Palin told Mary Hart in an interview that she'd run for President "if there's no one else to do it."
Anyone want to be President? Anyone?..... Helloooo.... Who's gonna do this thing? Oh all right. I guess I'll do it. If I have to. Geez.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
There was a commercial for some texting service a few years ago. There were these guys texting at a business seminar. Some guy was lecturing about “thinking outside the box” and he had a diagram on the whiteboard. “This is the box. We need to think here – outside of this box.” Then he went through some dynamic charade about “pushing the envelope”. The guys are texting how banal it was and where do you want to go for lunch. The kicker at the end was when the guy made a triangle out of his fingers and talked about “changing the paradigm”, except he pronounced it phonetically as “para-dig-em”. I never wanted to text so badly in my whole life.
I’m not a real fan of IM or texting. I’ve subscribed to a brand new e-service that’s similar. It’s just like instant messaging, except that you don’t have to type, you just speak and the other person doesn’t have to read, they can actually hear your voice in real time and respond. It’s really quite neat. I have a hand held device so I don’t even have to be at a computer to use it. Do you have that yet? When you get your e-voice communicator, contact my e-voice communicator. Alexander Graham Bell is so cutting edge.
+++++++++++++++++++
After campaigning as the “firewall” against the Democratics, the Republicans are trying to re-establish the “permanent Republican majority.” Yeah, one party rule seemed to work so well for the former Soviet Union. Small government is working so great in Haiti that the Reps want to do the same thing here. Gun control is non-existent in Somalia. Mixing religion and politics made Taliban controlled Afghanistan such a world player that the Republicans couldn’t help but envy their success. There are 300 million people in America. Half of them are below average. We call them “Republicans”. Need I go on?
+++++++++++++++++
I have to take continuing professional education. I thought the ethics book and test would be a quick hit-it-and-quit-it, but the book is 245 pages. I think that since my wife has to take ethics courses for her law license, and she reads like a rocket; she could read the book and take the test for me. It may be unethical, but I wouldn’t know since I didn’t read the book yet.
Hand me a cup of coffee, I’m turning into Wally from Dilbert.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Senator Coburn of Oklahoma is a leader in the fight to overturn the health care reform. At one of his town halls last year some woman was in tears because her husband’s insurance wouldn’t pay for needed therapy. Coburn said that she could contact his office individually, and that her neighbors should help her out. And he got applause. Coburn said that solutions don’t come from the government. Apparently not. They come from special favors and begging from your neighbors.
++++++++++++
I’m flabbergasted that someone like Ann Coulter can have a career doing anything more complicated than to sit behind a cash register making rude comments to non-Anglos. Who really takes her analysis seriously? Schadenfreude defined: When Ann Coulter is 60 and is just a mean old witch with 12 face lifts, I’m going to laugh and laugh and laugh.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Discredit where discredit is due
The US Chamber of Commerce has been sponsoring a bunch of anti-Obama ads. Obama has been publicly accusing the Chamber of being sponsored by foreign corporations. The fact checking people found that a small part of the Chamber's funding does come from multinational and foreign countries with business inside the US. The Chamber says that they keep the foreign money separate from domestic somehow. But money is fungible, and merely keeping separate pools of funds only means that you add to one pool to free up money for another pool. But that's all academic, since the Chamber of Commerce doesn't have to disclose any of its finances. So there's no proof.
So the fact checking people asked the White House spokesman how he could make the charge that foreign companies are intervening in US politics, given that there is no proof. He said "Do you have any proof that they AREN'T?"
What kind of BS response is that? I will not pull my punches because he's not a Republican. No one is supposed to make a baseless accusation, and then back it up with more groundless fear-mongering. We endured eight years of a whole different set of morons in the White House and an election season that lasted two and a half years in order to get the same kind of arrogant BS?
*********************
The women in the office were discussing "Sex In The City 2". I never watched the first movie and only 2 minutes of the show - enough to know it was biased against my demographic. It was derogatory to men in the exact same way that gets women all riled up when a show demeans them. But women think that the rules of objectification don't apply to them. Anyway, the only man in that show that gets a place at the table is "Mr. Big". He's a handsome, rich executive who is also apparently well endowed. And even then, he's disrespected routinely by Sarah Jessica Parker (who only women think is hot).
Yet, I was the only one in the office who knew that his real name is "John".
On that note, though, I also am aware that the Skipper's real name is Jonas Barnaby, the Professor's was Roy Hinkley, and Gilligan's first name was Willy.
Wilma Slaghoople became Wilma Flintstone. Betty Rubble was born Betty Jean McBricker. But I did research on those.
So the fact checking people asked the White House spokesman how he could make the charge that foreign companies are intervening in US politics, given that there is no proof. He said "Do you have any proof that they AREN'T?"
What kind of BS response is that? I will not pull my punches because he's not a Republican. No one is supposed to make a baseless accusation, and then back it up with more groundless fear-mongering. We endured eight years of a whole different set of morons in the White House and an election season that lasted two and a half years in order to get the same kind of arrogant BS?
*********************
The women in the office were discussing "Sex In The City 2". I never watched the first movie and only 2 minutes of the show - enough to know it was biased against my demographic. It was derogatory to men in the exact same way that gets women all riled up when a show demeans them. But women think that the rules of objectification don't apply to them. Anyway, the only man in that show that gets a place at the table is "Mr. Big". He's a handsome, rich executive who is also apparently well endowed. And even then, he's disrespected routinely by Sarah Jessica Parker (who only women think is hot).
Yet, I was the only one in the office who knew that his real name is "John".
On that note, though, I also am aware that the Skipper's real name is Jonas Barnaby, the Professor's was Roy Hinkley, and Gilligan's first name was Willy.
Wilma Slaghoople became Wilma Flintstone. Betty Rubble was born Betty Jean McBricker. But I did research on those.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Gripes - made with REAL wrath!
I've been seeing bold statements on soft drinks "Made with REAL sugar!" SoBe and Mountain Dew, for instance. Mountain Doo even went retro with the label to go back to before they used corn syrup. Except the old one didn't boast the sugar content like it was some kind of healthy additive.
********************
I saw "Drag Me To Hell", directed by Sam Rami. This was not the upscale Sam Rami that did the Spiderman franchise. This was the Sam Rami that did Evil Dead 2 and 3. These two Sam Ramis inhabit the same body, but the difference in the type of movies that they make aren't even in the same universe. The plot starts when a female loan officer doesn't give a 3rd extension on a mortgage to a gypsy woman. Wait, gypsies have mortgages? Anyway, the old gypsy cursed this chick, and she goes through trials and tribulations to avoid getting dragged to hell. But she was just doing her job - and apparently the gypsy didn't lose the house anyway, because her family was still there throughout the movie. The gypsy woman herself died, but that didn't stop the bank chick from having to fight her vomiting corpse like 5 times.
The cursed girl's boyfriend was played by the guy who is the "Mac" in the "Mac vs PC" commercials. His obvious lack of acting ability doesn't shine through as loudly in a 30 second spot when he's portraying an inanimate object's imagined personna. But cast him as a human being and he flops.
And in the end, she gets dragged to hell anyway.
************************************
I can't believe that my wife got "Pineapple Express" from Netflix. Two guys talk all stoned for an hour & 45 and it culminates with a gunfight, and explosion and "I love you, man!" Not surprisingly, she fell asleep halfway through.
************************************
I saw "The Incredible Hulk" part 2, but it didn't say "part 2". It was the one with Ed Norton. The movie was entirely predictable until the end, when in walks - - - Iron Man! Well, not Iron Man, but Tony Stark. Actually, it was Robert Downey, Jr.. Essentially, I read it as an admission that Marvel can not continue to carry a movie franchise based solely on "Hulk smash!" So watch for a superhero cross-contamination coming to a theatre near you. Maybe they'll throw in Captain America, Thor, a few X-men and that "Shazam" guy, too.
********************
I saw "Drag Me To Hell", directed by Sam Rami. This was not the upscale Sam Rami that did the Spiderman franchise. This was the Sam Rami that did Evil Dead 2 and 3. These two Sam Ramis inhabit the same body, but the difference in the type of movies that they make aren't even in the same universe. The plot starts when a female loan officer doesn't give a 3rd extension on a mortgage to a gypsy woman. Wait, gypsies have mortgages? Anyway, the old gypsy cursed this chick, and she goes through trials and tribulations to avoid getting dragged to hell. But she was just doing her job - and apparently the gypsy didn't lose the house anyway, because her family was still there throughout the movie. The gypsy woman herself died, but that didn't stop the bank chick from having to fight her vomiting corpse like 5 times.
The cursed girl's boyfriend was played by the guy who is the "Mac" in the "Mac vs PC" commercials. His obvious lack of acting ability doesn't shine through as loudly in a 30 second spot when he's portraying an inanimate object's imagined personna. But cast him as a human being and he flops.
And in the end, she gets dragged to hell anyway.
************************************
I can't believe that my wife got "Pineapple Express" from Netflix. Two guys talk all stoned for an hour & 45 and it culminates with a gunfight, and explosion and "I love you, man!" Not surprisingly, she fell asleep halfway through.
************************************
I saw "The Incredible Hulk" part 2, but it didn't say "part 2". It was the one with Ed Norton. The movie was entirely predictable until the end, when in walks - - - Iron Man! Well, not Iron Man, but Tony Stark. Actually, it was Robert Downey, Jr.. Essentially, I read it as an admission that Marvel can not continue to carry a movie franchise based solely on "Hulk smash!" So watch for a superhero cross-contamination coming to a theatre near you. Maybe they'll throw in Captain America, Thor, a few X-men and that "Shazam" guy, too.
Running and Republican rants
I have to regale you with how awesome I am. I did a test run around my neighborhood to see how I would fare in the upcoming 5K. I'm not rested enough to be in "race shape", nor have I really been practicing my speed as much as I should. But, I broke my record. A long time ago, I did my neighborhood loop in 21:12. I don't know exactly when, and it has made me think that perhaps this time was a more of a myth or a misrecollection than the truth. No matter, because now my record stands at 20:52. At the 5K mark, I was also ahead of my PR, set last August. So I'm awesome, no?
**********************************
A while ago, conservative columnist Cal Thomas compared the circuit court's overturning of the imfamous California Proposition 8 against gay marriage to Julius Ceasar's poer to give a thumbs up or down to gladiators at the "Coliseum". There is a Coliseum in modern Los Angeles, but in Rome, there is a "Collusseum". Julius Ceasar was also killed in 44 BC. The Collusseum was built in 70 AD. Why should Cal let facts get in the way of a hackneyed analogy?
******************************
So Elana Kagan is now doing her job on the Supreme Court, and yet the entire country is not being overrun by hippie peaceniks, Communists or Islamic terrorists. She got confirmed despite the best efforts of the Republicans and their trash talk. Their angle was to take it as a given that her mentor Thorgood Marshall was a menace to America. That only works in those elite, exclusive Republican smoking chambers. To everyone else, Marshall was an American historical figure who died with a sterling reputation 17 years ago. For their next trick, Republicans should try tarnishing that Paul Revere a$$hole for waking up half the city one night.
************************
Speaking of noise, you know those guys with the huge woofers in their cars and booming bass that you can feel in your chest a mile and a half down the road? I always shut off my own music when they come because theirs is so much better. Yesterday I drove 20 minutes out of my way to keep up with this dude because I got hooked on the kickin' beat. Thank you, oh thank you Mr. Boom-boom, for sharing your sweet music with me and the world!
**********************************
A while ago, conservative columnist Cal Thomas compared the circuit court's overturning of the imfamous California Proposition 8 against gay marriage to Julius Ceasar's poer to give a thumbs up or down to gladiators at the "Coliseum". There is a Coliseum in modern Los Angeles, but in Rome, there is a "Collusseum". Julius Ceasar was also killed in 44 BC. The Collusseum was built in 70 AD. Why should Cal let facts get in the way of a hackneyed analogy?
******************************
So Elana Kagan is now doing her job on the Supreme Court, and yet the entire country is not being overrun by hippie peaceniks, Communists or Islamic terrorists. She got confirmed despite the best efforts of the Republicans and their trash talk. Their angle was to take it as a given that her mentor Thorgood Marshall was a menace to America. That only works in those elite, exclusive Republican smoking chambers. To everyone else, Marshall was an American historical figure who died with a sterling reputation 17 years ago. For their next trick, Republicans should try tarnishing that Paul Revere a$$hole for waking up half the city one night.
************************
Speaking of noise, you know those guys with the huge woofers in their cars and booming bass that you can feel in your chest a mile and a half down the road? I always shut off my own music when they come because theirs is so much better. Yesterday I drove 20 minutes out of my way to keep up with this dude because I got hooked on the kickin' beat. Thank you, oh thank you Mr. Boom-boom, for sharing your sweet music with me and the world!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Taking back America, and Iron Man saves the Gulf of Mexico
Some rock guys at concerts hold the microphone out to the crowd and want you to sing it. That's pretty nervy of them not doing their job. Then they're never satisfied and always demand that you should shout it louder. Then they want you to clap to keep the beat so the drummer can hit the bathroom. Then comes the obligatory song complaining that life on the road is so tough. Those guys should be punched.
******************
I'm going to become a Tea Partier to restore America to its earliest principles. Back before "under God" was unconstitutionally inserted into the Pledge of Allegiance in the 50s. Back before women could vote (sorry, Sarah Palin, there goes your voter base). There should only be 13 states. What is it with these 37 wanna be's? That's not REAL America. And the kids today and their crazy hair! Don't they know the value of a well placed powdered wig? I'm sick of it! I want to take back the country that existed a century and a half before my birth!
*****************
I saw Iron Man 2 last night. Wildly impossible. Tony Stark saves the day because in 1974, his father (now dead) put something weird in a model of a proposed city of the future. Tony interpreted this message to mean "invent a new element". So he does - inside of 48 hours. Bad guy dies. Good thing that Iron Man's key to victory didn't involve something really hard like "invent a cure for the common cold". Because then he'd have been toast.
****************
New superhero: Ironicman!
He flies to the Gulf of Mexico to clean the BP spill. "Oil, oil everywhere, nor any drop to lubricate my joints!" Says he.
From a nearby ship: "You said it, Ironicman!"
"No, seriously, I'm rusting here."
Another voice from the ship: "He came to help, but he's the one who needs saving! How ironic!"
"Goin' down, guys!"
First voice from the ship: "He's a shiny spot in a sea of dull, black sludge! How ironic!"
Second voice: "No, that's merely juxtaposition of apparent opposites."
Ironicman: "Can't move, can't float!"
First voice: "So a black fly in chardonnay isn't irony?"
Second voice: "Not unless you're toasting the successful fumigation of your vinyard."
Ironicman: Blubb blubb...b
First and second voices: "Ha ha! That Ironicman!"
