Sunday, April 4, 2010

I may be a sociopath, but I'm not crazy enough to try to get a state employee to DO something

Every time a research study is finished, the researchers always follow it up with “… but further research is needed.” Why is that? I’m stumped. I suppose more research will illuminate the answer.
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Ha! That James Cameron got shown up by his ex-wife at the Oscars. He must feel like a total loser.

As loser-ish as someone can feel with a nine digit paycheck, that is. Yeah, she really showed him. Ha!

Speaking of movies, I’m watching “Watchmen”. It’s ok so far, but the soundtrack is composed almost entirely of pop hits from the 60s and 70s. I like the songs, but every scene features an old hit. This isn’t The Big Chill, guys.
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My local bishop made a point to heavily critique Pat Robertson’s view about Haiti’s earthquake being some end result of a centuries-old pact with the Devil. The bishop’s point was that if you believe the earthquake was an act of God punishing the wicked, then you can also conclude that you, not having been smote, are holy. The Haitians, having been traumatized, are not. Nevertheless, kudos to Bishop Ron Gainer for taking a stand for sanity. Not all organized religion is screwball hypocrisy.
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And a great review for “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”. The title is a little off-putting, but it is apt. This guy named Dr. Horrible has a video blog, and he spontaneously breaks out in song. What else could you call it?
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I was looking for a movie review on IMDB.com, and there are a hundred reviews that all start out with the warning that they contain spoilers. Why do people write spoilers into a review?

True, I might put some spoilers in if I am discussing a movie, but that’s usually when the movie is really popular, old or just plain sucky. With the popular or old movies, I sort-of expect that everyone cool has seen it before me. If you can’t muster up enough cool to be on par with dismally nerdy me, then you not only deserve to accidentally read a spoiler, but get the online movie review equivalent of a wedgie to go along with it. With the abysmal movies that I see, you would truly be better off being spoiled and do something cooler than I did with my two hours on Earth, like go clean bathroom grout.
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This just in – the planets will not all line up in 2012. The Earth will not become the center of the galaxy. The poles will not spontaneously invert or shift 90 degrees towards the sun. Read Astronomy, not Astrology, people.

Let’s drop the whole 2012 thing into the circular file marked “Y2K Preparation” and be done with it.
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Both Dr. Horrible and the Watchmen’s Rorschach were borderline sociopaths, when you come down to it. We, the viewers are treated to their innermost thoughts. These individuals have difficulty reconciling the fact that such a large majority of the population fails to see the world the way that they do. So this is where I come in.

I’m really not trying to be a sociopath, but I saw a clip on nutrition from the Today Show. Natalie Morales seems totally amazed at the “eat your vegetables” advice. Eat lean protein. Eat low sugar, high fiber grains. Drink water several times per day. Do not over-eat cake, cookies, beer or Big Macs.

What is the matter with these people? How many times do they have to hear garden-variety good sense before they listen? I understand why no one follows the good advice, but to not even know? Is America that pathetic?

Aside from all the alienation, we sociopaths don’t even get a cool slang term like the psychos do. When was the last time you called someone a “socio”? Catatonics get “basket case”, “vegetable” and a few others. Schizos get a moniker, but it doesn’t pass spell-check. But, neither does “spellcheck”.

Alcoholics get “Alky”, which would make a great animated mascot - in case you were trying to recruit binge drinkers to give up and finally join the proud ranks of those who have made that lifestyle choice.
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There was another bird in my house this morning. All told, I think this makes number 6. It’s been a few years since the last time. Why birds? I don’t know. I’m sure that Pat Robertson would chalk it up to my great-great-great grandfather (on my mother’s side) who didn’t make a deal with the Devil, but had a side bet with one of Beelzebub’s lower clerical assistants.

I can only imagine what the bird tells his bird friends after we chase him out. “Yeah, I went in that house once. They yell and scream and wave stuff around a lot. What a hoot! I'm going to tweet this!”
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In the break room, there’s a spot where management posts some insipid motivational quote. They pledged to update it every two weeks. 4 months ago they burned out. The last quote is eternally abandoned on something about finishing what you started. It’s sort of an ironic monument to the futility of motivating a state employee.

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