Yeah, this is going to be another political diatribe.
Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee looks like she's in. Much to the chagrin of master game player Mitch McConnell. There have been hundreds of appellate court judgeships open - and to be fair, this situation has existed from some time in the Clinton era and probably a long time prior.
Anyway, two senators from opposite sides of the aisle appealed to their bretheren to call a vote on two in particular for their state. One prospective judge was unanimously approved by the Judicial Committee and one was approved 18-1. Mitch McConnell said that he was not going to allow a vote to confirm them because Obama used the recess appointment rule to put some non-judges to work in completely unrelated matters.
Reagan and both Bushes used recess appointments heavily and this practice never bothered McConnell. But he did seem very upset about 4 years ago when the Democrats were in the minority and were holding up several prospective justices that were not nearly as well received as these currently up. I believe the rallying cry was "Up or down vote! Up or down vote!" Shoe's turned the opposite table now, eh, Mr. McConnell?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The pro-choice groups are upset because Obama promised not to allow federal funds to be used for abortions in the new program for high risk individuals that can't get insurance elsewhere. He's making good on that promise. But that doesn't give him the slightest headway with the anti-choice crowd. They hate Obama no matter what he does. When he caves in to their pressure, they win because the law ban abortions. Not content with that victory, they also say that the law actually permits abortions to get more contributions. The conservatives get away with blatantly false lies and Obama gets slammed from both sides.
It's amazing to me how much he gets beaten on no matter what he does. He delays sending troops to Afghanistan - and the Republicans are all over him. He sends troops, and they complain that the deficit is too high. Republicans complain about big government but then complain that Obama didn't do enough big government things to mitigate the oil spill. So he imposes a drilling moratorium. But then that's government interference again. I feel bad for his chances in 2012.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I was thinking that if Palin does win the Rep nomination in 2 years, Obama has a good shot at a second term no matter how beaten he looks today.
I saw Palin's "Mama Grizzly" video with an industrial strength barf-bag at the ready. Since she's not officially running for anything, it's really akin to the self indulgent me-fest like Lebron James, except mercifully briefer.
Despite is shorter run time, she still manages to call herself a grizzly, a pink elephant and a pit bull. I gathered that it was some sort of bizarre Chimera-beast personna, but it's adamantly female. In her virtually content-free rant, she uses the grizzly as a metaphor because mama grizzlies "know when something is wrong". This apparently substitutes for meaningful policy discourse in the Palin household.
Mama grizzlies are also notorious for attacking innocent hikers that pose no threat. She also points out that mother grizzlies "rear up on their hind legs". But she's not a skilled enough hunter to know that you shoot a bear when it rears up, because then it's most vulnerable. She's also not literate enough to know that most Democrats have been walking on two legs for three million years. Nor does she get that the "pink elephant" is code for hallucinations experienced in delerium tremens resulting from severe alcohol withdrawal.
... and a female pit bull is still a bitch.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Marmaduke movie is the sign of the apocalypse.
Temperature is a very silent factor when you run. When it is comfortable before you start, that means that it will be too hot when you’re a few miles in. It should be a little cold. 50-60 F is the optimum temperature range for running. That seems cold to me, but my experience is right in line.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
+++++++++
So as I was thinking that it was hot in my office today, an email came in to tell me that it was hot in the office today. Apparently, the heating and air conditioning systems are duking it out for supremacy. Right now, Team Heat is up by 7 points, but if Freeze Meister scores a touchdown, they could tie it – and if they go for two, they could possibly even pull ahead. Well, you know what they say about state workers and HVAC systems.
… And since you know, maybe you could tell me.
+++++++++++++++
The Mayans predicted the world will end on 12/21/2012. Some Christian people take this seriously, thus sacrilegiously embracing a pagan religious prophecy. If they are atheist, then why do they have faith in this ancient myth? But horoscopes run in newspapers every day without comment.
On the other hand, the Mayan culture is dead. Predictions by dead, ancient cultures are always true! All those movies couldn’t have lied to us! A doomsday prophecy from the Hindus is barely worth a chuckle, since the Hindus are still popular in India. They made the mistake of not dying first.