********************************
This Julia Roberts movie "Eat, Pray, Love" seems to get good reviews. The sequel is the tequilla thing "Lick, Chug, Suck". I'd actually be interested in a movie about chicks doing shots of Cuervo for 90 minutes.
No, on second thought, it'd probably turn out like an episode of "Jersey Shore".
******************
I'm going to become a Tea Partier to restore America to its earliest principles. Back before "under God" was unconstitutionally inserted into the Pledge of Allegiance in the 50s. Back before women could vote (sorry, Sarah Palin, there goes your voter base). There should only be 13 states. What is it with these 37 wanna be's? That's not REAL America. And the kids today and their crazy hair! Don't they know the value of a well placed powdered wig? I'm sick of it! I want to take back the country that existed a century and a half before my birth!
*****************
I saw Iron Man 2 last night. Wildly impossible. Tony Stark saves the day because in 1974, his father (now dead) put something weird in a model of a proposed city of the future. Tony interpreted this message to mean "invent a new element". So he does - inside of 48 hours. Bad guy dies. Good thing that Iron Man's key to victory didn't involve something really hard like "invent a cure for the common cold". Because then he'd have been toast.
****************
New superhero: Ironicman!
He flies to the Gulf of Mexico to clean the BP spill. "Oil, oil everywhere, nor any drop to lubricate my joints!" Says he.
From a nearby ship: "You said it, Ironicman!"
"No, seriously, I'm rusting here."
Another voice from the ship: "He came to help, but he's the one who needs saving! How ironic!"
"Goin' down, guys!"
First voice from the ship: "He's a shiny spot in a sea of dull, black sludge! How ironic!"
Second voice: "No, that's merely juxtaposition of apparent opposites."
Ironicman: "Can't move, can't float!"
First voice: "So a black fly in chardonnay isn't irony?"
Second voice: "Not unless you're toasting the successful fumigation of your vinyard."
Ironicman: Blubb blubb...b
First and second voices: "Ha ha! That Ironicman!"
********************************
This Julia Roberts movie "Eat, Pray, Love" seems to get good reviews. The sequel is the tequilla thing "Lick, Chug, Suck". I'd actually be interested in a movie about chicks doing shots of Cuervo for 90 minutes.
No, on second thought, it'd probably turn out like an episode of "Jersey Shore".
Monday, September 27, 2010
Garfield couldn't get elected dog catcher
Many people think Garfield is "loveable". I decided to model my behavior after him. I'll be sullen, lazy and openly contemptuous. My wildly undeserved ego will win me many friends at work. Being disrespectful and rude will open up my social prospects tremendously. I'll totally rock the "loveable" thing. Totally.
Actually, I already do most of that stuff and I couldn't get elected dog catcher in this town.
********
That's not a bad idea, really. I'm going to give up my quest to get on the local school board and I'll get elected dog catcher. With the school board, I'd eventually be called upon to say something about education, and it's a well known fact that learning stuff is un-sexy.
So I'm out campaigning to be elected dog catcher because really, when was the last time those guys actually patrolled neighborhoods in a van, armed with comical nets? I'll spend my work hours hanging with the milkman and the guy who tends the pay phones. We'll be facebook friends with the Maytag repair dude.
*********
Using the same threadbare tactic as the Republican "Contract with America" and various iterations since then, I'll lay out my "Pact of Political Partisanship".
If elected I will:
1. Find common ground with my political rivals - but I'll vote against them and spin it to my advantage.
2. Be willing to compromise - but relentlessly push my party's agenda anyway.
3. Salute the flag, and like, patriotic sounding stuff.
4. Fulfil your wildest fantasies and more.
5. My campaign manager said I should include something about dogs.
There ya have it. Sure fire methods for beating Theo Therguy in this merciless, no-holds-barred election.
Actually, I already do most of that stuff and I couldn't get elected dog catcher in this town.
********
That's not a bad idea, really. I'm going to give up my quest to get on the local school board and I'll get elected dog catcher. With the school board, I'd eventually be called upon to say something about education, and it's a well known fact that learning stuff is un-sexy.
So I'm out campaigning to be elected dog catcher because really, when was the last time those guys actually patrolled neighborhoods in a van, armed with comical nets? I'll spend my work hours hanging with the milkman and the guy who tends the pay phones. We'll be facebook friends with the Maytag repair dude.
*********
Using the same threadbare tactic as the Republican "Contract with America" and various iterations since then, I'll lay out my "Pact of Political Partisanship".
If elected I will:
1. Find common ground with my political rivals - but I'll vote against them and spin it to my advantage.
2. Be willing to compromise - but relentlessly push my party's agenda anyway.
3. Salute the flag, and like, patriotic sounding stuff.
4. Fulfil your wildest fantasies and more.
5. My campaign manager said I should include something about dogs.
There ya have it. Sure fire methods for beating Theo Therguy in this merciless, no-holds-barred election.
New Vampire Flick Script
I just wrote a script for a teen vampire flick, because no one ever thought of that before. I call it "Equinox", not to be confused with any other vampire flick named for astrological insignifica.
Hed: I'm really miserable.
Dumbella: But you're really hot!
Hed: Beauty is fleeting.
Dumbella: Not for you, because you live forever. Bite me and never shall we part.
Hed: No! You don't want this!
Dumbella: Why? Is it lonely?
Hed: I have a tight family.
Dumbella: Other than that, is it lonely?
Hed: I actually have miserable vamp friends all over the world.
Dumbella: But us humans must hate you.
Hed: No, we've been living amongst you for a hundred years. No one seems to catch on.
Dumbella: The sunlight can kill you, right?
Hed: No, we sparkle in the sun. It would be really cool if it weren't so miserable.
Dumbella: And you scrounge for your meals. That's sad.
Hed: Actually we're fabulously wealthy and we don't have to work a day in our lives. Our undead, miserable lives, that is.
Dumbella: So you're like people except... ?
Hed: Super powers.
Dumbella: Rich, attractive, friends, family, superpowers, eternal youth. What's the downside?
Hed: It's miserable.
Dumbella: Bite me!
Hed: No.
Dumbella: Why?
Hed: You're boring. If I turn you vamp, your boringness will increase until you make Mary Worth look exciting. The very air will crackle with your borinitude.
Dumbella: Well, if I'm the most boring thing ever, wouldn't that be a bit cool?
Hed: Your brand of boring still couldn't hold a candle to a morning spent waiting in line at the DMV. Don't overrate yourself.
Dumbella: I can't win for losing.
Hed: I never understood that expression until just now.
Hed: I'm really miserable.
Dumbella: But you're really hot!
Hed: Beauty is fleeting.
Dumbella: Not for you, because you live forever. Bite me and never shall we part.
Hed: No! You don't want this!
Dumbella: Why? Is it lonely?
Hed: I have a tight family.
Dumbella: Other than that, is it lonely?
Hed: I actually have miserable vamp friends all over the world.
Dumbella: But us humans must hate you.
Hed: No, we've been living amongst you for a hundred years. No one seems to catch on.
Dumbella: The sunlight can kill you, right?
Hed: No, we sparkle in the sun. It would be really cool if it weren't so miserable.
Dumbella: And you scrounge for your meals. That's sad.
Hed: Actually we're fabulously wealthy and we don't have to work a day in our lives. Our undead, miserable lives, that is.
Dumbella: So you're like people except... ?
Hed: Super powers.
Dumbella: Rich, attractive, friends, family, superpowers, eternal youth. What's the downside?
Hed: It's miserable.
Dumbella: Bite me!
Hed: No.
Dumbella: Why?
Hed: You're boring. If I turn you vamp, your boringness will increase until you make Mary Worth look exciting. The very air will crackle with your borinitude.
Dumbella: Well, if I'm the most boring thing ever, wouldn't that be a bit cool?
Hed: Your brand of boring still couldn't hold a candle to a morning spent waiting in line at the DMV. Don't overrate yourself.
Dumbella: I can't win for losing.
Hed: I never understood that expression until just now.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Kudos and boos to Republicans - but mostly boos.
Kudos to Reps for rightly tasking one of their own. Michael Steele demeaned the war effort in Afghanistan clearly because his nemesis supports it. Congressional conservatives have been whacking him as hard as they would if Steele had been a Dem. True, most of them are looking for a reason to fire Steele. But, y'know, that's like,... politics.
++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh's new wife is perfectly fine. Rush said of Al Gore that divorce effectively doubles your carbon footprint, so he's obviously getting married to halve his carbon output. Of course, leaving three ex-wives out there means that his footprint isn't really going to have that math, but he's a conservative where divorce, personal failing and pollution don't count.
I'm sure that she finds him a warm and caring sensitive individual and it has nothing to do with his money. I'm sure that he has finally found his lifelong companion and soul mate and had nothing to do with the fact that he's 59 and she's 33.
++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry that I have been off at blogging for so long as not to have had a lot to say about that entirely blog worthy oil spill.
At its height, Sarah Palin appeared on the O'Rielley (non) Factor. He said "You obviously disagree with how Obama handled the oil spill, what would you do?" After a deer-in-the-headlights moment or three: "Ask the Dutch. They ahve years of experience plugging dykes." Hilarious. Then she became adamant about someone not returning phone calls or something, though non-contact was a frequent complaint against her administration in Alaska.
+++++++++++++++++
The deep water oil exploration ban for new rigs is getting a ton of flak from Louisiana. Gov. Bobby Jindal said that it is killing thousands of jobs in his state. How many rigs are affected? 33. How many deep water rigs exist and are not affected? Three thousand.
Then there's all this talk about how oil companies will shift those jobs overseas. No. The oil is still sitting there in the Gulf. If Shell decides to drill off the coast of Asia instead of in the Gulf, that Gulf oil is still there. Those jobs WILL be there after the moratorim.
++++++++++++++++++++
And the cause for the spill, though undetermined, seems to have sprung from a culture where cutting corners was permitted. There hadn't been a major blowout in 30 years, so there won't ever be one again! That's the same logic as "Home prices never go down, so every house is a great investment!" Worked spectacularly well back then, too.
++++++
So who are all these idiots who say they're being forced to buy health insurance that they don't want? Are they the a$$holes who don't insure their cars, get into accidents, show up at the hospiatal and expect someone else to foot the bill?
++++++++++++++++++
Rush Limbaugh's new wife is perfectly fine. Rush said of Al Gore that divorce effectively doubles your carbon footprint, so he's obviously getting married to halve his carbon output. Of course, leaving three ex-wives out there means that his footprint isn't really going to have that math, but he's a conservative where divorce, personal failing and pollution don't count.
I'm sure that she finds him a warm and caring sensitive individual and it has nothing to do with his money. I'm sure that he has finally found his lifelong companion and soul mate and had nothing to do with the fact that he's 59 and she's 33.
++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry that I have been off at blogging for so long as not to have had a lot to say about that entirely blog worthy oil spill.
At its height, Sarah Palin appeared on the O'Rielley (non) Factor. He said "You obviously disagree with how Obama handled the oil spill, what would you do?" After a deer-in-the-headlights moment or three: "Ask the Dutch. They ahve years of experience plugging dykes." Hilarious. Then she became adamant about someone not returning phone calls or something, though non-contact was a frequent complaint against her administration in Alaska.
+++++++++++++++++
The deep water oil exploration ban for new rigs is getting a ton of flak from Louisiana. Gov. Bobby Jindal said that it is killing thousands of jobs in his state. How many rigs are affected? 33. How many deep water rigs exist and are not affected? Three thousand.
Then there's all this talk about how oil companies will shift those jobs overseas. No. The oil is still sitting there in the Gulf. If Shell decides to drill off the coast of Asia instead of in the Gulf, that Gulf oil is still there. Those jobs WILL be there after the moratorim.
++++++++++++++++++++
And the cause for the spill, though undetermined, seems to have sprung from a culture where cutting corners was permitted. There hadn't been a major blowout in 30 years, so there won't ever be one again! That's the same logic as "Home prices never go down, so every house is a great investment!" Worked spectacularly well back then, too.
++++++
So who are all these idiots who say they're being forced to buy health insurance that they don't want? Are they the a$$holes who don't insure their cars, get into accidents, show up at the hospiatal and expect someone else to foot the bill?
Reviews: Book that you will never read and music you will never listen to
I listened to Kate Bush's CD "Aerial", in which she sings passionately about her washing machine and also sings the number Pi out to 112 decimal places. Take that, Weird Al Yankovic! Kate Bush is impervious to your sophmoric parodies. Ha!
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I wanted to read something upscale, Like William Faulkner. I also read the entire Bible and the entire US Constitution and Amendments. Why? To wave around in other people's faces, really. You'd be surprised how infrequently the occasion arises and I gain credibility even less often than that. So I chose the shortest of Faulkner's novels, which was "As I Lay Dying". The story is conveyed as a series of narratives, each 2-3 pages long, from various characters in the action. It's a given that every time I start, I'm interrupted by kids or wife or phone or doorbell, so I thought that it would be a good fit for my lifestyle.
So far, this is my 11th attempt to read, and I finished about 5 of these mini-testimonies. So far I gather that there's this lady and she's dying.
++++++++++++++++++++
I finally got the time in to read "As I Lay Dying". Not much happens throughout the whole novel. Not much happens. If it were not told from multiple, rapidly changing perspectives, it would be impossibly dull. With this literary gimmick, it is still dull, just dull within the realm of the physically possible.
+++++++++++++++++++
Celtic Woman is coming to Lexington. Woo hoo. They're a band. It's not one woman, it's like 4-6 women, like "The Lone Rangers". I got thier 2009 "Best-of" disc from the library. Their discography is a debut CD, the obligatory Christmas CD and their Greatest Hits. How much are they really adding to the cumulative musical lexicon by adding yet another rendition of "Oh Danny Boy"? Anyway, the same picture of the Celtic Woman is on the cover of all their CDs, but not in the photos of the actual singers. Why is that?
At least Celtic Woman sings Celtic songs, unlike Celtic Thunder, that doesn't (and isn't thunderous, either). Do all Celtic vocal acts need the name "Celtic" in their name to announce their musical style? I don't know. Go ask Metallica.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I wanted to read something upscale, Like William Faulkner. I also read the entire Bible and the entire US Constitution and Amendments. Why? To wave around in other people's faces, really. You'd be surprised how infrequently the occasion arises and I gain credibility even less often than that. So I chose the shortest of Faulkner's novels, which was "As I Lay Dying". The story is conveyed as a series of narratives, each 2-3 pages long, from various characters in the action. It's a given that every time I start, I'm interrupted by kids or wife or phone or doorbell, so I thought that it would be a good fit for my lifestyle.
So far, this is my 11th attempt to read, and I finished about 5 of these mini-testimonies. So far I gather that there's this lady and she's dying.
