He shouldn’t have done that, though, since Bruce Willis was steadily blowing away henchmen. In the climax, there’s only Bruce Willis versus the one evil guy. The chief evil guy really could have used a few extra helpers then, eh?
DH4 is also similar to 24 in that it is an action scene followed by less plausible action scene followed by another even more far fetched ending in the impossible. But unlike 24, Die Hard starts at night, goes into day, goes into night, goes into day, and I think it ends up at night or day or something. I lost count how many days apparently passed, as I’m sure the guy in charge of continuity must have.
The whole plot of DH4 is that the computers are shut down all across the country. Mysteriously, almost all the people disappear. I learned from DH4 that 99% of the population is CGI. The action takes place at huge, sprawling industrial and computer facilities. The baddies shoot 5 workers and then place is deserted. Ergo, the rest of the workers must’ve been computer generated. The highways are chock full of abandoned cars. The cars are strewn about the highway as if the drivers suddenly experienced the rapture and left their earthly possessions. Die Hard… or Left Behind?
The bad guys also had to threaten John McClane’s family. Die Hard 1, 2 and 4 all featured threats to clan McClane. What the hell is wrong with the producers of part 3 where they couldn’t figure out some way to shoehorn in a subplot against his family?
But, I give DH4 credit for poking fun at itself. There is a hot chick assassin, of course, and as Bruce Willis is mowing through the ranks of bad guys, he tells the chief bad guy that he’s got to be running low on bad guys by now. “What, do you call 1-800-HENCHMEN?” And, he also says that he knocked off the hot action chick. “I bet there’s not too many of them around, right?” Bruce Willis doesn't watch 24, does he?
I presume that this has to be the absolute last of the Die Hard series. Willis’s age notwithstanding (what kind of a word is “notwithstanding”? It’s three words and they don’t even belong together in that order), the escalation of high value targets has a finite end. In the first one, the bank thieves were stealing $600 million in bearer bonds. In #2, the issue was ransom for even more money. The third plot raided all the gold kept under the Fed Reserve in NYC. This one was for trillions in the world financial markets. I can’t imagine a higher value target than the entire global financial market.
But, even my wife pointed out “Gee, if you steal all the money in the world, wouldn’t it make it pretty obvious that you’re the bad guy?” The bank: Hmmm… Something is fishy here. Aha! $80,000,000,000,000 is too much money to hold in a bank account earning so little interest. Any good financial advisor would know that! And, except for the first $250,000 it’s not even FDIC insured. Call marketing and see if we can sell this guy some of our risky financial products!
++++++++++++++++
Speaking of money and stupidity, I’ve been reading about huge salaries being paid to dead CEOs. Yes, as if the living ones aren’t scamming the sh!t out of the companies they work for. Occidental Petroleum will pay its CEO a package worth $115 million upon his death. The company defends it this way: "It isn't a death benefit per se -- it's what his family would get upon his death.” Thank you. Now it’s all very clear.
Occidental also defends the amount by saying that it is due in large part to the excellent performance of the stock during the CEOs tenure. So if you’re looking for a culprit for high gas prices, forget blaming China or India. Don’t blame Bush, the Saudis or instability in the Middle East. The oil slurping American consumer is blame free. It’s all due to Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum. He’s the one.
Eugene Isenberg is CEO of Nabors Industries. He would get $288 million upon his death and he’s 78. Nabors total market cap is only $12 billion, so that’s 2.4% for a dead guy.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Hellboy, Sandman and the fate of the world rests on what is growing in my fridge.
I finally got around to watching Hellboy II: The Golden Army on a cheap, Chinese DVD. I started watching, but the subtitles threw in random, inappropriate words and phrases. Something about having sex and brushing teeth seemed to be a theme.
My Father said that it was one of the worst movies that he’d ever seen. The reviews at the time seemed to be favorable, though. Maybe Dad doesn’t appreciate the fine art of action movies.
No, it was pretty horrible. And it wasn’t just the subtitles. It was largely predictable and clichéd. Some reviewers felt that the movie had some kind of depth because the antagonist mythical figure kept telling Hellboy that the humans think that Hellboy is a freak. That theme was done in the Batman and Spiderman series – and better. Hellboy’s treatment is weak and formulaic at best.
The Golden Army was supposed to be “seven times seventy soldiers”. When they showed the whole army, it was thousands strong. Yah, I know they’re just CGI anyway, but can’t a computer count to 490?
+++++++++++++
I’m still impressed with Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel series Sandman. The 8th book reminded me of 1001 Arabian Nights, because it was full of tale-within-a-tale-within-a-tale stuff. When you’re into it about 4 levels deep, you’re like “Who is telling this story now?” But just go with it, and eventually you come outside somewhere.
I’m also quite impressed that the series never settles down into a formula. It’s constantly surprising me. Sometimes it focuses on the Sandman himself, but most of the time, he is only a tangential player in the series that bears his name. There is almost never a protagonist who fights an antagonist, so the story path is never predictable.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Even though few if any real conservatives really liked McCain, they can not stand the thought of Obama. So the only real solution would be to have some kind of place marker in the Oval Office, like “Be back in 4 years, thank you for your patience.”
Obama has tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan since he took the oath of office. Obviously, that makes him a weakling in the eyes of the world. It also makes him three times stronger than the Bush-Cheney administration. Now he’s guilty of the high crime and treasonous charge of Directing Troops while Democrat.
+++++++++++++
The best place in domestic US for wind farming is an almost barren square of land in south east Wyoming. It’s about 100 miles north of Denver. Cheap land, lots of wind and no neighbors. That’s a score waiting to happen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
One reason that there’s such a hangup about electric cars is that you can’t recharge a car in five minutes. Yes, that’s a problem, but there’s several ways around it. My thoughts are that you could develop many small batteries that burn out one by one. That way, you go to the recharge station and you exchange your burnt out batteries with full ones. If you start with 100 cells, and burn out 20, you wouldn’t have to replace all 100, you could remove the burnt ones or just some of the burned ones if you don’t have enough money. You’d need interchangeable batteries and some readout on each to show that it’s live rather than burned. We’d need government regulation and corporate leadership, so you know my idea will never work.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
With a degree of trepidation, I volunteered to clean out the refrigerator at work. I sent an email to the department to confront any future complaints. I veered off course at times. Example:
Complaint: You should have saved my nice Tupperware.
Response: Throughout human history, there is a long and heartbreaking littany of senseless destruction. When Alexander burned the sacred Pharsi city of Sousa in 330 BC, countless, irreplaceable treasures were lost. When the Goths sacked Rome in 409 AD, again, valuable historic artifacts were obliterated. And, in 1532, Spanish conquistadors melted down the gold artwork of the entire Incan civilization. Your Tupperware, I am sad to say, is but an unfortunate addition to this tragic list.