There’s nothing in Mayan lore about it really being the end of time. It’s more like Mayan Y2K. The whole thing involves the Sun crossing the Galactic equator. It is no small feat to calculate that because you can’t see the Milky Way and the Sun simultaneously. The Mayans also thought that the world was flat and gods roamed the sky in ethereal canoes. But the Mayans sometimes reference the Milky Way as a giant vagina. And when you have a mythos like this, how could you possibly be wrong about the apocalypse?
+++++++++++++
Do you find it ironic that gay people can’t get married in laid-back, swingin’ California, but they can in red-meat Iowa?
++++++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to some Pavarotti CDs. His voice is really great, but the arrangements are awful. He’s half-heartedly trying to be both pop and opera (popera?), and failing at both. If you want good Italian opera, try Andrea Bocelli.
+++++++++
Jessica Biel thinks her career is being hurt by the fact that she’s too good looking. Yeah. I agree. Normally, actresses are butt-ugly. What? Hollywood is full of hotties? Ok, WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
+++++++++++++++++++
Exciting times in Rex Morgan! He’s about to see his first patient since 2006! In Apartment 3G one of the girls broke up with a boring boyfriend. Mary Worth is just warming up in another meddlerama with an old friend that she’s never mentioned before. Mark Trail is on the case of criminals lurking deep in forests. Garfield is either hungry or sleepy. Marmaduke does dog stuff while humans say banal things – but he’s still a BIG DOG. Let's get him a movie deal.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Politics, from the national to international to the local to the theoretical
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
++++++++++++++
The few times that I’ve listened to idiots like Rush and Sean, they take an almost innocuous statement and twist some evil meaning to it. Let’s try this at home:
Obama: The United States needs to actively engage in the peace process between Netanyahu and Mahmud Abbas.
Hannity: See, using the word “engage” in connection with the two men is obviously liberal code for “promote gay marriage internationally”. It’s a Trojan Horse.
Limbaugh: Folks, he’s connecting the United States’ great name to this abomination.
Hannity: Disgusting!
+++++++++
Democracy is overrated. At least in other countries. Singapore and Saudi Arabia are dictatorships, but they are friendly dictatorships to us and to their people. China, isn’t free, but they’re better to their people than some democracies. Iran went from a dictatorship that like the US to a democracy that hates the US. Palestine elected terrorists to government. They’re not thanking the US for the chance to vote. South and Central America have produced a new generation of democratically elected leaders who are not friendly to the interests of the United States.
I know I’m supposed to care if people around the world are truly free, but I can’t get that worked up about it. I hate what is happening in North Korea or Myanmar, but the quasi-free states are so numerous and vast that you could never get around to fixing them all.
++++++++++++
Kentucky has the longest river named after a state to be completely contained within that state. Yes, the longest south-to-north flowing river to be named after a state and contained within that state while flowing through the capitol of that state is right here in Kentucky. Get your camera ready.
Our tourism industry revolves around horses. The state motto is “Unbridled Spirit”, and horse logos abound. I thought “Unbridled Spirit” was too subtle. I would have nominated “Hey, Everybody, We’ve Got HORSES Over Here!” If that doesn’t immediately attract a dozen or two biotech firms to locate in-state, nothing will.
We have the largest floral clock right here in Frankfort, KY (by weight and volume). Verifiable, accurate, objective evidence. We don’t just go making up stuff like you big city egocentric big shots. “Come to see the Secretariat’s Grave! Stay for the favorable corporate tax rates!”
Maybe what turns off high tech is our enthusiastic corn holing. Every BBQ that I go to, there’s a couple of corn holers going at it. They have corn hole groups and teams and leagues here in KY. When the summer comes around, everyone loves to get out the corn hole equipment. If you don’t think that’s the reason, Google “cornholing” with your safe search turned off.
If I wanted to push it, I’d also mention that KY is the kind of lubricant used in the dirtier interpretation of “corn hole”. And, did you know that you can’t spell “Kentucky” without c, u, n and t. But, what do you expect from a state that has a park named “Big Bone Lick”? Or is that a stretch for a punchline?