++++++++++++++++++++
I finally got the time in to read "As I Lay Dying". Not much happens throughout the whole novel. Not much happens. If it were not told from multiple, rapidly changing perspectives, it would be impossibly dull. With this literary gimmick, it is still dull, just dull within the realm of the physically possible.
+++++++++++++++++++
Celtic Woman is coming to Lexington. Woo hoo. They're a band. It's not one woman, it's like 4-6 women, like "The Lone Rangers". I got thier 2009 "Best-of" disc from the library. Their discography is a debut CD, the obligatory Christmas CD and their Greatest Hits. How much are they really adding to the cumulative musical lexicon by adding yet another rendition of "Oh Danny Boy"? Anyway, the same picture of the Celtic Woman is on the cover of all their CDs, but not in the photos of the actual singers. Why is that?
At least Celtic Woman sings Celtic songs, unlike Celtic Thunder, that doesn't (and isn't thunderous, either). Do all Celtic vocal acts need the name "Celtic" in their name to announce their musical style? I don't know. Go ask Metallica.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
ONE fanatic backs down - and I stand amazed.
Reverend Jones in Florida wanted to burn a stack of Korans (he kept spelling them with a "Qu" just to confuse the issue). He DIDN'T because the Muslim Imam asked "What would Jesus do?"
Wow, that's right. Jesus would NOT light sacred books on fire. Although Jesus predates the Koran, he was aware of fire, and did not ignite any other sacred texts, Roman, Greek, Hindu or otherwise that did not concur with his teaching.
The Islamic world, to display their true compassionate and tolerant nature, will continue to target all Americans as co-conspirators in this non-burning of their spiritual text, although it has been actively denounced in straighforward language by almost every conservative outlet imaginable, including my own church this very afternoon.
A related issue = why did the media elevate this one guy with a congregation of 50 - and dropping - to world-wide headline status?
Wow, that's right. Jesus would NOT light sacred books on fire. Although Jesus predates the Koran, he was aware of fire, and did not ignite any other sacred texts, Roman, Greek, Hindu or otherwise that did not concur with his teaching.
The Islamic world, to display their true compassionate and tolerant nature, will continue to target all Americans as co-conspirators in this non-burning of their spiritual text, although it has been actively denounced in straighforward language by almost every conservative outlet imaginable, including my own church this very afternoon.
A related issue = why did the media elevate this one guy with a congregation of 50 - and dropping - to world-wide headline status?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I call BS on McConnell
Yeah, this is going to be another political diatribe.
Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee looks like she's in. Much to the chagrin of master game player Mitch McConnell. There have been hundreds of appellate court judgeships open - and to be fair, this situation has existed from some time in the Clinton era and probably a long time prior.
Anyway, two senators from opposite sides of the aisle appealed to their bretheren to call a vote on two in particular for their state. One prospective judge was unanimously approved by the Judicial Committee and one was approved 18-1. Mitch McConnell said that he was not going to allow a vote to confirm them because Obama used the recess appointment rule to put some non-judges to work in completely unrelated matters.
Reagan and both Bushes used recess appointments heavily and this practice never bothered McConnell. But he did seem very upset about 4 years ago when the Democrats were in the minority and were holding up several prospective justices that were not nearly as well received as these currently up. I believe the rallying cry was "Up or down vote! Up or down vote!" Shoe's turned the opposite table now, eh, Mr. McConnell?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The pro-choice groups are upset because Obama promised not to allow federal funds to be used for abortions in the new program for high risk individuals that can't get insurance elsewhere. He's making good on that promise. But that doesn't give him the slightest headway with the anti-choice crowd. They hate Obama no matter what he does. When he caves in to their pressure, they win because the law ban abortions. Not content with that victory, they also say that the law actually permits abortions to get more contributions. The conservatives get away with blatantly false lies and Obama gets slammed from both sides.
It's amazing to me how much he gets beaten on no matter what he does. He delays sending troops to Afghanistan - and the Republicans are all over him. He sends troops, and they complain that the deficit is too high. Republicans complain about big government but then complain that Obama didn't do enough big government things to mitigate the oil spill. So he imposes a drilling moratorium. But then that's government interference again. I feel bad for his chances in 2012.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was thinking that if Palin does win the Rep nomination in 2 years, Obama has a good shot at a second term no matter how beaten he looks today.
I saw Palin's "Mama Grizzly" video with an industrial strength barf-bag at the ready. Since she's not officially running for anything, it's really akin to the self indulgent me-fest like Lebron James, except mercifully briefer.
Despite is shorter run time, she still manages to call herself a grizzly, a pink elephant and a pit bull. I gathered that it was some sort of bizarre Chimera-beast personna, but it's adamantly female. In her virtually content-free rant, she uses the grizzly as a metaphor because mama grizzlies "know when something is wrong". This apparently substitutes for meaningful policy discourse in the Palin household.
Mama grizzlies are also notorious for attacking innocent hikers that pose no threat. She also points out that mother grizzlies "rear up on their hind legs". But she's not a skilled enough hunter to know that you shoot a bear when it rears up, because then it's most vulnerable. She's also not literate enough to know that most Democrats have been walking on two legs for three million years. Nor does she get that the "pink elephant" is code for hallucinations experienced in delerium tremens resulting from severe alcohol withdrawal.
... and a female pit bull is still a bitch.
Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee looks like she's in. Much to the chagrin of master game player Mitch McConnell. There have been hundreds of appellate court judgeships open - and to be fair, this situation has existed from some time in the Clinton era and probably a long time prior.
Anyway, two senators from opposite sides of the aisle appealed to their bretheren to call a vote on two in particular for their state. One prospective judge was unanimously approved by the Judicial Committee and one was approved 18-1. Mitch McConnell said that he was not going to allow a vote to confirm them because Obama used the recess appointment rule to put some non-judges to work in completely unrelated matters.
Reagan and both Bushes used recess appointments heavily and this practice never bothered McConnell. But he did seem very upset about 4 years ago when the Democrats were in the minority and were holding up several prospective justices that were not nearly as well received as these currently up. I believe the rallying cry was "Up or down vote! Up or down vote!" Shoe's turned the opposite table now, eh, Mr. McConnell?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The pro-choice groups are upset because Obama promised not to allow federal funds to be used for abortions in the new program for high risk individuals that can't get insurance elsewhere. He's making good on that promise. But that doesn't give him the slightest headway with the anti-choice crowd. They hate Obama no matter what he does. When he caves in to their pressure, they win because the law ban abortions. Not content with that victory, they also say that the law actually permits abortions to get more contributions. The conservatives get away with blatantly false lies and Obama gets slammed from both sides.
It's amazing to me how much he gets beaten on no matter what he does. He delays sending troops to Afghanistan - and the Republicans are all over him. He sends troops, and they complain that the deficit is too high. Republicans complain about big government but then complain that Obama didn't do enough big government things to mitigate the oil spill. So he imposes a drilling moratorium. But then that's government interference again. I feel bad for his chances in 2012.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was thinking that if Palin does win the Rep nomination in 2 years, Obama has a good shot at a second term no matter how beaten he looks today.
I saw Palin's "Mama Grizzly" video with an industrial strength barf-bag at the ready. Since she's not officially running for anything, it's really akin to the self indulgent me-fest like Lebron James, except mercifully briefer.
Despite is shorter run time, she still manages to call herself a grizzly, a pink elephant and a pit bull. I gathered that it was some sort of bizarre Chimera-beast personna, but it's adamantly female. In her virtually content-free rant, she uses the grizzly as a metaphor because mama grizzlies "know when something is wrong". This apparently substitutes for meaningful policy discourse in the Palin household.
Mama grizzlies are also notorious for attacking innocent hikers that pose no threat. She also points out that mother grizzlies "rear up on their hind legs". But she's not a skilled enough hunter to know that you shoot a bear when it rears up, because then it's most vulnerable. She's also not literate enough to know that most Democrats have been walking on two legs for three million years. Nor does she get that the "pink elephant" is code for hallucinations experienced in delerium tremens resulting from severe alcohol withdrawal.
... and a female pit bull is still a bitch.
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Marmaduke movie is the sign of the apocalypse.
Temperature is a very silent factor when you run. When it is comfortable before you start, that means that it will be too hot when you’re a few miles in. It should be a little cold. 50-60 F is the optimum temperature range for running. That seems cold to me, but my experience is right in line.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Politics, from the national to international to the local to the theoretical
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
++++++++++++++
The few times that I’ve listened to idiots like Rush and Sean, they take an almost innocuous statement and twist some evil meaning to it. Let’s try this at home:
Obama: The United States needs to actively engage in the peace process between Netanyahu and Mahmud Abbas.
Hannity: See, using the word “engage” in connection with the two men is obviously liberal code for “promote gay marriage internationally”. It’s a Trojan Horse.
Limbaugh: Folks, he’s connecting the United States’ great name to this abomination.
Hannity: Disgusting!
+++++++++
Democracy is overrated. At least in other countries. Singapore and Saudi Arabia are dictatorships, but they are friendly dictatorships to us and to their people. China, isn’t free, but they’re better to their people than some democracies. Iran went from a dictatorship that like the US to a democracy that hates the US. Palestine elected terrorists to government. They’re not thanking the US for the chance to vote. South and Central America have produced a new generation of democratically elected leaders who are not friendly to the interests of the United States.
I know I’m supposed to care if people around the world are truly free, but I can’t get that worked up about it. I hate what is happening in North Korea or Myanmar, but the quasi-free states are so numerous and vast that you could never get around to fixing them all.
++++++++++++
Kentucky has the longest river named after a state to be completely contained within that state. Yes, the longest south-to-north flowing river to be named after a state and contained within that state while flowing through the capitol of that state is right here in Kentucky. Get your camera ready.
Our tourism industry revolves around horses. The state motto is “Unbridled Spirit”, and horse logos abound. I thought “Unbridled Spirit” was too subtle. I would have nominated “Hey, Everybody, We’ve Got HORSES Over Here!” If that doesn’t immediately attract a dozen or two biotech firms to locate in-state, nothing will.
We have the largest floral clock right here in Frankfort, KY (by weight and volume). Verifiable, accurate, objective evidence. We don’t just go making up stuff like you big city egocentric big shots. “Come to see the Secretariat’s Grave! Stay for the favorable corporate tax rates!”
Maybe what turns off high tech is our enthusiastic corn holing. Every BBQ that I go to, there’s a couple of corn holers going at it. They have corn hole groups and teams and leagues here in KY. When the summer comes around, everyone loves to get out the corn hole equipment. If you don’t think that’s the reason, Google “cornholing” with your safe search turned off.
If I wanted to push it, I’d also mention that KY is the kind of lubricant used in the dirtier interpretation of “corn hole”. And, did you know that you can’t spell “Kentucky” without c, u, n and t. But, what do you expect from a state that has a park named “Big Bone Lick”? Or is that a stretch for a punchline?
Republicans argue against gambling at racetracks are religious zealots backed by Indian reservations. Their argument is that Kentucky families will gamble away their life savings one quarter at a time. I find that really difficult to swallow, since just a few feet away, you can gamble it away on the horses thousands of dollars at a time. It’s like legalizing heroin, but then banning tobacco, citing health concerns. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a sin. Tax the holy hell out of them and reduce the burden for us pious folk.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
++++++++++++++
The few times that I’ve listened to idiots like Rush and Sean, they take an almost innocuous statement and twist some evil meaning to it. Let’s try this at home:
Obama: The United States needs to actively engage in the peace process between Netanyahu and Mahmud Abbas.
Hannity: See, using the word “engage” in connection with the two men is obviously liberal code for “promote gay marriage internationally”. It’s a Trojan Horse.
Limbaugh: Folks, he’s connecting the United States’ great name to this abomination.
Hannity: Disgusting!
+++++++++
Democracy is overrated. At least in other countries. Singapore and Saudi Arabia are dictatorships, but they are friendly dictatorships to us and to their people. China, isn’t free, but they’re better to their people than some democracies. Iran went from a dictatorship that like the US to a democracy that hates the US. Palestine elected terrorists to government. They’re not thanking the US for the chance to vote. South and Central America have produced a new generation of democratically elected leaders who are not friendly to the interests of the United States.
I know I’m supposed to care if people around the world are truly free, but I can’t get that worked up about it. I hate what is happening in North Korea or Myanmar, but the quasi-free states are so numerous and vast that you could never get around to fixing them all.
++++++++++++
Kentucky has the longest river named after a state to be completely contained within that state. Yes, the longest south-to-north flowing river to be named after a state and contained within that state while flowing through the capitol of that state is right here in Kentucky. Get your camera ready.
Our tourism industry revolves around horses. The state motto is “Unbridled Spirit”, and horse logos abound. I thought “Unbridled Spirit” was too subtle. I would have nominated “Hey, Everybody, We’ve Got HORSES Over Here!” If that doesn’t immediately attract a dozen or two biotech firms to locate in-state, nothing will.
We have the largest floral clock right here in Frankfort, KY (by weight and volume). Verifiable, accurate, objective evidence. We don’t just go making up stuff like you big city egocentric big shots. “Come to see the Secretariat’s Grave! Stay for the favorable corporate tax rates!”
Maybe what turns off high tech is our enthusiastic corn holing. Every BBQ that I go to, there’s a couple of corn holers going at it. They have corn hole groups and teams and leagues here in KY. When the summer comes around, everyone loves to get out the corn hole equipment. If you don’t think that’s the reason, Google “cornholing” with your safe search turned off.
If I wanted to push it, I’d also mention that KY is the kind of lubricant used in the dirtier interpretation of “corn hole”. And, did you know that you can’t spell “Kentucky” without c, u, n and t. But, what do you expect from a state that has a park named “Big Bone Lick”? Or is that a stretch for a punchline?
Republicans argue against gambling at racetracks are religious zealots backed by Indian reservations. Their argument is that Kentucky families will gamble away their life savings one quarter at a time. I find that really difficult to swallow, since just a few feet away, you can gamble it away on the horses thousands of dollars at a time. It’s like legalizing heroin, but then banning tobacco, citing health concerns. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a sin. Tax the holy hell out of them and reduce the burden for us pious folk.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Killers, killer workouts and dead treads.
The first country that gets out of this recession will be the biggest global player for the next generation or two. But who is going to make it happen?
The US has a history of attracting the best and brightest and most ambitious, then coupling these stars with access to almost unlimited resources. That, and some sheer good luck. But if we’re only counting on good luck to pull us out of recession, I wouldn’t bet on us.
I speculate China could be the next #1, but they’re autocratic and opaque. One wrong move by the central government can knock them out of the race in a hurry.
++++++++
Know who pisses me off? Everybody. Yes, that’s true, but right now, the bane of existence as I am writing this passage is goddamned double dippers.
No, not the idiot at a party that can’t suffice himself with the amount of cocktail sauce he picked up on his shrimp with a single dip. I mean working retirees. I’m sick of seeing 50 year old retirees around here. It jus’ ain’t right, I’m sayin’.