This is actually the short version of the story I was prepared to give. I was going to include a diatribe that depicted their non-biodegradable molded HDPE container as a relic that shall outlive even the great technological culture that spawned it. One million years from now, it will still not only survive, but also contain the remnants of your long forgotten lunch within its confines. By then, the lunch has mutated into a lethal strain of flesh eating germs. Suddenly unleashed, they digest all multi-cellular life on Earth. A billion years later, a new sentient race evolves and traces its ancestral roots back to your Tupperware. The vessel is then held aloft as the sacred Cradle of Life. Know now, dear Tupperware holder, that you personally may be long forgotten and gone, but take great comfort in knowing that your prized possession will sit in a vaunted seat of prominence atop the highest of pillars in the heart of a sparkling (albeit non-human) city, with a golden statue of your smudged fingerprint. This is the ultimate triumph that only through today’s hellacious sacrifice could be made possible.
But I didn’t channel my inner Kurt Vonnegut or Douglas Adams, and I sent a relatively more benign missive. I did get one compliment, a note that her husband was also a history buff. But I also got a whole lot of “What the hell?”
So how sucky does one’s job have to be where the highlight of my day is that I cleaned out the departmental refrigerator? Yah, about this sucky.
At least I got thanks from one or two people instead of pure hatred from everyone as when I cleaned up at my job in 2001. If you ever have a surreal nightmare about the worst place you have worked, it wouldn’t match the freakish actuality that is Kentucky State University accounting department.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m down to the last few hours of the second season of “24” and I’ll be gosh darned if the bad guy didn’t just kill his female second in command. They introduced her and killed her in the same episode. The evil guy says “I’ve got to go. Come here and give me a hug.” Then he knifes her. Career advice – if you work for a boss that tried to nuke Los Angeles, be suspicious of a warm and fuzzy hug, especially a hug that lasts five minutes.
My Father said that it was one of the worst movies that he’d ever seen. The reviews at the time seemed to be favorable, though. Maybe Dad doesn’t appreciate the fine art of action movies.
No, it was pretty horrible. And it wasn’t just the subtitles. It was largely predictable and clichéd. Some reviewers felt that the movie had some kind of depth because the antagonist mythical figure kept telling Hellboy that the humans think that Hellboy is a freak. That theme was done in the Batman and Spiderman series – and better. Hellboy’s treatment is weak and formulaic at best.
The Golden Army was supposed to be “seven times seventy soldiers”. When they showed the whole army, it was thousands strong. Yah, I know they’re just CGI anyway, but can’t a computer count to 490?
+++++++++++++
I’m still impressed with Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel series Sandman. The 8th book reminded me of 1001 Arabian Nights, because it was full of tale-within-a-tale-within-a-tale stuff. When you’re into it about 4 levels deep, you’re like “Who is telling this story now?” But just go with it, and eventually you come outside somewhere.
I’m also quite impressed that the series never settles down into a formula. It’s constantly surprising me. Sometimes it focuses on the Sandman himself, but most of the time, he is only a tangential player in the series that bears his name. There is almost never a protagonist who fights an antagonist, so the story path is never predictable.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Even though few if any real conservatives really liked McCain, they can not stand the thought of Obama. So the only real solution would be to have some kind of place marker in the Oval Office, like “Be back in 4 years, thank you for your patience.”
Obama has tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan since he took the oath of office. Obviously, that makes him a weakling in the eyes of the world. It also makes him three times stronger than the Bush-Cheney administration. Now he’s guilty of the high crime and treasonous charge of Directing Troops while Democrat.
+++++++++++++
The best place in domestic US for wind farming is an almost barren square of land in south east Wyoming. It’s about 100 miles north of Denver. Cheap land, lots of wind and no neighbors. That’s a score waiting to happen.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
One reason that there’s such a hangup about electric cars is that you can’t recharge a car in five minutes. Yes, that’s a problem, but there’s several ways around it. My thoughts are that you could develop many small batteries that burn out one by one. That way, you go to the recharge station and you exchange your burnt out batteries with full ones. If you start with 100 cells, and burn out 20, you wouldn’t have to replace all 100, you could remove the burnt ones or just some of the burned ones if you don’t have enough money. You’d need interchangeable batteries and some readout on each to show that it’s live rather than burned. We’d need government regulation and corporate leadership, so you know my idea will never work.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
With a degree of trepidation, I volunteered to clean out the refrigerator at work. I sent an email to the department to confront any future complaints. I veered off course at times. Example:
Complaint: You should have saved my nice Tupperware.
Response: Throughout human history, there is a long and heartbreaking littany of senseless destruction. When Alexander burned the sacred Pharsi city of Sousa in 330 BC, countless, irreplaceable treasures were lost. When the Goths sacked Rome in 409 AD, again, valuable historic artifacts were obliterated. And, in 1532, Spanish conquistadors melted down the gold artwork of the entire Incan civilization. Your Tupperware, I am sad to say, is but an unfortunate addition to this tragic list.
This is actually the short version of the story I was prepared to give. I was going to include a diatribe that depicted their non-biodegradable molded HDPE container as a relic that shall outlive even the great technological culture that spawned it. One million years from now, it will still not only survive, but also contain the remnants of your long forgotten lunch within its confines. By then, the lunch has mutated into a lethal strain of flesh eating germs. Suddenly unleashed, they digest all multi-cellular life on Earth. A billion years later, a new sentient race evolves and traces its ancestral roots back to your Tupperware. The vessel is then held aloft as the sacred Cradle of Life. Know now, dear Tupperware holder, that you personally may be long forgotten and gone, but take great comfort in knowing that your prized possession will sit in a vaunted seat of prominence atop the highest of pillars in the heart of a sparkling (albeit non-human) city, with a golden statue of your smudged fingerprint. This is the ultimate triumph that only through today’s hellacious sacrifice could be made possible.
But I didn’t channel my inner Kurt Vonnegut or Douglas Adams, and I sent a relatively more benign missive. I did get one compliment, a note that her husband was also a history buff. But I also got a whole lot of “What the hell?”
So how sucky does one’s job have to be where the highlight of my day is that I cleaned out the departmental refrigerator? Yah, about this sucky.
At least I got thanks from one or two people instead of pure hatred from everyone as when I cleaned up at my job in 2001. If you ever have a surreal nightmare about the worst place you have worked, it wouldn’t match the freakish actuality that is Kentucky State University accounting department.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m down to the last few hours of the second season of “24” and I’ll be gosh darned if the bad guy didn’t just kill his female second in command. They introduced her and killed her in the same episode. The evil guy says “I’ve got to go. Come here and give me a hug.” Then he knifes her. Career advice – if you work for a boss that tried to nuke Los Angeles, be suspicious of a warm and fuzzy hug, especially a hug that lasts five minutes.
