Puritans and pornographers

The south is chock full of Puritans and pornographers, and some people are a bit of both. If you happen to take a trip down I-75 in KY, you will find highway signs promoting God-fearing messages as you drive ("Hell is REAL!"). You will also see brightly lit signs that say “ADULT”. Nothing else, but you get what they're selling. In fact, there is a huge adult bookstore in the exact same plaza as a huge Christian bookstore. You’d think that halfway between them there would be some kind of apocalyptic vortex of temptation versus redemption. I’m sure they don’t share shopping carts.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My quest for the local election continues. I’m thinking of a new ad campaign where a nerdy looking geek goes into a voting booth, pushes the button to vote for me and comes out dressed in sharp threads and into the arms of three hot looking chicks who ooh and ahh. The final scene is a long line of nerdy and anxious looking geeks waiting in line to vote.

Same campaign, different commercial: A tough guy goes to the voting booth and almost pushes the button for me, but then moves to Theo Therguy. The curtains open on the booth, and he’s suddenly wearing a sequined gown and a wig.

Another commercial: An injured man in rags walking amidst flamed out and smoldering buildings.
Voice over: The terrorists have struck. Hogen Mogen said it would be like this.
Man (holds his hands open and looks to the sky): Oh God, why couldn’t we have voted Hogen on to the school board? Why??
Voice over: Don’t let this be YOUR town’s future. Vote Hogen Mogen this November. I’ll include a small caption on the ad “Actual results may vary”.

Any questions from the press will be answered in either of these two ways:
Vote for Theo Therguy and you turn gay while the terrorists win.
Voting for me directly leads to awesome sex like you wouldn’t believe.