++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to The Best of Radiohead. I made the mistake of reading the band’s bio in the liner notes. Every failure “left the band contentious and depressed.” Every success “left the band drained and confused.” So after all the accolades and millions of CDs sold, I’m sure their lives are all miserable wrecks. Sad.
Say what you want about 1980s hair bands, but they obviously enjoyed success. Rappers always look pissed off about something, though.
So after the “Best of”, the next step is a CD of remakes, a breakup, a sh!t compilation CD taken from the clippings lying on the cutting room floor, a pained reunion tour, a CD of remixes and a tribute CD. Next stop: The dreaded bargain bin.
+++++++++++++++
Psychologically, stopping and starting many times during a race or a workout is bad. Once you stop two or three times, it starts to snowball until you’re going only a few yards. But is it better to run yourself into exhaustion? I never know what to do at those points.
+++++++++
I’m so very excited about the summer blockbusters coming out. “Transformers III: More Stuff to Blow Up”.
+++++++++++
I see people getting argumentative about sports teams. “The Yankees will win!” “No, the Phillies, dammit!” Why doesn’t someone say “I tell ya what. We’ll take these two teams and have them play an actual game of baseball. Whoever wins gets to claim victory, and our argument will be settled.” “Yes, that sounds reasonable.” And 6,000 sports bloggers and radio hosts suddenly poop their pants.
++++++++++++
Question: Why does a man who owns two treadmills have to do a long run outside in the dark in the cold in the rain?
Answer: Yes.
Since I’m now in my 40s, I have tried to get less enraged than I did in my 20s, but you know, some times it just doesn’t work. When my treadmill breaks, so does my temper.
I read an article on treadmill training versus road training. The article blasted treadmill training as inferior in several different ways. I generally compensate for this by running faster. I know that I should set the treadmill at 1% or 1.5% incline to compensate, but I almost never do.
In defense of treadmills: I don’t have a good place to sprint. Most people don’t. Most people won’t, but let’s pretend that they might, if they had access to a track. Training sprints are not race distances anyway. A sprint stretches out your pace and increases your VO2 Max - a treadmill does those well. Also, the amateur to average runner has a hard time in keeping a regular pace. I learned pacing only because I spent a long time on the treadmill. A combination of treadmill and road running will help you gain speed and increase endurance more than either method individually. I do about 65% of my running on a treadmill. I should probably do 65% road work instead. But then, I wouldn’t get to watch movies.
+++++++++++
On movies: I saw Jumper. It suffered from Star Wars syndrome, where no one with a name died. Not the hero, not the girlfriend, not the sidekick. Not even the bad guy. Not that you need a body count for a good movie, but you need some reason why the action stops. Here, they just called it quits.
Like I do with blog posts.
+++++++++++
No Country For Old Men also ended at a random point, but after anyone who would have been able to continue the story was dead. Except the bad guy.
The standout in No Country was a cold blooded killer who never seemed to be in any danger from the police. He killed his boss, so I wonder how he ever expected to get paid. Bad guys easily tracked down anyone they wanted to. The good guys never knew what hit them. What stays with you after watching this movie is the absolute cold bloodedness of the killer guy. He was just plain scary. Screw Michael Meyers or Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. This guy was cold.
And he's still out there.
The US has a history of attracting the best and brightest and most ambitious, then coupling these stars with access to almost unlimited resources. That, and some sheer good luck. But if we’re only counting on good luck to pull us out of recession, I wouldn’t bet on us.
I speculate China could be the next #1, but they’re autocratic and opaque. One wrong move by the central government can knock them out of the race in a hurry.
++++++++
Know who pisses me off? Everybody. Yes, that’s true, but right now, the bane of existence as I am writing this passage is goddamned double dippers.
No, not the idiot at a party that can’t suffice himself with the amount of cocktail sauce he picked up on his shrimp with a single dip. I mean working retirees. I’m sick of seeing 50 year old retirees around here. It jus’ ain’t right, I’m sayin’.
++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to The Best of Radiohead. I made the mistake of reading the band’s bio in the liner notes. Every failure “left the band contentious and depressed.” Every success “left the band drained and confused.” So after all the accolades and millions of CDs sold, I’m sure their lives are all miserable wrecks. Sad.
Say what you want about 1980s hair bands, but they obviously enjoyed success. Rappers always look pissed off about something, though.
So after the “Best of”, the next step is a CD of remakes, a breakup, a sh!t compilation CD taken from the clippings lying on the cutting room floor, a pained reunion tour, a CD of remixes and a tribute CD. Next stop: The dreaded bargain bin.
+++++++++++++++
Psychologically, stopping and starting many times during a race or a workout is bad. Once you stop two or three times, it starts to snowball until you’re going only a few yards. But is it better to run yourself into exhaustion? I never know what to do at those points.
+++++++++
I’m so very excited about the summer blockbusters coming out. “Transformers III: More Stuff to Blow Up”.
+++++++++++
I see people getting argumentative about sports teams. “The Yankees will win!” “No, the Phillies, dammit!” Why doesn’t someone say “I tell ya what. We’ll take these two teams and have them play an actual game of baseball. Whoever wins gets to claim victory, and our argument will be settled.” “Yes, that sounds reasonable.” And 6,000 sports bloggers and radio hosts suddenly poop their pants.
++++++++++++
Question: Why does a man who owns two treadmills have to do a long run outside in the dark in the cold in the rain?
Answer: Yes.
Since I’m now in my 40s, I have tried to get less enraged than I did in my 20s, but you know, some times it just doesn’t work. When my treadmill breaks, so does my temper.
I read an article on treadmill training versus road training. The article blasted treadmill training as inferior in several different ways. I generally compensate for this by running faster. I know that I should set the treadmill at 1% or 1.5% incline to compensate, but I almost never do.
In defense of treadmills: I don’t have a good place to sprint. Most people don’t. Most people won’t, but let’s pretend that they might, if they had access to a track. Training sprints are not race distances anyway. A sprint stretches out your pace and increases your VO2 Max - a treadmill does those well. Also, the amateur to average runner has a hard time in keeping a regular pace. I learned pacing only because I spent a long time on the treadmill. A combination of treadmill and road running will help you gain speed and increase endurance more than either method individually. I do about 65% of my running on a treadmill. I should probably do 65% road work instead. But then, I wouldn’t get to watch movies.
+++++++++++
On movies: I saw Jumper. It suffered from Star Wars syndrome, where no one with a name died. Not the hero, not the girlfriend, not the sidekick. Not even the bad guy. Not that you need a body count for a good movie, but you need some reason why the action stops. Here, they just called it quits.
Like I do with blog posts.
+++++++++++
No Country For Old Men also ended at a random point, but after anyone who would have been able to continue the story was dead. Except the bad guy.
The standout in No Country was a cold blooded killer who never seemed to be in any danger from the police. He killed his boss, so I wonder how he ever expected to get paid. Bad guys easily tracked down anyone they wanted to. The good guys never knew what hit them. What stays with you after watching this movie is the absolute cold bloodedness of the killer guy. He was just plain scary. Screw Michael Meyers or Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. This guy was cold.
And he's still out there.
Friday, July 2, 2010
A blog without Comic Sans MS font
I’ve read that there’s a recent backlash to using Comic Sans MS font. The article said that the creator of the font has been “alternately amused and mortified” seeing his font used on everything from business email to funeral notices. He also said that neither the lovers nor haters understand typography. “They should get another hobby.”
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
Cause and effect: To cure all ailments, wear clothes of various colors.
People in the south tend to say that they couldn’t possibly live in the north because the cold would keep them indoors, and they love the outdoors. Yet, in the heat of the summer, I hear “Oh my gosh it’s so hot out there” when it’s only in the 80s. Make up your minds – or move to California where it’s sunny and 72 year round.
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Look 100% sexier in 7 minutes! Ha ha, made you look.
Giuliani is against cutting extravagant corporate salaries and lavish expense accounts on Wall Street, because he feels that without such things, the restaurant and entertainment industry will suffer. Using the same logic, we should legalize prostitution, because all the law enforcement is really making it hard out here to be a pimp. I dispute that dropping a CEO pay package to $400K per year will force poverty stricken CEOs to brown bag it to work (like I do every day).
If it doesn’t directly relate to 9/11, Giuliani’s really out of his depth.
+++++++++++++++++
Rather than pay CEOs outrageous sums of money, I say let them go. I’d like to see a bright, ambitious up & comer take the reigns of a flailing Fortune 500 and turn it around. That would shake the foundations of this CEO class that’s been generated over the past several decades. What, no one else can ruin a company but them? “Yes, I lost a dollar last quarter for every man, woman and child on the planet. But if anyone else did the job, it would have been a dollar and a half!” They’ve got General McClellan’s ambition and Homer Simpson’s abilities. Since General McClellan was incompetent, I suppose they could also have McClellan’s ambition and abilities, but throwing Homer in the punch line never gets old.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Homer Simpson!
See? Instant comedy gold.
+++++++++++++++++
I again perused the women’s magazine suckfest tossed about on the table in the break room. I enjoy reading the great works of journalistic integrity and monumental world consequence such as the cover story “Look 100% Sexier in 7 Minutes! (p. 148)” I hurried to page 148. To get 100% sexier, you apparently put on makeup. There were a few pages of faces of attractive but not noteworthy women’s faces, with a makeup product or two detailing how to achieve that “look”. You must purchase 3 products to get the “Natural Look” and also 3 for the “Sexy Look” – but keep your eyes half open for that “sexy” effect. The “Natural Look” is most definitely not the “no-makeup look”. No sane woman would want that. The “Natural Look” is “no makeup needed”. I did not spend the required 7 minutes, only 2. My food finished in the microwave and I left. So my sexiness went up only 30%. Oh well.
I miss the late 80’s Cosmo mags with their cover stories on 500 ways to have round-the-clock-cream-in-your-pants screaming orgasms; clothing tips like build-your-own push-up bra (years before it was sold in stores); makeup tips like putting glitter on your now overexposed cleavage; relationship quizzes that would call you a prude if you’re on the second date and you’re still not halfway through the Kama Sutra, and a recipe on how to make good raspberry vinaigrette.
Cosmo still has articles on vinaigrette. All the rest, sadly, is so 80s.
++++++++++++++++++
If you want to win an Oscar, start out by raking a billion dollars in at the box office, and the rest just comes naturally.
++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a Robert Ludlum book about a spy-guy who has all these false memories and keeps trying to find out who he really is. For example, he clearly remembers going to college for four years, but they don’t have any record for him. I was thinking “Ok, dude, get over it, you’re in the Twilight Zone, that’s all.” But instead, he goes through some kind of mental anguish.
Back in real life, I spent all morning looking for a file that I distinctly remember creating last fall that seems to have vanished. I’m looking everywhere. Dead end after dead end. But I manifestly remember doing it. I just don’t know who I am anymore!!
Oh, and the amnesiac in the Ludlum book is not Jason Bourne.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bart Simpson was supposedly an out-of-wedlock conception that happened right out of high school. Since Bart is eternally 10 years old, wouldn’t that make Marge and Homer eternally 28? Chrome dome at 28??
If it doesn’t directly relate to 9/11, Giuliani’s really out of his depth.
+++++++++++++++++
Rather than pay CEOs outrageous sums of money, I say let them go. I’d like to see a bright, ambitious up & comer take the reigns of a flailing Fortune 500 and turn it around. That would shake the foundations of this CEO class that’s been generated over the past several decades. What, no one else can ruin a company but them? “Yes, I lost a dollar last quarter for every man, woman and child on the planet. But if anyone else did the job, it would have been a dollar and a half!” They’ve got General McClellan’s ambition and Homer Simpson’s abilities. Since General McClellan was incompetent, I suppose they could also have McClellan’s ambition and abilities, but throwing Homer in the punch line never gets old.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Homer Simpson!
See? Instant comedy gold.
+++++++++++++++++
I again perused the women’s magazine suckfest tossed about on the table in the break room. I enjoy reading the great works of journalistic integrity and monumental world consequence such as the cover story “Look 100% Sexier in 7 Minutes! (p. 148)” I hurried to page 148. To get 100% sexier, you apparently put on makeup. There were a few pages of faces of attractive but not noteworthy women’s faces, with a makeup product or two detailing how to achieve that “look”. You must purchase 3 products to get the “Natural Look” and also 3 for the “Sexy Look” – but keep your eyes half open for that “sexy” effect. The “Natural Look” is most definitely not the “no-makeup look”. No sane woman would want that. The “Natural Look” is “no makeup needed”. I did not spend the required 7 minutes, only 2. My food finished in the microwave and I left. So my sexiness went up only 30%. Oh well.
I miss the late 80’s Cosmo mags with their cover stories on 500 ways to have round-the-clock-cream-in-your-pants screaming orgasms; clothing tips like build-your-own push-up bra (years before it was sold in stores); makeup tips like putting glitter on your now overexposed cleavage; relationship quizzes that would call you a prude if you’re on the second date and you’re still not halfway through the Kama Sutra, and a recipe on how to make good raspberry vinaigrette.
Cosmo still has articles on vinaigrette. All the rest, sadly, is so 80s.
++++++++++++++++++
If you want to win an Oscar, start out by raking a billion dollars in at the box office, and the rest just comes naturally.
++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a Robert Ludlum book about a spy-guy who has all these false memories and keeps trying to find out who he really is. For example, he clearly remembers going to college for four years, but they don’t have any record for him. I was thinking “Ok, dude, get over it, you’re in the Twilight Zone, that’s all.” But instead, he goes through some kind of mental anguish.
Back in real life, I spent all morning looking for a file that I distinctly remember creating last fall that seems to have vanished. I’m looking everywhere. Dead end after dead end. But I manifestly remember doing it. I just don’t know who I am anymore!!
Oh, and the amnesiac in the Ludlum book is not Jason Bourne.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bart Simpson was supposedly an out-of-wedlock conception that happened right out of high school. Since Bart is eternally 10 years old, wouldn’t that make Marge and Homer eternally 28? Chrome dome at 28??
Friday, June 25, 2010
The saga of Ben and Jen, plus a menagerie of brain snacks
I just read a dumpy tabloid. I really had no idea that Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck were still together. I had to check the dates. Yeah, it was a current magazine.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
++++++++++++++++++++++++
When I’m old and decrepit and worn down from too much running, I’ll be able to say “Yeah, this is what did it to me. Never do anything athletic, sonny.”