Republicans argue against gambling at racetracks are religious zealots backed by Indian reservations. Their argument is that Kentucky families will gamble away their life savings one quarter at a time. I find that really difficult to swallow, since just a few feet away, you can gamble it away on the horses thousands of dollars at a time. It’s like legalizing heroin, but then banning tobacco, citing health concerns. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a sin. Tax the holy hell out of them and reduce the burden for us pious folk.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
++++++++++++++
The few times that I’ve listened to idiots like Rush and Sean, they take an almost innocuous statement and twist some evil meaning to it. Let’s try this at home:
Obama: The United States needs to actively engage in the peace process between Netanyahu and Mahmud Abbas.
Hannity: See, using the word “engage” in connection with the two men is obviously liberal code for “promote gay marriage internationally”. It’s a Trojan Horse.
Limbaugh: Folks, he’s connecting the United States’ great name to this abomination.
Hannity: Disgusting!
+++++++++
Democracy is overrated. At least in other countries. Singapore and Saudi Arabia are dictatorships, but they are friendly dictatorships to us and to their people. China, isn’t free, but they’re better to their people than some democracies. Iran went from a dictatorship that like the US to a democracy that hates the US. Palestine elected terrorists to government. They’re not thanking the US for the chance to vote. South and Central America have produced a new generation of democratically elected leaders who are not friendly to the interests of the United States.
I know I’m supposed to care if people around the world are truly free, but I can’t get that worked up about it. I hate what is happening in North Korea or Myanmar, but the quasi-free states are so numerous and vast that you could never get around to fixing them all.
++++++++++++
Kentucky has the longest river named after a state to be completely contained within that state. Yes, the longest south-to-north flowing river to be named after a state and contained within that state while flowing through the capitol of that state is right here in Kentucky. Get your camera ready.
Our tourism industry revolves around horses. The state motto is “Unbridled Spirit”, and horse logos abound. I thought “Unbridled Spirit” was too subtle. I would have nominated “Hey, Everybody, We’ve Got HORSES Over Here!” If that doesn’t immediately attract a dozen or two biotech firms to locate in-state, nothing will.
We have the largest floral clock right here in Frankfort, KY (by weight and volume). Verifiable, accurate, objective evidence. We don’t just go making up stuff like you big city egocentric big shots. “Come to see the Secretariat’s Grave! Stay for the favorable corporate tax rates!”
Maybe what turns off high tech is our enthusiastic corn holing. Every BBQ that I go to, there’s a couple of corn holers going at it. They have corn hole groups and teams and leagues here in KY. When the summer comes around, everyone loves to get out the corn hole equipment. If you don’t think that’s the reason, Google “cornholing” with your safe search turned off.
If I wanted to push it, I’d also mention that KY is the kind of lubricant used in the dirtier interpretation of “corn hole”. And, did you know that you can’t spell “Kentucky” without c, u, n and t. But, what do you expect from a state that has a park named “Big Bone Lick”? Or is that a stretch for a punchline?
Republicans argue against gambling at racetracks are religious zealots backed by Indian reservations. Their argument is that Kentucky families will gamble away their life savings one quarter at a time. I find that really difficult to swallow, since just a few feet away, you can gamble it away on the horses thousands of dollars at a time. It’s like legalizing heroin, but then banning tobacco, citing health concerns. Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a sin. Tax the holy hell out of them and reduce the burden for us pious folk.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Killers, killer workouts and dead treads.
The first country that gets out of this recession will be the biggest global player for the next generation or two. But who is going to make it happen?
The US has a history of attracting the best and brightest and most ambitious, then coupling these stars with access to almost unlimited resources. That, and some sheer good luck. But if we’re only counting on good luck to pull us out of recession, I wouldn’t bet on us.
I speculate China could be the next #1, but they’re autocratic and opaque. One wrong move by the central government can knock them out of the race in a hurry.
++++++++
Know who pisses me off? Everybody. Yes, that’s true, but right now, the bane of existence as I am writing this passage is goddamned double dippers.
