Look 100% sexier in 7 minutes! Ha ha, made you look.

Giuliani is against cutting extravagant corporate salaries and lavish expense accounts on Wall Street, because he feels that without such things, the restaurant and entertainment industry will suffer. Using the same logic, we should legalize prostitution, because all the law enforcement is really making it hard out here to be a pimp. I dispute that dropping a CEO pay package to $400K per year will force poverty stricken CEOs to brown bag it to work (like I do every day).

If it doesn’t directly relate to 9/11, Giuliani’s really out of his depth.

+++++++++++++++++
Rather than pay CEOs outrageous sums of money, I say let them go. I’d like to see a bright, ambitious up & comer take the reigns of a flailing Fortune 500 and turn it around. That would shake the foundations of this CEO class that’s been generated over the past several decades. What, no one else can ruin a company but them? “Yes, I lost a dollar last quarter for every man, woman and child on the planet. But if anyone else did the job, it would have been a dollar and a half!” They’ve got General McClellan’s ambition and Homer Simpson’s abilities. Since General McClellan was incompetent, I suppose they could also have McClellan’s ambition and abilities, but throwing Homer in the punch line never gets old.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Homer Simpson!
See? Instant comedy gold.

+++++++++++++++++
I again perused the women’s magazine suckfest tossed about on the table in the break room. I enjoy reading the great works of journalistic integrity and monumental world consequence such as the cover story “Look 100% Sexier in 7 Minutes! (p. 148)” I hurried to page 148. To get 100% sexier, you apparently put on makeup. There were a few pages of faces of attractive but not noteworthy women’s faces, with a makeup product or two detailing how to achieve that “look”. You must purchase 3 products to get the “Natural Look” and also 3 for the “Sexy Look” – but keep your eyes half open for that “sexy” effect. The “Natural Look” is most definitely not the “no-makeup look”. No sane woman would want that. The “Natural Look” is “no makeup needed”. I did not spend the required 7 minutes, only 2. My food finished in the microwave and I left. So my sexiness went up only 30%. Oh well.

I miss the late 80’s Cosmo mags with their cover stories on 500 ways to have round-the-clock-cream-in-your-pants screaming orgasms; clothing tips like build-your-own push-up bra (years before it was sold in stores); makeup tips like putting glitter on your now overexposed cleavage; relationship quizzes that would call you a prude if you’re on the second date and you’re still not halfway through the Kama Sutra, and a recipe on how to make good raspberry vinaigrette.

Cosmo still has articles on vinaigrette. All the rest, sadly, is so 80s.

++++++++++++++++++
If you want to win an Oscar, start out by raking a billion dollars in at the box office, and the rest just comes naturally.

++++++++++++++++++
I’m reading a Robert Ludlum book about a spy-guy who has all these false memories and keeps trying to find out who he really is. For example, he clearly remembers going to college for four years, but they don’t have any record for him. I was thinking “Ok, dude, get over it, you’re in the Twilight Zone, that’s all.” But instead, he goes through some kind of mental anguish.

Back in real life, I spent all morning looking for a file that I distinctly remember creating last fall that seems to have vanished. I’m looking everywhere. Dead end after dead end. But I manifestly remember doing it. I just don’t know who I am anymore!!

Oh, and the amnesiac in the Ludlum book is not Jason Bourne.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Bart Simpson was supposedly an out-of-wedlock conception that happened right out of high school. Since Bart is eternally 10 years old, wouldn’t that make Marge and Homer eternally 28? Chrome dome at 28??