But who knows? Maybe I’ll be a living legend like Jack LaLane, who at 90 is more fit than half the guys half his age. Maybe I’ll run a marathon when I’m 100 or something. Somebody has to be the first.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’m a bit sad that my friend Joe at my church is retiring. He used to keep the church farm running, clean up, decorate for the holidays, be an usher, greeter and Eucharistic minister. Even when he broke his leg last fall, he kept up with a lot of that stuff. When he was 87, I introduced him to my parents, and he shook their hand and said “I have a heart palpitation, I could die any minute.” His wife has been saying behind his back for the last five years that he has terminal cancer and doesn’t know it. Now he’s 94, and I was hoping that he’d just sort of keep going until he made Methuselah look like a young whippersnapper. But all things must come to pass.
++++++++++++++++++
So I hear Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a fight and they’re on the outs.
++++++++++++++
Garfield should just die. Garfield the final strip:
Panel 1: Sleepy looking Garf (to Jon): Coffee now, dammit!
Panel 2: Garf smacks Jon on the back of the head with his empty coffee cup.
Panel 3: Garf is in a cage at the animal shelter. Ta da!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Another vignette:
Bush 41: Back when I ran the country into recession, I brought down our family name for a few election cycles. But, wow, son, you’ve managed to bring shame and disgrace on our family name for generations!
Bush 43: Dad, are you quoting Weird Al?
Bush 41: Greenspan? Yeah, he shares some of the blame, too, I guess.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
You play the hand you’re dealt. The Republicans don’t seem to want to play any hand. They want to pretend like they’re just watching the game instead of involved in it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben to Jen: We Must Get Back - - For the sake of our baby!
Jen to Ben: Baby? Are you mistaking me for Jennifer Love Hewlitt again?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I formed a one-man committee, and I met almost every day, for several hours on end. Although the meetings seem to be productive, I went on to form a sub-committee to tackle the problem of too frequent meetings. I spearheaded this campaign successfully, as I got myself to agree not to meet at all in the future. Not only can I say that the effort was a success, but it has now been made official. My one-man panel of experts on the matter has published a report on the subject that specifically gives me full credit. Oh geez, now I’m blushing. I’m sure there’s a promotion in store.
++++++++++++++++++++
There’s a rapper guy named C-Murder who violated the conditions of his house arrest. I’m sure he’s really innocent. I’m sure that it was really just a misunderstanding. Oh, the media bias against people who name themselves after violent crimes!
+++++++++++++++++++++
I got a new CD from the library. “China: The Greatest Songs Ever.” Whoa, such modesty! Well, I rocked out to songs like “Delivering the Public Grain Happily” and “The Young Heroic Sisters of the Mongolian Grassland”. There is also an all-time smash hit called “Mini Taobuxiator”, which translates into English as “My Taobuxiator”. I had no idea that the English word for taobuxiator was the same as in Mandarin. What are the chances of that??
I am now inspired to liberate the peasants, nationalize industry and ruthlessly squash all resistance.
Actually, the music wasn’t that great. I’ll just squash resistance with my ruth intact.
+++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a new beau that she claims is her “agent”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The left wing rails against corporations making profits while the proletarian line worker gets a miniscule raise. But if you factor in the increased burden that many employers have paid in the form of health care, most employees’ wages have been rising against inflation for a long time.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been caught with a hot woman that he says is his “co-star” in an upcoming “project”.
++++++++++++
I take a lot of aspirin for general pain from running. Maybe I can get addicted, and then write a boring novel about how I beat my aspirin addiction because of the love of my wife and children or some other convenient explanation. Then I’ll write an equally maudlin prequel about how my driving need to compete got me addicted in the first place. I’d cap it off with yet another sappy novel, about a relapse when I’m training for the July 4th 10K this summer to make this sh!t-fest into a golden trilogy of suckiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So I’m listening to a CD called “The #1 Bach Album”. Yes, it was an international best seller back in Bach’s time. All the cool royalty owned a copy, and the gentry pirated it on to their iPods. The lower classes could only download samples to their cell phones.
+++++++++
Everyone complains about sitting on a cold toilet seat, but in a public bathroom, it’s really quite preferable to a warm one. To me, anyway.
++++++++
I set yet another personal run mileage record. Most blah blah blah in whenever. Something insane.
+++++++++
I saw the movie “Jarhead”. Jake Gyllenhall and Jamie Foxx are marines in Iraq for Gulf War I. I’ll sum up the plot: “F—k this! F—k that! F—k you, you f—king f—k from f—kville!!” I’m sure the book was better. They kept calling him “f@ggot”, but they never even saw Gyllenhall’s cowboy movie.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
You know what would be a cool job? Steven King’s psychiatrist.
++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner has been spotted with a woman hotter than Ben’s, who she claims is her “personal trainer”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I saw “There Will Be Blood”. It was between ok and good. It could use a little more action. I kept telling myself “Don’t worry. There WILL be blood!” There wasn’t. Someone got shot in the head, but not much blood. Even when someone got bludgeoned (head wound), there wasn’t any blood. What’s up with that?
There was plenty of face slapping. There were at least four separate incidents where someone’s face got slapped repeatedly. And not women slapping men, either. It’s all hombre-y-hombre action. I grant that “There Will Be Face Slapping” wouldn’t garner any Academy clout, though.
I recommend this flick tepidly. However, two big thumbs up if you don’t like seeing blood but have a fetish for gay S&M bitchslaps.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck has been photographed with a handsome MAN who he referred to as his “brother”, whom he also called “Casey”. And we all know what that means.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and I host a weekly meeting during Lent called “Why Catholic?” I’m Catholic because we don’t have a problem with getting liquored up on occasion. It’s about the one thing that we can do guilt free.
At the meetings, we have to combat the fact that no one wants to talk about their deep religious beliefs. But we have one guy who regaled us this week with an out-of-body experience at work. Some vision took him to some distant planet where people’s souls were represented by ping-pong ball sized orbs of light with silvery angel hair strings. He said the vision lasted three or four hours, and I just kept thinking “You were on the clock the whole time?”
It’s good to get an active participant who has no problem in sharing with the group. It’s hard to plug that dam after it bursts. This week, he came – seriously – with a crown of thorns and invited us all to wear it. I said “Christ suffered so that we don’t have to.” He seemed a little disappointed, but bagged it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jennifer Garner was spotted on a movie set in a passionate embrace with her hunky leading man. Her “agent”, in a statement, said that it was being filmed for a new movie.
+++++++++++++++++
So I’m watching yet another bad action movie, and at some point, the bad guy captures the good guy.
Bad Guy: I have you completely outmatched. Join forces with me! Capitulate or suffer!
Good Guy: Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word “capitulate”!
Bad Guy: Take that! *zzzzzzaap*
Good Guy: Aaaagghhh! No, really! I don’t know the meaning of “capitulate”!
+++++++++++++++++++
Republicans say Obama’s health care will sink the economy. But they want Obama to fail. So why didn’t they vote for it? Am I over thinking again?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m running well these days, fending off the aches that could turn into injuries. Who knows, though? The lack of pain in my body could just be due to my aspirin/ibuprophen addiction (be sure to read my upcoming autobiographical sh!ttrilogy).
++++++++++++
Two counties in KY put up blatantly unconstitutional 10 Commandment monuments about 10 years ago and have been fighting the ACLU ever since. They got the final, final, final judgment against them. The ACLU won $400,000 for attorney fees, which is more than these two impoverished counties can comfortably cough up. I’m loathe to see hard earned taxpayer money go to lawyers. But didn’t the elected officials make all kinds of bellicose proclamations about fighting this battle to eternity?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve started to watch the new Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Gaius Baltar is supposed to be some kind of reknown super-genius. He hasn’t said or done anything of particular brilliance, but he’s angst ridden. Every angst ridden person is brilliant, right? Brilliant people know things like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
There was an ad for Women’s Health Magazine. It was one of those fake magazines, where you open it to find the first three lines of a salacious article instead of the whole thing. “Spice Up Your Bed Tonight!” offered up only one suggestion: Grab your cell phone and take a picture of your…. (buy Women’s Health Magazine for the rest!)
So now I’m going to lie awake at night wondering what it was. I might be wildly titilated by an out-of-focus hand or something, I wouldn’t know unless I experience it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ben Affleck was spotted chatting with an attractive cocktail waitress. His spokesperson claimed that she was taking his “order” for drinks at a restaurant.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AIG bonuses and fake rage by congress. Ok, the rage isn’t all that fake, but it is certainly pumped up for the cameras. The Reps decided to aim their fake rage not at AIG but towards the Dems. Yeah, that’s the way to win back power.
I wonder what you have to do at these companies to get a million dollar bonus, suck wind? Experience gravity? Apparently you don’t even need to show up for work, because some of the bonus recipients didn’t even work for AIG anymore.
I’m going to start interviewing on Wall St. I feel confident that I’ll land a job because in the middle of the interview, I’ll take a call from my wife, and I’ll pretend that it’s another Wall St. firm looking to hire me. Every time I want a raise, I’ll just look out the window and say “Hey, is that firm across the street hiring?” They will shower me with money.
++++++++++++++
Well, Jen cracked first. She offered a tearful apology to Ben. And love is in the air…
Lame songs, lame movies and a new superhero that fits right in
I hate when people try to shove food at me. “You can eat whatever you want – ha ha!” No, not really. If I eat a ton of crap, then I can’t do my runs, and I get fat in a downward spiral. And the ones that really get my goat think that making fun of my workout is funny. “Better you than me! Ha ha. Looks too much like work. Ha ha! You’ve got to be crazy to run marathons. Ha ha.” But I’m not crazy. You’re the one who’s crazy. You’re driving me crazy! They put me in an institution said it was the only solution give me professional help to protect me from the enemy myself! Next thing I know, I’m asking for a Pepsi. JUST ONE PEPSI AND SHE WOULDN’T GIVE IT TO ME!
++++++++++++
Would a hyperactive hypocrite be just a crit?
+++++++++++++++
I was making a peanut butter sandwich, and the bread tore apart. I looked at it, and I’ll be darned if it wasn’t in the exact shape as the island of Australia. So I’m going to scrape off the peanut butter and sell it on E-bay for thousands. Do you think I can charge extra if I toast it first? Damn, I should have used vegemite instead of peanut butter.
+++++++++++++++++
So I got an old Rolling Stones CD from the library. Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, to be exact. Great stuff generally. Back in those days, they would put on some hits and stuff the rest with obvious filler. A snoring dude and sounds of braying animals would wind up on the cutting room floor. I don’t think music as a whole is missing much in that regard. I mean, seriously. I’m sitting there, doing my uninteresting work, and some old fart is snoring right there in my earbuds.
++++++++++
Also from the eclectic library collection is something called “Rogue’s Gallery”, which is a collection of sea chanteys. You’d think that such a thing would be really low budget. When was the last time a dirty limerick topped the charts? But Sting sings one and Bono sings another. Some of the songs are well produced, some sound like a bunch of drunken Irishmen at a football match banging on old pirate skulls. Arrrr, matey.
In the notes, there is a brief description of each song. Most mention that no one ever wrote down the original lyrics due to “unfortunate Victorian sensibilities”. For example, there’s a ditty called “Baltimore Wh*res”, and it sounds pretty much like you’d think,
It’s good to listen to, but I wouldn’t fork over any of my hard earned doubloons.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What is Burger King’s new “Angry Whopper” all about? If “you are what you eat”, why would anyone want eat that? Are they angry at being charged $3.49 for a regular Whopper with barbeque sauce? I’m afraid it would kick my ass – from the inside!
+++++++++++++++++
I watched a movie called “The Marine”. Before any introduction, I see “World Wrestling Enterprises Entertainment”. Right off the bat I know where this one is headed. Anyway, it had a bunch of muscle bound bad guys beating up the equally muscle bound MARINE. If this movie missed any action movie cliché, it really isn’t a cliché at all. Opening sequence: THE MARINE is in a war zone. He gets a direct order not to save 5 captured soldiers. Hero disobeys and comes in guns a-blazin’. Hero gets discharged from the military. Cliché? Check. Bad guy killing members of his own crew? Check. Swimming underwater for ten minutes with your clothes on? Check. Action hero never gets bruised despite repeated beatings? Check. “We’ve can’t kill THE MARINE’s wife. We need her as an ‘insurance policy’.” Yes, 5 easy clichés! After he wastes 6 bad guys, you’d think they’d just drop the chick off so that THE MARINE will quit killing them one by one.
The choreographer had a hard job. Every weapon could only be used once. If you beat a guy with a 2x4, the next guy has to get whacked with an axe. After the axe, you have to kung-fu some moves on the next guy and snap his neck. The next guy gets stabbed with the knife that THE MARINE was carrying all along. Might as well toss the knife away now that it’s out of ammo.
At least no one shot a car one time and had it explode. They had to shoot the car 1200 times before it exploded. 1200 bullets, and crashing it into a fuel dump. Note to the bad guys: Stop hiding behind things that explode.
They tried “wit”. Robert Patrick starred as the bad guy. He’s the guy who played the second Terminator. So the bad guys are shooting at THE MARINE, and he keeps coming after them. “He’s like the Terminator!” they say. But the guy who played THE MARINE wasn’t Robert Patrick who played the Terminator, so: *facepalm*!
If the best thing in your movie is a botched reference another movie, the only logical recourse for you is to round up all the cast, crew, writers, directors and erase their memory via forced lobotomy. Then destroy all evidence that the movie ever existed by sealing it in a vault and sinking it in to the Mariana Trench with a warning label to all future generations in eighteen languages not to open for all eternity. Really, it is the only logical recourse. There should be a charitable fund established to do that sort of work for the good of humanity and posterity. I’m going to make my case to the Obama administration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My new training thing is to strap ankle weights on every day when I walk. Not for running, I tried that and it sucked. Yeah, it seems kind of crazy, but everyone is looking for that magic little trick that will yield huge gains. Will it work? I figure that so long as I’m not avoiding every hard thing, I can pick and choose the workouts that don’t make me miserable.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever get the impression that banker’s bonuses are distributed on the basis of who has the most manager-looking hair? Best dressed? Good attendance? Better-than-average office cleanliness?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this movie called “The Covenant”, which isn’t all that good. What it really suffers from is that almost every male character looks exactly alike. Call it “The Apartment 3G Complex”. Of the 5 guys who are witches, or warlocks or whatever, two of them look identical, and another one would, except he has long hair. There’s a new kid in town who looks like he’s their clone. You can figure out newbie has witchy powers in the first five minutes – but it takes at least ¾ of the movie for the other witchy guys to figure it out. The new guy casts a spell on himself to make him look like the one of the others. Since they all looked alike, I didn’t know. In the end, they all forget their feud and go form a boy band or something. Why bother with a vague, blood vengeance if you can get wildly rich and score with hot chicks?
But what do you expect from a movie that mistakenly called spiders “some kind of insect”? 45 years of Spiderman constantly correcting his enemies - Have they learned nothing???
