Who watches the watchmen? Mary Poppins LOL!

I call bullsh!t on Mary Poppins. Before the song “Tuppence”, the bank founder said that he started banking with tuppence (they break out into song). Later, George Banks (the dad) was going to be fired. He was asked when the last run on the bank was, and he said 1773, when the bank financed the ill fated ship that became the target of the Boston Tea Party. Indeed, George Banks’ boss was a geezer. But if he founded the bank when he was 18, that would still put him at 165 years old when the movie takes place.

That is definitive proof that Mary Poppins is a right wing propaganda film. I’m on to your little game, Mary “Tuppence” Poppins!

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Bob Dylan sono is. Is est proinde profundus.

Bob Dylan sings it. It is therefore profound.

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I once ran 3000 miles in a year. So, I call bullsh!t on Forrest Gump. In the movie, he went across America – twice.

Robert Zumekis makes you think that he ran all freakin’ day long. How many hours per day could he really run? Three hours per day every day? Four? That’s a lot of time left sitting around with your thumb up your ass. Bullshit Forrest. Bullshit, Tom Hanks. Bullshit Zumekis. You’re all full of it.

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Terrible things will happen if the government takes over health care, don’t you know. I work for a government run health insurance program and I can barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.

As far as inefficiency, let’s take a look at how we stack up against other developed nations. We spend the most, we get the worst quality. There it is in 10 words or less. What terrible things will happen if we go to a single-payer system? Is our government so much less efficient than France’s?

Did you know that the government wants you to use drugs? Yes! It subsidizes drug makers and sellers. It will even give money to drug users to buy the stuff! True! See? The government can’t do anything right.

Or “medicine”, as you drug-addled liberals like to call it.
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Why do I still hear complaints about how many men are Fortune 500 CEOs and how few women are? That’s not society, that’s 0.000007% of the world population. And it is a statistical fact that men are more likely to dominate the higher and lower ends of a scale. There are more unemployed men, for instance.
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So I’m watching “Alien Vs. Predator” – yeah, I know, highbrow entertainment. I’m at least a little disappointed because the titular matchup between these impossible sci-fi behemoths does not actually occur until well past the halfway mark. Until then, Aliens and Predators were just indiscriminately hacking Earthings. As the catchphrase says “Either way, Humans lose.” Especially those who wasted 2 hours watching.

If you catch the detailed itemization that justifies the PG-13 rating, included in the list is “violence”, “profanity”, and “slimy ooze”. For the love of God, you must keep your underage children from watching other people get yucky.

As far as stars, this flick doesn’t have Sigourney Weaver, Arnold Schwartzenegger, or even a miscast Danny Glover. Lance Henrickson is the closest thing to “marquee” name recognition, but his character dies. So who stars in the AVP2: Inevitable Sequel? I hope it’s someone lower on the D-list like the guy who played Klinger on MASH.

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Vengeance is a dish best served up cold. Like ice cream. Call it “Revenge Ripple”. “Vengeance French Vanilla”. “Bitter Blackhearted Blackberry”. “Rocky Retribution”. “Payback’s-a-Bitch Sorbet”. No, I don’t remember where I was going with this.

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The local congressman, Ben Chandler, refused to participate in town hall meetings about health care. He stated that the participants don’t listen to a word that is said and simply shout at the speaker. So the Republicans held a meeting and put a stuffed figure in his place. The participants yelled their misinformation to their hearts content and it left them as convinced as ever in their own opinion. To no one’s amazement, Republicans don’t find this ironic.
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I read the Watchmen graphic novel a month or so ago. It was awesome. But the ending… wasn’t. Great set-up, but then when you find out what the over-arching plot is, the whole thing is outrageously silly. The movie tweaked the plot to make it not-as-far-fetched, but the movie failed on several other levels. Some amalgam could be fantastic.

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My pet peeve du jour: People who write “lol” at the end of every sentence in print. I’ll laugh when I want to, and I don’t need instruction.

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There’s a setting on the microwave at work that says “Quick Minute”. I tried it once, but the minute lasted exactly 60 seconds, like always.

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I also watched Butterfly Effect 2. In one of the 4 alternate endings to Butterfly Effect 1, the protagonist went back in time and killed himself in the womb. Well, in part 2, some other guy gets a head wound and is given the ability to change the past. Anyway, it ends with this guy driving off a cliff and dying, but that won’t stop BE3 from coming out.

The only cool character was the gay hit man. Just the right mix of butch and Liberace. Unfortunately, he only lasted 5 minutes on screen.

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Pet peeve du jour: Actual answering machine message “Hi… my…name… is… Amisositreciner, and… I’m… calling… about…….. (three rambling minutes later) … please… call… me… at… twosevenzerothreesixfveatefortreetwo. Thankyoubye.”

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I watched the acclaimed PBS series “The Paper Chase”, about Harvard Law School in the 70s. Oh, the hair! It hurts my eyes! How bad are the haircuts? Fro, dude. How does someone with lousy hair get laid so easily? Here’s his big pick-up line: “I was just in the neighborhood…“ And the next scene is ‘Fro Dude and a chick in bed. Seriously, is that really all it took back then?

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I don’t know how a conservative can make the argument with a straight face that keeping eight unlicensed, automatic weapons at home is ok, because people can be trusted to be responsible; yet having a slot machine 40 miles away is dangerous, because people never know how to handle their own money.