Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Lance Armstrong, Evil Sylar and some Arabian guy who invented 0.

I read about celebrities that do marathons. A lot of them have semi-crappy times. So, maybe I’ll be running next to some Hollywood type. Who knows? The one celeb that kicks my ass in running times is Lance Armstrong, but I think he has an advantage in not having testicles. I sacrifice a lot for my sport, but that’s waaaaay over the line.
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You know that this isn’t the start of a new decade. “Why?” Because there was no Year 0. “Why not?” Because the 0 was created by the Arabs in the 11th century. This is a conversation fit for the history books on the day some Arab guy invented it.
Arab guy’s boss: What have you been working on?
Arab guy: Uh…. Nothing?

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I’m watching “Heroes”. It’s really good, but hard to keep track. Even after 22 episodes, I’m waiting for the story lines to converge and some over-arching plot is revealed. There’s the psycho-killer, the exploding man, the covert agency, the mob boss, the Japanese CEO and a super-strong evil woman – and those are just the bad guys.

The psycho-killer eats brains and steals their power. When he wants to do some real evil, he has some super dark and sinister voice. That would really suck if you were blessed with a super power, and it turned out to be “sinister voice”. Worse yet, you get killed so Psycho-guy can steal it and he’s really disappointed. “Aw, sh!t. It’s just like when I killed that guy who said he could tell when it was about to rain. Turns out all he had was an arthritic knee!”

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Does the National Inquirer ever re-read the psychic predictions that it a year ago? I imagine the editor and the clairvoyant at their annual performance review meeting and it’s not a good scene.
“You suck. You couldn’t predict tomorrow’s weather.”
“I’ve failed you, sir! I’ve failed everyone! And the worst part is – I knew I would fail!”
“How’d you know that?”
“Hello! I’m psychic!”

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Nothing is sure but death and taxes. But you never know when you’re going to die or how to do your own taxes. So nobody knows anything, and even that seems uncertain.

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I’m in a heap of trouble at home. I failed to notice my wife’s hair cut – again. True that she notices instantly when I get mine cut. Worse is that the kids notice her haircut right away, too. The only recognition at work I get is one of the very few men in the office – and he’s always asking if I got it cut when I didn’t. I don’t know what to make of that.

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Heroes Season 1 wrap up: The psycho-killer ate the exploding man’s brain, but was himself killed by sword. I unfortunately saw on IMDB that the actor appears in later episodes, so he must regenerate or something. I hate when telekinetic, exploding psycho-killers with evil voices don’t stay dead.

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Bill Fleckenstein, if you’ve never heard of him, publishes financial advice under the guise of “The Contrarian”. This week’s very contrary article is “Why Bankers Don’t Deserve Bonuses”. Ooh, really going out on a limb there, Fleck. So contrary.

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The weapon manufacturer that supplies the US Marine Corps put references to Biblical passages on their gun sights. 2COR4:6 stood for 2 Corinthians 4:6, for example. What kind of sick right wing nutcase does this sort of thing? A Marine rifle is not made to go recreational target shooting. The sole purpose of a Marine rifle is to kill human beings. What happened to all that “Love thy enemy” stuff?

Don’t they get that “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition” is sarcasm?

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I’m watching the Star Trek prequel. The guy who plays young Spock is the same guy who plays the evil Sylar in Heroes. I can’t wait until he eats Kirk’s brain and steals his superhuman ability to score with alien chicks. Unfortunately, it comes... with the side effect… of pausing… in between phrases and putting strange emphasis on… random… words! That would be… illogical.

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How can the French government manage universal health care and the US can’t? Are we that much less efficient than the French? They run around speaking French and acting all Frenchy, for God’s sake. Who understands Frenchy? I certainly don’t.

Some people say that they gain efficiencies from leaving the last four letters of every word silent. But it doesn’t matter if no one understands the first few letters.

Some say that they gain efficiency because their women don’t shave their legs or armpits. This line of reasoning can only come to no good. None at all.
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