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m still trying to come up with a superhero character that could make it to the big time. I figured that someone with endurance beyond human capability would make someone “super”. So, what about the ability to stay awake for long stretches? Wouldn’t that be exciting? The world record for staying awake seems to be around 11.5 days or so. The Guiness Book felt that it encouraged dangerous behavior, so they removed it. Ok, but they kept the guy who walked on a tightrope between the Twin Towers, greatest bull fighter, longest time holding breath underwater and the deepest sword swallower. So Enduro, my super character, will stay awake for 45 days at a stretch. His arch-enemy will be called “Sominex”. What riveting action will ensue? Oh, just wait.
And wait.
And wait…
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that it will take some kind of insomniac kid to really appreciate Enduro’s hours of loneliness in the early morn, and angst-ridden rage possibly due to poor sleep habits and a diet consisting of coffee, sugar candy and Red Bull. But what power did Batman have, really? A car and a tool belt? Big whoop, so did Joe the Plumber.
++++++++++++
Would a hyperactive hypocrite be just a crit?
+++++++++++++++
I was making a peanut butter sandwich, and the bread tore apart. I looked at it, and I’ll be darned if it wasn’t in the exact shape as the island of Australia. So I’m going to scrape off the peanut butter and sell it on E-bay for thousands. Do you think I can charge extra if I toast it first? Damn, I should have used vegemite instead of peanut butter.
+++++++++++++++++
So I got an old Rolling Stones CD from the library. Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, to be exact. Great stuff generally. Back in those days, they would put on some hits and stuff the rest with obvious filler. A snoring dude and sounds of braying animals would wind up on the cutting room floor. I don’t think music as a whole is missing much in that regard. I mean, seriously. I’m sitting there, doing my uninteresting work, and some old fart is snoring right there in my earbuds.
++++++++++
Also from the eclectic library collection is something called “Rogue’s Gallery”, which is a collection of sea chanteys. You’d think that such a thing would be really low budget. When was the last time a dirty limerick topped the charts? But Sting sings one and Bono sings another. Some of the songs are well produced, some sound like a bunch of drunken Irishmen at a football match banging on old pirate skulls. Arrrr, matey.
In the notes, there is a brief description of each song. Most mention that no one ever wrote down the original lyrics due to “unfortunate Victorian sensibilities”. For example, there’s a ditty called “Baltimore Wh*res”, and it sounds pretty much like you’d think,
It’s good to listen to, but I wouldn’t fork over any of my hard earned doubloons.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What is Burger King’s new “Angry Whopper” all about? If “you are what you eat”, why would anyone want eat that? Are they angry at being charged $3.49 for a regular Whopper with barbeque sauce? I’m afraid it would kick my ass – from the inside!
+++++++++++++++++
I watched a movie called “The Marine”. Before any introduction, I see “World Wrestling Enterprises Entertainment”. Right off the bat I know where this one is headed. Anyway, it had a bunch of muscle bound bad guys beating up the equally muscle bound MARINE. If this movie missed any action movie cliché, it really isn’t a cliché at all. Opening sequence: THE MARINE is in a war zone. He gets a direct order not to save 5 captured soldiers. Hero disobeys and comes in guns a-blazin’. Hero gets discharged from the military. Cliché? Check. Bad guy killing members of his own crew? Check. Swimming underwater for ten minutes with your clothes on? Check. Action hero never gets bruised despite repeated beatings? Check. “We’ve can’t kill THE MARINE’s wife. We need her as an ‘insurance policy’.” Yes, 5 easy clichés! After he wastes 6 bad guys, you’d think they’d just drop the chick off so that THE MARINE will quit killing them one by one.
The choreographer had a hard job. Every weapon could only be used once. If you beat a guy with a 2x4, the next guy has to get whacked with an axe. After the axe, you have to kung-fu some moves on the next guy and snap his neck. The next guy gets stabbed with the knife that THE MARINE was carrying all along. Might as well toss the knife away now that it’s out of ammo.
At least no one shot a car one time and had it explode. They had to shoot the car 1200 times before it exploded. 1200 bullets, and crashing it into a fuel dump. Note to the bad guys: Stop hiding behind things that explode.
They tried “wit”. Robert Patrick starred as the bad guy. He’s the guy who played the second Terminator. So the bad guys are shooting at THE MARINE, and he keeps coming after them. “He’s like the Terminator!” they say. But the guy who played THE MARINE wasn’t Robert Patrick who played the Terminator, so: *facepalm*!
If the best thing in your movie is a botched reference another movie, the only logical recourse for you is to round up all the cast, crew, writers, directors and erase their memory via forced lobotomy. Then destroy all evidence that the movie ever existed by sealing it in a vault and sinking it in to the Mariana Trench with a warning label to all future generations in eighteen languages not to open for all eternity. Really, it is the only logical recourse. There should be a charitable fund established to do that sort of work for the good of humanity and posterity. I’m going to make my case to the Obama administration.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My new training thing is to strap ankle weights on every day when I walk. Not for running, I tried that and it sucked. Yeah, it seems kind of crazy, but everyone is looking for that magic little trick that will yield huge gains. Will it work? I figure that so long as I’m not avoiding every hard thing, I can pick and choose the workouts that don’t make me miserable.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever get the impression that banker’s bonuses are distributed on the basis of who has the most manager-looking hair? Best dressed? Good attendance? Better-than-average office cleanliness?
++++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this movie called “The Covenant”, which isn’t all that good. What it really suffers from is that almost every male character looks exactly alike. Call it “The Apartment 3G Complex”. Of the 5 guys who are witches, or warlocks or whatever, two of them look identical, and another one would, except he has long hair. There’s a new kid in town who looks like he’s their clone. You can figure out newbie has witchy powers in the first five minutes – but it takes at least ¾ of the movie for the other witchy guys to figure it out. The new guy casts a spell on himself to make him look like the one of the others. Since they all looked alike, I didn’t know. In the end, they all forget their feud and go form a boy band or something. Why bother with a vague, blood vengeance if you can get wildly rich and score with hot chicks?
But what do you expect from a movie that mistakenly called spiders “some kind of insect”? 45 years of Spiderman constantly correcting his enemies - Have they learned nothing???
++++++++++++++++++++
I’m still trying to come up with a superhero character that could make it to the big time. I figured that someone with endurance beyond human capability would make someone “super”. So, what about the ability to stay awake for long stretches? Wouldn’t that be exciting? The world record for staying awake seems to be around 11.5 days or so. The Guiness Book felt that it encouraged dangerous behavior, so they removed it. Ok, but they kept the guy who walked on a tightrope between the Twin Towers, greatest bull fighter, longest time holding breath underwater and the deepest sword swallower. So Enduro, my super character, will stay awake for 45 days at a stretch. His arch-enemy will be called “Sominex”. What riveting action will ensue? Oh, just wait.
And wait.
And wait…
Yeah, I know, you’re thinking that it will take some kind of insomniac kid to really appreciate Enduro’s hours of loneliness in the early morn, and angst-ridden rage possibly due to poor sleep habits and a diet consisting of coffee, sugar candy and Red Bull. But what power did Batman have, really? A car and a tool belt? Big whoop, so did Joe the Plumber.
A documentary, a big-budget flick, an opera
I bet you think that I sit around watching every mindless, formulaic Hollywood movie-product to the exclusion of all else. Not true. I try to strike a balance between the idiotic and sublime. I’ve been watching The Ascent of Man, a 13 part 1972 documentary from the BBC. It’s pretty good, and in context of that time, it was quite far beyond other documentaries. It was kind of a prototype for the documentary/entertainment that currently runs on the Discovery and History Channels. The host is Dr. J. Bronowski, a physicist. He knew personally a large number of important European physicists of the 20th century, like Planck, Szilar and Heisenberg, and at least shook hands with others, like Einstein. I like the way that he explored each topic in depth, unlike a modern producer. A 2010 documentary would never have discussed the higher concepts of physics. Bronowski also gets didactic often, and that’s absolute kryptonite for modern day producers who can’t put together a TV show, even a documentary show, that threatens to impart actual knowledge upon its vulnerable viewer. Bronowski gets a little too edifying at times. He shows Islamic art. I’m thinking “Ok, I get it! It’s dark and light in repeating patterns. Move on to the next point!” Five minutes later… “I still get it, Doc. I am looking at the same thing you are.”
I choose documentaries partly from the Netflix descriptions and partly from PBS video ads that they mail to me. The review of every documentary uses the words “groundbreaking” and “revolutionary”. The Ascent of Man is one of the few that actually fit that bill. In fact, it even explained that the term “revolutionary” referred to Copernicus’s “On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres”. There was such uproar when it was published, that it sparked a social change, heretofore referred to as “revolution”.
++++++++++++++++
I saw National Treasure 2 last night. If the original was a poor knock off of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, then this one is a poor knock off of the first National Treasure movie. I can’t wait for the third and fourth installments to this crappy franchise being developed. It could be like the “Lethal Weapon” quadrilogy where every movie introduced new, flamboyant characters but wouldn’t drop them for the next sequel. By the end, there were way too many side shows clamoring for their cameo one liners.
The Nat Treas franchise will work on the premise that there are apparently mountains of gold sprinkled throughout the United States that have been buried for centuries and somehow forgotten. But, this movie taught me some practical skills. If you want to kidnap the President, but only have one day to plan it, make sure he has a birthday party at a stately mansion with a hitherto undiscovered passage that only you know about. Very handy. Also make sure that the mansion was built by a historical figure that the President just so happens to greatly admire. If you can overcome these tiny hurdles, the rest is a cinch, because the President is going to HELP you keep him kidnapped.
Because of this movie, I learned some new historical facts. Apparently, a tribe of Indians in what is now Mexico stored all their treasure in South Dakota. Then there was some reference to Florida that I didn’t quite get. And this somehow exonerates a man named Gates who was charged in Lincoln’s assassination.
The big push is to “clear the Gates name.” Bill Gates and Robert Gates haven’t cleared it by now? Of course, if that were my name, I don’t know if I could live with the shameful legacy of “Heaven’s Gate”.
The movie will satisfy your thirst for entertainment for two hours. But unlike the first movie, no one wonders if there really is some mysterious treasure out there. Of course there is. Oh, and the “Book of Secrets” really plays a very minor role, despite being part of the title.
++++++++++++++++
I’m also watching Mozart’s The Magic Flute. I figured it would be as long as your average Broadway soundtrack, about an hour and a half. No, try 3:15. That’s a lot of German opera to take, even with subtitles. The music is great. Your average rock/pop song doesn’t require much in the way of vocal prowess. Take acts like Neil Young, and especially Lou Reed. Although they have their distinct style, its nigh impossible to argue that they were born with some golden throated oratory gift. The performers in the opera are entirely opposite. The opera divas are extremely talented and gifted, but the fame goes to the conductor and the composer. Yes, it is recorded live. No lip synching. The Magic Flute, oddly enough, is flute-synched, and also not much of a factor in the action.
They say it’s not over until the fat lady sings. But in The Magic Flute, two Rubenesque ladies give wonderful performances and it still won’t end! I thought that it was about to end. That was an hour ago, they’re still at it, and I’m on chapter 13 of 25.
Oh, what a time was the 18th century. The opera is blatantly, overtly and repeatedly racist and sexist. The only wicked guy is black. He himself refers to his “ugly black skin”. The women are traded as commodities, and the women seem to accept that they get bartered away in some deal. The non-royalty peasant is a simpleton given to temptation and running off his mouth and in the end suffers for it. Ah, the good old days, when a rich, white male aristocrat could wantonly abuse with impunity anyone below his social status. Indeed, women and the lower classes are full of self-loathing which only proves their pejorative position. What a gilded, golden age it was! Unless you were a woman, poor, minority or made the mistake of being born of the wrong lineage. But, for that esteemed 1%, oh what days of halcyon yore!
I can’t knock Mozart too much for being a product of his environment. His patrons were that upper 1%.
I choose documentaries partly from the Netflix descriptions and partly from PBS video ads that they mail to me. The review of every documentary uses the words “groundbreaking” and “revolutionary”. The Ascent of Man is one of the few that actually fit that bill. In fact, it even explained that the term “revolutionary” referred to Copernicus’s “On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres”. There was such uproar when it was published, that it sparked a social change, heretofore referred to as “revolution”.
++++++++++++++++
I saw National Treasure 2 last night. If the original was a poor knock off of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, then this one is a poor knock off of the first National Treasure movie. I can’t wait for the third and fourth installments to this crappy franchise being developed. It could be like the “Lethal Weapon” quadrilogy where every movie introduced new, flamboyant characters but wouldn’t drop them for the next sequel. By the end, there were way too many side shows clamoring for their cameo one liners.
The Nat Treas franchise will work on the premise that there are apparently mountains of gold sprinkled throughout the United States that have been buried for centuries and somehow forgotten. But, this movie taught me some practical skills. If you want to kidnap the President, but only have one day to plan it, make sure he has a birthday party at a stately mansion with a hitherto undiscovered passage that only you know about. Very handy. Also make sure that the mansion was built by a historical figure that the President just so happens to greatly admire. If you can overcome these tiny hurdles, the rest is a cinch, because the President is going to HELP you keep him kidnapped.
Because of this movie, I learned some new historical facts. Apparently, a tribe of Indians in what is now Mexico stored all their treasure in South Dakota. Then there was some reference to Florida that I didn’t quite get. And this somehow exonerates a man named Gates who was charged in Lincoln’s assassination.
The big push is to “clear the Gates name.” Bill Gates and Robert Gates haven’t cleared it by now? Of course, if that were my name, I don’t know if I could live with the shameful legacy of “Heaven’s Gate”.
The movie will satisfy your thirst for entertainment for two hours. But unlike the first movie, no one wonders if there really is some mysterious treasure out there. Of course there is. Oh, and the “Book of Secrets” really plays a very minor role, despite being part of the title.
++++++++++++++++
I’m also watching Mozart’s The Magic Flute. I figured it would be as long as your average Broadway soundtrack, about an hour and a half. No, try 3:15. That’s a lot of German opera to take, even with subtitles. The music is great. Your average rock/pop song doesn’t require much in the way of vocal prowess. Take acts like Neil Young, and especially Lou Reed. Although they have their distinct style, its nigh impossible to argue that they were born with some golden throated oratory gift. The performers in the opera are entirely opposite. The opera divas are extremely talented and gifted, but the fame goes to the conductor and the composer. Yes, it is recorded live. No lip synching. The Magic Flute, oddly enough, is flute-synched, and also not much of a factor in the action.
They say it’s not over until the fat lady sings. But in The Magic Flute, two Rubenesque ladies give wonderful performances and it still won’t end! I thought that it was about to end. That was an hour ago, they’re still at it, and I’m on chapter 13 of 25.
