Barack Obama: Conservative hero
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Obama tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan, cut taxes, supported new nuclear reactors, signed an executive order that upholds the restriction on federal funds for abortions and now is opening up the eastern seaboard to oil companies. So why all the partisan bickering? Because it’s fun to superimpose his face over the Joker’s, that’s why! Ha ha! Hilarious!
If I were a staunch liberal, I’d superimpose Obama’s face on Two-Face about now.
If McCain had won, would the fringe left wing be photoshopping his face over Ziggy?
How not to be leered at like a plate of spaghetti
I don’t drink alcohol or eat candy or desserts when I am in training. “I’m in training” is the manly way to turn down a drink or a piece of chocolate cake, by the way. “I’m on a diet” makes all the guys around you look at you as if you’re wearing a frilly pink taffeta dress – and not in the same way that they would look at a woman wearing a frilly, pink dress, either.
Anyway, I’m restricted to getting my calories from a limited number of healthy food items. I have a hard time not overeating those things, though. I love a big pot of whole grain pasta. I gulp that stuff down by the pound. If I were in Jamaica, I’d be a pastafarian. If I were a nut, I’d be a pasta-chio. If I were a terminator, I’d say “Pasta la vista, baby!” Ok, that’s it with the puns. They’re past-a their prime (sorry!).
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GOP: Proactive, not active!
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Mitch McConnell announced this morning that the Senate Republicans were unanimously in opposition to Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, calling the pick “An irresponsible choice. Mr. Obama has decided to select an activist judge who will rule on ideological grounds rather than respect the rule of law.” Tom Coburn stated that he felt that the nominee was clearly unqualified. Conservatives on the judicial committee also remarked that “Mr. Obama’s pick clearly does not understand or value Supreme Court precedent and previous federal court rulings, except in cases where overturning a hundred years or so of them will benefit the Republican party.” Mr. Obama responded to the critiques with “What nominee? I’m not picking anyone until next week at least.”
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The bitter end
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One upshot of the new health care regs is that women can’t be charged more than men. The rationale is that being a woman is not a choice, so it is a form of discrimination. So if we only priced insurance based on preventable factors, we wouldn’t set rates based on age, since no one can stop time. We’d base the rates on body mass index (BMI), alcohol consumption, blood pressure and other health related metrics. I’m cool with that, but millions of people who assure me that they are just “big boned” may find that system to be discriminatory, too.
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I find it discriminatory that I (as a fit male) have to pay for fat, smoking women, though I use the service so much less frequently. Just for that, I plan to die a long, slow debilitating death that consumes huge resources to keep me going for decades. Picture me angrily waving my cane from my hospital bed when I’m 110 years old and strung up with more tubes and wires than a marionette. I shall rage, rage against the dying of the light! I will NOT go gently into that good night, Sonny Boy!
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Sarah Palin, gift from God to snark writers everywhere
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It just occurred to me that I could write a blog exclusively about Sarah Palin and never ever run low on material. To paraphrase Dave Barry, wouldn’t “Sarah Palin & the Wingnuts” be a great name for a 70’s tribute band? 1770’s, that is.
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Palin’s new gaffe is that her Fox News show is trying to prove that Tea Party kooks aren’t racist. They showed clips of upcoming interviews and (gasp) – LL Cool J? Turns out that LL gave the interview with someone else in 2008, and Fox is (another gasp) playing fast & loose with the truth.
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Ok, I shouldn’t blame Palin on this one. It was a decision of the network suits. When LL called them on this stunt (and did they think that he wouldn’t?), they said “We are cutting his interview from the special and wish him the best with his fledgling acting career." Oh snap! You got dissed, bro!
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Since LL has been acting longer than Fox News has existed, I wanted him to return the best of wishes for Fox’s fledgling news channel, but he instead said some cliché thing about how only you can bring peace to yourself.
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Heroes Season 3: A Kinder and Gentler Super Psycho Villain
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I’m watching Heroes for the third season, and I’m usually pretty good at following things through turn-on-a-dime-bizarre-plot-twists, but they’re losing me. They’re jumping around it time and space trying to save the world somehow from some unknown threat. The 4-years-in-the-future people are clearly not operating on the same rule system as the present-day people. The goody-two-shoes cheerleader is now a cold blooded assassin. On the other hand, ex-evil-Sylar, who was the penultimate killing machine in Season 1 is now a laid back, sweater-wearing, doting father. I hope he used his telekinetic ability to change diapers. I certainly would have.
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I know what they really need to do: Introduce another eight or ten characters with new wacky powers. Yeah, that would really clear things up.
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And in an alternate Universe, “Garfield” is funny once in a while
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Someplace, in an alternate reality, Auguste Rodin creates a sculpture of a seated man with a knitted brow in 1880. But in this reality, the man is on the latrine and the sculpture is titled “The Stinker”. World history is largely the same there, aside from that they have world peace, a cure for most cancers and cheap, clean energy.
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When two similar things happen it always heralds a new trend
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They’re doing big budget remakes of Tron and Clash of the Titans. So what early 80s dud will be remade next, I wonder? I’m going to cash in my 401K to buy the rights to the Police Academy series. No, wait, Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: The Electric Boogaloo. They’re ripe. I can feel it.
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