No, not the idiot at a party that can’t suffice himself with the amount of cocktail sauce he picked up on his shrimp with a single dip. I mean working retirees. I’m sick of seeing 50 year old retirees around here. It jus’ ain’t right, I’m sayin’.
++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to The Best of Radiohead. I made the mistake of reading the band’s bio in the liner notes. Every failure “left the band contentious and depressed.” Every success “left the band drained and confused.” So after all the accolades and millions of CDs sold, I’m sure their lives are all miserable wrecks. Sad.
Say what you want about 1980s hair bands, but they obviously enjoyed success. Rappers always look pissed off about something, though.
So after the “Best of”, the next step is a CD of remakes, a breakup, a sh!t compilation CD taken from the clippings lying on the cutting room floor, a pained reunion tour, a CD of remixes and a tribute CD. Next stop: The dreaded bargain bin.
+++++++++++++++
Psychologically, stopping and starting many times during a race or a workout is bad. Once you stop two or three times, it starts to snowball until you’re going only a few yards. But is it better to run yourself into exhaustion? I never know what to do at those points.
+++++++++
I’m so very excited about the summer blockbusters coming out. “Transformers III: More Stuff to Blow Up”.
+++++++++++
I see people getting argumentative about sports teams. “The Yankees will win!” “No, the Phillies, dammit!” Why doesn’t someone say “I tell ya what. We’ll take these two teams and have them play an actual game of baseball. Whoever wins gets to claim victory, and our argument will be settled.” “Yes, that sounds reasonable.” And 6,000 sports bloggers and radio hosts suddenly poop their pants.
++++++++++++
Question: Why does a man who owns two treadmills have to do a long run outside in the dark in the cold in the rain?
Answer: Yes.
Since I’m now in my 40s, I have tried to get less enraged than I did in my 20s, but you know, some times it just doesn’t work. When my treadmill breaks, so does my temper.
I read an article on treadmill training versus road training. The article blasted treadmill training as inferior in several different ways. I generally compensate for this by running faster. I know that I should set the treadmill at 1% or 1.5% incline to compensate, but I almost never do.
In defense of treadmills: I don’t have a good place to sprint. Most people don’t. Most people won’t, but let’s pretend that they might, if they had access to a track. Training sprints are not race distances anyway. A sprint stretches out your pace and increases your VO2 Max - a treadmill does those well. Also, the amateur to average runner has a hard time in keeping a regular pace. I learned pacing only because I spent a long time on the treadmill. A combination of treadmill and road running will help you gain speed and increase endurance more than either method individually. I do about 65% of my running on a treadmill. I should probably do 65% road work instead. But then, I wouldn’t get to watch movies.
+++++++++++
On movies: I saw Jumper. It suffered from Star Wars syndrome, where no one with a name died. Not the hero, not the girlfriend, not the sidekick. Not even the bad guy. Not that you need a body count for a good movie, but you need some reason why the action stops. Here, they just called it quits.
Like I do with blog posts.
+++++++++++
No Country For Old Men also ended at a random point, but after anyone who would have been able to continue the story was dead. Except the bad guy.
The standout in No Country was a cold blooded killer who never seemed to be in any danger from the police. He killed his boss, so I wonder how he ever expected to get paid. Bad guys easily tracked down anyone they wanted to. The good guys never knew what hit them. What stays with you after watching this movie is the absolute cold bloodedness of the killer guy. He was just plain scary. Screw Michael Meyers or Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. This guy was cold.
And he's still out there.
The US has a history of attracting the best and brightest and most ambitious, then coupling these stars with access to almost unlimited resources. That, and some sheer good luck. But if we’re only counting on good luck to pull us out of recession, I wouldn’t bet on us.
I speculate China could be the next #1, but they’re autocratic and opaque. One wrong move by the central government can knock them out of the race in a hurry.
++++++++
Know who pisses me off? Everybody. Yes, that’s true, but right now, the bane of existence as I am writing this passage is goddamned double dippers.
No, not the idiot at a party that can’t suffice himself with the amount of cocktail sauce he picked up on his shrimp with a single dip. I mean working retirees. I’m sick of seeing 50 year old retirees around here. It jus’ ain’t right, I’m sayin’.