Lance Armstrong, Evil Sylar and some Arabian guy who invented 0.
I read about celebrities that do marathons. A lot of them have semi-crappy times. So, maybe I’ll be running next to some Hollywood type. Who knows? The one celeb that kicks my ass in running times is Lance Armstrong, but I think he has an advantage in not having testicles. I sacrifice a lot for my sport, but that’s waaaaay over the line.
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++
You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?
++++++++++++++
I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.
The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”
+++++++++++++
Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”
++++++++++++++++++++++
Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.
+++++++++++++++++++
Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.
+++++++++++++++++
Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?
Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.
++++++++++++++++++
How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.
Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.
Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
++++++++++++++++++++
For the Gulf Coast, Elton John will yet again remake Candle in the Wind.
Captain America is now the enemy of the Tea Party. There was a recent comic where the star-spangled hero is trying to break up a white supremacist group. The organization is also involved in anti-tax demonstrations and a cartoon protester held a sign “Tea bag the libs before they tea bag you!” which was an actual Tea Party sign. So the Tea Party is outraged (again). Now they have to explain why they aren’t racist because they support threatening ALL liberals equally, not just the liberals of color.
There was a leftie Canadian alt-rock band called the Tea Party, too. Irony is not dead. Until it gets ‘tea bagged’ – whatever that is.
The Tea Party doesn’t even have a coherent platform aside from “I don’t wanna pay taxes.” I’m just waiting for the Tea Party to join forces with the crowd that used to bust in to auto repair shops and proclaim that “I’m NOT going to pay a lot for this muffler!” on those old Midas commercials. Then they’d be unstoppable. Even George Foreman could make an appearance.
++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a woman who racked up $555,000 in student debt. She’s being used as a poster child for those that argue that the cost of education is too high. While I agree that education cost has risen too fast, she spent over 100K per year? Sounds like profligate spending is not solely the providence of government and educational institutions.
++++++++++++++++++++
Judas Priest put out a live CD in 08. They still sound good. At least Rob Halford isn’t still wearing all that tight leather. His leather chaps are much more loose, for that comfortable “relaxed fit” that’s all the rage with the headbanging seniors these days. That and metal studded shuffleboard cue sticks.
+++++++++++++++++
I’ve been reading that barefoot running is supposed to be better for you. They cite the fact that humans evolved without shoes. But the African savannah wasn’t in the single digits Fahrenheit. Alongside the barefoot running article was a company trying to sell you shoes that try to mimic going barefoot. So your product is not quite as good as nothing?
++++++++++++++++++++
The majority of the population is overweight by government standards. Obviously, government is the problem. They are out-of-touch with the average American. And that skinny Obama is secretly getting rid of all the lard asses by means of death panels!
++++++++++++++++
I personally like Obama, but like I said during the campaign, he’s too liberal to be my ideal president. 1.5 Trillion dollars in red ink? Couldn’t he shave the deficit down to a nice, even $1,000,000,000,000.00 at least?
I like what he said to the Republicans about reaching out and cooperating. I’m sure as soon as he walked out of the room, the Reps made faces and stuck out their tongues.
The Reps were complaining about a “Democratic attack machine”. That’s a good one. The Dems are way too dysfunctional and unorganized to ever be called a “machine”. Sounds like whining to me. “They use our own words against us! How can we run a smear campaign against our accuser if the accuser is us? Waaaah!”
It’s like Rand Paul. He wins the Rep primary for senate easily, then immediately goes out and says all kinds of crazy stuff about how every law needs to strictly adhere to the Constitution, except the 14th Amendment, because that one is unconstitutional.
But the non-machine-Republicans have managed to blanket the entire state of Kentucky with their blue and white “Rand Paul for senate” posters.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve noticed over the past few decades that office dress codes have generally become more casual. In contrast, public schools, where appearance doesn’t matter, dress codes have become far more restrictive. I’m sure this is done with the intent to give the kids incentive to graduate. “One day I’m going to work in a box – but I’ll get to wear jeans!”
++++++++++++++++++++
Some Tea party idiot made news by dressing like Darth Vader when Obama came to his town. When asked about it, the Tea party guy said “It means ‘May the Force be with… power to the people… or something’.” Now there’s a guy who takes a stand.
With all the Republican hypocrisy, something is beginning to smell fishy around here. Wait, it’s just the lady in the cube next door with her salmon. Never mind. Sarah Palin is still an idiot, though.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
New: Dove For Men. No.
++++++++++++++++++++++
My kids got Disney paper dolls. They can dress Cinderella in Sleeping Beauty’s dress if they want. Without any dress, the princesses are in their underwear. Snow White is surprisingly hot. Should I be worried about myself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Everyone thinks I’m a fanatic about nutrition. When I’m in training, I don’t drink alcohol or eat sweets. People have their own definition of “crazy”. Some think that getting up at 4am and running 8 miles in the snow is crazy, but I…… when I phrase it like that, it does sound kind of nuts.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I read that too much protein can also slow you down. I was surprised. I grew up on the protein = good mentality because when you are body building that’s what you build with. The Ethiopian diet is very lean and the meat is sparse.
Yes, that’s right, I said that another country is superior to the United States in some way and that we should emulate them. May D!ck Cheney have mercy upon my soul.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Jay-Z said that “We Are the World” shouldn’t have been remade. Considering how lousy I thought it was in ’85, I’d agree. Jay-Z is on the opposite side of the spectrum, he seems to think that it was so great that it could never be duplicated. Maybe Elton John can come to the rescue with the 37th remake of “Candle in the Wind”.
++++++++++++++++++++
I sometimes toy with the idea that I should go back to school and get a degree in something in demand, like teaching, computers or nursing. An ad caught my eye. Apparently, I can get an online nursing degree in as little as 3 months. That’s scary. There are people in hospitals trusting their health to people from this program? I train for marathons longer than that.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The joys of having two darling daughters: Watching the Tinkerbell movie. She doesn’t display the same vindictive spitefulness that she does in Peter Pan. That being said, she’s still not likeable. Instead of being impetuous and jealous, she’s conniving and conceited. Her only virtue is that she’s less arrogant than the prissy snot who serves as the antagonist of the movie. Even at 78 minutes, the plot is still stretched.
She saves the day essentially by mechanization of the fairy tasks. I suspect her own inventions put her out of work. She became jaded, bitter, and loathed to change. That’s why she couldn’t stand the Darling kids coming to Neverland. Seems a bit dark for a Disney fairy, but there it is.
++++++++++++++++
When it snowed, some global warming denier in the Senate had his grand kids build an igloo on Capitol Hill and hung a sign saying “Al Gore’s New Home”. Ha ha. How does it look for the cameras now that it melted?
There was a leftie Canadian alt-rock band called the Tea Party, too. Irony is not dead. Until it gets ‘tea bagged’ – whatever that is.
