I’m proud of being an American. I’m proud of our freedoms, our wealth, our historical achievements and our global leadership and the whole star-spangled thing. But then there’s American cheese. Individually wrapped slices of orange colored crap. We invent the internet but we put our national brand on a Velveeta knock-off? We concoct square Cheez-Wiz and make it “ours”?

Even the Aussies weren’t stupid enough to risk the name of their country on a sh!tty vegemite sandwich.

Baloney: Pasty, tasteless and pedestrian, these aren’t anything more than oversized, raw hot dogs.

Don’t even get me started on Wonder Bread. Just don’t.
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Conan O’Brian got $45 million just to quit. I think he’s a nice guy, but he was also a mid-level talent who didn’t pull in the ratings. John Calipari, the new UK b-ball coach is getting flak over an $8 million per year package, and he turned us from missing the NCAA playoffs to getting ranked top 3 in the nation.

How many people see talk show hosts and think “Gee, that’s hard. I could never do that job.” I know it’s more difficult than it looks, but Vanna White says turning those letters is hard, too.

Some fans always think that they could coach a highly competitive team. But when you get down to it, they really just want to call the plays during the game. The closest that these wanna-bes have ever come to a real sports practice is when they trained for the competitive speed eating by chowing down 5 baloney and cheese sandwiches in two minutes.

O’Brian’s severance is outrageous on the level of banker’s bonuses. If you asked anyone in 2007, they would say “Ha-ha! I’d love the money, but if I were a bank CEO, I’d wreck the company and tank the economy! Ha-ha! They’d never pay me a bonus!”