++++++++++++
I’ve been listening to The Best of Radiohead. I made the mistake of reading the band’s bio in the liner notes. Every failure “left the band contentious and depressed.” Every success “left the band drained and confused.” So after all the accolades and millions of CDs sold, I’m sure their lives are all miserable wrecks. Sad.
Say what you want about 1980s hair bands, but they obviously enjoyed success. Rappers always look pissed off about something, though.
So after the “Best of”, the next step is a CD of remakes, a breakup, a sh!t compilation CD taken from the clippings lying on the cutting room floor, a pained reunion tour, a CD of remixes and a tribute CD. Next stop: The dreaded bargain bin.
+++++++++++++++
Psychologically, stopping and starting many times during a race or a workout is bad. Once you stop two or three times, it starts to snowball until you’re going only a few yards. But is it better to run yourself into exhaustion? I never know what to do at those points.
+++++++++
I’m so very excited about the summer blockbusters coming out. “Transformers III: More Stuff to Blow Up”.
+++++++++++
I see people getting argumentative about sports teams. “The Yankees will win!” “No, the Phillies, dammit!” Why doesn’t someone say “I tell ya what. We’ll take these two teams and have them play an actual game of baseball. Whoever wins gets to claim victory, and our argument will be settled.” “Yes, that sounds reasonable.” And 6,000 sports bloggers and radio hosts suddenly poop their pants.
++++++++++++
Question: Why does a man who owns two treadmills have to do a long run outside in the dark in the cold in the rain?
Answer: Yes.
Since I’m now in my 40s, I have tried to get less enraged than I did in my 20s, but you know, some times it just doesn’t work. When my treadmill breaks, so does my temper.
I read an article on treadmill training versus road training. The article blasted treadmill training as inferior in several different ways. I generally compensate for this by running faster. I know that I should set the treadmill at 1% or 1.5% incline to compensate, but I almost never do.
In defense of treadmills: I don’t have a good place to sprint. Most people don’t. Most people won’t, but let’s pretend that they might, if they had access to a track. Training sprints are not race distances anyway. A sprint stretches out your pace and increases your VO2 Max - a treadmill does those well. Also, the amateur to average runner has a hard time in keeping a regular pace. I learned pacing only because I spent a long time on the treadmill. A combination of treadmill and road running will help you gain speed and increase endurance more than either method individually. I do about 65% of my running on a treadmill. I should probably do 65% road work instead. But then, I wouldn’t get to watch movies.
+++++++++++
On movies: I saw Jumper. It suffered from Star Wars syndrome, where no one with a name died. Not the hero, not the girlfriend, not the sidekick. Not even the bad guy. Not that you need a body count for a good movie, but you need some reason why the action stops. Here, they just called it quits.
Like I do with blog posts.
+++++++++++
No Country For Old Men also ended at a random point, but after anyone who would have been able to continue the story was dead. Except the bad guy.
The standout in No Country was a cold blooded killer who never seemed to be in any danger from the police. He killed his boss, so I wonder how he ever expected to get paid. Bad guys easily tracked down anyone they wanted to. The good guys never knew what hit them. What stays with you after watching this movie is the absolute cold bloodedness of the killer guy. He was just plain scary. Screw Michael Meyers or Freddy Kruger or Jason Voorhees. This guy was cold.
And he's still out there.
Friday, July 2, 2010
A blog without Comic Sans MS font
I’ve read that there’s a recent backlash to using Comic Sans MS font. The article said that the creator of the font has been “alternately amused and mortified” seeing his font used on everything from business email to funeral notices. He also said that neither the lovers nor haters understand typography. “They should get another hobby.”
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
That would've been a little funny if this blog allowed me to actually use Comic Sans MS as a font. Let's just visualize.
+++++++++++++
New Superhero idea: Babyface, who’s power is that he ages half as fast as normal people. Because he gained his power 10 years ago when he was 15, he’s really 25 -- but looks only 20! His arch enemy is Chronos, who will inevitably trap Babyface in time-related contraptions. Because, as everyone in the comic book universe knows, any supervillian needs a superhero with equal and opposite powers or you just aren’t worth sh!t. And, vice versa, of course.