The Tea Party doesn’t even have a coherent platform aside from “I don’t wanna pay taxes.” I’m just waiting for the Tea Party to join forces with the crowd that used to bust in to auto repair shops and proclaim that “I’m NOT going to pay a lot for this muffler!” on those old Midas commercials. Then they’d be unstoppable. Even George Foreman could make an appearance.
++++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a woman who racked up $555,000 in student debt. She’s being used as a poster child for those that argue that the cost of education is too high. While I agree that education cost has risen too fast, she spent over 100K per year? Sounds like profligate spending is not solely the providence of government and educational institutions.
++++++++++++++++++++
Judas Priest put out a live CD in 08. They still sound good. At least Rob Halford isn’t still wearing all that tight leather. His leather chaps are much more loose, for that comfortable “relaxed fit” that’s all the rage with the headbanging seniors these days. That and metal studded shuffleboard cue sticks.
+++++++++++++++++
I’ve been reading that barefoot running is supposed to be better for you. They cite the fact that humans evolved without shoes. But the African savannah wasn’t in the single digits Fahrenheit. Alongside the barefoot running article was a company trying to sell you shoes that try to mimic going barefoot. So your product is not quite as good as nothing?
++++++++++++++++++++
The majority of the population is overweight by government standards. Obviously, government is the problem. They are out-of-touch with the average American. And that skinny Obama is secretly getting rid of all the lard asses by means of death panels!
++++++++++++++++
I personally like Obama, but like I said during the campaign, he’s too liberal to be my ideal president. 1.5 Trillion dollars in red ink? Couldn’t he shave the deficit down to a nice, even $1,000,000,000,000.00 at least?
I like what he said to the Republicans about reaching out and cooperating. I’m sure as soon as he walked out of the room, the Reps made faces and stuck out their tongues.
The Reps were complaining about a “Democratic attack machine”. That’s a good one. The Dems are way too dysfunctional and unorganized to ever be called a “machine”. Sounds like whining to me. “They use our own words against us! How can we run a smear campaign against our accuser if the accuser is us? Waaaah!”
It’s like Rand Paul. He wins the Rep primary for senate easily, then immediately goes out and says all kinds of crazy stuff about how every law needs to strictly adhere to the Constitution, except the 14th Amendment, because that one is unconstitutional.
But the non-machine-Republicans have managed to blanket the entire state of Kentucky with their blue and white “Rand Paul for senate” posters.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve noticed over the past few decades that office dress codes have generally become more casual. In contrast, public schools, where appearance doesn’t matter, dress codes have become far more restrictive. I’m sure this is done with the intent to give the kids incentive to graduate. “One day I’m going to work in a box – but I’ll get to wear jeans!”
++++++++++++++++++++
Some Tea party idiot made news by dressing like Darth Vader when Obama came to his town. When asked about it, the Tea party guy said “It means ‘May the Force be with… power to the people… or something’.” Now there’s a guy who takes a stand.
With all the Republican hypocrisy, something is beginning to smell fishy around here. Wait, it’s just the lady in the cube next door with her salmon. Never mind. Sarah Palin is still an idiot, though.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
New: Dove For Men. No.
++++++++++++++++++++++
My kids got Disney paper dolls. They can dress Cinderella in Sleeping Beauty’s dress if they want. Without any dress, the princesses are in their underwear. Snow White is surprisingly hot. Should I be worried about myself?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Everyone thinks I’m a fanatic about nutrition. When I’m in training, I don’t drink alcohol or eat sweets. People have their own definition of “crazy”. Some think that getting up at 4am and running 8 miles in the snow is crazy, but I…… when I phrase it like that, it does sound kind of nuts.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I read that too much protein can also slow you down. I was surprised. I grew up on the protein = good mentality because when you are body building that’s what you build with. The Ethiopian diet is very lean and the meat is sparse.
Yes, that’s right, I said that another country is superior to the United States in some way and that we should emulate them. May D!ck Cheney have mercy upon my soul.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Jay-Z said that “We Are the World” shouldn’t have been remade. Considering how lousy I thought it was in ’85, I’d agree. Jay-Z is on the opposite side of the spectrum, he seems to think that it was so great that it could never be duplicated. Maybe Elton John can come to the rescue with the 37th remake of “Candle in the Wind”.
++++++++++++++++++++
I sometimes toy with the idea that I should go back to school and get a degree in something in demand, like teaching, computers or nursing. An ad caught my eye. Apparently, I can get an online nursing degree in as little as 3 months. That’s scary. There are people in hospitals trusting their health to people from this program? I train for marathons longer than that.
+++++++++++++++++++++
The joys of having two darling daughters: Watching the Tinkerbell movie. She doesn’t display the same vindictive spitefulness that she does in Peter Pan. That being said, she’s still not likeable. Instead of being impetuous and jealous, she’s conniving and conceited. Her only virtue is that she’s less arrogant than the prissy snot who serves as the antagonist of the movie. Even at 78 minutes, the plot is still stretched.
She saves the day essentially by mechanization of the fairy tasks. I suspect her own inventions put her out of work. She became jaded, bitter, and loathed to change. That’s why she couldn’t stand the Darling kids coming to Neverland. Seems a bit dark for a Disney fairy, but there it is.
++++++++++++++++
When it snowed, some global warming denier in the Senate had his grand kids build an igloo on Capitol Hill and hung a sign saying “Al Gore’s New Home”. Ha ha. How does it look for the cameras now that it melted?
On being "the"
There is no group called THE Bee Gees. The name of the band was simply “Bee Gees”. As in their "best of" CD is called "The Best of Bee Gees", and not "the Bee Gees".
++++++++++++++++++++++
I was listening to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits. Her first few albums were great. Then she decided that she got too many negative comments about her wardrobe and not enough good ones about her music. I’m in favor of tight pants, but I’m also the first to admit that she looked trashy. Ok, not the first, but I’m in that group somewhere. I didn’t care for her “new direction” in her music. She should have ditched her pants and kept on rockin.
You uh, know what I mean, right?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m also listening to Chuck Berry. He has a preoccupation with girls who are or look like they are seventeen. I know it is a key demographic and it works rhythmically, but it is still really creepy.
++++++++++++++++++
I once joked that so many former Bush aides were going public to repudiate everything that the Bush White House once stood for that the only one left would be George W. himself. I was close on this one.
Former First Lady Laura Bush said that she’s pro-choice and for gay marriage. One of the Bush twins, Barbara, voiced support for the health care bill – on Fox News, no less.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And for those that love to ascribe theological implications to random weather phenomena, a 60 ft statue of Jesus got struck by lightning and burned to the ground.
I had the idea that they built it with flammable material and no lightning rod, and it was an accident waiting to happen. I’m sure someone will blame Obama.