Oh, what a time was the 18th century. The opera is blatantly, overtly and repeatedly racist and sexist. The only wicked guy is black. He himself refers to his “ugly black skin”. The women are traded as commodities, and the women seem to accept that they get bartered away in some deal. The non-royalty peasant is a simpleton given to temptation and running off his mouth and in the end suffers for it. Ah, the good old days, when a rich, white male aristocrat could wantonly abuse with impunity anyone below his social status. Indeed, women and the lower classes are full of self-loathing which only proves their pejorative position. What a gilded, golden age it was! Unless you were a woman, poor, minority or made the mistake of being born of the wrong lineage. But, for that esteemed 1%, oh what days of halcyon yore!
I can’t knock Mozart too much for being a product of his environment. His patrons were that upper 1%.
Don't drive or fly, RUN.
The airlines are upping their “fuel surcharge”. What the fvck? I’m not against a company charging extra for a special service, but what were we flying on before? Were the gas tanks being filled up with water?
++++++++++++++
Detroit complains about cheap overseas labor, but they forget about those domestic plants being opened by foreign companies. For some reason a Camry from Georgetown, KY can be made more cheaply than its counterpart at Ford (the Taurus, I think) or GM (the Genericrap, I think). Toyota is regarded as a high paying company with excellent benefits. So you have to wonder what they do that the big 3 don't.
+++++++++++
When I run outside, I circle my neighborhood several times. Some people have asked me how I can pass by my house and not just stop. It’s like anything else in running. You train for it. And what I mean by “it” is the starting back up again. At first, I did it mentally because at the top of my street, there’s a big downhill. So I’d tell myself that even though I’m running another lap, I get to go downhill. By the bottom of the hill, I’m stuck and I have to keep going.
If I do stop, I have a bottle of water there, and I grab a drink. Maybe I’ll take a few bites of power bar. Sometimes I ditch a layer of clothes. I make my stops useful. I’ve run 20 without stopping for water, but I don’t advise that. During a race, you can get water on the fly.
I was on Google maps, and that street level view is way cool. You can see 360 degrees around and look up to see the tops of the buildings, too. Theoretically, you could run the Boston Marathon virtually by moving along the route. I don’t know about you, but I get really sweaty from surfin’ the internet.
Other people have told me that when they run, they’re in pain for most of the day. If I felt this crappy after a training run, how the hell can I run a marathon? By running but feeling even crappier at the end. That was my solution, anyway.
After the first marathon in 05, I noticed a great deal more ability and stamina. It wasn’t some mental thing of having a marathon under my belt, it was real physical ability that took a full year to develop. With a few years of conditioning, a 20+ mile run isn’t as debilitating as it once was. But I’d be lying if I said that I ever looked forward to them.
I’m thinking that after the next race, I’m taking a week off. Then I’m going to hold my running down to 40 miles per week or so. However, I’ve said that before every race and I’ve never done it.
I’m going in to my another big race wondering why I do this. I suppose the same reasons apply as the first big race, but since I didn’t know what those were, I’m still sort of searching.
In Philadelphia, the web site said that finishers receive a “technical t-shirt”. I didn’t know if that’s a large piece of cloth or what. “Although it hasn’t been cut and sewn, technically, it is still a shirt.”
At least in the Boston, like in Phili, I was amongst more serious runners. I hate it when slow people crowd the starting line. Call it a pet peeve.
A 5K is short, but very, very intense. You come out of the starting line really moving and you’re expected to keep it moving for the whole trip at that frantic pace. A setback of a single minute really counts. With a jogging stroller, that can happen, too. It’s hard to maneuver in traffic. And, of course there were hundreds of people lining up at the front that didn’t belong there and I had to get around. Do they not understand the concept of a timing chip?
I heard an announcer before a race explain in diplomatic terms that although everyone was there to have fun, some people were very serious about their running and there was a need to differentiate these two groups to reduce traffic jams. No one moved. I would have taken a less subtle approach. “You, Fatty! How fast you gunna run? Yeah, right, take a hike. All you 17 year old chickies, move it back about 50 yards. That’s not 50. That’s not 50. No wonder you believe your boyfriends when they say that this (hold up fingers) is eight inches. You laughing, fat boy? 20 yard penalty!”
++++++++++++++++++
I get a big thrill out of the crowds when I do a race. I don’t get applauded for my efforts elsewhere. I love giving high fives. I love being singled out “Go yellow shirt!” “Go #142!” That sort of stuff. I applaud the crowds, too. It’s got to be pretty boring to watch a bunch of tired, listless runners go by without acknowledging them. So I make eye contact, wave, give the thumbs up, “woo-hoo!”, all of that. Well, between miles 23 and 26, not so much. Too tired. Sorry. Take it as a compliment if I so much as look at you.
I can't say enough good things about the Boston crowds, though. Friendly, enthusiastic, encouraging, and they didn't bat an eyelash when the runners on the other side of the road dropped trou and peed no more than 3 feet from the race course.
+++++++++++++++
My wife made me see Mama Mia, and now I have these Abba songs locked in and cranking on my mental iPod. The only remedy for such an ailment is a brain-wiping lobotomy. She absolutely loved the movie. I thought that without the music, it would have been paper thin. I would add that Pierce Brosnan needs singing lessons, but my wife says that he got the lessons. If he gets his money back, I will bill him for my movie ticket.
+++++++++++++
About once per week, there’s an op-ed in the paper that decries the stereotyping of the Appalachian accented people in this state. They don’t say that having a heavy Bronx accent is also a stereotype for those of lesser intelligence, and being Italian means “having mob connections” and it is a well known fact that all persons of Oriental descent have awe-inspiring martial arts training and sage advice as they age.
++++++++++++
’m watching a documentary series on the City of New York. It’s 14 hours long, but the first two hours covered 215 years. The second two cover up to the end of the Civil War. I’ve calculated that at this rate, I’ll soon be writing to you about the problems with flying car traffic that NYC will experience in the 2080s.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It’s good, but the narrator is the same guy who did the voice over for a Woodford Distillery short film. It’s hard to get it out of my head that he’s talking seriously about a nation torn apart and not jovially about the fine quality craftsmanship of genuine Kentucky bourbon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been watching some Japanamation mini series called Flag. It’s really good. It’s about a photojournalist covering a conflict in a small, fictitious South East Asian nation. The coolest thing about the show is that while the credits roll up at the end of each episode, the camera pans around a messy desk, because all journalists worth watching on TV are slobs. Amidst the pictures, papers, scrap, do-dads and whatnots is a half empty bottle of Early Times Bourbon – woo hoo! Kentucky product placement! Interesting fact, though, is that Early Times exported is of higher quality than the local variety. But the Flag show is good.
++++++++++++++
I watched a bit of “24”, season 3. Dennis Haysbert played a Presidential candidate season 1, then moved to President for seasons 2 and 3. There is always a scene where someone presents him a speech. He glances at it briefly and says “It’s good, but invert paragraphs 3 and 4.” Can’t his writers understand that he wants the third to be after the fourth by now? Or, maybe “inverted”, means that he wants them printed upside down? I’m probably not going to finish this season, and I don’t think I’ll be any poorer for it.
++++++++++++++
Detroit complains about cheap overseas labor, but they forget about those domestic plants being opened by foreign companies. For some reason a Camry from Georgetown, KY can be made more cheaply than its counterpart at Ford (the Taurus, I think) or GM (the Genericrap, I think). Toyota is regarded as a high paying company with excellent benefits. So you have to wonder what they do that the big 3 don't.
+++++++++++
When I run outside, I circle my neighborhood several times. Some people have asked me how I can pass by my house and not just stop. It’s like anything else in running. You train for it. And what I mean by “it” is the starting back up again. At first, I did it mentally because at the top of my street, there’s a big downhill. So I’d tell myself that even though I’m running another lap, I get to go downhill. By the bottom of the hill, I’m stuck and I have to keep going.
If I do stop, I have a bottle of water there, and I grab a drink. Maybe I’ll take a few bites of power bar. Sometimes I ditch a layer of clothes. I make my stops useful. I’ve run 20 without stopping for water, but I don’t advise that. During a race, you can get water on the fly.
I was on Google maps, and that street level view is way cool. You can see 360 degrees around and look up to see the tops of the buildings, too. Theoretically, you could run the Boston Marathon virtually by moving along the route. I don’t know about you, but I get really sweaty from surfin’ the internet.
Other people have told me that when they run, they’re in pain for most of the day. If I felt this crappy after a training run, how the hell can I run a marathon? By running but feeling even crappier at the end. That was my solution, anyway.
After the first marathon in 05, I noticed a great deal more ability and stamina. It wasn’t some mental thing of having a marathon under my belt, it was real physical ability that took a full year to develop. With a few years of conditioning, a 20+ mile run isn’t as debilitating as it once was. But I’d be lying if I said that I ever looked forward to them.
I’m thinking that after the next race, I’m taking a week off. Then I’m going to hold my running down to 40 miles per week or so. However, I’ve said that before every race and I’ve never done it.
I’m going in to my another big race wondering why I do this. I suppose the same reasons apply as the first big race, but since I didn’t know what those were, I’m still sort of searching.
In Philadelphia, the web site said that finishers receive a “technical t-shirt”. I didn’t know if that’s a large piece of cloth or what. “Although it hasn’t been cut and sewn, technically, it is still a shirt.”
At least in the Boston, like in Phili, I was amongst more serious runners. I hate it when slow people crowd the starting line. Call it a pet peeve.
A 5K is short, but very, very intense. You come out of the starting line really moving and you’re expected to keep it moving for the whole trip at that frantic pace. A setback of a single minute really counts. With a jogging stroller, that can happen, too. It’s hard to maneuver in traffic. And, of course there were hundreds of people lining up at the front that didn’t belong there and I had to get around. Do they not understand the concept of a timing chip?
I heard an announcer before a race explain in diplomatic terms that although everyone was there to have fun, some people were very serious about their running and there was a need to differentiate these two groups to reduce traffic jams. No one moved. I would have taken a less subtle approach. “You, Fatty! How fast you gunna run? Yeah, right, take a hike. All you 17 year old chickies, move it back about 50 yards. That’s not 50. That’s not 50. No wonder you believe your boyfriends when they say that this (hold up fingers) is eight inches. You laughing, fat boy? 20 yard penalty!”
++++++++++++++++++
I get a big thrill out of the crowds when I do a race. I don’t get applauded for my efforts elsewhere. I love giving high fives. I love being singled out “Go yellow shirt!” “Go #142!” That sort of stuff. I applaud the crowds, too. It’s got to be pretty boring to watch a bunch of tired, listless runners go by without acknowledging them. So I make eye contact, wave, give the thumbs up, “woo-hoo!”, all of that. Well, between miles 23 and 26, not so much. Too tired. Sorry. Take it as a compliment if I so much as look at you.
I can't say enough good things about the Boston crowds, though. Friendly, enthusiastic, encouraging, and they didn't bat an eyelash when the runners on the other side of the road dropped trou and peed no more than 3 feet from the race course.
+++++++++++++++
My wife made me see Mama Mia, and now I have these Abba songs locked in and cranking on my mental iPod. The only remedy for such an ailment is a brain-wiping lobotomy. She absolutely loved the movie. I thought that without the music, it would have been paper thin. I would add that Pierce Brosnan needs singing lessons, but my wife says that he got the lessons. If he gets his money back, I will bill him for my movie ticket.
+++++++++++++
About once per week, there’s an op-ed in the paper that decries the stereotyping of the Appalachian accented people in this state. They don’t say that having a heavy Bronx accent is also a stereotype for those of lesser intelligence, and being Italian means “having mob connections” and it is a well known fact that all persons of Oriental descent have awe-inspiring martial arts training and sage advice as they age.
++++++++++++
’m watching a documentary series on the City of New York. It’s 14 hours long, but the first two hours covered 215 years. The second two cover up to the end of the Civil War. I’ve calculated that at this rate, I’ll soon be writing to you about the problems with flying car traffic that NYC will experience in the 2080s.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have the Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War. It’s good, but the narrator is the same guy who did the voice over for a Woodford Distillery short film. It’s hard to get it out of my head that he’s talking seriously about a nation torn apart and not jovially about the fine quality craftsmanship of genuine Kentucky bourbon.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I’ve been watching some Japanamation mini series called Flag. It’s really good. It’s about a photojournalist covering a conflict in a small, fictitious South East Asian nation. The coolest thing about the show is that while the credits roll up at the end of each episode, the camera pans around a messy desk, because all journalists worth watching on TV are slobs. Amidst the pictures, papers, scrap, do-dads and whatnots is a half empty bottle of Early Times Bourbon – woo hoo! Kentucky product placement! Interesting fact, though, is that Early Times exported is of higher quality than the local variety. But the Flag show is good.
++++++++++++++
I watched a bit of “24”, season 3. Dennis Haysbert played a Presidential candidate season 1, then moved to President for seasons 2 and 3. There is always a scene where someone presents him a speech. He glances at it briefly and says “It’s good, but invert paragraphs 3 and 4.” Can’t his writers understand that he wants the third to be after the fourth by now? Or, maybe “inverted”, means that he wants them printed upside down? I’m probably not going to finish this season, and I don’t think I’ll be any poorer for it.
A hodge podge of complaints
So I watched a Youtube video called “Governor Beshear Speech” (he’s Gov of KY). It was the Governor speaking at the State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What? Here’s the thing: The senate president sits behind the governor. Republican David Williams (partisan hack) was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. In contrast, the Governor appeared pretty sharp. The video was five minutes, but it transitioned several times so the actual nap could have been much longer. Nighty night, Dave! It was hysterical.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh yeah, and on local elections – I was at a festival, and Mitch McConnell was in the parade. His aides were putting stickers on every living carbon based life form that couldn’t stay farther than arm’s reach. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” McDonald’s? How many people took the sticker and then said “Gee, I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ran 5444 miles during 2008 and 2009. At one point in 09, I had over 3000 miles over 365 days. I don’t have any comment to accompany these stats, I’m just bragging. Aren’t I just so totally, cosmically, friggin’ awesome?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have read several times about this petition by “31,072 scientists” that believe that global warming is a hoax. There aren’t that may environmental scientists in the world. A right wing tactic is to refute a solid issue by the most spurious of claims, and then clamor for equal attention as the problem itself gets. They did it with the link between smoking and cancer. Is there a definitive, 100% proven causal link? No. In the conservative mind, that means there is no link. But science isn’t like that. Newton identified the laws of gravity and motion, but could not possibly have provided scientific study on what gravity is or how it acts on two bodies separated by millions of miles. The Republican view? There is no gravity. The media is liberally pro-gravity biased to support the biggest hoax of the 17th Century.
The same conservatives that say that the Earth is not warming point out that there are signs that Mars and Jupiter are also warming. It’s one or the other, folks. The Earth is warming along with Mars and Jupiter, or the Earth is not warming.
Conservatives also cite that 40 years ago, scientists were worried about global cooling. Since they’ve changed their minds, all statements by all scientists are worthless. Except the 31,072 that agree with them.