Chronos: Ha! Now I have you in my special aging chamber! It is set to age you twice as fast! Your super powers are nullified!
Babyface: Ah! I feel… weak… can’t… stand…
Chronos: Cut the crap, you’re just aging like everyone else now.
Babyface: Oh. Well, I still should escape from this chamber, right?
Chronos: No, because I’m going to turn it up even more! You will age 1.5 times faster than normal human beings!
Babyface: Ok, I’m a little tired.
Chronos: And I can go even faster!
Babyface: No, like I’m tired of this schtick of yours. Do you know any, uh, more exciting bad guys?
Chronos: You’re... leaving me?
Babyface: It’s not you, it’s me. I… ok, it is you.
Chronos: It’s both of us… sob! You know I’m the right one for you! Sob! We need each other! Sob sob!
Babyface: Can I get out of this stupid chamber or what?
++++++++++++
I’m not impressed with tax cuts as a means to stabilize the economy. If I lost my job, a tax cut won’t help me keep my house. If I work but was in danger of losing my house, a $13 per week tax refund in June is still unlikely to help. It’s too little, too late.
+++++++++++
I live with a near constant training program. But, I want my alcohol at night. Even more than that, I just want to dive into a box of donuts and eat until my arteries solidify. If only I could resist the charms of using Comic Sans MS
+++++++++++++
I’m still watching Battlestar Galactica. The humans are in a tizzy because they can’t tell the humans from the Cylons. As a viewer, it’s easy. The Cylons are the horny ones. The only human who is interested in sex is Baltar, and he’s the double agent. He’s constantly being seduced by a Cylon who is a figment of his imagination. He’s also supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure out that whenever he gets into relations with this apparition, he will always be walked in on, catching him alone in an embarrassing situation.
++++++++++++
It sorta goes without saying that … never mind, it went without my saying it.
++++++++++
In my never-ending quest to reap thousands of dollars by selling a worthless crappy artifact on Ebay, I was eating a peanut butter sandwich that happened to be shaped like the state of Kentucky. Ok, it’s not exactly a sign from the Heavens, because I shaped it with my teeth. But it was purely unplanned. On the other hand, I hadn’t brought any other food for the day. Here I was, holding a sandwich potentially worth thousands of dollars, and yet I could not put food in my belly!
So, I took a bite. I ate Harlan and Cumberland counties and a large swath of the Daniel Boone National Forest. Not a lot of people actually live out there, so may be they won’t notice.
++++++++++++++
Steven Covey made millions off some shtick “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I’ll write “The Seven Annoying Habits of Stupid People”. I won’t do lectures that take seven sentences and stretch them into three day seminars like Covey did. Mostly that’s only because I only own two suits, and on the third day, everyone is going to know. You get the abridged version…
***Stupid people complain when it’s hot and when it’s cold.
***Stupid people think they drive better than the average driver.
***Stupid people use Comic Sans MS frequently.
***Stupid people act like they don’t know they’re stupid.
***Stupid people laugh when nothing is funny.
***Stupid people can’t count.
++++++++++
I have always wondered what they eat at the corporate board meetings at McDonalds. Do they get some gourmet chef, which would imply that their product sucks, or do they send someone out for a bag of Big Macs and fries? What if the gopher screws up and says “The lines were too long at McD’s, so I went across the street. Whopper, anyone?”
+++++++++++++
I spilled some coffee on the floor in an exact shape of Kyrgyzstan. So I took a picture, and I was going to sell it on Ebay for thousands of dollars. But how can I post it without essentially giving it away for free? Sobbing, I had to wipe up the Kyrgyzstan shaped coffee spill on my floor. It reminded me of the time a few years ago when I was changing diaper poop in the shape of Madagascar.
Some people will never appreciate obvious signs from the heavens. And by “appreciate”, I mean “pay me generously for my shoddy, half-hearted quasi-delusions”.