God is also the guy who put oil wealth under the feet of the least stable people on the planet. Nigeria, the middle east, Venezuela, and arguably Texas. Now it’s also discovered that Afghanistan has enormous untapped riches in minerals. Why can’t there be treasure in normal places like Massachusetts or Wisconsin?
I filled out my time sheet a day early. In case I get struck by lightning at lunch time, I’ll still get paid for the whole day.
++++++++++
Vampire overload! Too many movies/books/shows about the ever-dapper and attractive undead! I’d probably watch a show where they portrayed vampires from an angle that no one has ever thought of before, like vegan surfers. They’d still have all the random angst that we’ve come to expect from the genre, but they’ll express it in puns like “This sucks” and “That bites.” Hilarity ensues when the humans accidentally catch the vampires on taco night. “Oh my GOD! Look at the blood dripping from his mouth!” “Chill, bro, it’s just organic salsa. Don’t go bat-sh!t.”
+++++++++++++++++
The Republicans are simultaneously arguing that Obama wants to take over the world energy industry and that he’s not doing enough about the oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Not surprising, but I also can’t imagine what a Republican in the Oval Office would be doing.
Palin: I had a meeting with the BP executives yesterday, and I MADE THEM PAY (for lunch). You betcha.
McCain: We even ordered the Gulf Coast Shimp. Not cheap!
Palin: I had the red meat special.
McCain: Does shrimp usually come with a thick layer of tar?
Palin: Just think of it as Real American BBQ sauce, John! (wink, wink!)
++++++++++++++++++++++
This guy wrote a book on how the internet is making us stupid. Yes, this blog should be shown as supportive evidence.
His point is that we erode our ability to pay attention to anything on or off line when we are constantly checking email, IMs, texts and the like. Yet, your average teen can play Halo for 15 hours straight.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I had my temperature taken before I gave blood. I was chewing wintergreen flavored gum, which is supposed to give you cool, fresh breath. My temp was 98.4! Objective, verifiable proof that it works! Of course, I still have a hard time reconciling that fraction of a degree with a commercial where a woman chews the gum and freezes an entire landscape with her icy huffing and puffing.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time. I’m sure that she cares about him as a sensitive soul mate, and not at all for his fortune. I’m also sure that he respects her intelligence and not for the fact that she’s a trim blonde who is 26 years younger than him. She said that the age difference was insignificant because she could never relate to people her own age. That doesn’t necessarily mean she can relate to older men, but logic and deductive reasoning are probably just going to be taboo subjects in this relationship.
++++++++++++++++
I may need glasses soon. Instead of saying that I can’t focus on the small print, I prefer to say “far sighted”. I keep my eye on the horizon. I see the big picture clearly. I leave it to the piddling conservatives to suffer from myopia. Nay! I focus on the long term victory, not the short term goals.
Anyway, with no offense to people who wear glasses, they’re just not “me”. I’d look like a dork. If I get them, I’d have to redo my whole image to accompany them. I’ll get some artsy frames and wear black turtle necks. I’d need an artsy moniker to go along, like “The Hogen”. To get it to catch on, I’ll also start referring to myself in the third person to complete that Soho-faux-artsy-douche-bag style that The Hogen will soon be adopting.
If anything, The Hogen will be something Bee Gees are not.
++++++++++++++++++++++
I was listening to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits. Her first few albums were great. Then she decided that she got too many negative comments about her wardrobe and not enough good ones about her music. I’m in favor of tight pants, but I’m also the first to admit that she looked trashy. Ok, not the first, but I’m in that group somewhere. I didn’t care for her “new direction” in her music. She should have ditched her pants and kept on rockin.
You uh, know what I mean, right?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m also listening to Chuck Berry. He has a preoccupation with girls who are or look like they are seventeen. I know it is a key demographic and it works rhythmically, but it is still really creepy.
++++++++++++++++++
I once joked that so many former Bush aides were going public to repudiate everything that the Bush White House once stood for that the only one left would be George W. himself. I was close on this one.
Former First Lady Laura Bush said that she’s pro-choice and for gay marriage. One of the Bush twins, Barbara, voiced support for the health care bill – on Fox News, no less.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And for those that love to ascribe theological implications to random weather phenomena, a 60 ft statue of Jesus got struck by lightning and burned to the ground.
I had the idea that they built it with flammable material and no lightning rod, and it was an accident waiting to happen. I’m sure someone will blame Obama.
God is also the guy who put oil wealth under the feet of the least stable people on the planet. Nigeria, the middle east, Venezuela, and arguably Texas. Now it’s also discovered that Afghanistan has enormous untapped riches in minerals. Why can’t there be treasure in normal places like Massachusetts or Wisconsin?
I filled out my time sheet a day early. In case I get struck by lightning at lunch time, I’ll still get paid for the whole day.
++++++++++
Vampire overload! Too many movies/books/shows about the ever-dapper and attractive undead! I’d probably watch a show where they portrayed vampires from an angle that no one has ever thought of before, like vegan surfers. They’d still have all the random angst that we’ve come to expect from the genre, but they’ll express it in puns like “This sucks” and “That bites.” Hilarity ensues when the humans accidentally catch the vampires on taco night. “Oh my GOD! Look at the blood dripping from his mouth!” “Chill, bro, it’s just organic salsa. Don’t go bat-sh!t.”
+++++++++++++++++
The Republicans are simultaneously arguing that Obama wants to take over the world energy industry and that he’s not doing enough about the oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Not surprising, but I also can’t imagine what a Republican in the Oval Office would be doing.
Palin: I had a meeting with the BP executives yesterday, and I MADE THEM PAY (for lunch). You betcha.
McCain: We even ordered the Gulf Coast Shimp. Not cheap!
Palin: I had the red meat special.
McCain: Does shrimp usually come with a thick layer of tar?
Palin: Just think of it as Real American BBQ sauce, John! (wink, wink!)
++++++++++++++++++++++
This guy wrote a book on how the internet is making us stupid. Yes, this blog should be shown as supportive evidence.
His point is that we erode our ability to pay attention to anything on or off line when we are constantly checking email, IMs, texts and the like. Yet, your average teen can play Halo for 15 hours straight.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I had my temperature taken before I gave blood. I was chewing wintergreen flavored gum, which is supposed to give you cool, fresh breath. My temp was 98.4! Objective, verifiable proof that it works! Of course, I still have a hard time reconciling that fraction of a degree with a commercial where a woman chews the gum and freezes an entire landscape with her icy huffing and puffing.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time. I’m sure that she cares about him as a sensitive soul mate, and not at all for his fortune. I’m also sure that he respects her intelligence and not for the fact that she’s a trim blonde who is 26 years younger than him. She said that the age difference was insignificant because she could never relate to people her own age. That doesn’t necessarily mean she can relate to older men, but logic and deductive reasoning are probably just going to be taboo subjects in this relationship.
