On being "the"

There is no group called THE Bee Gees. The name of the band was simply “Bee Gees”. As in their "best of" CD is called "The Best of Bee Gees", and not "the Bee Gees".

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I was listening to Pat Benatar’s Greatest Hits. Her first few albums were great. Then she decided that she got too many negative comments about her wardrobe and not enough good ones about her music. I’m in favor of tight pants, but I’m also the first to admit that she looked trashy. Ok, not the first, but I’m in that group somewhere. I didn’t care for her “new direction” in her music. She should have ditched her pants and kept on rockin.

You uh, know what I mean, right?
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I’m also listening to Chuck Berry. He has a preoccupation with girls who are or look like they are seventeen. I know it is a key demographic and it works rhythmically, but it is still really creepy.
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I once joked that so many former Bush aides were going public to repudiate everything that the Bush White House once stood for that the only one left would be George W. himself. I was close on this one.

Former First Lady Laura Bush said that she’s pro-choice and for gay marriage. One of the Bush twins, Barbara, voiced support for the health care bill – on Fox News, no less.

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And for those that love to ascribe theological implications to random weather phenomena, a 60 ft statue of Jesus got struck by lightning and burned to the ground.

I had the idea that they built it with flammable material and no lightning rod, and it was an accident waiting to happen. I’m sure someone will blame Obama.

God is also the guy who put oil wealth under the feet of the least stable people on the planet. Nigeria, the middle east, Venezuela, and arguably Texas. Now it’s also discovered that Afghanistan has enormous untapped riches in minerals. Why can’t there be treasure in normal places like Massachusetts or Wisconsin?

I filled out my time sheet a day early. In case I get struck by lightning at lunch time, I’ll still get paid for the whole day.
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Vampire overload! Too many movies/books/shows about the ever-dapper and attractive undead! I’d probably watch a show where they portrayed vampires from an angle that no one has ever thought of before, like vegan surfers. They’d still have all the random angst that we’ve come to expect from the genre, but they’ll express it in puns like “This sucks” and “That bites.” Hilarity ensues when the humans accidentally catch the vampires on taco night. “Oh my GOD! Look at the blood dripping from his mouth!” “Chill, bro, it’s just organic salsa. Don’t go bat-sh!t.”

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The Republicans are simultaneously arguing that Obama wants to take over the world energy industry and that he’s not doing enough about the oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Not surprising, but I also can’t imagine what a Republican in the Oval Office would be doing.

Palin: I had a meeting with the BP executives yesterday, and I MADE THEM PAY (for lunch). You betcha.

McCain: We even ordered the Gulf Coast Shimp. Not cheap!

Palin: I had the red meat special.

McCain: Does shrimp usually come with a thick layer of tar?

Palin: Just think of it as Real American BBQ sauce, John! (wink, wink!)

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This guy wrote a book on how the internet is making us stupid. Yes, this blog should be shown as supportive evidence.

His point is that we erode our ability to pay attention to anything on or off line when we are constantly checking email, IMs, texts and the like. Yet, your average teen can play Halo for 15 hours straight.

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I had my temperature taken before I gave blood. I was chewing wintergreen flavored gum, which is supposed to give you cool, fresh breath. My temp was 98.4! Objective, verifiable proof that it works! Of course, I still have a hard time reconciling that fraction of a degree with a commercial where a woman chews the gum and freezes an entire landscape with her icy huffing and puffing.

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Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time. I’m sure that she cares about him as a sensitive soul mate, and not at all for his fortune. I’m also sure that he respects her intelligence and not for the fact that she’s a trim blonde who is 26 years younger than him. She said that the age difference was insignificant because she could never relate to people her own age. That doesn’t necessarily mean she can relate to older men, but logic and deductive reasoning are probably just going to be taboo subjects in this relationship.

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I may need glasses soon. Instead of saying that I can’t focus on the small print, I prefer to say “far sighted”. I keep my eye on the horizon. I see the big picture clearly. I leave it to the piddling conservatives to suffer from myopia. Nay! I focus on the long term victory, not the short term goals.

Anyway, with no offense to people who wear glasses, they’re just not “me”. I’d look like a dork. If I get them, I’d have to redo my whole image to accompany them. I’ll get some artsy frames and wear black turtle necks. I’d need an artsy moniker to go along, like “The Hogen”. To get it to catch on, I’ll also start referring to myself in the third person to complete that Soho-faux-artsy-douche-bag style that The Hogen will soon be adopting.

If anything, The Hogen will be something Bee Gees are not.