+++++++++
So when is this recession going to hit these overpaid sport salaries? I’m waiting.
++++++++++++
Untruth-in-advertising: Li’l Kim from Dancing With the Stars gave some diet tips. She said that she was a size 0. She has slimmed down quite a bit in the last few years, but there’s no way that she’s a size 0 with all those crazy curves going on. And I don’t get “size 0”. How can you have no size??
Li’l Kim’s diet tip was “no carbs after 5:00”. I don’t get that, either. How do the carbs know what time it is? Is there some microscopic carb clock that counts down to a midnight detonation?
+++++++++
This just in: Overuse of Comic Sans MS may cause headaches, nausea, internal bleeding, premature ejaculation, projectile diarrhea and the inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
+++++++++++
I came upon a piece of copy paper shaped like the state of Colorado. I tried to sell it to their state museum for thousands of dollars. The offer was rejected because they insisted that it more closely resembled Wyoming. I can’t stand it when a perfectly good get-rich-quick scheme goes to hell.
++++++++++++++
Zawahri, the 2nd in command of Al-Qaida, is complaining about Obama’s plan to put more troops in Afghanistan. Zawahri ordered all the Arab states bordering Israel to attack, and he blasted Egypt for negotiating between the two rival Palestinian factions. Is there anybody outside of his cave that this guy doesn’t have a beef with?
++++++++++
I’m against the “peanut butter” approach to Homeland Security. Funds spent defending the Pentagon are good. Funds spent defending the tourist center in Harlan County, KY are plain-as-day pork.
++++++++++++
The Department of Homeland Security has revealed that Comic Sans MS is now the official font of terrorist networks worldwide.
+++++++++
At the 2009 Louisville marathon, I bonked at the end. But, the pacers were also bonking. The 3:10 pacer passed out on the pavement just after the finish line. The medical guys were trying to revive him.
“Are you ok, sir?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you know that ‘fine’ people don’t normally lie down on the street?”
“I’m ok.”
“Is this your first race?”
“No, It’s my 93rd.”
I was about a hair away from passing out myself. At least I was in good company. He recovered. Later, the previously-passed-out-pacer-presently-possessing-pep paused to prelect with me (abandon all attempts at alliteration!). He said that race was his worst ever, too.
+++++++++++++++++
I have my next-race dietary plan already set. No sugary sweets, but I’ll allow myself to drink alcohol during training. With any luck, that means less complaining. But right now, I brag about the oceans of beer that I didn’t drink. All told, that’s slightly less pathetic than back in college bragging about how much beer I did. Turns out that neither angle is good for picking up chicks. I don’t know why. Go figure.
+++++++++
Turns out that Comic Sans MS works well for picking up chicks online. Who knew?
Cause and effect: To cure all ailments, wear clothes of various colors.
People in the south tend to say that they couldn’t possibly live in the north because the cold would keep them indoors, and they love the outdoors. Yet, in the heat of the summer, I hear “Oh my gosh it’s so hot out there” when it’s only in the 80s. Make up your minds – or move to California where it’s sunny and 72 year round.
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
It’s also the same distorted logic that prevents the mountain folk from moving to where there are actually jobs, because they’re of a “proud and independent” heritage. But receiving welfare checks makes you neither proud nor independent. Make up your minds – or move to California where you can pick vegetables.
+++++++++++++++++++
Sarah Palin has never spoken on a formal level. Sure, it’s nice to see an official who has a human side, some would say “folksy” – I could do without all the winking, though. But what is she going to do when speaking to congress about something of grave importance? “C’mon, Warshington! Gimme th’ war powers act. Doncha wanna go shoot some Iranians? You betcha! *wink*” Damn, I hate that woman.
Nancy Pelosi makes me cringe every time she shows up on the news, too.
I thought the argument for women in politics was to bring moderation to the discussion and women are supposed to be such great communicators seeking group consensus and all that. What do we get? If I wanted sarcastic one-liners, I'd vote for Tina Fey.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When a team from the old National Football League wins the Superbowl, that there’s an 80% chance of the stock market rising. But the Colts are now AFC, so does that still pan out? So what does that mean? What does it all mean???