++++++++++++++++
I may need glasses soon. Instead of saying that I can’t focus on the small print, I prefer to say “far sighted”. I keep my eye on the horizon. I see the big picture clearly. I leave it to the piddling conservatives to suffer from myopia. Nay! I focus on the long term victory, not the short term goals.
Anyway, with no offense to people who wear glasses, they’re just not “me”. I’d look like a dork. If I get them, I’d have to redo my whole image to accompany them. I’ll get some artsy frames and wear black turtle necks. I’d need an artsy moniker to go along, like “The Hogen”. To get it to catch on, I’ll also start referring to myself in the third person to complete that Soho-faux-artsy-douche-bag style that The Hogen will soon be adopting.
If anything, The Hogen will be something Bee Gees are not.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Lesbians, rhinos and Godzilla
I saw Milla Jojovich in some lukewarm movie UltraViolet. It didn’t rise to the heights that it aspired to, I assume they were going for some kind of Matrix-type adventure. The action was all there. One cool sequence had Jojovich ride up the side of a building on a motorcycle as a helicopter sprays the glass façade with bullets. The plot, however, stank like month old cheese. There’s the regular humans are at war with humans tainted with some virus. Violet gets hold of a weapon, but it’s not a weapon, it’s a boy. No, not just a boy, he has a pathogen that will kill all those with the virus. NO, his pathogen will cure the virus. NO, he’s completely normal in every way. NO, he’s the evil guy’s clone! NO, his pathogen will kill uninfected humans! He’s a weapon, he’s the cure, he’s a bargaining chip, he’s a floor wax, he’s a dessert topping!
Whatever, Milla wears tight pants and the obligatory high heels of an action chick. I suppose you could argue that Milla’s heels were useful as some kind of additional weapon, since everything she kicked with them instantly shattered. In the future the army will be divided in to two groups. There are those that wear gas masks and carry guns and those that wear gas masks and carry Japanese swords. Our heroine fights the soldiers that have swords with a sword of her own. Those with guns are given the option of dying by sword or by gun. Those with swords always rush at her with their swords held high over their heads. Then they’d inevitably get sliced through the unprotected mid section. Sometimes two of the swordsmen would rush at her from opposite directions, and wind up stabbing their own guy when Milla jumped out of the way. The gun-toting soldiers kept shooting half their squad in their own crossfire. But the all time winner was when they had one of those 150mm rotating machine guns blazing away as she drove a motorcycle straight at them. If you can’t hit a motorcycle as it drives straight into your gun, you’re top of your class at the Star Wars Stormtrooper School of Arts.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was a sequel to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I sure wish those pants got to wherever the hell they were supposed to be going and just stayed there. Of course, that’s another movie where the action carries the movie. I saw some clips. Those pants go in to the washer, and I can’t even begin to describe the thrills of the spin cycle sequence.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I don’t think the terrorists are interested in peace, land, liberty, self rule or any of that. I think they just want to see stuff blow up. They should have a July 4th like holiday where they blow up stuff. Not like a hotel full of journalists, but just stuff, like a TV or an old car.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw a Hummer on the road and said “Why would anyone buy a car the size of a rhino?” but then I looked it up and they’re really 2.2 times the size of a rhino. Now it all makes sense.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So my wife got the indi movie "Puccini For Beginners". There was only one fast visit to the opera. But the movie “Must Love Dogs” centered on two people who didn’t own dogs. At least “Robot Jox” had the “Jox” part down – although they didn’t spell it correctly. Puccini For Beginners had this routine love triangle, but did I mention that the lead character was a lesbian? Oh, now suddenly it’s fascinating, because some chick is running around saying “Lesbian, lesbian! Look at me, I’m a lesbian!” That is obviously important somehow. Everything a lesbian thinks, does, writes or says is of unquestioned artistic significance, because she’s a narcissistic, self-absorbed, pseudo-intellectual, New York City LESBIAN. It was a merciful 82 minutes long, and still felt stretched out thinly because other than the fact that she’s a LESBIAN, there’s nothing else to say. LEZ-B-AN!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Blondie was almost funny today. I’d say this joke was a “diamond in the rough”, but I think it would be more like a “gemstone of lesser quality, such as a ruby or an emerald haphazardly appearing in a trough of pig slop”. If you ever hear that expression again, just remember who coined it first.
+++++++++++++++++++++
How’s this – INDIANA JONES and The Mythical Thing No One’s Ever Heard Of. Does that say “blockbuster” all over it?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Apparently, in Narnia, 1300 years have passed in between the first and second movies, but they don’t seem to have made many technical advances since that time. I’m surprised that one of the kids from our world doesn’t say “Gee, you guys are still medieval? In half that time, the human race went from medieval to spaceflight, computers and something called Cheez-Wiz. We didn’t even have the benefit of talking animals and magic wands. In your FACE, troglodyte Narnians! Yay, humanity!”
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m sort of worn out from this annual parade of CGI boom-and-crash fiascoes. Hulk and Godzilla a few years ago have been so thoroughly forgotten that they’re contemplating remakes to revamp the franchise already. Godzilla was 2000 and Hulk was 02 or 03. Face it, you made sucky, unmemorable movies. Next time try writing a script that includes some actual human drama. In the case of Godzilla, no, don’t even try.
If you somehow feel that you can explore some subtle nuance to this product placement monster that hasn’t been fleshed out in the past 20 movies, then maybe you should stop and take a step back to re-evaluate your life. It’s a monster that breathes laser beams. What else could possibly happen?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Indiana Jones, I think it suffered from recycled material and the overwhelming sense that no good guy is going to come to bodily harm. Indy and friends are surrounded by 20 Soviets with guns. They escape, go through some elaborate action sequence, killing the 20 Soviets only to wind up surrounded by about 20 more Soviets pointing guns at them. You’d think with each repetition, that there would be numerically fewer bad guys. But no, 20-20=20 and there is an inexhaustible supply of Soviets wielding guns 12,000 miles from Moscow. Oh, and there is no “kingdom” of the crystal skull, it’s just a crystal skull and some abandoned ruins that aren’t really abandoned.
In the middle of the car chase, I was like “so we’re back to this again?” Even Indy seemed a bit labored. He beat up all these soldiers and kicked out the driver. There was about as much enthusiasm as if he picked the keys up started an empty car. Oh, am I spoiling it for you if I said that there was a car chase action sequence? OF COURSE THERE WAS A CAR CHASE!
Anyway, the big secret of the movie is not much of a secret and it took me 2 seconds to figure it out, and I’m not very good about those sorts of things.
Hellboy was one of those movies that knows it wouldn’t grade an A or a B, and so it took the course pass/fail.
