Monty Hall, "24" and doin' the potty dance

Want to learn something that will blow your mind? If you’re ever on The Price Is Right, and Monty Hall, resurrected from the dead, gives you a choice of three doors. Behind one two are goats, which you don’t even get to keep (what a rip off!). Behind the third is a brand new car!! So you pick door #1. Monty then opens up door #3 to reveal a goat. He asks if you want to change your mind or if you want to reconsider. Initially, you would think, what the hell, it’s 50-50 either way. No, it’s worth your while to switch. If you switch, you now have a 67% chance of getting the car. Yeah, I didn’t believe it at first, either, since it defied pretty much everything I knew about probability. But the catch is that if Monty revealed a random door, your odds would then be 50-50. But he doesn’t open a random door, he always opens an unselected goat door. Ok, it didn’t blow your mind. But now you know what to do on a game show.
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So how is it that the Olympic Torch gets flown from one continent to another but the common passenger can’t even bring aboard a cigarette lighter?
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Update on “24”: Second quarter is almost over. Jack’s team managed to find the mole and turn the game around. Now it’s tie score. Of course, here come the clichés: “You’re heading into a trap, Jack!” “I’ve got no choice! My family is in danger!”

And, my favorite: The chief bad guy kills his second in command because he failed his mission.

Since Jack Bauer is on screen real-time for 24 hours, can I assume that he goes to the potty during the commercial breaks like the viewers do?

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I hate kid CDs with false advertising. So many kid CDs say that they’re “Songs for kids by kids”, but they’re rehashed grown up stuff. I got five CDs from the library that made the “for kids by kids” promise. They were Beatles songs, blues stuff and other remakes. It was obviously an adult singing lead, and the “by kids” part was just some kids singing backup.

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Update on “24”: The chief bad guy not only whacked his second in command, he scrubbed his entire team and replaced them with a new batch of flunkies, who are presumably flunkier than the original flunky team for plan A. Or, should that be less flunky? How do they screen these guys? “Wanted: Flunky for assassination/kidnap plot. Must be willing to work with bad guy team. Challenging and fast paced work environment. Opportunity to go from temp to perm if successful. Commission and bonus pays $$$!” or “Wanted: Executive Flunky Director. Must have prior management experience working with anonymous ruffians, hooligans and thugs. Bonus structure: Get rich or die tryin’.” Who would apply? Flunky chicken? Flunky the Clown? Marky-Mark & the Flunky Bunch?

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The best thing for foreign policy is to haul any country that we have trouble with to the table and demand a solution and they’re not allowed to leave even to go to the bathroom. The US reps, wisely, will have avoided liquids the day before, and gone potty on their way to the meeting. In addition, we’ll give them extreme bladder training by sending them out for a night of drinking in a place where the bathrooms are filthy. Or, make the first one to “break the seal” buy the next round. Yeah, that’s the way to run the world. Lots of heavy drinking and bladder control. Just to ensure our global supremacy, we’d even slip the US negotiators some Depends. It’s too big a risk to leave things to chance. They’re competing against nations of Arab desert folk and the wily Chinese, who, I am assured by Hollywood, all have extensive Jujitzu training that allows them to enter a trance and resist the urge to pee.