We’re missing cause and effect here. They’ve also found a strong correlation between women’s hem lines and the stock market. So all we have to do is convince those idiots running the Paris fashion show that men really do in fact like to see women in short skirts. The stock market will soar and peace will reign throughout the land.
This brings up the rather uncomfortable fact that those responsible for designing women’s clothes are by and large hetero female or gay male. Neither party presumably knows what appeals to a straight guy football fan, or cares, but then is perplexed by why straight guys aren’t ooh-ing and aah-ing over their clever designs. Instead most football fans mistakenly call them out as the gaudy, ostentatious, unworkable, pretentious, hyper-expensive, ugly, uncomfortable poofery that they are. How gauche!
++++++++++++++++++++
I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was really good. my wife only thought it was “ok”. But on my scale, it succeeded at doing what it set out to do, and it was a moderately challenging task. There were a lot of moments where I was literally on the edge of my seat, with my heart racing – not because of an action sequence, but the drama. I did comment that the title was crappy. It doesn’t roll off the tongue. The original title was “Q&A”, which is a lot more to the point.
++++++++++++++++++
Every time we get severe weather, the news people say “looks like a war zone!” I suggest that we stick these cliché ridden reporters in Iraq or Afghanistan, which is an actual war zone. I’d love to see them cover the aftermath of a suicide bomber with “It looks like the aftermath of a storm in eastern Kentucky!”
Of course if the news people visit Eastern Kentucky even in the best of times, they might declare "It looks like the set of 'Slumdog Millionare!'"
+++++++++++++++++
I’m being encouraged to wear red this Friday to promote women’s heart health. The organizers of this event apparently are unfamiliar with the rationale of cause and effect.
They don’t have men’s heart health day because men never suffer coronary dysfunction. Maybe I should wear purple paisley on Friday and claim that it draws attention to those that suffer from chronic priapism resulting in dangerous sperm buildup, especially afflicting high school and college age men.
I think I'll promote awareness of irritable bowel syndrome by wearing brown.
++++++++++++++++++++++
More cause and effect: I got a chain email asking me to pray for a cure for cancer. I’m not sure how to do that. Didn’t God create cancer? Can’t I just pray that no one ever gets cancer in the first place? Is telling God what to do sacreligious?
++++++++
What I should try in my running is capture the good moments, like when you feel unstoppable. I’ve felt like that in rare moments in practice and races. A few years ago around mile 11 of a half marathon, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision trying to pass me. I focused on the road ahead, and didn’t give it up. I kept repeating that moment in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf tells the flaming Balrog: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The vicious battle lasted a few minutes (me and the runner guy, not Gandalf vs. balrog). I got a little bit ahead, and I finished it off when we came to a tight turn. It was so tight that you’d have to slow down a few steps to make it. Or, what I did, which was to hit the inside corner and pivot. That’s risky, but the gods of distance races were on my side that day. At the end of the LotR scene, Gandalf is slipping off the ledge, about to plummet to the bottomless pit, and says “RUN, YOU FOOLS!”
Gandalf came back to life, but I never saw that other runner guy again.
+++++++++++++++++
I’m watching this History Channel thing on the end of the world and all these scientists are making these brilliant technical analysis followed by silly layman’s bottom line that grossly understates the gravity of the situation. For example, on getting hit with a gamma ray burst from a star less than a hundred light years from here: “The burst will be so intense that your molecules themselves will fly apart… You don’t want to be around for that.”
On the death of the Sun: “It will cook the Earth’s surface and turn the crust back into lava… You’d have a pretty lousy day.”
From that documentary I learned about “The Big Rip”. It’s the opposite of the Big Bang. Ordinary matter will systematically get trashed due to dark energy forces. It’s still just theoretical, but let’s put a date on our calendar almost 50 billion years from now when we will party like it’s 49,999,999,999.
I’d suggest buying some wine for the event and letting it ferment for all that while, but the yeast will probably evolve and become intelligent. Awkward!
So hold off on purchasing party supplies until, like the week before. We may get it at a discount going-out-of-business sale, who knows?
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