Whatever, Milla wears tight pants and the obligatory high heels of an action chick. I suppose you could argue that Milla’s heels were useful as some kind of additional weapon, since everything she kicked with them instantly shattered. In the future the army will be divided in to two groups. There are those that wear gas masks and carry guns and those that wear gas masks and carry Japanese swords. Our heroine fights the soldiers that have swords with a sword of her own. Those with guns are given the option of dying by sword or by gun. Those with swords always rush at her with their swords held high over their heads. Then they’d inevitably get sliced through the unprotected mid section. Sometimes two of the swordsmen would rush at her from opposite directions, and wind up stabbing their own guy when Milla jumped out of the way. The gun-toting soldiers kept shooting half their squad in their own crossfire. But the all time winner was when they had one of those 150mm rotating machine guns blazing away as she drove a motorcycle straight at them. If you can’t hit a motorcycle as it drives straight into your gun, you’re top of your class at the Star Wars Stormtrooper School of Arts.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was a sequel to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I sure wish those pants got to wherever the hell they were supposed to be going and just stayed there. Of course, that’s another movie where the action carries the movie. I saw some clips. Those pants go in to the washer, and I can’t even begin to describe the thrills of the spin cycle sequence.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I don’t think the terrorists are interested in peace, land, liberty, self rule or any of that. I think they just want to see stuff blow up. They should have a July 4th like holiday where they blow up stuff. Not like a hotel full of journalists, but just stuff, like a TV or an old car.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw a Hummer on the road and said “Why would anyone buy a car the size of a rhino?” but then I looked it up and they’re really 2.2 times the size of a rhino. Now it all makes sense.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So my wife got the indi movie "Puccini For Beginners". There was only one fast visit to the opera. But the movie “Must Love Dogs” centered on two people who didn’t own dogs. At least “Robot Jox” had the “Jox” part down – although they didn’t spell it correctly. Puccini For Beginners had this routine love triangle, but did I mention that the lead character was a lesbian? Oh, now suddenly it’s fascinating, because some chick is running around saying “Lesbian, lesbian! Look at me, I’m a lesbian!” That is obviously important somehow. Everything a lesbian thinks, does, writes or says is of unquestioned artistic significance, because she’s a narcissistic, self-absorbed, pseudo-intellectual, New York City LESBIAN. It was a merciful 82 minutes long, and still felt stretched out thinly because other than the fact that she’s a LESBIAN, there’s nothing else to say. LEZ-B-AN!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Blondie was almost funny today. I’d say this joke was a “diamond in the rough”, but I think it would be more like a “gemstone of lesser quality, such as a ruby or an emerald haphazardly appearing in a trough of pig slop”. If you ever hear that expression again, just remember who coined it first.
+++++++++++++++++++++
How’s this – INDIANA JONES and The Mythical Thing No One’s Ever Heard Of. Does that say “blockbuster” all over it?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Apparently, in Narnia, 1300 years have passed in between the first and second movies, but they don’t seem to have made many technical advances since that time. I’m surprised that one of the kids from our world doesn’t say “Gee, you guys are still medieval? In half that time, the human race went from medieval to spaceflight, computers and something called Cheez-Wiz. We didn’t even have the benefit of talking animals and magic wands. In your FACE, troglodyte Narnians! Yay, humanity!”
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m sort of worn out from this annual parade of CGI boom-and-crash fiascoes. Hulk and Godzilla a few years ago have been so thoroughly forgotten that they’re contemplating remakes to revamp the franchise already. Godzilla was 2000 and Hulk was 02 or 03. Face it, you made sucky, unmemorable movies. Next time try writing a script that includes some actual human drama. In the case of Godzilla, no, don’t even try.
If you somehow feel that you can explore some subtle nuance to this product placement monster that hasn’t been fleshed out in the past 20 movies, then maybe you should stop and take a step back to re-evaluate your life. It’s a monster that breathes laser beams. What else could possibly happen?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Indiana Jones, I think it suffered from recycled material and the overwhelming sense that no good guy is going to come to bodily harm. Indy and friends are surrounded by 20 Soviets with guns. They escape, go through some elaborate action sequence, killing the 20 Soviets only to wind up surrounded by about 20 more Soviets pointing guns at them. You’d think with each repetition, that there would be numerically fewer bad guys. But no, 20-20=20 and there is an inexhaustible supply of Soviets wielding guns 12,000 miles from Moscow. Oh, and there is no “kingdom” of the crystal skull, it’s just a crystal skull and some abandoned ruins that aren’t really abandoned.
In the middle of the car chase, I was like “so we’re back to this again?” Even Indy seemed a bit labored. He beat up all these soldiers and kicked out the driver. There was about as much enthusiasm as if he picked the keys up started an empty car. Oh, am I spoiling it for you if I said that there was a car chase action sequence? OF COURSE THERE WAS A CAR CHASE!
Anyway, the big secret of the movie is not much of a secret and it took me 2 seconds to figure it out, and I’m not very good about those sorts of things.
Hellboy was one of those movies that knows it wouldn’t grade an A or a B, and so it took the course pass/fail.
Jox, Rex, Sex in Lex and W ran in Tex
Some people are adamant that they get a flat screen monitor for their computer. They insist that the extra $200 is money well spent to free up the extra space on their desk. Free it up for what? Pictures of their kids? Most people have a flat box for a CPU, which takes up as much room as a CRT, so why bother with a flat screen? WTF?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching this movie called “Robot Jox”. I supposed that it was some low fare action aiming at mediocrity. But as the credits started, I realized that the name of this movie was “Robot Jox” and therefore, even mediocrity is asking too much.
The premise is that war is outlawed (and enforced by WHO??) and all disputes are handled by rock ‘em sock ‘em robots piloted by – yes, jockeys of robots, or Robot Jox. Are ya with me so far?
The lead chick isn’t even hot. Don’t tell me that they got this not-hottie based on her acting chops. The name of the movie is Robot Jox, ok? And I expected a low budget, but they got me thinking “So that’s what they did to the old Buck Rogers set.” The centerpiece of the movie, the robots, moved in claymation-like spastic jerks, like an old Godzilla flick. And the plot? Let’s not even go there. The name of the movie was Robot Jox. If they’re piloted by human beings, they’re technically not robots – but whatever.
How’s this for impossibly lousy writing: At the climax, the villain and hero both drop their weapons and give each other a thumbs up. I am not sh!tting you, I swear, it’s that bad. The final line of dialogue? “We are… ROBOT JOX!!” If you thought about it, this laughable cinematic gem really couldn’t have ended any other way.
++++++++++++++++
Lousy writing? That calls for a Rex Moron update: Same as before plus one week.
Probably the most interesting thing all month was when the Rex Morgan artist mistakenly drew the speech balloon to a talking chair. The human characters all appear wooden, and never open their mouths, so what’s the difference, really?
