I created a check tracking database in 2002. Want to hear more?

I got Seinfeld seasons 1 & 2 on video from the library. In the pilot, Kramer was identified as “Kessler”. No Elaine yet, either. The first season was only five episodes. They tacked it together with season 2, which was only 13 episodes. The shows were still about nothing, though, so don’t ask for a plot synopsis.

Oh, and the Costanza “opposite” theory goes back to the pilot, although he admits that he never does it himself.

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I saw yet another action/adventure movie where the chief bad guy kills his own 2nd in command. “You’ve failed me! Now you die!” What is it with these evil overlords that they don’t understand job training, development and retention? How do they plan on recruiting if that’s their policy on failure? Well, breaking stuff that you don’t have to pay for is certainly a job perk, I must admit. It would be like joining the Chinese army just to beat up on some Tibetans.

It would be great if it worked out so well in real life. If Bin Laden just up and killed his second in command. “You’ve failed to destroy America! Now you die!” “Aaaarrrgggh!” Then we’d implode whatever cave Osama is living in, because you know he’s got to go out with a ton of special effects. Maybe we’ll see him running with rocks coming down all around, yet he’ll make it out somehow for part 2 and 3. Some secret lab will clone a piece of his charred remains for “Osama 4: A New Beginning!” Then come the action figures, video games and a cross promotion with McDonald’s fries. Very ironic, actually, since Osama is trying to destroy Western capitalism.
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It burns me that digital songs cost about the same as getting a CD from the store. A digital song costs nothing to ship and there are no liner notes, art or lyrics. I don’t begrudge them getting some revenue for their efforts, but I’d like to share in the savings.
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I’ve worked with job recruiters, and they don’t deliver much. When I was job searching a few years back, I sent my resume to the same recruiter six or seven times. Each time, they would interview me. Then I’d call two weeks later, and they would have no record of the whole thing. They kept claiming that all these CPA firms were clamoring for someone with my background, then it was like they were Monty Burns from the Simpsons. “Who is that man, Smithers?” “Homer Simpson, sir, same as every other episode that you have asked.” Anyway, recruiters ask for a list of places that I’ve applied. I tell them some things I saw in the paper. “Oh, we had a line on a job there, but we can’t represent you if you’ve already applied on your own.” Great, so they look in the classified section for me. Wow.

My Monster.com agent keeps emailing me all these crappy jobs every day. Most don’t post how much they pay, but I assume that “retail cashier” can’t possibly support my family. I don’t know what algorithm they used to match an MBA/CPA with 17 years experience with a job commonly held by 16 year olds cracking gum. Maybe they should hire me to fix it.
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The Commonwealth of KY revamped the policy on banned web sites while at work. It doesn’t bother me much. What I do is usually “incidental personal use”. The strange part of the new policy is that it blocks sites about toys, but does NOT block sites about weapons. Not just your average gun site, either. This is defined as:
Weapons: This category deals with firearms and accessories, weapons such as knives, ammunition and tear gas, other lethal weapons and Web sites related to military, defense, militaria and paintball.
So I can’t buy the new Gears of War for Playstation, but I can order real tear gas and automatic weapons.
The policy blocks personal home pages and dating services. But to placate the ACLU, we are not blocked from
Sects - This category contains Web sites about sects, cults, occultism, satanism and religious fundamentalism.
We’re blocked from Facebook, but we can read all about tree-elf-hugging teen hippies on their commercial web sites.
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As I look at the headlines, I see that American slavery from the 18th and 19th centuries was “America’s Original Sin”. Oh. I suppose stealing land from the Indians wouldn’t be a sin then. That’s a relief. Glad to have that off my back.
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I hate job applications. Some places have a pretty automated application process, and you can find a position and apply inside of ten or twenty minutes. The feds have been requiring a bunch of open ended but specific questions for their applications. Some I give them both barrels, because I have the experience. Some I have to flub because I can’t just say “I have no idea what you just asked.” They give you a maximum of 8000 characters to describe your specific experience. I want to take as much advantage of all that space. But I don’t get to tell interesting experiences like that Halloween when I dressed up like Madonna and nearly got beat up by a bunch of dirty biker Mexicans at Mulligan’s Brick Bar. That’s a story worth 8000 characters. That check tracking database that I created in 2002? Eh, not so much.
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I just changed my desktop image to “Java”. You know, that little coffee cup on a saucer with the comforting curl of steam rising from its surface. Ooh, Java, take me away. Let me stretch out my shaking hands to reach for your warmth, your bitter goodness. Oh, I taste your sweet mocha and artificial flavor additives enshrined in brackish liquid and my thirst is slaked. I now call upon thy caffeinated richness to enliven my weary body for another day. When you are by my side, you are my companion, my right hand man in the daily battle waged in my cubicle on keyboard, screen and paper printout. When you are gone, I yearn for your pleasant aroma, and feel your absence. Oh, Java, how I do adore thee!