+++++++
I read that Philadelphia is making plans for a huge Darwin exhibit. But I have a book that says the world was created in 7 days, and as long as I cite my source, I am right and you are wrong. All those different varieties of the hominid genus are really all just misshapen sinners that God killed off in the great flood. Why do you guys hate America so much?
++++++++++++++++++++++
All these people who bought SUVs are just stupid. Gas hasn’t been “cheap” since 2000. All these nuts were talking about Bush wanted to get into Iraq for cheap oil. No, you dolts, oil men want expensive oil. But anyway, all the SUV owners are acting like they are suddenly taken by surprise, and it must be somebody else’s fault.
Reps: We don’t want to bail out the home owners that made bad decisions.
Reps, take #2: Ack! Do you know what it costs to fill the tank on my Escalade? Bail me out! Bail me out!
++++++++++++++++++++
I recall about 12 years ago when gas was cheap and the Big Three were awash in healthy profits. There was a proposal in congress to raise the mileage requirements. Instead of spending money on meeting that goal, they spent a ton of money on lobbyists to fight it. It died. Detroit won. There was much celebration. They sacrificed an electric car to the God of Inaction.
Fast forward to today, and what do you have? Inferior, overpriced gas guzzlers. If they had reacted back then when they had the ability, they wouldn’t be fighting for air right now when things are tough.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh yeah, and on local elections – I was at a festival, and Mitch McConnell was in the parade. His aides were putting stickers on every living carbon based life form that couldn’t stay farther than arm’s reach. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” McDonald’s? How many people took the sticker and then said “Gee, I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
I ran 5444 miles during 2008 and 2009. At one point in 09, I had over 3000 miles over 365 days. I don’t have any comment to accompany these stats, I’m just bragging. Aren’t I just so totally, cosmically, friggin’ awesome?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have read several times about this petition by “31,072 scientists” that believe that global warming is a hoax. There aren’t that may environmental scientists in the world. A right wing tactic is to refute a solid issue by the most spurious of claims, and then clamor for equal attention as the problem itself gets. They did it with the link between smoking and cancer. Is there a definitive, 100% proven causal link? No. In the conservative mind, that means there is no link. But science isn’t like that. Newton identified the laws of gravity and motion, but could not possibly have provided scientific study on what gravity is or how it acts on two bodies separated by millions of miles. The Republican view? There is no gravity. The media is liberally pro-gravity biased to support the biggest hoax of the 17th Century.
The same conservatives that say that the Earth is not warming point out that there are signs that Mars and Jupiter are also warming. It’s one or the other, folks. The Earth is warming along with Mars and Jupiter, or the Earth is not warming.
Conservatives also cite that 40 years ago, scientists were worried about global cooling. Since they’ve changed their minds, all statements by all scientists are worthless. Except the 31,072 that agree with them.
+++++++
I read that Philadelphia is making plans for a huge Darwin exhibit. But I have a book that says the world was created in 7 days, and as long as I cite my source, I am right and you are wrong. All those different varieties of the hominid genus are really all just misshapen sinners that God killed off in the great flood. Why do you guys hate America so much?
++++++++++++++++++++++
All these people who bought SUVs are just stupid. Gas hasn’t been “cheap” since 2000. All these nuts were talking about Bush wanted to get into Iraq for cheap oil. No, you dolts, oil men want expensive oil. But anyway, all the SUV owners are acting like they are suddenly taken by surprise, and it must be somebody else’s fault.
Reps: We don’t want to bail out the home owners that made bad decisions.
Reps, take #2: Ack! Do you know what it costs to fill the tank on my Escalade? Bail me out! Bail me out!
++++++++++++++++++++
I recall about 12 years ago when gas was cheap and the Big Three were awash in healthy profits. There was a proposal in congress to raise the mileage requirements. Instead of spending money on meeting that goal, they spent a ton of money on lobbyists to fight it. It died. Detroit won. There was much celebration. They sacrificed an electric car to the God of Inaction.
Fast forward to today, and what do you have? Inferior, overpriced gas guzzlers. If they had reacted back then when they had the ability, they wouldn’t be fighting for air right now when things are tough.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Lots and lots of Republican crapola
Conservatives are trying to stop abortions by excluding them from any government sponsored plan. Cosmetic surgery has long since been excluded from insurance plans but that industry outstripped the rest of the medical industry in terms of availability and cost. I’d say that this is yet another area that the Reps are leading to a long term counterproductive unintended consequence.
+++++++++++++++++
If you think that Obama at times is opaque; and you don’t know what he’s thinking, you should ask Rush Limbaugh. Rush The All Knowing can peer into the heart and mind of any Democrat and immediately discern his or her inner dialogue.
Obama: While campaigning in Florida, I tasted some of the best freshly squeezed orange juice that I’ve ever had.
Rush: See? He hates California!
Obama: I said “some of the best”.
Rush: He’s waffling!
Obama: Can’t I say that I like a glass of orange juice?
Rush: What he means, folks, is that he likes orange juice more than he loves this country. He hates America and himself! I hope they both fail.
See, the man clearly has claravoyant prowess beyond mortal human beings!
+++++++++++++++
I love the Reps solution to the financial crisis: Eliminate the capital gains tax. Do they not understand that failing banks have no capital gains?
You should also call in the Republicans when there is a gay couple who wants to live together and fornicate. They won’t stop the gay people from living together and fornicating, but they’ll make you feel all warm and virtuous inside by reminding you that you’re going to heaven and those gay people aren’t.
So would the Republicans cheer if a pregnant 17 year old didn’t get an abortion, but gave the baby to a gay couple? Is abortion worse than abomination?
++++++++++++
Arguably, the $700 billion bailout is de facto socialism and has been brought to America while Obama was still only a senator, and it wasn’t his plan, or even the plan of his party.
++++++++++++++++++
New etiquette of the modern age: I got an email from someone with a smiley face at the bottom. Later, she wrote back and apologized. She said that she was upset when she wrote the letter. But – but – there was the smiley… She lied to me in emoticon!
The strange thing is that I just got another email from her that thanked me for help with something else – but it had a frowny face. I know I won’t get sleep tonight while thinking this one through.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I saw this YouTube video innocuously titled “Governor Beshear Speech”. It was the Governor’s State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What the hell? Then I got it. Like the National State of the Union, the Senate leader sits behind the Governor. Republican Senate President David Williams was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. The Governor appeared pretty sharp and animated, for a nice contrast. Nighty night, Dave, you worthless, partisan hack!
+++++++++++++++++
I was at a festival, and KY senator Mitch McConnell was in the parade. Oh, joy. His aides were pushing McConnell stickers on every living carbon based life form within eyesight. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” But when I looked, it said “McConnell”. So was this a case of having complete idiots on your staff, or was it another Republican lie? How many people took the sticker and then said “I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++
Congress used to be all about passing bills. Now it’s all posturing. It doesn’t help when the Reps vote in a leader like McConnell, a manipulative game player. The Dems elected Pelosi, who throws cheap shots every time she speaks. Bickering, partisan, sniping cynicism. The point is that people have to stop electing hacks and power brokers. It’s something the public says that they want, but they don’t follow through. Congress has something like a 10-15% approval rating because they play these types of games.
+++++++++++++++++++++
22 million emails from the Bush administration have suddenly reappeared. How odd. The former administration officials are saying that they were always available. Those that were actually seeking those emails say otherwise. I’m on the information seekers’ side, because the Bushies stated a few years ago that there was some sort of techno-accident that somehow “erased” all this information but it was in no way done intentionally. Of course not. No. Not the Bushies.
I know it’s just 1s and 0s and it can be stored on a drive the size of my hand, but still, 22 million emails? How do you lose that many? How do you deny it later?
+++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I find the recent moral indignation of the right wing very troubling. They’re jubilant over the fact that the United States is going to hell because they want to take control of the government. Yeah, and the last time that happened, it was such a rousing success.
The conservatives are at the peak of unbridled hypocrisy. They’re using all the same tactics that they complained that the liberals used only six years ago. They aren’t defending the President simply because he’s the President. They’re cheering bad news because they want failure. They don’t have a coherent strategy of what to do if they were elected.
Another variation on the hypocrisy is that they want to send troops to Iran, keep them in Iraq and add even more to Afghanistan. But then they want to abolish taxes to pay for it. And balance the budget. They want to increase jobs, but they deride the bailout which kept jobs that depend on auto manufacturing, finance, education and other government work. They’re blathering about the 10th Amendment and state’s rights, but they have a big problem every time a state decides to allow gay marriage or enact gun control laws. They’re all celebrating some conservative meeting at George Washington’s home, to represent that they’re returning to the roots of American heritage, but then claim that this is the modern, post-9/11 world and we need more military tribunals.
Yes, very ironic to think that if the original Tea Party participants in 1773 were caught, they would have faced a military tribunal instead of a civilian one, and they probably would have been hanged as a result.
If Cheney thought that more troops were warranted in Afghanistan, maybe he could have said so a year sooner, or eight years sooner, whatever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Obama is right in that the partisan BS is not helpful. He’s at least trying to rise above it. But instead of simply pointing out the flaws in the health care bill, someone like Mitt Romney bangs on the lectern and accuses Obama of trying to destroy American principles.
There’s nothing in the Constitution barring socialism. There are provisions that bar illegal search and seizure that Bush pretty much ignored. There are military regulations that ban torture. The Geneva Convention is applicable as well. Although it is unwritten, I don’t expect that the American people would consider dishonesty and gross incompetence to be in our core principles, either.
+++++++++++++++++
If you think that Obama at times is opaque; and you don’t know what he’s thinking, you should ask Rush Limbaugh. Rush The All Knowing can peer into the heart and mind of any Democrat and immediately discern his or her inner dialogue.
Obama: While campaigning in Florida, I tasted some of the best freshly squeezed orange juice that I’ve ever had.
Rush: See? He hates California!
Obama: I said “some of the best”.
Rush: He’s waffling!
Obama: Can’t I say that I like a glass of orange juice?
Rush: What he means, folks, is that he likes orange juice more than he loves this country. He hates America and himself! I hope they both fail.
See, the man clearly has claravoyant prowess beyond mortal human beings!
+++++++++++++++
I love the Reps solution to the financial crisis: Eliminate the capital gains tax. Do they not understand that failing banks have no capital gains?
You should also call in the Republicans when there is a gay couple who wants to live together and fornicate. They won’t stop the gay people from living together and fornicating, but they’ll make you feel all warm and virtuous inside by reminding you that you’re going to heaven and those gay people aren’t.
So would the Republicans cheer if a pregnant 17 year old didn’t get an abortion, but gave the baby to a gay couple? Is abortion worse than abomination?
++++++++++++
Arguably, the $700 billion bailout is de facto socialism and has been brought to America while Obama was still only a senator, and it wasn’t his plan, or even the plan of his party.
++++++++++++++++++
New etiquette of the modern age: I got an email from someone with a smiley face at the bottom. Later, she wrote back and apologized. She said that she was upset when she wrote the letter. But – but – there was the smiley… She lied to me in emoticon!
The strange thing is that I just got another email from her that thanked me for help with something else – but it had a frowny face. I know I won’t get sleep tonight while thinking this one through.
+++++++++++++++++++++
I saw this YouTube video innocuously titled “Governor Beshear Speech”. It was the Governor’s State of the State address, but it had all the vocals erased and a lullaby soundtrack placed over it. What the hell? Then I got it. Like the National State of the Union, the Senate leader sits behind the Governor. Republican Senate President David Williams was dead asleep. Zonked. Out cold. Head down on desk. The Governor appeared pretty sharp and animated, for a nice contrast. Nighty night, Dave, you worthless, partisan hack!
+++++++++++++++++
I was at a festival, and KY senator Mitch McConnell was in the parade. Oh, joy. His aides were pushing McConnell stickers on every living carbon based life form within eyesight. I was repeatedly asked “Do you want a McDonald’s sticker?” But when I looked, it said “McConnell”. So was this a case of having complete idiots on your staff, or was it another Republican lie? How many people took the sticker and then said “I thought I was supporting Mayor McCheese!”
+++++++++++++++++++++
Congress used to be all about passing bills. Now it’s all posturing. It doesn’t help when the Reps vote in a leader like McConnell, a manipulative game player. The Dems elected Pelosi, who throws cheap shots every time she speaks. Bickering, partisan, sniping cynicism. The point is that people have to stop electing hacks and power brokers. It’s something the public says that they want, but they don’t follow through. Congress has something like a 10-15% approval rating because they play these types of games.
+++++++++++++++++++++
22 million emails from the Bush administration have suddenly reappeared. How odd. The former administration officials are saying that they were always available. Those that were actually seeking those emails say otherwise. I’m on the information seekers’ side, because the Bushies stated a few years ago that there was some sort of techno-accident that somehow “erased” all this information but it was in no way done intentionally. Of course not. No. Not the Bushies.
I know it’s just 1s and 0s and it can be stored on a drive the size of my hand, but still, 22 million emails? How do you lose that many? How do you deny it later?
+++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I find the recent moral indignation of the right wing very troubling. They’re jubilant over the fact that the United States is going to hell because they want to take control of the government. Yeah, and the last time that happened, it was such a rousing success.
The conservatives are at the peak of unbridled hypocrisy. They’re using all the same tactics that they complained that the liberals used only six years ago. They aren’t defending the President simply because he’s the President. They’re cheering bad news because they want failure. They don’t have a coherent strategy of what to do if they were elected.
Another variation on the hypocrisy is that they want to send troops to Iran, keep them in Iraq and add even more to Afghanistan. But then they want to abolish taxes to pay for it. And balance the budget. They want to increase jobs, but they deride the bailout which kept jobs that depend on auto manufacturing, finance, education and other government work. They’re blathering about the 10th Amendment and state’s rights, but they have a big problem every time a state decides to allow gay marriage or enact gun control laws. They’re all celebrating some conservative meeting at George Washington’s home, to represent that they’re returning to the roots of American heritage, but then claim that this is the modern, post-9/11 world and we need more military tribunals.
Yes, very ironic to think that if the original Tea Party participants in 1773 were caught, they would have faced a military tribunal instead of a civilian one, and they probably would have been hanged as a result.
If Cheney thought that more troops were warranted in Afghanistan, maybe he could have said so a year sooner, or eight years sooner, whatever.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Obama is right in that the partisan BS is not helpful. He’s at least trying to rise above it. But instead of simply pointing out the flaws in the health care bill, someone like Mitt Romney bangs on the lectern and accuses Obama of trying to destroy American principles.
There’s nothing in the Constitution barring socialism. There are provisions that bar illegal search and seizure that Bush pretty much ignored. There are military regulations that ban torture. The Geneva Convention is applicable as well. Although it is unwritten, I don’t expect that the American people would consider dishonesty and gross incompetence to be in our core principles, either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