I’m hoping the chair becomes an important player in this current story line and solves the crime in the end. Rex and his family express their sincere gratitude. The chair then says that it will now search for justice for the devastation done to the world’s forests. Rex and June appear stunned. In the next day’s strip, they simply grab the chair and plop their flabby tushies. “But I foiled the crime…!”
“You’re a chair.”
“But I’m a talking chair! I can sing an aria in the chord of …. Mmmrrff!“ His voice is drowned out as Rex dumps his big, smelly ass on to the seat, muffling its righteous protest. Abbey the Wonderdog barks in approval.
A loud trumpet-like fart blast emerges from under the table. Everyone looks at Rex. “What? That was the CHAIR.” Suddenly, June’s assistant calls on the phone and it’s off to another ponderous, climax-free adventure.
+++++++++++++++++++
In the Southern-to-English dictionary, “bless yore hart” translates to “you dipsheeit!” Fell asleep in the road and woke up with a GMC parked over your face? Aww, bless yore hart! Fell out of a deer huntin’ perch and broke yore leg? Awww, bless yore hart! Got thrown out of a strip club for groping the owner’s wife? Awww, bless yore… Y’all oughta know not to grab the waitresses in there, you stupid dipsheeit!
++++++++++++++++++++++
I read that W once ran the Houston marathon. So I checked. He came in at 3:44, so I whipped his ass by over half an hour. Yah, boy!
+++++++++++++++++++++
What’s with the Sam’s Choice brand? Wal-Mart’s iconic founder, Sam Walton, was notoriously cheap. Even after becoming a billionaire on paper, he still drove a 40 year old Chevy pickup. Yet, somehow, years after his demise, he rose from the grave to pronounce a particular kind of coffee and other select products worthy of his name. Never mind that he probably drank Maxwell House during his life. Sam’s Choice Coffee is what he would have drank if he hadn’t shed his corporeal form.
So, I suggest a commercial running something like this:
“After a hard night of rolling over in my grave, I often need a pick-me-up in the morning. Hi, I’m Sam Walton, deceased founder of the Evil Wal-Mart. The fine aroma of hot Sam’s Choice Brand coffee really lifts my spirits (get it, spirits?) and its taste is – well, it’s a whole lot better than dirt. Working from below, I choose the beans grown from the strongest root systems in the world. So if you need a rich, rewarding cup of java to get you through those tough days before the afterlife, make Sam’s Choice your choice. Try our economy size freeze dried packs – they’ll last an eternity!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now we find out that Lexington ranks at the bottom of Men’s Health magazine’s list of sexually active cities. Say it with me: No sex in Lex. But really, how the hell would Men’s Health know what happens in our bedrooms? And I live in a small town north of Lexington, thank you for not asking.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching this movie called “Robot Jox”. I supposed that it was some low fare action aiming at mediocrity. But as the credits started, I realized that the name of this movie was “Robot Jox” and therefore, even mediocrity is asking too much.
The premise is that war is outlawed (and enforced by WHO??) and all disputes are handled by rock ‘em sock ‘em robots piloted by – yes, jockeys of robots, or Robot Jox. Are ya with me so far?
The lead chick isn’t even hot. Don’t tell me that they got this not-hottie based on her acting chops. The name of the movie is Robot Jox, ok? And I expected a low budget, but they got me thinking “So that’s what they did to the old Buck Rogers set.” The centerpiece of the movie, the robots, moved in claymation-like spastic jerks, like an old Godzilla flick. And the plot? Let’s not even go there. The name of the movie was Robot Jox. If they’re piloted by human beings, they’re technically not robots – but whatever.
How’s this for impossibly lousy writing: At the climax, the villain and hero both drop their weapons and give each other a thumbs up. I am not sh!tting you, I swear, it’s that bad. The final line of dialogue? “We are… ROBOT JOX!!” If you thought about it, this laughable cinematic gem really couldn’t have ended any other way.
++++++++++++++++
Lousy writing? That calls for a Rex Moron update: Same as before plus one week.
Probably the most interesting thing all month was when the Rex Morgan artist mistakenly drew the speech balloon to a talking chair. The human characters all appear wooden, and never open their mouths, so what’s the difference, really?
I’m hoping the chair becomes an important player in this current story line and solves the crime in the end. Rex and his family express their sincere gratitude. The chair then says that it will now search for justice for the devastation done to the world’s forests. Rex and June appear stunned. In the next day’s strip, they simply grab the chair and plop their flabby tushies. “But I foiled the crime…!”
“You’re a chair.”
“But I’m a talking chair! I can sing an aria in the chord of …. Mmmrrff!“ His voice is drowned out as Rex dumps his big, smelly ass on to the seat, muffling its righteous protest. Abbey the Wonderdog barks in approval.
A loud trumpet-like fart blast emerges from under the table. Everyone looks at Rex. “What? That was the CHAIR.” Suddenly, June’s assistant calls on the phone and it’s off to another ponderous, climax-free adventure.
+++++++++++++++++++
In the Southern-to-English dictionary, “bless yore hart” translates to “you dipsheeit!” Fell asleep in the road and woke up with a GMC parked over your face? Aww, bless yore hart! Fell out of a deer huntin’ perch and broke yore leg? Awww, bless yore hart! Got thrown out of a strip club for groping the owner’s wife? Awww, bless yore… Y’all oughta know not to grab the waitresses in there, you stupid dipsheeit!
++++++++++++++++++++++
I read that W once ran the Houston marathon. So I checked. He came in at 3:44, so I whipped his ass by over half an hour. Yah, boy!
+++++++++++++++++++++
What’s with the Sam’s Choice brand? Wal-Mart’s iconic founder, Sam Walton, was notoriously cheap. Even after becoming a billionaire on paper, he still drove a 40 year old Chevy pickup. Yet, somehow, years after his demise, he rose from the grave to pronounce a particular kind of coffee and other select products worthy of his name. Never mind that he probably drank Maxwell House during his life. Sam’s Choice Coffee is what he would have drank if he hadn’t shed his corporeal form.
So, I suggest a commercial running something like this:
“After a hard night of rolling over in my grave, I often need a pick-me-up in the morning. Hi, I’m Sam Walton, deceased founder of the Evil Wal-Mart. The fine aroma of hot Sam’s Choice Brand coffee really lifts my spirits (get it, spirits?) and its taste is – well, it’s a whole lot better than dirt. Working from below, I choose the beans grown from the strongest root systems in the world. So if you need a rich, rewarding cup of java to get you through those tough days before the afterlife, make Sam’s Choice your choice. Try our economy size freeze dried packs – they’ll last an eternity!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now we find out that Lexington ranks at the bottom of Men’s Health magazine’s list of sexually active cities. Say it with me: No sex in Lex. But really, how the hell would Men’s Health know what happens in our bedrooms? And I live in a small town north of Lexington, thank you for not asking.
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